Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me. Roy will turn me into ashes if it's mine. Roy, "Yeah, I will." (Just kidding.)

My life Undercover As a Girl

(Edward's POV)

"Hiya lady, ready for lunch?" that Roy Mustang said aloud as she stroked that blushing woman. Yuk! Why does he even like to do that? Anyway, he had a billion women already, why does he even need flirt for more?

Adults.

I'll never get to understand them. They kept saying that one woman is not enough and there is always a need for more. (Really? I think it's just their excuses.) Okay, never mind that now I'm going to tell all of you a story of my extreme makeover to a female and all my observations that I've got.

Ready? Let's begin…

Al and me had followed Mustang for an hour already. Seeing him meeting up with more than one women really sucks; not only that he said the cheeky stuffs that made my hair stand to the back, he said the same 'sweet' stuff to every one of them. This is too much! All the information that I've found about all of them is that they are all his lovers.

Mustang told me that it's military business and it's not of my business. Like hell I would believe his stupid statement.

I have no choice. I need to find out what those military secrets were, given that me myself was a national alchemist too, how can I not know.

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"Who is she?"

"She's so damn cute!"

"She's the perfect girl of my dreams!"

That was the commotion. A girl appeared out of nowhere in the central headquarters. She had beautiful long black hair with a pink satin ribbon tied onto her soft hair and a pair of soft brown eyes that captured the attention of every male in the area. She wore a pretty Victorian-dress of pink and a pair of cute looking red shoes with a silver-coloured ribbon tied to it in a butterfly knot.

All I can say that is I looked perfect. Everyone stared at me with his or her hearts flying to me, this might just be the best plan of all.

Al approached me quickly. I thought I was finished then, but…

"What's your name, miss?" he asked politely as I panicked in his approach. I sighed in relieve when he asked that. It's a good thing he doesn't know. Or I'll be humiliated for the rest of my life for dressing up as a female just to spy on the all times perverted lover boy, Roy Mustang. (N/A: Hey that's an insult to all females and cross dressers!) I left the hostel early in the morning for this and was afraid he might just ruin it and turn me into a laughing stock.

"Ed…no…my name is Joyte sir, Joyte Valentine." I replied in a girlish voice. (I'm not that stupid to reveal myself before I even start on my mission.) Okay, that was lame. Joyte Valentine huh, who would have such a disgusting name.

"Miss Valentine may I ask who are you looking for? Maybe I can help you."

"I…I'm looking for Edward Elric. May I know where he is?" I popped out my own name. I regret immediately when I found out what I've just said. How can I be this careless? I'm such a pea brain.

"Brother? Oh, he hasn't been around anywhere. May I help to pass a message?" Al asked.

"I…I'm just here to visit him. Oh…I need to go now good bye." I turned around quickly and strode away.

I can't do this! I can't do this! I can't do this! This is more difficult than I've thought. I'm stopped just because of Al's sudden appearance, how can I even continue? I must be out of my mind!

Before I've got the chance to move away, this black hair guy held onto my arms and turned me around to face him.

"You looked familiar, had I seen you anywhere before?"

"No, no, no. Of course not, I've never in my life seen you before Sir." I replied in panic, shaking my head as hard as I could. Mustang is so gonna kill me.

"Nah…you're so beautiful that you reminded me of someone I loved, I'm so sorry milady."

Hell, why does he have to use this quote on every female? He's so uncreative.

"Sir, I…."

"I'm Roy Mustang, the all times lady killer Flame Alchemist, and you can call me love. Nice to meet you."

"Nice…Nice to meet you Sir." I held out my hand to shake with his but instead, he held my hand gently and laid a kiss on it. Out of stupidity, I blushed. What the hell am I thinking, I'm a male too!

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I followed him home that night. (What a bad choice)

He held my waist as we entered the apartment. (I had no choice at all, I'm spying on him remember?) He had such bad taste with the furniture, the place is so messy and it stinks. The place is really dark and it gives me the creeps.

"Joyte my dear, forgive me. I really had no time to clean the place up." He said and picked up the pieces of paper that lied around the place. He's been researching, I think.

Without much thinking, I helped him to pick up the stuffs too, only to realize that Mustang research was not to be seen by me.

The research of the philosopher's stone.

"You're such a naughty girl Joyte, but it's a good thing that you're not the president or I'll be in deep trouble." He said and pulled him close to him, making me blush as his breath stroked my ears.

He pulled me towards the neatest couch and pinned me on it.

"Joyte…" he called out and placed his lips on mine.

Oh darn, what did I do? What am I doing?

I gladly returned the kiss and allowed our tongue to enter each other's cavern. We played the game of tag for minutes, until I realize my situation. I quickly pushed him away, but he kept coming back. He untied my ribbon and pulled the zip of the dress down from the back. I was screaming for help at the back of my mind but words just doesn't seem to form in my throat. The moaning of mine caught him as Mustang kissed my bare neck. That felt so evil, so disgusting, and so comfortable.

His fingers made his way down my spine, making ripples of pleasure in each touch.

"Please stop." I begged him. Mustang of course didn't, he doesn't even seem to hear me.

The fingers moved into my undergarment and into my ass. He was losing it, losing it with the tender touch. He then forced me onto the couch with my chest lying on it. Before I knew it, he forced himself into me and released into me. I screamed in fear, in confusion, in pleasure. He stroked me roughly, forcing his way more into me, and held his hands firmly on my thighs.

"Edward Elric, if you've known better, I'm a Bisexual. And I love playing with boys like you, who dresses up as a women."

I admit defeat. I've lost.

He knew it all along.

He held my weak body against his and kissed my head. "I love you, Edward. It's all because of you I turned bi." He pulled himself out and picked me up, making me kneel before him. This time, he entered me gently and held me really tight to him. His grip prevented my shivering body to pull away, as I screamed in pleasure.

"I…I was supposed to spy on you…"

"I know," he replied, "I'll give you an answer if you promise me to be Joyte again in some other day."

He's sick, totally sick. But still, I agreed. He whispered into my ears and made me blush in his every pronunciation. And there he ended with, "I'll also be the one to restore your body. He stared at the metal arm, wanting me to remove the beige casting over it. There for once in my lifetime, I thought he was the one I shall trust forever.

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The next morning, I appeared at the headquarters as me. Al was glad for me return as I was gone for one whole day the day before without him.

"There was this girl by the name of Joyte Valentine looking for you, brother."

"Yes I know," I replied and chuckled.

Al stared at me and turned away. He didn't dare to ask, so I ignored him and settle down for work. Then this one thing happened that blew me up all of a sudden, making the whole headquarters laugh for a month and me frowning at all of them.

I was just going to enter the office when Roy Mustang took a glance at me and shouted at the top of his voice.

"EDWARD, REMEMBER TO WEAR THAT DRESS AGAIN FOR THE DATE TOMORROW!"

And then I realized; I shouldn't have trusted him at all. (And I'll never ever dress up as a woman again!)

End

You know what? I actually wanted the story to

Be suitable for kids too, and then I realized that

It's not that easy since I'm so into yaoi. sigh

Making the story turn out like this.

What do you ppl think? Okay, Roy

Cheated the Chibi and it's all my fault. Please

Don't beat me up okay?

(Ed: Yuki, you're so dead)

I…I'm really sorry! It's not my fault, blame Yukito for it!

(Yukito: Hello…what did I do? You're the one who typed out the story Yuki.)

What? (Hey, you're the muse.)

(Ed: beats up Yuki before she had the chance to react)

Ed, " okay guys, the story ends here. I'm off to dig a grave for this stupid writer. So long for now, please review to fight some justice for me…"