True Love Waits Chapter 10
Adam Kadmon
Disclaimer: Actually, due to an obscure bylaw, I can't own Eva or Radiohead.
"Ikari Shinji."
"Huh?"
He was in a dark room. A singular lamp lit the chamber, casting everything in an ethereal orange. A dirty grating served as the floor. The ceiling was bathed in shadow. He could vaguely make out others in the room with him, and medical equipment he did not recognize. Though he could not see them, he felt the presence of two large men behind him. They pushed him forward.
"Shinji."
Somewhere in the darkness a man spoke his name again, a voice with power and terrible authority. He stumbled forward until the two men stopped him, pulling him to his feet. Hands stayed on his shoulders.
A tall bearded man stood before him, wearing tinted glasses and a frown. He had a hand in his pocket, and looked very much like this was a waste of his time.
"Shinji," the man spoke.
He could not respond. His mouth refused to work.
"Shinji, do you want to see your mother again?"
He could not even nod.
"Shinji, will you help me see your mother again?"
Hands grabbed his arms and led him to a table. He was pushed down on his face and stripped. He tried to resist and felt a sharp blow land on the back of his head. Icy pain exploded behind his eyes and he collapsed, helpless. His body began cooling, and all control was lost to him. Spots danced at the edges of his vision.
A chill alcohol swab brushed his back He could barely make out a person hovering over him, holding a long syringe over his spine. It lowered with maddening delay.
"Shinji, take me to Yui."
Penetration. Burrowing into his skin. He felt the needle scrape against the bone, trying to gain access. It broke through, chipping the spinal column, into the soft tissue within. Suction began and he felt it tugging on his brain stem. The pain was beyond his language abilities.
He screamed.
True Love Waits
Chapter 10
"Misato-san!"
She was not in bed.
"Misato-san!"
She was not in the kitchen.
"Misato-san!"
She was not in the apartment.
"Misato-san!"
Shinji collapsed to the floor, weeping, his back aflame in agony. He tried to climb up using a chair, but it toppled over and took him to the ground again. He landed on his back, and his vision swam.
"Someone…"
He wept in gasping breaths, staying on the floor. His finger nails dug into the hard wood, threatening to peel off. He swallowed, trying to tell himself he didn't taste blood.
"Please…"
The nightmare's adrenaline abandoned him, leaving Shinji cold and spent. He caught his breath.
"Father…" Shinji cringed. "Mother…"
He was left in stillness.
And then it was broken, a door sliding open. Rei emerged from her room clad in an oversized t-shirt.
"Ikari-san?" She was barely awake, rubbing her eyes. "Why were you yelling?"
"Ayanami?" He stood up, and blushed from his shame. "What… what are you doing here?"
"It is Sunday. No school is held today." She looked at him, awaiting an answer for her previous inquiry. His eyes scuttled to the floor.
"I… I had a nightmare."
She didn't laugh like he expected, or give him any grief. Rei took the information in without any visible reaction, save a slight furrowing of her brow.
"Of something past?" she asked.
"… yes."
"Misato is at work," Rei said after a moment. "I have her number if you wish to contact her."
Shinji shook his head, still unable to meet her gaze.
"No, that's okay. I'm… I'm better now."
Neither of them believed that.
"I'm sorry I woke you up, Ayanami-san."
Rei shrugged it off.
"There is no need to be. I would have woken up eventually." Besides, you two were loud enough to wake the dead last night. "I do not require much sleep."
"Oh." He looked at her, feeling awkward and humiliated. "Do you… do you want some breakfast?" Shinji picked up the toppled chair.
Rei agreed as eagerly as her disposition allowed.
"Great," he said, attempting a smile. "Take a seat. What do you feel like?"
A choice. Rei nearly drooled thinking of the possibilities.
"Is there any of your pancake mix left?"
Shinji checked.
"There's just enough. Do you want blueberries in them? I think there's some left over from last night's dessert."
"Yes."
He waited until he realized she had answered both questions.
"Okay. It shouldn't take long."
Shinji was glad for a distraction, and focused solely on the preparation of the meal. He didn't think about Rei catching him crying, or his father kidnapping him and dying, or his long deceased mother. He thought only of pancakes. Blueberry pancakes, he reminded himself. He fetched them from the refrigerator, trying not to recall Misato's creative uses for them. It wouldn't do to go into a blushing fit right now.
He glanced atRei and grinned. She already had her utensils in her hands. If this was how they bonded, then so be it. He had previously held a few fantasies of them getting closer through music, or literature, or anything that exercised his mind. All had failed, not due to any lacking energy on his part, but by Rei's subtle disassociation with everything he brought up. Even Misato's intervention never worked; if anything, it usually made things worse. His own continual attempts at friendship did not stem from any misguided feelings of pity or compassion, but rather, from a sense that she was an interesting young lady with interesting thoughts. He did not begrudge her silence or stoicism, but understood them, all too well.
She just needs a friend, he thought. I think I know how she feels.
As his stays over at Misato's became more and more frequent, and less of a bother to Rei, he discovered she was as he originally thought: a very mature, disciplined girl who did not suffer fools, or foolish behavior. He wondered why she associated with the two other girls as she did, until Misato told him they were the only ones who would. Shinji knew that feeling as well. He felt it his duty to show her life did not begin and end in grade school, and that things could get better. He was living proof. Admittedly, his own story had unique circumstances, but he didn't see it as a hindrance, but rather as a strength.
Misato had told him a little about Rei's past, how her parents had died in a lab explosion, and how she had adopted her. Shinji was amazed that Misato decided to take on such a huge responsibility at such a young age, but she'd explained her own father had been close to the Ayanami family, actually being named godfather to Rei. With no other living relatives, the young albino's life fell in Dr. Katsuragi's hands. Too busy with his own work to raise a child, Misato had offered her services, until she formally adopted her upon her graduation from military academy.
She's had such a hard life, Shinji thought. I hope I can be her friend.
Rei snuck a peek at his form as he mixed the batter over the stove. He worked with practiced dexterity, simultaneously flipping one cake and sprinkling berries over another. The scent filled her nostrils and caressed her taste buds. Only now had she forgiven him for waking her up. Shinji was an accomplished chef in her eyes, and could run screaming through the apartment on an hourly basis if it meant he'd cook all her meals for her. Suffering through his and Misato's nightly routine was a small price to pay.
Shinji at least attempted a modicum of modesty; he made sure music was playing during their coupling to reduce its auditory unpleasantness for Rei. She appreciated the gesture, but without twenty more speakers it was a useless practice. Perhaps Misato should bite the bullet and invest in soundproofing her room.
Rei scoffed. She couldn't fathom any physical sensation feeling good enough to merit a scream. Then again, Misato was loud by nature. But Shinji wasn't. Oh well. It didn't really matter. Why adults were so obsessed with sex was both beyond and beneath her. Though hearing them together always left a hollow, cold pit in her stomach. As did thinking about it. She loosened her grip on her utensils.
Shinji served her, flipping several cakes onto her plate. She did not wait for butter or syrup. She ate, despite the discomfort of its heat on her tongue. She closed her eyes as she chewed, savoring.
"It is good," Rei said.
"Thank you," Shinji said, more meaning there than she realized. He sat down with the remainder of the food he'd made, waiting for her request for more. His own appetite hid itself. They finished in silence.
Rei, for the first time that morning, realized she was still in her nightgown. She stood abruptly.
"I am going to bathe," she announced, unsure why she was so hesitant to tell him.
"Okay. I'll clean up here." He started piling the dishes by the sink. She watched him, backing up.
"You may use it after I finish if you wish."
"Hmm? Oh, sure. Thanks." He ran hot water.
Rei shook her head and hurried to her room. She rushed to the bathroom in her neglected robe. Shinji did not see her go.
Lunch hour at the JSSDF headquarters found Misato and Ritsuko in the doctor's office, dining together on salads and bottled water. The choice was new for the captain, her time with Shinji and his eating habits rubbing off on her. Ritsuko was simply trying to watch her waist line.
"I never knew you enjoyed salads so much," the blonde remarked, watching Misato happily chomp away at her lunch.
"Me neither. Shinji's real sensitive to Rei's vegetarianism, and he always cooks something good, despite his limited resources." She bit into a radish slice. "I owe him for showing me food like this is good."
"Glad to hear it." Ritsuko observed her eat, waiting. "You two have finally slept together, I take it."
Misato choked a little. She dabbed her mouth.
"Well… yes. We did." She grinned. "And we are."
"You must be ecstatic. He certainly took his sweet time."
Misato casually brushed off the jab, ignoring her own sentiments on the subject.
"Not really. It's just that Shinji is old-fashioned." Misato colored. "He didn't want to become intimate until he told me he loved me."
Ritsuko blinked.
"He said that?" She smiled. "I'm happy for you. Really happy."
"I know!" Misato squealed. "I could hardly believe it either. It's been a while since anyone said that to me."
The doctor opted not to think about how long it had been since she'd heard those words. She gave her friend a genuine, uninhibited smile.
"That's great."
"He tells me he loves me everyday now." Misato smiled. "Isn't that corny?" Her voice made it clear she held no malice for the act. "He actually told me for the first time that night you came over for his birthday."
"Really? What were the two of you doing after I left?"
Misato frowned.
"It wasn't like that. He just looked at me, and said it. I honestly wasn't expecting it at all." She smiled, reliving the memory. "He can be real romantic sometimes."
Ritsuko tried to imagine the shy boy she'd met being romantic.
"So you really love him?"
Misato nodded.
"Yes, I do." She spoke in a hushed, almost awed voice. She was still slightly amazed she was in love. "I love him."
"Wait a minute. His birthday was weeks ago. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Well, you've been real busy with the MAGI and all, and, well…" Misato smiled. "I wanted to keep him all to myself for a little. Is that so wrong?"
"Not at all." Poor boy must be exhausted. "I'm happy for you."
"Thanks."
Ritsuko emptied her bottled water into a potted plant.
"I'll admit this is a bit of a surprise."
"What? You don't think I can be serious about men?"
"It isn't that," the doctor said. "I honestly didn't think it would last."
"What? How can you say that?"
"I thought your backgrounds were just too different. Not to mention the trauma he's been through. I'm surprised he's actually in a real relationship."
"Don't let his outside fool you," Misato said. "He's strong. A fighter."
"Yes, I remember you telling me that before." She shrugged. "I didn't mean to strike a nerve. I'm just surprised, that's all."
"Well, be surprised. It won't change a thing."
They finished their lunches in a companionable silence. As the hour drew to its close, the doctor made her move.
"So…" Ritsuko said, leering. "How is he?"
"Dr. Akagi! Show a little decency!" She crossed her arms. "He's great."
"Really?"
"Mmm hmm. He's quite good for his age." Misato cast a dreamy gaze at some unseen point on the wall. "I love the way he holds me. He's so gentle. And the way he kisses." She laughed. "He kisses like a girl." Ritsuko gave her a look. "Okay, he kisses the way I imagine a girl would kiss me."
"Sounds nice," the doctor said lightly. "So you can… finish with him?"
"Ha! Shinji doesn't believe it's done unless we both have a good time." She grinned wickedly. "He's a diligent worker."
Of course he's good, Ritsuko thought. There's no way you'd stay with him if he wasn't.
"I mean, well, he isn't… the greatest lover I've ever had," Misato said. "He isn't suave or confident or anything but… but he makes me feel the best, you know? I mean, just the way he touches me and looks at me… it makes me feel incredible. Like he really loves me, more than anyone else. Shinji makes me feel like the best woman on earth." She sighed. "I can't really describe it… it's kind of like he thinks I'm the pinnacle of womanhood or something… I don't know… I'm rambling. Sorry."
"No need to apologize. An appreciative lover is pretty rare. Especially one that makes you feel… what did you say? 'Incredible'?"
Incredible doesn't cut it. It's like he adores my body. Misato swallowed. It's like he worships me.
"If we keep talking about this I'm going to have to duck out of work early."
"How's Rei taking it?" the doctor asked, chuckling.
"She seems to be okay with it, believe it or not. She's never really warmed up to Shinji, or anyone else for that matter, but she doesn't complain anymore." She shrugged. "She doesn't even mind him staying over. That's a big step for her."
"Yes, it is. She must like him a little bit if she's consented to that."
"I guess. I hope. I think they'd have a lot to talk about if she gave it a chance."
Silence ruled the Katsuragi apartment, unwilling to release its stranglehold on the two within its walls.
Lunch was a mere thirty minutes away, and Rei found herself unable to concentrate on the book before her. She sat at the kitchen table, pre-empting the inevitable call for food. Shinji sat across from her, reading the paper, content with her company. The clock finally struck twelve and Rei cleared her throat.
"Oh! It's noon already. Well, how about some lunch?"
Rei nodded.
"What do you feel like?" He got up and checked the fridge. "We've got spaghetti, left over stir fry…"
"Anything you make will be satisfactory."
"Okay."
Shinji combined the two, and heated up a thin alfredo sauce. Rei wondered if he could read minds. She saw him hover over a package of Misato's beef as he went for the noodles.
"Does cooking for me bother you?"
Shinji looked up at her.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you not prefer to eat meat?"
"Not really… I lived with someone for a few years and she was a vegetarian too. I'm used to it."
Rei masked her surprise at his omission. Why am I surprised?
"You lived with a woman," she stated rather than asked.
Shinji blushed, having momentarily forgotten her age. He coughed.
"Um… yeah. It was… it was awhile ago."
"Did Misato break you two up?"
He imagined it could be stated that way, from a certain point of view.
"No, we… it just didn't work out."
"You must have loved her," Rei said.
"Why do you say that?" he asked, proud he didn't snap at her.
"I do not imagine you as someone to live with another without love." She looked at his back. "Do you love Misato more then her?"
"Yes," he said, watching the sauce heat up. His soft tone and quiet sadness stayed her tongue. She waited as the stove warmed her meal.
Shinji served himself as well this time, the morning's terror fading into an unpleasant memory. But the image of his father towering over him stayed with him. The image and the fear that had held him fast. He dropped an ice cube into Rei's water.
"I hope the noodles are hot enough," he said. He tried a smile on her. It was cast into a sea of neglect.
"They are fine."
Her personal brand of facial neutrality and curt responses no longer affected him as they first had. They still made him nervous, but the fear of having offended her had paled to a degree. Misato once remarked that everything offended her, and not to worry so much about it. He supposed she would know best, but his innate fear of wronging others seemed to kick in whenever Rei was around. He twirled a strand of noodles in his chopsticks and decided to try and stop tormenting himself with it.
The sauce was richer than Rei was used to, but she ate anyway. Her desire for flavor outweighed the consequences she would undoubtedly face later. Even now her stomach rebelled against the cloying meal by rumbling loudly.
"Are you okay?" Shinji asked.
"Fine," she replied, covering a burp. She saw him grin at her, then return to his plate. Rei blinked, realizing how sad his smiles could sometimes seem. That was Shinji in her eyes: always smiling, never laughing. She suddenly wondered how he saw her. She tried not to think about it.
She had reached several important truths regarding him, and his continuing relationship with her guardian. He was, as she had previously told Asuka, a unique male specimen. He was still subject to certain undeniable factors and appetites, but she chalked those up to his being an adult, and inability to think clearly. Shinji unmistakably desired pleasure from Misato, but oddly enough, he didn't seem concerned with power. They appeared to be a good match. Somehow, someway, Rei was glad for that fact. Her guardian was generally more pleasant to be around when her hungers were met, and Shinji from all angles appeared to meet them.
He was not… disagreeable, or repulsive, or bothersome. He was kind, and smart, and did not talk down to her. He treated her as an equal, someone worth his time. She appreciated it, but still felt something holding her back from fully reciprocating his overtures. What was it?
She did not desire him, so any thought or guilty feeling of stealing him away from Misato was absent,and she did nothate him. Her emotions regarding him lay somewhere within the grey area between those polars, neither pushing nor pulling to one extreme or the other. Thinking too deeply or too long on these matters usually resulted in a headache, or confusion for her carefully crafted apathy. Rei often concluded such times with the simple but vaguely understood idea that he was a good person, though she had no real facts to back the claim up. It was similar to her feelings regarding Misato, but with her, she had nearly her entire life to decide on her attributes, but never firmly stood behind any one belief.
Was it because of her guardian's erratic nature, or numerous mates? Or was it internal; that Rei was unable to settle on any of the thoughts that floated through her head. Self-reflection, however unsettling or distasteful it sometimes was, made up the majority of her time alone. Within her mind, she could be free, and setting limits upon herself and others became unfamiliar, frightening. She tried not to judge those around her, but it was difficult when no one understood you, or made serious attempts to.
Which brought her train of thought back to Shinji. He was here, right here, trying to establish a connection, with Misato, and with her. An honest connection. He was not a bad person.
After aiming in the dark for so long, Misato finally hit the target.
"I have nightmares, too," Rei said.
Shinji looked at her, forced to recall the morning.
"You do?"
She nodded.
"My parents were burned alive in a lab accident. I witnessed it."
"I'm… I'm so sorry," he said.
Rei shrugged.
"I heard you call out for your parents. I thought perhaps you had a similar experience."
"No," he said, shaking his head. "Nothing as bad as that. My… my mother died when I was very young. My father was killed this past year."
Rei noted his terminology but remained silent.
"I had just met him again, too. Oh, I was raised by an uncle," he explained. "He did…" His best. "… a good job."
"I can tell." Rei pondered saying something about Misato's child rearing abilities, but decided not to. "I am sorry… if I made you recall anything unpleasant." She mouthed the apology again, slightly amazed she uttered it.
"It's alright." He smiled. "I'm sorry if I made you recall anything bad."
She shook her head. They finished their now cold lunches in a soft quiet, both deep within themselves. Rei put her chopsticks down first. She glanced at him.
"I will not tell Misato."
Shinji didn't know why, but he felt grateful.
"Thank you." He ate the rest of his meal in silence, taking his time. She stayed with him, though he had no idea why. He decided not to question it, and cleared his plate.
Rei was enjoying her post-meal haze when Shinji asked if she'd like tea.
He is a mind reader, she thought.
They waited in peace as the water boiled, Rei taking time to inspect her tea leaves, Shinji awaiting the whistle from the kettle. It sounded and he poured for the both of them. They let the leaves steep, breathing in the aroma. He stood to fetch sugar, though neither one used any. He remained on his feet.
"What are you doing?" she asked, seeing him check the clock.
"There's a concert by the New Japan Philharmonic on TV today." Shinji blushed without knowing the cause. "Want to watch it with me?"
She nodded her consent. She had nothing better to do.
They sank into Misato's plush couch, and Shinji switched to the appropriate channel. Rei watched as the orchestra began tuning, the familiar pitches and notes stirring her old love for classical music.
"Ah, Misato-san told me you play the viola. Do you still play?"
"On occasion. I have not felt inspired for some time."
"I'm sorry to hear that," he said.
"She told me you play the cello."
Shinji nodded, smiling. He watched the steam from his tea drift to the ceiling.
"Yeah, but I haven't kept up with it. I'm a little rusty."
"I enjoy cellos," Rei said.
"I enjoy violas."
She doubted that.
"I remember someone once saying that the cello was the closest instrument to a human voice."
"I heard that too."
They fell silent as the orchestra began. Rei hoped Shinji wasn't someone who talked through performances. He wasn't. He closed his eyes as the music started, nodding his head in time to the music, a wispy smile playing on his lips.
Rei watched him, and listened to the score.
She almost felt happy.
Misato leaned against the side of the elevator, a smile spreading over her face as she came closer to her apartment. The day was finally over, and the exhaustion that was working on her was slowly breaking up. She imagined the apartment filled with the scents of Shinji's cooking, he and Rei awaiting her return with open arms. Well, at least one of them would greet her with a hug.
She regretted leaving them alone all day together; she knew how friendly Rei could be with her lovers, or strangers in general.
But Shinji isn't a stranger anymore, she thought. And it wasn't like they never talked. Shinji would lightly question her sometimes as she waited for her meals. She'd answer readily enough, though never to the extent a friend or acquaintance would.
"At least she doesn't ignore him anymore."
She checked her watch. Well after seven. She hated making them wait so long, but with the MAGI up and running, the JSSDF headquarters was a mad house, trying to realign every system into the new supercomputer. Misato groaned. All the techno-babble she had to listen to every day was driving her crazy. She was glad she could vent with Shinji.
Maybe Rei will already be asleep, she hoped. I can't wait to get him in bed.
This pattern, of working hard all day at a job she was slightly disillusioned with and coming home to screw Shinji silly, was in her opinion, good. She was aware it couldn't last forever, but the thrill of taking him, of being with him was still present. She hoped he knew how much he turned her on, and how much she wanted him. She had an inkling he did.
Misato smiled as the elevator reached her floor. It turned to a leering grin as she remembered last night, and how passionate he'd been. How undeniably sexy he was. She liked that side of him, when he let down his guard and his inhibitions. When he showed her how much he loved her.
She actually blushed thinking about all the time he could take with her, whispering his love for her all the while.
The apartment opened for her key and she entered. She did not smell dinner cooking, and did not receive a hug from Shinji. She frowned.
She heard the TV, the sounds of applause floating towards her.
"Rei? Shinji?"
Misato caught no response. She walked into the living room, and stopped in her tracks. She laughed through her nose.
"Should I be jealous?"
Shinji and Rei were asleep in front of the TV, her head resting on his shoulder, her right arm slung across his lap. She snored lightly. A thin line of drool hung from her mouth. His head was slung down at an awkward angle, buried in the arm of the couch. Two cold cups of tea sat by their feet. Both seemed exhausted.
"Maybe I should be."
Misato fetched a beer from the fridge, opening it with one hand. She sat down at the kitchen table, and watched them sleep, leisurely sipping at her drink. She chuckled as Rei mumbled something and curled closer to Shinji.
"Definitely jealous," Misato said, grinning.
End of Chapter 10
Author's notes: several hundred apologies. A couple people have yelled at me for slow updates. Sorry. Life has a funny way of sneaking up behind me and biting my ass when I least expect it. Sorry, Phoenix.
Tugging on his brain stem? I know the brain can't feel pain, but so what? Eat it, proven medical knowledge. And eat it school schedules. Technically, Rei should be on summer break, but who gives a shit? And eat it plausibility. I took some liberties with Gendo. Felt this way was more dramatic or whatever. I don't really like this chapter. I am so fucking tired right now.
Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I am not creative or ambitious enough to make Shinji a bad lover. At least, not in this fic. But I do feel it's very probable Shinji would "worship" the one he loves. If nothing else, I think he'd be a fast learner in bed. And Misato would be a fast teacher.
Is Mana a vegetarian? I have no idea. I only have the most basic of understandings regarding Girlfriend of Steel. I have to admit I liked the idea of Mana, that is, a girl coming on to Shin-chan and meaning it. Well, sort of meaning it.
Um, that was a really long concert I guess. And I told you this one would be cheesy. At least the ending was.
Rei was a regular chatter-box this chapter. A little OOC but by now she's used to Shinji being in the apartment almost every day, and has seen how sincere he is. That doesn't mean she's going to fall in love with him or anything, but I like where the two of them are headed. Next chapter will deal with Shinji's past, and how the three main characters deal with it. But mostly, it's another Rei chapter. Hooray!
I guess you guys really don't want to see the side story I wrote for TLW, huh? I have yet to receive a truly negative review for Witness, which astounds me. Be on the lookout for chapters 2 and 3 over on mediaminer. 2 sucks. There is no way around that fact. It sucks and I have to live with it. Now I'm making you live with it. 3 sucks too, but to a lesser degree. Also, 3 has a really violent fight. Blood and guts and stuff. So please. I'm begging you to stick it out to at least number 4. It's the high point of the entire fic, at least for me. Because it is super dark. You thought the first chapter was bad…
Big thanks to the X soundtracks, both TV and movie. You help me write good. Forever Love, baby. Forever Love.