Chapter One: A Boo-tiful Day
"Good morning, Artemis!" said a voice. Artemis stirred. The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but he was too tired to place it. "Come on, lazybones! Get up!" He groaned and turned over, pulling the covers over his head. There was a creak, and the door swung open. "Come on! Let's go! We have to get you ready!" said Holly, coming in. "Up! Up!" She pulled the covers off of him.
"Ready for what?" Artemis asked blearily. Holly didn't answer. She was bustling around the room, opening curtains, letting in as much light as possible. Artemis groaned and pulled the covers back on. Holly heard the rustling. "Oh, no you don't!" she said. She came over and pulled the covers right back off. Then she punched him.
"Ow! What was that for?" Artemis said indignantly. Holly grinned. "That was to wake you up." Artemis sighed. "Well, it worked, didn't it?" Holly said. "Yes," said Artemis. "I suppose it did." Holly went over to Artemis' computer. "Don't touch that!" he told her, alarmed. She paid no attention and logged on. "Hey!" he said. "How did you know my password?" She twisted around to look at him. "Guess," she said, then returned to clicking around, muttering to herself. Artemis thought for a moment, then it came to him. "Foaly!" he said. Then he rolled his eyes. Holly didn't answer. "How do you do this again?" she mumbled, apparently to herself. "Let's see…oh, there it is!" Artemis frowned. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Putting on some music," said Holly. "Makes the room more cheerful. Now, let's see…how about…Britney Spears?" Artemis moaned. "You can't be serious," he said. "You're right," said Holly cheerfully. "I'm not. I hate Britney Spears. Hmmm…oh, here. StarDuzt! Not bad for human music."
Artemis did something he'd only done three times in his life—he looked puzzled. "What?" he said, confused. Holly looked over, and, seeing the look on his face, pumped her fist in the air. "Yes!" she said. "What?" said Artemis. "I'm witnessing a world record here," Holly told him. "The great Artemis Fowl Junior looking puzzled. Oh, where is that helmet cam when I need it?" Artemis glared, then rolled his eyes and looked away. Just then, something began coming from the computer speakers. It sounded like an alternately high and low buzzing, and had something accompanying it that could have been a person screaming at the top of their lungs if it wasn't coming from the computer. "Uh-oh," said Artemis, getting out of bed. "I better fix it." "What do you mean?" asked Holly. She stopped dancing and came over. Artemis looked at her, confused. He hadn't noticed she'd been dancing. "I mean," he told her testily, "that the computer is having trouble." "No, it's not," said Holly. "What do you call that then?" said Artemis. "It's StarDuzt, silly," Holly said, looking at him as if he were insane. It took Artemis' brain a moment to register this. "You mean that is supposed to be music?" he said. "Yeah, what else?" she asked. He sighed and came over. "That is not music," he told her. "That is someone shouting and some sort of buzzing." "It's electric guitar," said Holly. "Well, it is still not music," he said. He came over and pressed stop on the music player. "Let's see…ah, here we are." He clicked Play, and Mozart floated out of the speakers. Artemis relaxed and sighed. Ah, that was better. "Well?" he asked Holly. No answer. He looked over. She had her hands in her ears and an expression of revulsion and disgust on her face. He came over and shook her shoulder. "Holly?" he said. She turned, without taking her fingers out of her ears. Artemis rolled his eyes and turned the music off. She looked relieved and put her hands down. "Now, then," said Artemis. "You never answered my question. You said we had to get me ready, but what do we have to get me ready for?" Holly looked at him as if he were a raving lunatic. "It's a beautiful day! Or should I say, 'a boo-tiful day!'" Artemis looked even more confused. "WHAT?" he said. Holly rolled her eyes. "It's Halloween, you idiot!" Artemis sighed. "That was a very bad pun," he told her. "That was the oldest pun in the book!" said Holly. He looked at her wryly. "Where's the book?" "It was an expression, dummy." "Who are you calling dummy and idiot?" asked Artemis. Then he sighed. "Oh, forget it. Now, what's this about Halloween?" "We have to get you ready for trick-or-treating. You know, costume and stuff." Artemis looked at her in disbelief. She showed no sign of kidding. "You can not be serious," he said. She looked at him. Still no smile. That was not necessarily a bad sign, he reassured himself. "Oh, but I am," Holly told him. Still no sign of a smile. Great. That meant she was serious.
"Halloween?" he said. Holly nodded.
"I'm dead serious," she said, smirking. Artemis groaned. It was going to be a long day—or rather, a long night.