chapter 5: the ballad of jasen
"You got it, bro. We'll be here." Marshall agreed.
"Yo, your friends are so cool." smiled Jasen, as he and Rocky both went outside in the surprisingly cold night. There was no moon, but the stars lit up the sky.
"I know. I love all of them like a family. I've known them since I was 5 years old." pointed out the grey canine.
"Sooo...this is your pup house?" inquired the black and white border collie, turning his gaze to the green and orange house that sat before the two.
"Yeah...It's one of a kind." bragged the mix.
"You mind if I come in with you?" asked Jasen playfully.
"Sure! I don't mind." grinned Rocky.
"Wow, it's pretty nice and roomy. Better than anything I could have imagined." observed the border collie, as he sniffed everything around him.
"You better believe it, Jasen." agreed the recycling dog.
"You're lucky that you have friends that support and love you for yourself, you know?" Jasen asked as Rocky sat on his pup bed.
"Why do you say that?" The mix inquired, feeling his new love's mood changing. For worse.
"It...it's been a rough life for me since...since I came out." sighed Jasen.
"Oh…" Rocky mumbled sadly. The mix scootched over so they could both sit on his pup bed comfortably.
"It all started out nice and fine for me. I grew up with a happy family, with a mom, dad and an older brother. We had great times together when I was young. I was carefree as the wind, soft as a bird. When I was about twelve, my life changed drastically." began Jasen.
"How so?"
"I saw a foxhound that looked to be around the same age. He looked kinda cute. I don't remember ever even talking to him, but I was dreaming about him for a couple of nights. I saw the same foxhound...a few days later with a female dog. I realized that he wasn't right for me. I then started to realize...that my ways were not right."
"I became nervous around my family because of my own homosexuality. I began feeling this compounding sense of fear. I felt this...attraction to men that I just couldn't keep shut away. Every time I saw a really good looking guy, I looked in places I thought I shouldn't have. I felt trapped, and there was no way to escape it. Finally, at the age of 14, I told my family that I was gay." cringed Jasen as he remembered the day.
"How did they take it?"
"They didn't react at first. They just left the room. I was left alone. I wondered if they accepted me or not. That night, when I was sleeping, my family took me out to a deserted road in the desert very far away from where I lived. I lived out in Utah. And...when I woke up...my father...disowned me…" Jasen whimpered as his voice started to crack. His eyes became glassy while his tears couldn't bear to stay inside.
"Oh my god…" Rocky sighed. He put his paw around his shoulder in solidarity as his new boyfriend continued.
"And...he called me the worst names in existence. My dad called me an abomination. He hollered that I was a bleeding fa***t. He screamed that I was destined to rot in the depths of hell...he then punched me in the face repeatedly, spit on me, and kicked me when I was down. He shouted that if I ever saw him again, he would kill me. He growled in the worst way imaginable. My father, mother and brother all gave me dirty looks as they departed on a bus, leaving me alone in the desert to starve and…" cried Jasen. Rocky hugged his new beloved as the border collie's tears continued to be shed. The mix started crying as well, feeling tremendous empathy for him. For almost five minutes, nothing was said between the two. The silence was deafening when Jasen cleared his throat.
"I started my new life. My new life as a homeless, stray, gay dog wandering the desert for miles. It took me four whole days to find a gas station. By then, I was starting to lose my mind. I found the gas station, and I snuck in. I waited until it was nighttime, and ate like I never had before. I ate like a savage. The owner saw me and threatened to call the cops, so I got the hell out of there. Again, I was sent to walk on the long, straight roads. For another three days, I trudged slowly on the desert floor. The ground was scathing hot, and it burned my paws. It was also 100 degrees every day, and I was surprised that I didn't die of heat stroke. When I saw another gas station, I also saw another bus. I ran in there, and the attendant let me go free. I went into another state, then another. I was a wandering, lonesome, stray dog, looking for any place to live. None ever seemed great, however. After three months of travel, I eventually ran into a shelter in Orchard Park. They took care of me, fed me and raised me back to health. One day, my owner found me, and I have been in a loving home ever since." Jasen concluded.
"I'm sorry…" Rocky whispered gently.
"No, you're fine. I had to go through tons of pain and travel half the country before someone could even try to understand me and my ways. My owner does. Your friends do. And so do you. I love you for that, Rocky." stated the border collie.
"Thanks, Jasen."
"Anyway, I heard this song a while ago...it's my favorite song ever. Because I can relate to the struggle...of acceptance." said Jasen, as he pulled out and showed Rocky his guitar case. The border collie then pulled out the bass guitar. He put the sling around his neck, as the guitar itself only weighed two pounds. He strummed the instrument, quietly singing the lyrics to himself.
I wanna run away
Don't wanna lie, I don't want a life
Send me a gun
And I'll see the sun
Rocky knew the song immediately. It had a deep meaning for him as well.
"Wait, Jasen...you mind if I play, too? I've been practicing this one." asked Rocky as he grabbed his acoustic guitar grinning widely.
"That would be so cool." smiled Jasen as he started strumming again.
I wanna run away
Don't wanna lie, I don't want a life
Send me a gun
And I'll see the sun
Both stared into each other's eyes with love in their hearts as both of their guitar sounds harmonized off one another. Jasen cleared his throat as he started singing in a bass-like tone.
You need an instant ease
From your life when you got plenty of every hurt and heartbreak
You just take it all to the face
I know that you want to cry
But there's much more than life than dying over your past mistakes
And people throwing dirt on your name
Even though Jasen's singing voice was not the best, Rocky was still entranced. He was in love, gazing at his boyfriend who strummed his guitar effortlessly.
Since 10, I've been feeling lonely
Had friends, but they was pickin' on me
Always thinking, 'why's my lips so big?'
'Was I too dark, can they sense my fears?'
Jasen felt genuine emotions as he continued to sing and play, feeling the lyrics hit very close to home. Both were so in sync with their playing that they forgot all the other senses.
These gay thoughts would always haunt me
I prayed God would take it from me
It's always hard when you're fighting
And nobody knows it when you're silent
Jasen's emotions rubbed off onto Rocky as they both related to the struggle of realizing their true selves. Each felt a tear go down their faces as Rocky started to sing as well.
I'd be by the phone
Stanning Nicki morning into dawn
Only place I felt like I belonged
Strangers make you feel so loved, you know
And I'm happy, by the way, that I made that jump, that leap of faith
I'm happy that it all worked out for me
I'ma gonna make my friends proud of me
The couple then started playing their guitars with more feeling and energy, and sang louder and more boisterously. Their singing voices combined sounded like city cats in an alley falling onto a trashcan, but Jasen and Rocky did not care at all. The music they were making was just too powerful and amazing, as it cast a magic spell called dopamine spell upon both of them.
Oh, you need an instant ease
From your life when you got plenty of every hurt and heartbreak
You just take it all to the face
I know that you want to cry
But there's much more than life than dying over your past mistakes
And people throwing dirt on your name
Jasen and Rocky finished the song, playing the same notes a few more times on their guitars. By the time they were done, both were overcome with unbearable amounts of testosterone. They dropped their guitars, closed their eyes and kissed each other harder than they did before. Both their hearts exploded with passion as they pressed each other's mouths harder. Rocky's tongue was unrivaled in his quest for love, as Jasen could do nothing but submit to his new boyfriend's desire. They started to moan, crashing to Rocky's pup bed beneath them and holding each other tightly. For almost two minutes, the couple were in la-la land, but oxygen was depleting. The two separated at nearly the last moment, taking a moment to gaze deep into each other's eyes, saliva connecting each other's lips like a bridge. They shivered as their faces became red.
"Rocky...I love you…" Jasen sighed, feeling his lover's stare in his bones.
"I love you more, Jasen..." moaned Rocky as he grabbed the border collie's red collar. Both fell to the pup bed below and began another round of smooching holding each other tight, not giving a care in the world.
whew. That story was the longest and biggest creative struggle I ever went through. But I did it, and I am proud of it. And I saw some of the reviews...THANK YOU so much for the positivity. From the bottom of my heart. It makes all the hardships that my creative process went through all worth it.
And yes, I'm a Lil Nas X fan. I didn't just throw not one, but two songs of here because he's an artist who's gay. Nah. He is one of the most influential music artists of our time. His music videos, his song's lyrics and the way he goes about his day, not giving a single fuck about what anyone else thinks about his own sexuality is just awe-inspiring, and he's the first LGBTQ+ rapper to achieve this kind of success. Plus, his music is super lit.
Lil Nas X is a Gen Z icon, and is an inspiration to millions around the globe who are struggling with acceptance of their sexuality. He will be remembered for decades in the future for his contributions to popular culture and pushing LGBTQ+ acceptance and awareness in his music.
Unlike DaBaby.
I put in Montero (the song) in chapter 4 to show Rocky's full acceptance of his own self, wanting a man alongside him in love instead of a usual woman. Chapter 5's song, SUN GOES DOWN, is probably Nas' best song. I put it there to symbolize Rocky and Jasen's hardships and struggles of acceptance of themselves, hiding in a closet and praying for a straight life, and finally accepting themselves as who they are, loving each other more.
And now for the traditional update for my life as usual that I do after every story I publish.
I'm still unemployed lol. I might have to go back to the grocery store I once worked at. They're very busy right now (cause it's Xmas season) and they'd probably love to have me back. Other than that, writing is pretty good. I got a special story coming out on Christmas, and it's gonna be pretty interesting, to say the least.
But this month has been tragic.
November 2nd...Henry Ruggs III, a promising 22 year old up & coming wide receiver for the Las Vegas Raiders, was drinking and driving at 154 miles per hour seconds before crashing into a woman's car. The woman, and her dog, died burning alive as their car burst into flames. Henry survived and is now facing 40 years to life in prison, his NFL career basically over. Don't drink and drive. Ever.
November 5th...An Astroworld concert headlined by Travis Scott and Live Nation was horribly maligned by a terrifying crowd crush and resulted in dozens being injured and 10 people dying. Most of the victims were in their mid 20s. Just some advice: Be careful going to a live concert, regardless who is performing. I don't Travis' apology is gonna cut it. RIP to those who lost their lives.
November 21st...A disgusting and undescribable tragedy happened very close to home. A man drove his car, hitting 62 people and killing 6 people in a Christmas parade in Waukesha, Wisconsin; a town only 20 minutes from where I live. My mother's high school classmate's wife was among those who died. Most tragically...an 8 year old boy was among those killed.
RIP Jackson Sparks.
Worst of all, the sick bastard who committed this act was released on a $1000 bail just last month after hitting his ex-girlfriend with the same goddamn car.
gotta love the justice system.
November 30th...Oxford High School was a site of a school shooting, including 4 dead and 7 injured in Michigan.
I know this is a lot, and I hate having to sound like the evening news right now. But there's been a lot that has happened in the past month. Guys, take care of yourselves and don't take your lives for granted. You all have a place in this world, and you could be gone in a blink. I love you all. Be the light -mitch