It hadn't been a call that anyone had been expecting. It didn't seem possible, it didn't seem real.
It was dad who had answered the phone first and called out to mom.
I watch as her whole demeanour changes within moments as I put the scrambled eggs on Owen's little plate.
"What's wrong?" I ask suddenly afraid, was it Joy? One of the babies? One of my siblings?
"Marilla," Mom's lips quivered as Dad instantly drew her into a hug and I knew at that moment what that call had been about.
I sit down in a daze.
She couldn't be gone, she couldn't have gone without saying goodbye to us, without any warning. I didn't realize I had tears pouring down my face until I couldn't breathe through my nose. It was Dad pulls me into a hug after mom finally lets him go.
No one eats really but that doesn't stop Dad from reminding me.
"You should eat something," Dad says quietly as I watch Owen eat her breakfast.
"I'm not hungry, if I eat anything it just feels like lead and I'll just throw it up," I tell him, trying not to cry again.
I pick up Owen who holds up her arms for me and she cuddles into me.
"Mommy said," She says patting my face. I've tried to explain to her why that Aunt Marilla went to heaven.
It's a flurry of phone calls, long cries and moments where it doesn't seem real.
I was still crying when I realized I was supposed to pack up Owen's things for Ken when he knocked on our door.
I didn't know what else to do other than hug him and it all came pouring out.
"Do you want Owen to stay?" Ken asks quietly. He knows she brings me comfort when I feel sad. But I shake my head.
"I'll be okay. It will be better for her to be with you today." I tell him. "I just need a minute to get her stuff together. As I pack her things I'm reminded that wasn't it the other week that I brought Owen to see Aunt Marilla?
Over the course of a few days, my siblings come home. Jem and Faith, Walter and Rye, Nan and Christian with Di who catches a ride with them. Days taken off work and school, the house rearranged for everyone to have somewhere to sleep. Jem and Faith take a spare room and Walter and Rye take the smaller one. Nan and Chris end up in Owen's room who ends up me in her little trundle bed. Di ends up on the basements couch in Shirley and Wynnie's domain being the only single one of us besides me of course.
Uncle Davy flies in from the out west, and Aunt Dora joins him leaving her family behind. It was strange to see them in a way. Joy knew them the most, and Jem and Walter a bit. But the rest of us children had only seen them a handful of times during visits after Uncle Matthew had died.
"She's gorgeous Rilla," Aunt Dora says from her spot on the couch as Owen who is rather oblivious to everything as she plays with her dollies.
"Thank you," I say quietly. "I try my best with her."
"Of course you do," Aunt Dora nods her head and giggles as Owen toddles over to Uncle Davy and holds up one of her dolls to him. "Oh someone has been chosen!" She teases her twin brother.
"Of course, because I've always been the cool uncle," he says smiling but it never quite meets his eyes.
Dinner is rather talkative despite our sombre mood.
"The shops are doing well," Uncle Davy says. "While vinyl has tapered off slowly but still has a pretty good crowd to sell to. I still get a lot of business with the glass blowing. Especially since the federal government made it legalized." He says taking a drink of his beer.
"The federal government legalized what?" I ask confused as I had been told that Uncle Davy ran a glass blowing shop that made glass jewellery. Or the occasional random things that came for Christmas as a child.
"I always forgot how gullible you are," Jem laughs deeply at my innocence. "Uncle Davy makes a certain type of paraphernalia that is used for certain types of drugs."
"You make bongs?" I say flabbergasted. "In the Northwest territories?"
"I mean I do make other things," Uncle Davy says shrugging. "I do make small jewellery for tourists and things but a large part of my earning comes from certain types of glassware. Your parents came up with the cover story when you were all children, but since the children now have children there really is no harm in you knowing." Uncle Davy says shrugging.
"It's the worst kept secret of the family," Aunt Dora says breaking into the conversation.
"Well, it helped Dad through his cancer," Uncle Davy reminds her. "Though I am sure that your parents had some strict rules about that sort of thing."
I look to my sibling who most are sitting there awkwardly not wanting to admit anything.
"Though both of you parents before Joy came along, well let's say I got some extra lunch money from them for catching them behind the barn," Davy tells us. Reminding us that they were a good decade younger than Mom and Dad.
My parents make the arrangements and have her will read by the lawyer. It was fairly simply laid out, Mom was to have her Amethyst brooch and family ring they once bought her, and each of us girls was to have a ring and pair of earrings. Mine ended up being gold with was with a small ruby with its matching earrings. Joy got her diamond ring and earrings, Nan got her sapphire and Di got her Emerald sets. Jem got her father's old watch, and Walter the pocket watch, for Shirley he got a pair of gold cufflinks that had also been her father's that had small musical notes on them.
It was the red currant wine, non-fussy flowers that make up the basement of the church. Platters of food showed up from the people she knew to take to the wake and for us at home and because Aunt Marilla had been part of the Island, and various communities her whole life. The crowd of people was larger than anyone expected.
Though in our gatherings and downtime as people tinkered at the old piano it came together. I don't know how we pulled it together or off entirety, but somehow we managed it.
Shirley plays piano, Jem plays guitar, Nan breaks out her old violin and dusts it off and tunes it after changing the old strings.
The rest of us just sit and sing.
Jem starts off his voice shaking as he fights back the tears as he comes in with the guitar. He watches Faith who is standing in a black dress with an obvious bump under it. Another girl it appeared to be, five out of five.
I wish that Heaven had visiting hours
So I could just show up and bring the news
That she's gettin' older and I wish that you'd met her
The things that she'll learn from me
I got them all from you
It was Nan and Di who comes in next, their voices harmonizing in ways that seem impossibly inhuman but they are twins after all.
Can I just stay a while and we'll put all the world to rights?
The little ones will grow, and I'll still drink your favourite wine
And soon they're goin' to close, but I'll see you another day
So much has changed since you've been away
It was Joy next, a verse she asked for as she recalled the conversations they had when she became the boy's step-mom. Her voice was smooth and on the lower end, but it suited her carefree grace the made-up Joy.
I wish that Heaven had visiting hours
So I could just swing by and ask your advice
What would you do in my situation?
I haven't a clue how I'd even raise them
What would you do?
'Cause you always do what's right
I feel Joy squeeze my hand, I don't think I've truly stopped crying since that morning. My voice cracks in its high soprano that it a touch too nasally usually. Still, it floods in my mind, her unwavering support that she had for me, for all of us. Even being sixteen and pregnant, she never said a negative word about it to me.
Can we just talk for a while until my worries disappear?
I'd tell you that I'm scared of turning out a failure
You'd say, "Remember that the answer's in the love that we create"
So much has changed since you've been away
And little time has passed, but it felt like a million years since that call.
Walter sings next, in his smooth baritone, with us coming in behind him trying to pull off the harmonies that Shirley made for us. Maybe it's our grief that makes it all meld together, Shirley is a good teacher? I don't really know as I struggle to keep it together and not ugly cry.
I wish that Heaven had visiting hours
And I would ask them if I could take you home
But I know what they'd say, that it's for the best
So I will live life the way you taught me
And make it on my own
Shirley finally sings his part at the very end, his voice the best out of all of us as he plays the piano.
I will close the door, but I will open up my heart
And everyone I love will know exactly who you are
'Cause this is not goodbye, it is just 'til we meet again
So much has changed since you've been away
The wake is torturous being surrounded by everyone. It was always the same, you're one of Anne's girls. You're so grown up now, I haven't seen you since you were this tall or a baby.
Faith and Jem were huddled together. Nan was leaning against Christian in another corner. Shirley and Wynnie were talking to someone together, his arm wrapped around Wynnie for support.
Walter and Rye were with Mom as Dad was getting her something to drink. Di was trapped in some sort of conversation like I had been and I didn't feel like saving her and being drawn into it.
Joy and Matt were making the rounds as well, except she had the twins with her. But like Owen, Delilah was at home. No child needed to be at a funeral, but that doesn't stop me from missing the comfort Owen brought me.
I wanted my daughter, I wanted something to hug but she was being watched by a family friend for the afternoon/evening.
I feel someone come up behind me and wrap their arm around me and I stiffen instinctively.
"It's just me sorry," Walter says quickly and I relax at his voice and allow myself to be hugged. "How are you doing?"
I shrug not answering.
"Really because if I hear any more I can't believe you're grown up one more time I may need something stronger than coffee," Walter jokes.
"I'm about ready to pop a handful of antidepressants if it would make all this tedious small talk go away or make me feel better?" I tell him as drink from my water bottle.
"I don't think that is how they work, and I hope you are joking." Walter gives me a look.
"Of course I am," I say sighing. "I just…"
"Miss her?" Walter says for me and I find a fresh set of tears prickle behind my eyes.
"Where's the boy of yours?" Walter asks looking around the room.
"He ran out to get me a sweater that I forgot," I tell Walter.
"You sent him home? The door is locked?" Walter gives me a look.
"I left a sweater at his place," I say quietly and Walter shakes his head.
"Oh my look at the two of you," We see some old lady appear in front of us out of nowhere and we both plaster on a fake sad smile. "You are all grown up. You were still dragging on your father's and brother's coattails when I saw you last at the Cuthbert's place."
I force a smile.
"Rilla I got it," Tristan says breaking into the situation and wrapping my shoulders in my cardigan.
"Thank you I murmur, Tristan this is my brother Walter," I say formally introducing them.
"It's nice to meet you," he says holding out his hand to Walter. "I'm sorry about the circumstance although."
"Yes," Walter says nodding his head. "You as well."
"I thought your young man's name was Ken?" The older lady says confused still standing there.
"Ken is a family friend," Walter cuts in for me as I stand there with my mouth open.
"Come on," I say taking Tristan's hand. "I'll introduce you to some others," I tell him and we work around the room.
Di makes idle chatter to us, Nan barely says a word to him out of grief, but Christian says enough for both of them. Jem makes useless funny jokes to try and hide how hurt he is.
"You ever hurt her," Jem tries to threaten half-heartedly. "Just no more babies," he settles with sighing and I roll my eyes at him.
"I think we all agree on that," Tristan tells Jem, who nods and mutters something about needing something stronger than coffee.
We make a round of the room, politely nodding heads to whoever gives us their sympathies.
"Why is he here?" Tristan says pointing to Ken who is wearing a dark suit.
"He knew Aunt Marilla since he was a childhood. He's paying his respects," I say simply, before nodding my head to Ken as he catches our gaze.
Tristan just stands there and I loop my arm into his.
"He's with Victoria," he tells him trying to make him feel less awkward. "I should say hello to him," I say quietly. "Thank him for coming, it might be good for you to meet him as well," I tell him.
"Thank you for coming," I say quietly as I approach the couple, "both of you."
"Of course, where else would I be?" Ken says solemnly. "She fed me enough Kraft dinner as a kid and teenager with Walter to be here."
"I remember when my grandmother passed. You have my deepest sympathies," Vicky says to me reaching out to grasp my cold pale hand. "It's never easy."
"It fucking sucks," I say without thinking. "This is Tristan," I say remembering to introduce him as he stands there awkwardly
"It's nice to meet you, and welcome to the circus," Ken tells him holding out his hand.
"You as well," Tristan says swallowing whatever pride he has and shaking his hand. It's another moment of awkward small talk before we all move on.
"Why does everyone say that, 'Welcome to the circus'?" Tristan looks at me and I just shrug.
"Because the Blythe's are like a circus," Christian appears beside us. "I think this is the first time you met all of the Blythe's?"
"Pretty much?" Tristan nods.
"Not sure what is worse my Christmas or your funeral meet and greet?" Chris muses shaking his head. "Though Nan has her quirky ways, I never had to worry about kids in the picture."
"I haven't met Owen more than in an accidental passing in a park or store," Tristan tells him quietly.
"You will when the time is right." I object to Tristan who looks over at me, "and I'll tell Nan you called her quirky. " My eyes narrow slightly at Chris who just laughs.
"Nan knows nothing in her life is normal, I'm just preparing him for all the chaos. Your sister is relatively the normal one of the bunch. Even if she created her own storage system for our spice cabinet and made an index system with the dewy decimal system for my science books?" Christian reminds me and I laugh lightly.
"Fair enough," I say looking around the room. "You might want to rescue her from her crazy ex-boyfriend though," I point to Jerry making his way towards Nan with some meek-looking blond on his arm.
I find myself in an unused room of this basement of a church were in after excusing myself to use the washroom. I wasn't the only one as Shirley had found an old piano to play out his grief. My short black dress sways as I move to whatever Shirley was playing I slide out of my heels and I let myself move to the sadness. It feels like the old days when I would get him to play for me in the dining room at home.
I think of Aunt Marilla clapping loudly, the times she came to the rescue with a needle and thread and fixed my costumes last minute. The days we sewed and quilted together drinking tea together.
I miss her.
I miss her as tears come pouring down my face. Could she watch me, see me
From wherever she was?
Twists and turns, spinning as my skirt ripples and flies up, revealing my black boy shorts. I didn't care who saw them if they happened by.
There is polite applause when I open my eyes and see my family and a few strangers watching me and Shirley at the piano.
Dad was looking proudly at me through sad eyes. Walter smiled with encouragement, Mom was crying again with my sister. Ken had the same look on his face that he had whenever I danced that I could never place. Tristan—Tristan, it was the same look that told me that he was trying not to be bored, but dance was never his thing.
Still, I gravitate towards him.
"Let's go to your place," I tell Tristan in a whisper, between bouts of tears.
"You should be with your family, at home," Tristan shakes his head, resting his forehead on mine.
"But, I want to be with you," I whine slightly sniffling at the same time.
"I'll take her home," I hear my dad say out loud and I blush.
"No, I'll do it," Jem says next. "Mom needs you more, and Faith wants a rest."
"I don't need a babysitter," I blurt out annoyed.
"No one is babysitting you, but coming over to my place right now isn't going to truly help you right now?" Tristan says quietly and I finally nod my head agreeing with him.
I let my brother and Tristan find my coat and boots and help me get ready to leave.
As Walter is helping me on with my coat I can hear Shirley.
"I'm sure it killed you to say no to that. But I think you gained half an ounce of respect from all of us. So now you're almost likeable in our eyes." He says to Tristan.
"I believe in a couple of things, and one of them is not taking advantage of drunk or emotional girls. She may not be drunk but her grief isn't making her think all that straight and the last thing she needs is to regret something right now." Tristan tells him rather pointedly.
"Get some rest and I'll call you tomorrow," he says coming up to me. I hug him and give him a swift kiss before wiping my ever dripping nose on my sleeve.
I find my siblings minus Joy out in the backyard later that night. Sitting around the fire pit, I sit down beside them. It takes me a moment to realize what they were all doing when it was handed to me. Most of them have a look like who are you fooling. We know what you got up to when you were fifteen.
Plus it was legal these days and Owen was with Ken.
I stare out at the fire, shivering in my jacket. Playing with the small pendant that Uncle Davy had given me and all the women of the family. A small teardrop in the colour of amethyst, Aunt Marilla's favourite stone and colour. Walter wraps his arm around me and I let out the puff of smoke and pass it over to him. I look up unsure if I should have taken anything when Walter passes it off to Rye without partaking.
"In general an SSRI is fine with a bit of mary-jane," Walter tells me quietly. "Not that I recommend it or encourage it at all. I'm just saying that one hit won't hurt you tonight." Walter tells me. "Just stay away from Di's wine, I think she's back washed in it."
I make a face and watch my sister drink from her bottle.
"Do you think she was really proud of me?" I ask him.
"She was so proud of you Rilla, without a doubt. We all are, but she most definitely was," Walter tells me.
I wanted to get this chapter out before my trip to see my ailing grandmother. We don't think she has a lot of time left on this earth. Any comments are welcome for the chapter and condolences if you wish to leave them. They really do make my day and are greatly appreciated.
Also If your grandmother/parent is around, take that moment to call them, ask about their lives because one day it may be too late.
Side note-Marijuana is legalized in Canada. they are doing nothing illegal.
Tina