Don't Go To Bed If I Can't Go Too
Canon AU – Aang (16)/Katara (15) - Song: death bed by Powfu
Ashley Barbossa: I'm glad you like them so much, and I'll be writing adn releasing the first chapter to my new book in a couple of days, hope you like that as much as these one shots.
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed,
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head,
It'll get you up and going out of bed,
She had before; when he had fallen asleep for almost a month, she'd healed him and woken him up, so she could do the same now – right? I mean, why couldn't she? It was over, the battle was won, he won. He won and came back to her, injured yet okay. Hurt… yet alive? He came back to her, but he was in bed. And as she walked up to him, whispering his name, chanting it, trying to get him to wake up – she realised what Sokka was trying to say: he wasn't getting out of that bed.
"Aang… Aang wake up."
It was useless. She could sense the lifelessness oozing from the room when she'd first walked in, but she wanted to ignore it. Her boyfriend had won the war, he had defeated the Firelord, he had created a better world for her; a world he promised he'd win back for her… and he came back to her. Except, he didn't come back all the same; his once active hand was unresponsive, his once sweet smile was gone, his once warm lips were cold, and his once beating heart… was quiet.
"Aang? Aang p-please. Please wake up!"
Her voice became more erratic and muffled as she desperately tried shaking him awake, desperately trying to wake him up, desperately trying to force him to return… to come back to her – like he had promised he would.
"No! You can't… you c-c-can't leave m-m-m-me! Y-y-y-you promised! Y-y-y-you p-p-p-p-promised Aang…"
Katara's tongue trembled as she yelled, the words rolling off her tongue were void of the actual agony she felt when she pressed her lips against his in a desperate attempt to wake him up. For some reason, she thought that her life would be like one of those fairy tales her mother would read to her; her love for him would bring him back to life…. It had before. So why couldn't it now?
"D-d-don't go… A-a-aang. Don't… please… p-p-please don't leave m-me…"
Begging to a lifeless airbender was doing her no good. Yet, it was all she knew of. If he loved her as much as he said, he would wake up – right? If he loved her as much as he had shown her through their journey together, then he'd wake up to her call – right? If he loved her as much as he expressed he had when he pressed his lips against hers, with her sighing in relief and bliss as she wrapped her arms around his neck, then surely he'd wake up to her lips now – right? If he loved her as much as he had conveyed to her when he'd blush at her touch and her kisses, then surely he'd wake up when she was softly caressing his jawline now, coaxing him to respond to her touch – right? If he loved her, like he said he had like she knew he had, then he would wake up for her… right?
"Katara, I-I'm s-sorry…"
She didn't know exactly when he had entered the room, but she realised it when Sokka tried to pull her away from him. Noticing how she was pressing her waterbended hands against his chest, trying to heal him back to her, Sokka tried to get her to stop. However, her grip was too strong as she clung onto his cold body for dear life – thinking that if she didn't try all she could to wake him then she could never live with herself. Katara thought that by healing him he'd wake up – he had before, so why wouldn't he this time?
Knowing that she wasn't going to leave his side anytime soon – if ever at all – Sokka sighed as he rose to his feet from the bed and handed Katara a tape with headphones.
"He told me to give this to you if he didn't… he wanted you to listen to it in case he didn't…" the Water Tribe warrior sighed as he himself couldn't find the words to express the fact that he had lost his best friend, and that his sister had lost her dearest.
"I know you're not leaving his side anytime soon, so just have a listen. I hope you can find some comfort from it."
With that, Sokka left Katara alone in the room with the body of her Aang, knowing it would be wrong of him to intrude on something Aang had left for Katara - and Katara alone.
Eyeing the tape, she thought back to first time she heard his voice and saw his eyes; the 15-year-old monk had fallen in her arms after waking from that iceberg, and from the moment he opened his grey eyes to stare into her blue ones, she knew she was done for. And when he spoke, his voice semi-raspy – still transitioning into the deeper contours it reached when he turned sixteen just a few short weeks ago – Katara knew it was over. He was the first boy her age who she wasn't related to and he was handsome, kind, sweet, charming, growing tall, lean, muscular, and had the most intoxicating voice and stormy grey eyes. She was whipped, but she didn't think it was that bad because… so was he.
Holding the tape close, Katara glanced at Aang for a moment - clearly being aware of the fact that he hadn't moved a muscle - before she eventually placed the headphones over her ears and pressed the button that said play.
"Yeah, I don't wanna fall asleep, I don't wanna pass away,
I been thinking of our future 'cause I'll never see those days,"
Upon hearing the deep yet sweet voice she missed immensely, Katara immediately began tearing up, her tears breaking through their containment as she remembered how Aang was being extra affectionate with her the few days before he left to battle Ozai. Aang was always extra, in Sokka's eyes at least, but even she had noticed that he was being extra, extra. Waking her up by kissing her face all over, softly. Kissing her passionately while handing her, her breakfast, leaving her breathless as she struggled to stand with her wobbly legs. Presenting her a bouquet of exotic flowers after waterbending training. Sandbending a statue of the description of Kya that Katara had given him long ago. Cooking her favourite meal: stewed sea prunes, for dinner even though he hated them. Nuzzling into her neck and telling her about how things were like before the war while they stargazed by the beach on Ember Island. Laughing at the awful play they had seen, not allowing his insecurities to worry her, kissing her lips numb when she tried to assure him that she loved him and him only.
He was doing everything he would normally do, except it was more than the regular and felt much more meaningful for some reason. And although she loved it and cherished him for his love – she had a feeling he was compensating for something. Seeing his lifeless body laid beside her, listening to his words, listening to the song he composed for her… she now understood why he was being the way he was back then, and she only regretted not returning the favour while she had the chance.
"I don't know why this has happened, but I probably deserve it,
I tried to do my best, but you know that I'm not perfect,"
But… he was. He may not believe it, but she knew. She knew he was perfect… perfect for her. They way he had lovingly expressed his feelings for her in The Cave of Two Lovers. The way he had trusted her around Haru, Jet and Zuko and never questioned or doubted her feelings for him. The way he effortlessly cared for her; giving him his rations of rice when they fell short on supplies, giving her his quilt when she'd continuously shiver during those cold nights, comforting her regarding her mother when she poured all her emotions out to him after Yon Ra. The way he never allowed much time to pass before telling and showing her how much she meant to him; kissing her senseless when she saved him from Hama, holding her close when she sung her unshed feelings regarding her Father, cuddling with her when she expressed how much she loved him when he finally woke up from his coma. Everything he did, everything about him… was perfect. Except, he had lied to her; he told her he'd never run away, never leave her again. But he had, he left her to go to the spirit world, permanently… and he was not coming back anytime soon.
"I been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health,
When I leave this earth, hopin' you'll find someone else,
'Cause yeah, we still young, there's so much we haven't done,
Getting married, start a family, watch your husband with his son,"
As his sweet yet deep voice rang through her ears, she thought about how everything he was asking her to do was impossible. She had spent almost an entire year being in love with an amazing airbender, someone she knew was irreplaceable, someone she knew she wouldn't find anywhere else, someone she knew she couldn't move on from – even if she tried, which she didn't nor did she even want to. Aang was the only one for her, her Aang. He was the one who brought adventure, love and fun to her otherwise dull life. He was the one who showed her how to be herself… he showed her the real Katara. Except, the real Katara, was never the real Katara… without him. He was a piece of her, the real her, his very essence was embedded deep within her psyche, blood and heart – and if she had her way, he would never leave.
She knew the moment she fell in love with him that she could never be with another. She could not be a girlfriend to anyone who wasn't her airbender. She could not be a wife to anyone who wasn't her Avatar. She could not be a mother to any child who didn't have her Aang's blood coursing through their veins. And Katara knew it was impractical, and illogical, and unhealthy… but she just couldn't. No one made more sense to her than Aang; no one was as practical to her as him, no one was as logical to her as him, and no one was as healthy to her wellbeing as him…. No one was Aang, except Aang. And Katara wasn't Katara, without Aang.
"I wish it could be me, but I won't make it out this bed,
I hope I go to heaven so I see you once again,"
Oh, how she would've loved the opportunity to jump into the spirit world and join him right that second. But she couldn't; she wasn't the Avatar, and she had no knowledge of the Spirit portals. So, for now, she had to make do with her memories and a bittersweet tape to remember him by.
And yes, she wished it could have been him as well. She knew it couldn't be anyone else, so she begged the spirits to allow him to return to her, safe and secure - harbouring that same sweet smile and life-bringing laughter he had charmed her with. She wished more than anything for a way back; to go back and spend those days with him again; travelling with him, laughing with him, eating with him, cuddling with him, talking to him, kissing him, sleeping by him. She wished she could live her life all over again if it meant she could feel his touch, feel his lips, feel him… all over again. But she couldn't, all she could do was wait for the opportunity to reunite with him in the spirit world when she'd also pass away.
"My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings,
Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending,"
It did suck, more than anything, it was devastating to know that the person who loved you the most in the entire world had left you. It was devastating to know that the person you loved endlessly, was now so distant that their touch felt cold. It was devastating for her to know that… Aang was gone… her Aang, her Avatar, her Air Nomad… was gone.
Yet, at the same time, she was grateful she at least had the opportunity to spend as much time with him as she had. She was grateful they didn't waste time dancing around their feelings, that they found the courage to express themselves and their mutual romantic feelings for one another, that they had the will to confess that they loved each other. She was grateful for all the times they spent waterbending, teasing each other while they were half naked. Making out in his and her tent while everyone else was asleep. Cuddling for warmth during those chilly nights. Defending each other from their enemies… and making those enemies regret they'd ever hurt their significant other.
She was grateful for Aang. And she was happy he was hers, and that she was his. Forever.
"I'm happy that you here with me, I'm sorry if I tear up,
When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up,
Cuddle in your sheets, sing me sound asleep,
And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03,
Sundays, went to the temple, on Mondays, watched a movie,
Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me,"
As she laid down, holding the tape close to her heart while cuddling up to his cold body, Katara cried herself to sleep as his final words echoed through her mind; her wishing he hadn't gone to bed for too long, wishing he would just wake up at the smell of the coffee she'd brew for him during those few lazy mornings, wishing she could get him up and going out of bed….
"Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed,
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head,
It'll get you up and going out of bed,
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed,
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head,
It'll get you up and going out of bed,
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed,
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head,
It'll get you up and going out of bed,
Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed,
I'll make a cup of coffee for your head,
It'll get you up and going out of bed,"