True Love Waits Chapter 7
Adam Kadmon
Disclaimer: I return, still not owning Eva or Radiohead, from my exile in Jersey.
"Agent Kaji!"
"Huh?"
He slipped off his hand and his face hit the table.
"I'm sorry if this bores you," Fuyutski said, "but the rest of us are depending on the MAGI. If you can't stay awake, get out."
"Sorry, sir," he replied, trying on a smile. He glanced at Misato, hoping to catch her eye, but she wasn't looking at him. She was focused on the screen displayed before them in the conference room, monitoring the MAGI integration. Dr. Akagi sat next to him and gave a sour look. Ibuki sat behind her, taking notes. Dr. Soryu was not to be found. "I'll try my best to keep up with this fascinating discussion, sir."
"See that you do." The commander turned back to the screen and resumed his briefing. Kaji closed his eyes again.
Last night had not been a good night. Misato had invited that Ikari kid over for dinner, but about an hour later, he ran out crying with his shirt unbuttoned. Kaji could only imagine what happened, since his section had yet to install the bugs in her apartment. But he could guess.
Ikari had gotten about a block away before stopping, talking to himself, and heading back. Kaji hadn't caught the conversation he had with Misato outside her apartment, but he was able to follow most of it through a pair of binoculars. He wasn't pleased with how it had turned out at all.
Damn Katsuragi. She never blushed like that when I kissed her body parts. And it was just her hand. What the hell?
Kaji sighed. How had things gotten so messed up between them?
He recalled their early courtship in officer's training. Certainly not the most romantic situation, but they made it work. Between studies and jobs, they had formed a deep relationship, at least in Kaji's eyes. Misato was the first woman that he actually enjoyed being around when sex wasn't involved. That had to mean something. Not that sex wasn't part of their rapport. It was the basis of it.
Those days had a light to them. Skipping class to fuck, sleeping late, playing house. Looking back on it, that was the happiest time in his life. Trying to recapture those feelings had failed with Misato. Perhaps it was time for something different.
It was time to try and make it right.
True Love Waits
Chapter 7
"Katsuragi! Wait up!"
Kaji jogged after the departing captain, trying to wave her down. The conference was over and work had begun in earnest for the day. Well, for everyone else. Kaji was forced to sit still until Shinji did something, which could be weeks from now.
"What do you want?"
He grinned.
"I need an excuse to talk with you? That's harsh, Katsuragi."
She wasn't frowning. That was a good sign.
"Actually, you do need an excuse." She grinned back. "What is it?"
On an entirely different level of consciousness, Kaji knew the grin wasn't meant to be inviting. He forced himself to believe it was.
"Just wanted to see how you were, that's all."
"Fine. Great, even."
"Great? Wow. Glad to hear it. I'd like to think I'm the cause of this great mood you're in."
"But you're not." Misato kept walking down the hall to her office. "In fact, I doubt even you could ruin it for me."
She thinks so much of that kid?
"I don't know if you looked at your calendar today," he said, "but it's an important date."
Misato shrugged, telling him she had no idea.
"Well," he continued, undeterred, "it's the sixteenth. Remember?"
Misato stopped and sighed.
"What is it, Kaji?" she asked, getting annoyed.
"Think about it. Where were you ten years ago today?"
Misato groaned. Kaji wondered if reminding her about her age was such a good idea.
"Ten years ago… I was in officer's training—" She cut herself off and frowned. "Okay. I give. What the hell do you think you're doing, Kaji?"
"Is it such an awful memory, Katsuragi? Are you really still so cross with me?"
Misato rubbed her temples. She sighed through her nose.
"In all honesty, no, I'm not angry with you any more."
Kaji smiled. She couldn't stay angry with him. He moved closer.
"To tell the truth, I've moved past it. I don't care what you do anymore." Misato looked him in the eye. "Go screw whoever you want. It's none of my concern anymore."
Kaji was proud he kept from showing his heart.
"None of your concern?" he said. "I'm surprised to hear that from you. I didn't think you were one to give up, Katsuragi."
"As I recall, you were the one who gave up on us."
Kaji smiled sadly.
"So the anniversary really means nothing to you now?"
"Of course it does," she admitted. "But I can't live in the past with you anymore."
Kaji moved in front of her, blocking her path. The hallway suddenly seemed very small to Misato.
"I don't want to live in the past anymore, either." He struggled to make her understand. "Katsuragi, I know I've made mistakes, and I'm sorry. But let's be honest. We know each other too well to let this go."
"I don't have time for this."
"Well, it isn't like you're seeing anyone else," Kaji said, adept at lying. "Or are you?" He crossed his arms. "You never were very good at keeping secrets."
"I am seeing someone else," she said, hoping it was really true. "But it isn't any of your business."
He covered his surprise at her disclosure.
"Who?"
"Like I said, none of your business."
"How can you say that? After all we've been through?"
"All we've been through? Does that include the bad and the good?"
Kaji refused to believe he had ruined things.
"Good or bad, we have a history. And I want us to have a future, as well."
Misato looked at him, and stayed quiet for a time.
"There's no more 'us', Kaji. You saw to that." She held up a hand as he was about to retaliate. "Sorry. I can't blame you forever. I deserve some of the blame for staying with you."
"Damn it, Katsuragi, you know I care about you."
Misato glanced away.
"You can't tell me you don't still care about me, too," he said.
"Get out of my way," she said.
"Not until you answer me."
"I don't owe you an answer," Misato said. The look in her eyes made him back off a step. She went around him and started down the hall.
"I can't believe this kid means so much to you."
It seemed a cruel joke that he was assigned to spy on the child she was involved with. Like the gods had a personal vendetta against him.
Misato froze.
"What?"
Kaji closed his eyes and swore.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing."
"No. Don't you dare. What the hell are you talking about?"
He kept his eyes closed.
"I overheard the commander and Ritsuko talking," he lied. "Your boy Ikari is under surveillance."
She had long ago learned to distrust her gut around Kaji, and as such, was unable to read him. Her gut told her he was lying.
"I know that," she said.
"I'm not surprised."
"Is that what all this has been about? Can't stand to see me happy with anyone but you?" She clenched her fists. "Open your God damn eyes."
He did.
"God forbid I like Shinji. And God forbid he actually makes me happy." She shook her head. "The entire world does not revolve around you and your psychoses, Kaji."
"What are you really after with this boy?"
"I just told you! He makes me happy." She smirked. "And he's no boy."
Then why was he crying last night?
"He's twenty-one."
"He'll be twenty-two in June."
"Oh, excuse me. That makes him an adult, alright."
Misato jabbed a finger at him.
"He's more of an adult than you. He actually cares about how I feel and takes time to listen to me. He isn't a self-centered, egotistical, sex fiend like you!"
"Self-centered and egotistical I'll let pass," Kaji said. "But sex fiend? Come off it. Some of the things you made me do back then still make me blush." He leaned in close. "So, have you had him yet? Have you deflowered the little kid? Has he learned what makes your knees turn to jelly and makes you scream? Or doesn't he know what to do?"
Her eyes flashed.
"My relationships, though none of your business, do not always revolve around sex. We've decided to take things slow."
"You mean he's decided to take things slow. You can't fool me for a second, Katsuragi." Kaji shrugged. "He's probably worried he's lousy in bed. Why else would he pass up a free lunch?"
It took all Misato's will power not to break his jaw.
"The only thing you've achieved here is to remind me how nice a guy Shinji is, and what a louse you are. Mission accomplished, asshole."
She turned and left him in the hallway. He watched her go and slumped against the wall.
"God damn it."
"So you had dinner with Ikari-san?"
Rei sighed. She was still trying to figure out how that slipped out.
"Yes," she said.
"And? What happened?"
"He questioned me about school and you two."
Asuka squealed in delight.
"Great. He's thinking about me. I can't blame him. Once I make an impression on someone, they can never forget me."
The three girls sat in the empty classroom at lunch, circled around Rei's desk. This scene, the three of them eating together, had increasingly become the norm since Asuka and Hikari met Shinji. Rei, lacking the mental fortitude or will to tell them to leave, let herself be harassed everyday, in the vain hope that it would somehow contribute to the idea of "socializing" which Misato spoke of so often. All she had acquired so far was a headache, and a further annoyance with Ikari Shinji.
"So he really asked about us?" Hikari said, blushing.
"Yes. He asked how we met. I replied that we met in school."
"And?"
"And what? That was all."
Asuka frowned.
"Come on, there has to be more."
Rei sighed, then recounted the entire evening, from Misato's frenzied last minute cleaning, to when she left the table. She carefully omitted her conversation with her guardian and Shinji's return. They didn't need to know everything, after all.
"And he offered to cook for the two of us next time." Rei caught the glint in Asuka's eyes. "No, you two are not invited."
"Oh, come on!" Asuka whined. "You can't hog him all to yourself."
"It is not my decision. Misato is set on him. I have no say."
"Don't you like him?" Hikari asked. "Even a little?"
"No."
"Whatever, Second. If you can't appreciate fine men then move aside and let a real woman take him."
"One is attempting to."
Asuka chose to ignore Rei's last remark. She picked out the meat from her bento and left the rice.
"So are you sure that's all that happened last night? They weren't like, holding hands or anything, right? She didn't kiss him, did she?"
"I do not know," Rei replied, deciding to prey on Asuka's fears. "They spoke outside for a time. I could not hear what they did."
"Well, it couldn't have been anything too lewd; they were in public."
Hikari thought about lewd public acts with Ikari Shinji before she could stop herself. She discreetly dabbed her mouth, checking for a nose bleed.
"It's kind of hard to imagine Ikari-san being… dirty, Asuka," she said.
"He is overly polite," Rei agreed.
"And what's wrong with that? Better than some ape of a guy who can't keep his hands to himself. Or some egomaniac lady killer. Those are the worst."
"Ikari-san is an… unusual man. I will admit that much," Rei said.
"I don't know why you don't like him," Hikari said. "He seemed like he wanted to be your friend."
Rei resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
"In my experience, men and women do not make friends," she said.
"Do you… do you think he's interested in you too?"
Asuka gave a short bark of a laugh.
"No," Rei said. "He is merely trying to get into Misato's good graces." She didn't bother telling them what Misato's good graces were.
"Um, it seems he's already in them." Hikari blushed as she thought she crossed a line. "O-of course, what would I know? I mean, you've spent more time around him, so it makes sense that you know what you're talking about."
Rei did not respond.
"I don't know, Hikari," Asuka said, smirking. "Maybe he is interested in wondergirl. She isn't exactly experienced when it comes to guys."
"More so than you."
Asuka almost fell off her chair.
"What? How do you figure that?"
"How many men has your mother brought home in your lifetime?"
"Wh-what? That's none of your business!"
Rei shook her head.
"I have lost count of how many Misato has brought home. I have had to interact with most of them. Therefore, my knowledge about men is superior to yours."
Asuka, even in the face of insurmountable evidence, refused to concede defeat.
"That's crap! What does it matter if your guardian is a slut? That doesn't make you an authority on all things male."
"Well," Hikari whispered, "she does have more experience than we do."
"Unbelievable! I'm surrounded by morons!"
Rei was saved from further conversation by the class bell. Students began to gradually file back in. Asuka stood and returned to her own desk without a word. Hikari apologized for her, and left too. Rei found it strange she was actually looking forward to lectures in school now.
"It's odd…" Hikari said, passing by Asuka's desk.
"What?"
"Don't you find it weird? I mean, she never defends Katsuragi-san. Like she hates her or something."
"Feh. If my parent was Misato I wouldn't defend her either."
Class began, and students fell out of conscious thought. Rei looked out the window and waited for the day's life to end.
The JSSDF command center was abuzz with activity as techs and scientists readied the next phase of the MAGI supercomputer installation. Misato stood at the control platform with Ritsuko, overlooking the process.
"I heard you had a pretty heated argument with Kaji today," Ritsuko said.
"Who'd you hear that from?"
"Oh, here and there. The office grapevine is surprisingly a lot like a high school. If something of interest happens, others will be sure to know about it."
"This isn't making me feel any better."
"I wasn't trying to."
Misato, still recovering from her morning encounter with Kaji, decided she was going to have to look elsewhere for support and understanding. The quiet smile that Ritsuko wore told her so.
"Where's Soryu?" she asked, trying to steer the conversation away from herself.
"Sulking in her lab." Ritsuko covered her mouth. "Uh, sorry, Ibuki-kun."
"Oh, no, Dr. Akagi. It's okay. She has been moody lately." Maya glanced up from her post to assure no harm was done. "I can understand why she's so upset, but her behavior is a little juvenile."
The doctor gave a slight nod.
"It's not like she's the only one with issues around this system. We all have reservations."
"That's putting it mildly," Misato said.
She looked out over the operation, her usual positive impression of large scale procedures like this sullied by Kaji's words. The explanation he gave of how he found out Shinji was being watched was eating at her, and she knew she'd have to confront it sooner or later. Misato decided today was as good as any other.
"What were the specifics of our argument? Did you hear that much?"
Ritsuko looked up.
"Hmm? You still want to talk about that?" She shrugged to herself. "No, I didn't hear, but I can guess." She smiled. "He's still hoping for another chance?"
"That's how it started, but it branched out into other unpleasant areas."
Maya kept her eyes on her work, but was amazed with what indifference the two talked about relationships. She hoped she'd never become that jaded. Of course, she also hoped for a relationship to begin with.
"More unpleasant than getting back together with him? That's hard to believe."
Misato frowned, angry with how flippant Ritsuko was today.
"Yeah. It seems Kaji knew I was spending time with someone else lately. My friend I told you about. You know, the one I was helping find an apartment for."
Ritsuko stiffened a bit, but remained calm.
"Oh, really? You don't think he was spying on you, do you?"
"I wouldn't put it past him," Misato said. "But someone was definitely keeping tabs on me. Have any idea who?"
Ritsuko felt her cool rapidly disintegrating.
"Why would I have any idea?"
"Oh, I don't know. Just a hunch." Misato crossed her arms. "Since you were so curious last time, and since we're such good friends, I think I'll tell you who I've been spending time with." She paused, waiting for Ritsuko to face her. "Ikari Shinji."
The doctor played innocent.
"Really. Not much of a surprise. It didn't take a genius to realize that."
"Oh, yeah, we've been spending lots of time together lately. I really care about him. You know, this could get pretty serious."
Ritsuko covered her cringe with a fake cough.
"Well, I can't exactly condone it, but I'm happy for you. Really."
"Oh, I'm glad," Misato said. "Is there… anything you want to say to me, Ritsu? Anything at all?"
A tense moment passed in silence. Ritsuko licked her lips.
"So you know."
"Kaji let it slip out."
"I'll have to thank him."
Misato nodded vaguely.
"Please do."
Maya typed faster, the tension driving her crazy. She swallowed hard.
"Uh… Dr. Akagi, this calculation is—"
"It can wait," Misato said.
Ritsuko sighed.
"Look. It doesn't change anything. Even if you knew you wouldn't have been able to change it."
"Huh. You know I had hoped if you saw how serious I was with him, that, oh, I don't know, you might have acted like a friend and told me."
The doctor looked away.
"You knew. You knew Shinji was under surveillance and you didn't tell me? What kind of a friend are you?"
Ritsuko took the blow with indifference.
"The kind that does her job. Sorry, Misato, but your little flings don't take priority in the real world. Remember that."
"It's not a fling."
Ritsuko leisurely removed her glasses and polished them with a tail of her lab coat.
"Leopards can't change their spots, Misato."
The captain moved to leave.
"Don't stay with him just to prove me wrong, or because you feel you have to," Ritsuko called after her. "You'd only hurt yourself and him."
Misato exited the command bridge without a word or look back. Ritsuko and Maya both sighed, for different reasons.
"Um… sorry, Dr. Akagi," Maya said, sympathizing.
"Don't worry, Ibuki-kun. She'll find me in a day or two with a peace offering. She always does."
Maya frowned, certain the dynamic between the two older women was beyond her. Still, despite her initial fears about working with Ritsuko, she was finding the doctor not as catty and cold as she originally believed. She missed Dr. Soryu's strict rules and professionalism, but found herself glad to have a break from her ego.
"How are you holding up?" the doctor asked, as if reading her mind.
"What? Oh, um, okay, I guess. No problems, ma'am."
"Good."
Ritsuko was glad to have another like-minded individual working with her, a pleasant change from Misato and her perpetual troubles. Any early guilt she had about stealing Maya away from Soryu had disappeared. The girl was a hard worker, and a sympathetic ear. It was clear why Soryu held on to her.
But in order to integrate the MAGI into the JSSDF mainframe, both doctors had to work together, a scenario neither found appealing. So Maya became the go-between for them, stretched thin to accommodate her old sempai and her new one.
She sighed.
"So, Ibuki-kun. The day's almost over. Any plans tonight?"
Maya blinked.
"Huh? Oh, uh, not really, ma'am."
"Want to grab a bite to eat? My treat." It was the least she could offer. Poor girl's been running herself ragged.
"Oh, uh, um, sorry, Dr. Akagi, but I'm supposed to meet Dr. Soryu for dinner and go over the day's procedures. You could come too, but, well…"
Ritsuko snorted softly.
"No, that's alright. I think I'll pass. Maybe some other time."
"Um, s-sure."
Ritsuko sighed as she checked her watch. Another twenty-three minutes. Then another dinner alone, followed by another night alone.
Damn.
Maybe it was time she seriously thought about finding someone. She wondered how Misato did it. She seemed to attract men no matter where she went. Ritsuko couldn't help but feel she repelled them.
Maybe if I just put myself out there I'll catch a nice one. Her eyes drifted past Maya's shoulder to overlook her work. Though not one so young as Misato's.
Shinji sneezed.
He had just added the vegetables to his stew when he suddenly needed to cover his nose. He shook his head, washed his hands, and added a few cubes of chicken bullion to the mix. He sat and waited for it to simmer.
He sniffled, and as his hand touched his lips, he thought of Misato. He blushed, of course, as he reflected on the previous night, and the kisses she had given him. She was quite enthusiastic, he mused. In his mind he could still feel the heat of her body against his.
And suddenly, he thought of Mana. He could still remember the way Mana kissed, the way she felt, the way she smelled; he still remembered her. And what was he doing, not six months away from her? Getting into another relationship with a woman. And within the same organization she worked for. He thought himself disgusting.
"It's just too soon," he said.
But I can't make her wait forever. He wondered if there was a set time on mourning and loss. He wasn't in the position to ask anyone, anyways. She's already expressed an interest, he thought. It wouldn't be fair to string her along. More than anything else, he was afraid she'd tire of waiting, tire of him, and leave.
"I can't be alone."
He bowed his head.
How long will she tolerate me? He tried to picture her telling him to leave, and found it difficult. He smiled. Misato made him smile. Just thinking of her made him smile. And he liked her, too. She was fun to be around. She was a good person.
"She deserves more than I can give her."
The stew was done, so he turned the stove off. Somehow, he wasn't hungry anymore. He poured a bowl anyway, and watched it cool. It was thin and watery, but that was fine. He was cooking on a budget, after all. He took a sip and frowned. Cooking with Mana's budget had been far more appetizing.
He pushed his bowl back and sighed. How long until he stopped thinking about her? She lied to him, for years, and still he felt he should be with her.
I guess it isn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. One doesn't walk away from seven years without a second thought. He knew that sooner or later he'd have to come to terms with it. But he'd had months to do that, and he didn't seem any closer than he was when he packed up his life and left her.
"Mana," he breathed.
There was no easy way to forget. There was no easy way to move on. Shinji sighed again, the scent of cheap stew heavy in the air. He tried to think of Misato, but Mana's face kept appearing instead. He tried to recapture the feel of Misato's body, but his hands only felt Mana.
He gave up on dinner and thinking. He pushed away from the table and went to bed. He didn't bother taking his clothes off, or getting under the covers. It didn't seem worth it. He stared up, letting his mind wander and fade. He thought of nothing, and simply was, for a time.
"Another unfamiliar ceiling."
He closed his eyes and fell into a fitful sleep. He did not dream, and did not awake until the next morning.
End of chapter 7
Author's notes: next chapter is a steel cage death match as Shinji and Kaji finally meet.
Wow. Thank you all for reviewing. Imagine my surprise when I got home from Jersey and found almost twenty reviews. The fact that all of them were positive… it boggles my mind that people actually like this. It truly amazes me. Thank you. I also got a few that are trying to make me turn this into an R/S fic. Hmm… I'm certainly not opposed to the pairing…
Was Kaji sincere? I think so. Like in the series, he loves her, but for whatever reason, can't tell her. I know manga Kaji told Shinji they don't deserve to be happy, and although his logic is debatable, the bottom line is that he believes it, so for him, it's truth. For my story, his brother wasn't killed, since Second Impact never happened, but he still can't say it. Some people have a real issue with saying "I love you." This isn't a judgment, simply a matter of fact. Not everyone can say it and mean it. Maybe that's what he's afraid of.
Huh. A little shoujo-ai there. I honestly didn't plan on it, but oh well.
Big thanks to the Rurouni Kenshin OVA: Recollections and Macross Plus soundtracks. You help me write good.