True Love Waits Chapter 11
Adam Kadmon
Disclaimer: Evangelion and Radiohead: two things I don't own. Self-loathing and the ability to pass my body through a wire hanger: two things I do own.
"Aida Kensuke."
"Huh?"
The young hacker glanced away from his camera replay and found Rei bearing down on him, a look of abject boredom on her pale face.
"Ayanami?"
She nodded, assuring him he got her name right.
"I have need of your skills," Rei said.
This wasn't exactly how Kensuke imagined a girl would ask him out, but he wasn't really laboring on the point. That it was Ayanami, class 2-A's resident ice queen, made him sit up straight. She commanded respect, despite any personal feelings you might hold over her. Respect, and a healthy amount of fear. He glanced around the classroom, silently cursing his decision to stay after today, hoping to capture the girl's swimming team in all their splendor. Now he was alone, defenseless, vulnerable.
Kensuke began to sweat.
"My skills?" he asked. His eyes darted quickly around, hoping that someone, anyone, was bearing witness to this possibly life-changing event. Why did Touji have to leave and pick up his stupid sister?
"Your ability with computers."
He deflated all at once, unsure whether to feel relieved or disappointed.
"Oh. Um, what do you mean?"
"You are able to hack into systems, are you not?"
"I uh, don't really know what you're talking about," he said, playing it safe. It was a well known fact that Rei's guardian was both stunningly attractive and a member of the JSSDF. Having the government find out about his extra-curricular activities wasn't high on his to-do list. "I know my way around a PC if that's what you mean…"
"It is not. I require access into a databank, and I require your help." Rei sighed. "You will be rewarded."
"How?" he asked before he could stop himself.
"Money," she said, narrowing her eyes. Rei dropped a fistful of yen on his desk. "You will receive more upon completion."
Kensuke quickly counted the bills. He drew in a breath.
"Which databank?" He expected the school's, like so many others had requested, in order to alter their grades. Not that he was in the habit of whoring his abilities out like this, but computer software was expensive, and he was too young to get a real job.
Rei nodded, having won her battle.
"The JSSDF mainframe."
True Love Waits
Chapter 11
Rei walked home from school, having waited for either Misato or Shinji to pick her up, and finding neither. She didn't mind, that is, she wasn't angry, and reminded herself they both worked, though it was Shinji's day off. Oddly enough, he seemed to enjoy walking with her, even when conversation was nonexistent. She did not begrudge him his walks, or shy attempts at friendship, but had grown accustomed to them, though she refrained herself from actually looking forward to them. A girl had to have priorities.
She managed to duck out on her friends early and hide, believing Ikari would be joining her on the way home. She'd gladly deal with the repercussions she would invariably face tomorrow, rather than suffer through Asuka and Hikari's overt flirtations with the young man. While she had nearly admitted to herself why everyone seemed to love Ikari Shinji, Rei would never publicly confess to anything. Though she still remembered that one day they spent together, so long ago it felt now, when she had woken up nestled on his chest, while Misato looked on with a keen interest.
"Sleep well?" she had asked, her voice adrift in a sea of innuendo.
There were only a few times in her young life when a blush could catch her, and that night Rei had been overrun by a big one. She'd pushed away from Shinji violently, waking him in the process. He was oblivious to everything that had happened, as well as the sizable stain of Rei-drool on his shirt. He rubbed his eyes and asked what was going on. Misato didn't tell him how she'd walked in on them, but had later forced Rei to promise her a favor to be decided on a future date. Rei could not refuse.
That day, as interesting as it had been, was merely another grain of knowledge towards her total awareness about Shinji. She'd be lying to herself if she said it did not color her thoughts in a slightly more positive viewing, but still there remained the invisible, impenetrable block against actively liking the man. It was really quite peculiar. Best not to question every aspect of her thought processes, she decided. She should only focus on the here and now, not the why.
But the why was gnawing on her mind. Why had she done what she did? Rei tried to think of Shinji, attempting to pry some kind of reason from his actions, or her own reactions. What had he done recently to merit her investigation into his past? She attempted to categorize their interactions, hoping that something would stand out.
He had previously remarked how smart and mature he thought she was, and had sounded sincere. He had defended his belief on the matter, so he must hold at least part of it as truth. Rei appreciated that, though it was nothing she didn't tell herself. It was nice to hear it from someone else for a change, though.
Even if it was Ikari Shinji.
Rei frowned. She shouldn't think of him like that. He wasn't a form of parasite one would examine under glass. He was a human being. And not a terrible one, at that. He had attempted friendship, a connection, an intimacy based on shared interests and common beliefs. He'd been polite and genuine, and never cross or short with her.
He had called her pretty.
All of these factors, as well as countless others stemming from her dealings with and perception of Ikari Shinji had led her to contact Aida today. As a neutral third party observer, any opinion or judgment he might make on her did not matter. Rei couldn't go through Misato for the information, or Asuka. She felt it imperative that no one who knew her well be privy to the plan of her seeking his background out. She wasn't entirely sure why, or rather, wasn't entirely willing to scrutinize why. Just that it was necessary. Aida was merely a means to an end, one she hoped to be done with very soon.
The streets leading to her home seemed almost abandoned as she walked. Rush hour was still a ways off, and students appeared to avoid her path from school. She did not mind. In the afternoon sun that shone upon her back, Rei moved with an almost carefree attitude, letting her book bag swing slightly at her side, her head held at a level height. She looked out over her intended course, strangely glad for the peace of the day.
She tried not to wonder too much about the why again, learning to enjoy her moods as they came and went. However small they may be. Misato often remarked how stoic Rei was, saying it wasn't healthy to always hide your emotions. Rei accepted a kind of logic from her guardian's words, but the threat of Misato's teasing colored any advice she issued. Rei wondered if she similarly commented upon Shinji's quiet disposition. She imagined she did.
While Rei usually ignored the woman's "good" humors, she found it more than likely that Shinji had a harder time of it. After all, they were far more intimate than she and Rei ever were. Not that the two women were strangers, but both seemed to distance themselves from any serious connections. Rei had seen the parade of nameless men to come and go in her lifetime, passing by without letting their feet rest, Misato apparently okay with the formula. It was only recently, quite recently, that Rei had begun to question the pattern.
She frowned. Ikari Shinji had certainly disrupted their routine lives. Her frown deepened. Lately everything was coming back to him. Like he attracted interest and attention without trying. He definitely seemed to be ensconced within Rei and Misato's heads. It was… a little unsettling.
She cast it off with a shake, reaching her apartment and opening her front door. It was silent as she entered, and for a moment she believed her guardian and her lover were gone. She kicked off her shoes and saw two other sets beside her own.
"Rei?" Misato's voice was hesitant, almost sounding afraid. Rei followed it to the kitchen, where she and Shinji were seated across from one another, both looking rather intense and serious. A folder lay between them.
"Am I interrupting something?" she asked.
"No," Shinji said, a hard edge to his voice. He sighed, and shook his head. "No, it's… it's nothing." He reached across the table and held Misato's hand. Her shoulders sagged in relief. Rei saw her mouth she loved him.
"How was your day?" Misato asked, still staring into Shinji's eyes.
"It was."
He bolted up.
"Oh, God! I forgot to pick you up today!" He bowed. "I'm so sorry, Ayanami!"
Same old Shinji, both women thought.
"It is not a problem. I am home now."
"I guess… but I'm still sorry, Ayanami."
He had finally dropped the honorific at her request, and had tried to reciprocate the gesture, but Rei was steadfast in her resolve to address him formally. He was, after all, seven years her senior.
"Forget it." She grabbed a glass of water and retired to her room. She was aware enough to know she probably should have taken the long way home today. Rei flopped down on her bed, turning her gaze to the glass, entranced with the way light filtered through the liquid. She wondered what Misato and Shinji were talking about. She decided it didn't matter. Or rather, that she could suspend her care until Aida fulfilled her request. Her entire life was in many ways, a waiting game. She resolved she could wait a little longer.
Misato came home, and was glad to be there. She almost spat thinking of the JSSDF. All the secrets, all the stupid intrigue, all the cover-ups. Any saliva stayed in her mouth, however. It was pay day, after all, and a damn good one, too. That file she'd snuck out on Shinji's father went unnoticed, at least, she hoped it went unnoticed. It was far from everything that man had done, she doubted her Shinji could handle the entire truth, but it was enough. Enough to make him angry, to give her the worst scare she'd had in years. The look in his eyes, the stiffness of his body, the lock he'd put on his emotions…
No, she thought. The look in his eyes. That was what scared her the most. Slightly glazed over, dead, the normal deep blue she was so used to by now, flickering with pent up emotion and frustration. Looking at her, but really looking through her. To something only he could see, very far away. And his demeanor. How… quiet he had been. Shinji could be a little frightening if he chose to be.
She shook her head. It was behind them now. Misato smiled a small smile, replaying the rest of that night. They'd gone to bed, still a little angry, still roughing each other's edges, not quite sure how to return to their happy routine. They'd undressed, out of tradition, but they stayed distant, their bodies refusing to touch. Angry sex wasn't something Misato was unfamiliar with, but Shinji was… well let's be honest. He was a naïve young man and that thought never entered his head.
She remembered his long sigh, taking time to ensure all his anguish, his hate, his regret bled out of him in that breath. Unsure how to return to her, he'd sought out her hand again, entwining their fingers, still unable to look her in the eye. He turned off the light and held her, simply held her, not kissing her, or caressing her, or trying to make love to her. He held her. And she held him.
Misato was feeling good now, secure in his love again, secure in her own. She sauntered down the front hall, kicking her shoes off as she went. She was pleasantly surprised to find Shinji's shoes, carefully placed by the door. He usually called before stopping by, to make sure he wasn't intruding. It irked her a little, the way he still thought he was barging in on her and Rei unless she spelled it out for him.
She sighed, deciding the good outweighed the bad. That was when she first heard it. A low, too low to be human sound, carried on the invisible currents within the apartment, caressing her ears, kissing them with slender notes. She stopped, feeling oddly moved by the strains of a cello, allowing the soulful playing to fill her up.
The Sarabande from Bach's suite for cello in G major filled her apartment, though she had no idea that it was. She peeked around the corner to the living room, finding Shinji working his instrument to produce the exquisite sounds. A sudden chill ran through her, a pleasant tingling, whole-body sensation that stole her breath. Like an auditory orgasm.
His eyes were closed, his body swaying in time to the notes and rhythm, his hands embracing the cello gently, but without any doubt. He was confident, but lacked arrogance or pride for his gift. It was like… it was like he was making love to it. Misato felt warm watching him play for the first time.
That was when she saw Rei sitting on her feetbefore him, eyes closed, a look of utter bliss on her pale face. Her hands delicately held onto her dress in her lap. She looked like she was praying.
The piece continued, moving from the Sarabande, to the Minuets, to the Gigue. Shinji finished with a long drawn out glide of his bow, letting the final note vibrate through the still room, enveloping all three in a hazy, almost spiritual reverence. There was silence for a time, no one daring to shatter the peace, the beauty, the all. Finally Rei let out a breath, long held in, letting it pass through her parted lips with a nearly awed hush. She blinked, coming out of a daze, inhaling the air with an angry gesture, as if desperate to capture the fleeing music.
"That was good," she told him.
"Thank you," he replied. They both whispered.
Misato blinked. Rei was smiling. Smiling. Her strange little smile that she had nearly forgotten she was capable of. An unwarranted pang of jealousy stole through her. Had they really connected so thoroughly right under her nose? The power of Shinji's performance, her own jumbled mass of emotions played strangely in her, and she had to breathe through her mouth.
Misato retreated back down the hall, suddenly ashamed she had stolen that moment between them. She opened the door and struck her shoes, letting them hear her.
"Heya, guys!" she called out. "Oh, wow! You brought your cello over," she covered, eyeing Shinji. "I'm a little jealous. You'll play for Rei, but not for me?"
He blushed, fumbling with the bow. He gave a quick glance to Rei.
"Um, sorry. She, uh, she asked me to, so I, uh, I…"
"Don't spaz out," Misato said, laughing. "I was just kidding. But you'd better play for me later, alright?" She desperately wanted to experience him again, his skill, the passion he let flow through the strings.
"Oh, sure. If you really want."
Rei stood, the moment gone. She stopped, turned to face Shinji, and let him see a quick bow. She hurried to her room, conveniently disregarding the deal the two of them had made earlier; he would play for her, and she would return the favor. She was glad Misato had returned. Her hands seemed incapable of even tuning her instrument.
Her door closed, and Shinji and Misato were left alone. The sun was setting in the window. He stood, carefully covering his cello, leaning it against his chair.
"Guess I better get dinner ready," he said, sliding by Misato. She took his hand, halting his progress, and kissed him. She kept kissing him, unwilling to let him go. She found herself recalling the slow, sure way he stroked the cello, and it somehow became extremely appealing to her. She let her intrigue be known.
"Make something quick tonight," was all she needed to say to him.
Shinji stumbled out of the bedroom, trying to catch his breath. He tripped over his own feet in the dark, blindly groping along the wall as his vision adjusted. A pale sliver moon lighted his way.
Never done that before, he thought, a little shaken.
Physical exhaustion had demanded refueling for the two lovers, and Shinji volunteered to fetch it. He glanced back at Misato's room, the door slightly ajar, and found a gleaming white thigh waving back at him. He looked away.
He had almost filled his glass with water from the tap when he realized Rei was beside him.
"Ah! Ayanami!" He swallowed hard, his mind racing. He whispered due to the late hour. "You… you're not asleep?"
She gave him a tired stare.
"No." Rei took in his appearance, and his body, clad only in boxers, glistening with sweat. He blushed.
"S-sorry," he said. He hoped that one apology encompassed everything he felt bad for. She seemed to accept it. An awkward silence fell between them, as Shinji filled two glasses, and quickly accosted the refrigerator for leftovers. He thought better of giving Misato only water, and grabbed a beer. He bit his lip, unable to just leave Rei. "Um, uh… sorry," he said again.
"For what?"
"Um… well, just for…" He broke off with a sigh. He felt naked, standing next to the fourteen year old girl wearing only his sweat-stained underwear. "For… y-you know…"
"Yes," Rei said vaguely. She was not unaware that his cello had migrated into Misato's room, giving her a private performance. The idea that the woman had gotten hot because of his playing was a mildly frustrating enigma for the girl. It sullied her previous enjoyment to a degree.
Shinji swallowed. He thought about asking her when she was going to play for him, but it felt wildly inappropriate at the moment. He sighed.
"Shiiiinnnnjjiiii…" a sultry voice wafted through the apartment. The young man in question colored and gulped. He hastily gathered his provisions and backed away from Rei.
"Ah, well, I should… I should be going now. Um… yeah." He nodded, mostly to himself, and left the kitchen.
Rei watched him return to the bedroom, trying to carry the refreshments and cover his slim form at the same time. He was not succeeding.
She blinked. Above the rim of his shorts, on the small of his back, was a vicious looking scar, like someone had carved an X on him with a dull knife. It looked impossibly painful, and she quickly recalled all of the early days she had known him, when he tenderly held his back. Rei had originally believed it to be another of his nervous habits, but now she knew better. He had been severely injured, and she felt… sad. Who would do such a thing to him?
Rei watched as he slid the door to Misato's room shut with his foot. Her strained ears listened to the silence of the apartment for a moment, before her guardian's stereo came to life, playing a thumping rock song with a heavy bass line. It somehow seemed proper. Rei pondered spending the rest of the night in the kitchen to avoid treading near the domain of the two lovers. But she felt indescribably weary after her conversation with Shinji, and her bed held a certain, undeniable allure. She finished her water and placed the glass in the sink.
As she crept past Misato's door, a break in the song let a long, rigid sigh enter her ears. Her blood went cold. Rei hurried past to her room and almost jammed the door shutting it too hard. She leaned against the wall, feeling the vibrations of the music through her fingertips. Or maybe it was the vibrations of Misato's futon. She tried not to think about it either way.
She allowed her mind to drift, hoping it would carry her away from the noises in the night. She focused hard on drifting, and Shinji's cello met her ears. Whether it was a memory, or if he was truly playing seemed unimportant. She heard it clearly, and dreamt into a deep sleep.
"Ayanami."
Rei glanced behind her, squinting into the setting sun. Students hurried past her in the front courtyard, glad the day was over.
"Aida-kun," she spoke, seeing the young man. He looked haggard and worn, and his camcorder was missing. She fast decided she didn't care. "Are you done?"
"Yeah," he replied, pursing his lips and staring past her. He sidled next to her, and produced a disc from his backpack. "This is it," he said.
Rei took it from him, staring at the reflective surface. She passed her thumb over the cover. She suddenly remembered the deal, and shoveled a fistful of bills from her pocket to him.
"Here," she said.
Kensuke blinked, and swallowed. His eyes did not hold the same look as they had several days ago during the down payment. In fact, his entire demeanor seemed lower, almost afraid. His hand shook slightly as he retrieved his money.
"Yeah, thanks," he said absently. Even simple courtesy appeared to weaken him further. He looked down at the cash, ruffling lightly in the afternoon breeze.
He… he does not want more, does he? Rei thought. She started to inch away. He stayed staring at his hand, oblivious to the rest of the world. Rei shrugged to herself and started home. She felt… almost excited to get back to her room and discover Shinji's past. When she was no more than a yard from him, Kensuke spoke out.
"Don't… please don't ask me to ever do something like this again, okay?"
Rei looked back with a sigh. She had hoped that her association with the boy had ended. But the look on his face told her he needed to talk. She waited.
"I… I hacked into the mainframe through my father's terminal at home. I…" He paused, looking at the pocket Rei placed the disc into. "If anyone found out, I'd probably be arrested, or worse."
Is he looking for a thank you?
"The guy you wanted was top secret stuff. It… it took me awhile to figure it out. When I finally got it, I…" He stopped again, shaking his head.
"What is it?" Rei asked, her patience fading.
"This guy… is probably real messed up. A lot of… a lot of stuff happened to him. I couldn't find everything about him, but what I did find…" Kensuke shivered under the twilight sun. "Please never ask me to do something like this again." He turned, shoving his money into a pocket, and disappeared into the late afternoon.
Shinji was already at the apartment when Rei arrived home. She was glad she told him not to meet her at school today. He greeted her with a smile, and she nodded back. She did not stop to talk, or to refuel her body. Shinji blinked a little, but knew better than to question her outright.
"Got a lot of homework?" he asked, hovering over the tea kettle as it heated up.
"Yes," she replied, and went to her room.
She twirled the disc between her fingers as her laptop came to life, watching as the light from her lamp danced on its edges. Rei inserted it, and waited.
Some time later, as she read, as she immersed herself in Ikari Shinji's life history, she heard Misato come home, a vague notion at the fringes of her consciousness. Rei read, and read, until there was nothing left to read on the disc, and closed the screen into the keyboard. She stayed on her bed for a long time, thinking, of Shinji, and the words that exposed his past. She carefully placed her computer beside her, and lay down.
At the periphery of her hearing she listened to Misato talk with Shinji, laughing, joking, loving, all their words falling like unfamiliar noises on her ears. Rei stared at her door, imagining the two beyond it. She thought of their affection for each other, their passion, their declared love. She thought of the scar on his back, the unspoken sadness in his eyes, the fear in his actions.
Rei felt her chest constrict in a sharp gasp. Her throat felt hot and small. Her mouth felt dry. She stared at the door, thinking of Shinji. She shuddered only a little when the tears crept out of her eyes.
End of Chapter 11
Author's notes: no, this will not be turning into a Kensuke/Rei fic. I'm not entirely sure why but that pairing disturbs me. Greatly. Poor Aida-kun. He never gets any love.
Ah, sedemihcrA, you nailed one of my many weaknesses: scene description. Personally, I like writing fanfiction because nearly everyone reading it is familiar enough with the series and settings that I feel I don't have to go into great detail. But honestly, yeah, you're totally right. I am vague. Thanks for the review. Constructive criticism is the only way I'll ever learn. That and flames. I love flames.
God, I hate this chapter. Here's a question. Whenever I write something, I inevitably form an opinion of it, if it's readable or total crap. And also, inevitably, whichever way I lean, the people who read it seem to always go in the opposite direction. Stuff I think sucks my reviewers call terrific. Stuff I like people are lukewarm or indifferent to. Does this happen to other writers? It happens to me all the freaking time. Case in point: I thought chapter 2 of Witness sucked hard. But people have responded to it positively. Well, what the hell do I know, right?
I know, I know, I should have gone into Shinji and Misato's conversation that Rei walked in on, but I didn't feel like it. My guess is that she finally came clean on at least some of Gendo's dealings, since he remembered what happened to him last chapter. I just didn't think it was required. Plus, we all knew how it would end anyways. No need for it.
I actually toyed with the idea of Shinji getting a job at Rei's school as a music teacher, but then I realized that would be horrible. Sorry it took me so long to incorporate his cello. I honestly forgot about it. And people, if you've never had an auditory orgasm… you're really missing out. Pick up some Bach and get tingly.
I have no credible explanation for the long wait for this chapter. All I can say is I think my muse has been cheating on me. Sorry, Phoenix. And no, I'm not dead. Not yet at least. Just, you know… life.
Next chapter will be delayed (dodges thrown bottle). Sorry. I can't, and won't, help it. 12 is supposed to be the first part of the two-part conclusion, but the more I think about it, the more I know people will hate it. I hate it. And I wrote the damn thing. I'm currently writing a new chapter 12, one that presents some much needed conflict into Shinji and Misato's relationship. Sorry, but I don't know when it will be finished.
Big thanks to the Furi Kuri soundtracks. The Pillows freaking rock. They help me write good.
… you see? That's a joke. Not about the Pillows, no. They really do rock. It's the last sentence. See, grammatically, it should be "they help me write well.", not "good." Which is the joke. Because I think this is neither well nor good.
To make up for the delay, I present to you my first ever omake. Actually, it's more of me adding insult to injury. Oh well.
OMAKE!
Shinji: Um, me playing the cello doesn't really make you… aroused… does it, Misato-san?
Misato: Hell yeah! Anything you do gets me hot!
Shinji: What?
Rei: Agreed. Your everyday actions often bring me to the peak of physical sensation.
Shinji: (faints)
Misato: Damn that's hot.
Rei: Agreed.