"Owen please don't dawdle," I call out to her as I hold out my hand to her as I hold her backpack. We were already running slightly behind and I already saw Ken at the door waiting for us.

"Mommy why can't I stay with you?" She asks in her tiny toddler voice. At least that's what It sounds like to me and it strikes me as odd, she has never once made a complaint about spending time with Ken. I pause and turn around to face her, knowing that Ken was most likely watching us concerned.

"Baby why did you ask that? You like going to daddy's" I remind her crouching down.

She shrugs her little shoulder and I frown.

"Elowen," I say her full name.

"Daddy no make pancakes like Pawpaw," she says quietly and while I stop holding my breath, I try not to laugh

"Pawpaw can make you pancakes anytime if you ask," I tell her. "Though daddy is a decent pancake maker."

"Daddy no makes Dino's," Owen says pouting. I chuckle half-heartedly.

"We will remind him then," I tell her holding out my hand and she takes it. I find Ken waiting in the lobby saying goodbye to Victoria. She is pretty with her warm darker-toned skin and black curly hair and honey-coloured brown eyes.

I smile and nod my head to her.

"Nice to see you," I say to her.

"You as well, hello Owen," she turns to my toddler.

"Hi Vicky," Owen says politely.

"Well, I will see you Sunday then," Victoria tells Ken. "I hope you have fun with your Dad," She says speaking to Owen. "You as well," she adds on for me.

"Oh yes tests to study for and lots of work?" I say slightly sarcastically smiling and she stands there for a second unsure of how to reply to such a comment. "Sorry just a little stressed, midterms and all," I tell her trying to make it less awkward and she nods her head and gives me a small smile.

"Sunday?" I ask him confused.

"Uh yes, her parents are in town, and I was hoping that maybe we can do the Zoo tomorrow after you finish work at the studio?" Ken asks hopefully. "Then you can have Owen for Sunday as well?"

I sigh and dig out my journal from my purse and look at the calendar.

"I'll make it work," I tell him, my own way of telling him that I had plans with Tristan. I hand Ken Owen's backpack that has her health card Mr. Dino and a few other things she brings between stays. I crouch down once more to hug Owen once more. "Be good," I kiss her cheek. "Don't terrorize Jack," I tease her whispering before I stand up and I feel Owen tug on my arm.

"If you plan on making pancakes, the little minion requests, actually she demands they be in the shape of Dino's?" I tell him for her with a sigh.

"Duly noted, "Ken chuckles as he swoops her up into his arms tickling her. "Dino Pancakes it is."

I drive out to the college, with the intention of picking up Tristan from school next. I skip down the hallways of my college. "How was I?" I ask about the replay of yesterday's news he would have seen today. All while jumping onto Tristan's back without warning. He catches me shaking his head before letting my feet touch the floor once more.

"Amazing as usual," he grins as he turns around. We kiss for a good moment, his hand rubbing over my hips, back and finally my butt. "Spectacular, so you're free for the day?"

"I am free until 5 pm," I tell him. "I was thinking we can go back to my place as I need to go home to grab the dance bag that I forgot and my parents should be both at work?"

"I do enjoy the sounds of that," he says stealing another kiss. "Do we need to grab anything on the way?"

"I have enough free condoms to last us a while," I grin.

I thought I would have been more worried when it came to sex, or what he thought about my body considering what it had gone through. But when it came down to it, it wasn't as daunting as I made it out to be in my head. No one seemed to care about faint stretch marks, and no one commented on my boobs not being completely perky anymore.

It had been weird those first few times after breastfeeding for so long. Having someone other than my daughter be focused on them, she weaned herself off by the time she was eighteen months. Though thankfully by the time I had met Tristan things were decidedly back to normal.

My room was my own once more, as much as I loved Owen when we transitioned her to a toddler bed when she weaned herself. It felt like it was time for her own room, and I was definitely okay with that!

I unlock the door, pulling Tristan in and giving him another kiss.

"Lunch?" I ask him.

"Unless it is you, then not really," he grins and I laugh and shake my head at him.

"I have to eat before classes tonight, I don't want to have a fight with my parents about skipping meals," I said off-handedly.

"Duly noted," he says. He barely understands, but he tries.

We end up in my room, where I toss my bag and phone aside and he wastes no time pulling at my sweater. Leaving me in what I consider to be a pretty bra after so many months of a nursing bra. It's white and lacy with little pink flowers, I even have matching underwear. I bought it out shopping with Dahlia. It made me feel pretty, he made me feel desired and wanted and I liked that as we stumbled upon my bed

I was fresh out of the shower pulling on a leotard when I heard the front door.

"Rilla?" I hear someone call out downstairs and I look over at Tristan was lying in his boxer briefs.

"It's my dad," I say quickly tossing his jeans to him and I grab my leggings and sweater. I barely was dressed when there was a knock on my door. I quickly opened my laptop and Tristan grabbed his own as I opened the doors. I pretended to read as I pulled my hair into a bun.

"Yes?" I say hoping my hair and face looked normal.

Dad raises an eyebrow seeing Tristan on my bed. "Studying are you?"

"Of course we both have midterms coming up," I say nodding my head. Though really who were we fooling?

"What are yours this year?" Dad looks at Tristan.

"Oh umm, I have a practical lift test and the usual biology and anatomy test?" He says his voice cracking somewhat.

"Well, if you have any questions I'll be downstairs. Though I'm sure Rilla here can help you on some of the prenatal and newborn things that are attached to your program."

"Dad!" I squeak. "Can we study in peace please?"

"Of course," dad says nodding his head and handing me a bottle of pills without saying a word. "Be safe, and if you need a reminder of why, think of those long newborn days?" he says grinning before leaving my room without shutting my door.

"Sorry, I thought we had the house to ourselves?" I say sighing as I go over to the very top of my dresser after looking at the time as I take a moment to look at my prescription in my hand. Rye had quietly talked to me the day after the funeral, explaining that Walter probably wasn't the best person to take advice from. Mostly he didn't want me to freak out, and that mixing any sort of drugs was never a good idea.

"It's fine, but are you okay?" Tristan asks from my bed and I nod my head.

"Yeah I'm fine," I tell him putting the pill bottle in the lidded basket. There is no way for Owen to get into it at this moment in time.

"What did your dad give you?" Tristan asks curiously. "Owen's not sick is she?"

I look at him for a moment. I didn't tell many people I was on some sort of antidepressant. I started taking them last year, school, birth control changes, and everything else that I was still dealing with. They helped me deal with things in a better way than how I was, but I was still rather secretive about them beyond a few people.

"No, she's fine. These pills, well they keep me from going into a dark place." I tell him.

"You're on anti-depressants?" Tristan says sitting up in my bed and I nod my head slowly. "You never said before?

"I had some traumatic shit happen to me during high school and it took its toll and I couldn't quite kick it. Then I switched birth control and it felt worse, so I tried another brand and it didn't help. So I talk to my therapist who you know about, who put me in touch with a psychiatrist who I see occasionally." I tell him honestly.

"But you're always so happy, and smiling?" Tristan says with a touch of disbelief.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm fine?" I tell him sighing. "You've seen my scars, Tristan, I know you have, we use every chance to do it. Plus they are hard to hide? So maybe it's time to explain a few things to you. It's not like I purposely kept things from you, of course, I just? I just don't like talking about it and you've been too polite to ask about it."

"I wanted to but I figured you would mention them if you wanted me to know the story behind them?" Tristan says nodding his head and holding his arms out to beckon me back into them.

I tuck myself into them and sigh. "You know the trial that happened? That tutor who went to jail?"

"Of course?"

"I was one of the witnesses, I was eleven at the time and it fucked me up royally," I tell him quietly. "I had to sit and listen to the questions about my morals, my daughter, my life as they tried to discredit every ounce of trauma I had from him. You hear me talk about mental health these days because I live it every day. I take pills that make me feel what I assume is normal. I'm not by a long shot and you know that already. I'm obsessive and nitpicky about things all the time. I have control issues surrounding my body and what it looks like, but at least on these, I don't feel like I'm drowning in my own problems? I can be a better person for Owen, for school, even a better girlfriend for you with them?" I tell him looking up at him trying to garner his reaction.

"Thank you," he says softly kissing the top of my head.

"You okay though? Dad didn't frighten you too much?" I ask him

"It's fine, it's just nice that I'm not being chased out of the house," Tristan says as he exhaled a laugh. I fall back into his arms. It does feel nice, being with him. To feel normal and my age even for small amounts of time. He kissed the back of my neck I curl into him. Setting an alarm on my phone just in case we fall asleep.

"Do your parents always make sure you eat?" Tristan asks and I look up from my early dinner.

"It's more a gentle reminder than making sure I eat," I say trying to explain.

"Was it that bad?"

I don't truly know how to answer the question, because I know I still struggle with it. "I have ups and downs with it. I barely let myself gain 25 pounds when I had Owen." I say frowning thinking back."Before her, I wasn't in a good place or very kind to myself."

"But you are better now?"

"In the general picture of things, I'm better now than I was before. But these things stick with you and I have days that around that great. Mostly I try really hard for Owen to never notice my horrible relationship with food." I tell him honestly. "I want her to grow up with a good healthy attitude and we really try to make sure she knew she is loved and that she can always trust us. But I know people think I am strict with her, and I know Ken feeds her things I don't necessarily want her to have. It's bad enough she's intolerant to soy, I'm constantly reading ingredients and making sure she won't have a reaction. It doesn't help me because at the same time I'm trying not to count the calories in things, yet I'm always looking at nutritional information?"

"I think in the end that just makes you a good parent," Tristan says kissing my head. "And I can't wait until I can meet her." He reminds me and I nod my head.

"In good time, it's better we wait," I tell him quietly but I can feel his frown.

I drop Tristan back at school for his next class. "I'll see you later tonight," I ask as we were planning to go out to a bar since Ken has Owen.

"As always," He grins nodding his head and gets out of the car. I wait for him to be inside before driving away. I realize then that I had yet to tell him about the change in my weekend.

I make my way down the familiar street to the studio. Tessa's car is there so I park beside it and lock my doors on my way into the building.

"It's just me Tessa!" I call out walking towards her office.

"Thank you!" Tessa calls back out, and I head to the studio to assess my pointe shoes, wondering which ones I can get a bit of use out of for today. I need to buy another pair, but I am trying to make it to next payday I just need another 20$ to have enough for a new pair. I constantly through loonies and toonies in a jar, trying to hoard any spare change I had in my purse to pay for shoes these days.

I walk over to the studio, noticing a pair of shoes on the piano. In my size and brand, they had some markings on them.

I shake my head and go pop my head into Tessa's office.

"You can't keep supplying me with shoes," I tell her.

"Whatever do you mean? They came in like that and I can't sell them as such?" Tessa says smiling at me. "Just make some use out of them so they don't go to waste."

"Thank you," I say quietly. I quickly grab my sewing kit from my bag and sew the ribbons and elastic half hazardously with large whip stitches. My mind goes to Aunt Marilla and I take a deep breath as I poke my finger with the needle. I curse sucking on it before I go on with my task.

I break the shank so it forms to my arch straight away before pulling them on my feet and tying them up.

I do my usual plie and tendu exercise at the bar to warm up, before rolling up on pointe, relishing in the feeling of new shoes. Tessa was truly too kind and always felt like she never paid me quite enough for the help that I gave her when I helped teach a class during the winter months. Most likely why she didn't mind me using the studios to dance before or after the usual classes, or even when working a shift at the cafe.

I dance to the playlist on my phone. A mixture of chart hits and classical music, weaving back and forth allowing more classical and contemporary dancing. Making a few Tik-Toks and Instagram videos here and there as I go. I have a decent amount of followers on Tik-Tok these days which makes it fun. Though not much has changed in the past year and a half at this point. I kept any part of my private life off social media that was private. My friends know that Owen was off-limits as well on there if they were over when I had her for the day.

I dance until I'm out of breath before I use the old shower and throw on a pair of jeans and my uniform shirt for the cafe over my bralette.

Tessa before I can leave tosses me a banana with a look as I wave around the protein bar I packed for myself.

I make myself an iced coffee when I get to work waving hello to everyone. Eating my snacks quickly in the backroom before clocking into my shift, knowing exactly who I would see tonight.

I smile as I stand behind the counter watching Owen and Ken play candy land together. He does her fairly often if I'm working Friday night. They come after dinner but before bedtime to play games with her so she can say goodnight to me.

I watch them from behind the counter smiling as I hear her giggle exclaiming daddy here and there as I make drink orders when they come in.

"I don't think I will ever truly grasp that kids are yours?" My newest co-worker says shaking his head as Owen stands up on her chair and waves at me.

"It's been almost four years since the stick turned positive and neither can I but she is," I tell him honestly. "Being a teen mom was never my goal in life," I say grabbing a new jug of milk for an order.

"Yeah but you had her at like eighteen-nineteen, you were at least done high school?" He says making me realize he doesn't know how old I am.

I find myself snorting. "Jesus Aiden, how old do you think I am?"

"You're like twenty-two, aren't you? You're in college, you probably took a year or so off?" He says and I laugh and shake my head. "I mean he's clearly in his mid-twenties?"

"I'm nineteen Aiden, I had her when sixteen. It was an accident because yes, Ken is a good chunk older than me. We were both drunk and he hadn't seen me in a while and it was an awful surprise in the morning. It's like a bad Hallmark movie, except we're both dating other people."

Aiden sorta stares at me, and then over at Ken. "I swore you were in your twenties, not a year older than me!"

"I will be this summer, but not quite yet," I tell him. "Hot Chocolate for Owen," I call out smiling.

"It's ready Daddy!" She shrieks, scrambling out of her chair. Of course, it doesn't quite sound like that, but as her parent, I'm good at deciphering her toddler talk and voice.

Ken comes up holding her hands so she doesn't get too far without him.

"Thank you, mommy!" She chants. "Daddy up!" She bosses him about.

"Oh, I don't know where are your manners?" Ken says remaindering her.

"Pleezzz," She draws it out and Ken shakes his head and lifts her. She kisses me across the counter.

"Go have your cocoa and finish your game," I tell her. "You don't want to be sleepy tomorrow when we go to the farm?" I say to her and Ken put her back on the ground and takes the child-size and barely warm, half-sweet hot chocolate for her. Really it's mostly warm milk with a touch of chocolate in it. They head back to their table and I smile.

My phone beeps in the back of my pocket and I fish it out.

'Running a few minutes behind but I should be able to get there by the time your clock out'

I text him back saying okay and pocket my phone. Cleaning tables and making things for customers. Every so often I steal glances at Ken and Owen, waving here and there. I laugh when Ken lifts Owen upside-down pretending to shake game pieces she may have hidden in her little pockets. More than once she had come home with a handful of game pieces when she got ready for bed. Ken often passed things along when he dropped her off or when I picked her up. It was nearly eight when they got up to leave. It is a quick bath and bed for her once back at Ken's.

"Say goodnight," Ken tells her as she reaches for me to give me a good night hug.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I tell her kissing her nose. "be good for daddy, take your bath."

I wave to them as they leave before I turn to clean my counter once more. I turn once more when the door jingles open again. I turn to greet the customers but find it's Tristan, which means he most likely passed by Ken and Owen outside. Something I tried so desperately to never let happen.

"You're are early, I thought you would be late?" I told him giving him a quick kiss.

"Class finished earlier than I thought when I sent the text," Tristan says kissing me back.

"I have a small change of plans," I tell him to get it out of the way.

"Okay?" Tristan says sighing. "What happened?

"Well, we had to change our weekend around so, instead of having tomorrow free, we're going to do family day. Since Victoria's parents are in town and want to have dinner with them, and we already promised her the zoo so we can't disappoint her?"

"Okay, so I don't get to see you at all this weekend beyond tonight pretty much then?" Tristan says sighing.

"I'll make it worth your while?" I say quietly smirking at the innuendo of my response and I see him catch his breath.

"Why can't we go out Sunday we can just meet up somewhere?"

"I'll have Owen," I say biting my lip.

"So can't we just browse the mall or something. I can be your friend Tristan, surely she will get that?"

I groan inwardly.

"Tristan we've been through this before, I'm just not comfortable with that sort of thing with her," I tell him. "It's nothing against you,"

"No, it's never about me, I'm just constantly shut out from your life." He says rather bitterly.

"Tristan, I seriously just got her to understand the concept of not going around Walmart and showing random people her big girl panties. These things take time and consideration, the moment I introduce the two of you, and we hang out together. That's a whole other dynamic and I'm not ready for that and neither is she. You might think I'm shutting you out, but honestly, I'm just trying to make sure that when it does happen it's not going to fall apart. I don't want to have her asking what happened to Tristan for weeks on end. Because I don't want that so the longer it takes the better chance we have. Bringing her into the dynamic will only change things and I'm not saying you can't handle it, but it's a lot. I need to be sure that you're ready for something like that?" I tell them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think about that," Tristan responds quietly. "I guess I'm learning along the way."

"We both are," I say nodding my head. "I've never done this either I'm just doing what feels right and natural and this isn't just me. Ken rarely brings Victoria around Owen either and they've been dating longer than we. We just don't want to bring people around Owen until we know that it's going somewhere and that she's old enough to understand. That moment you step into her circle she will see you as someone who is in her life. Not to throw around words but are you ready to truly be a step-father at twenty-one. Because you need to be ready for that if it goes that way, we all do."

I watch Tristan think for a long moment before conceding to my words.

We try not to let out argument get the better of our night. He sits on his phone until 9:30 when I finish work. Then we stop at his place so I can change out of my work clothes and into a short halter style silver dress. I fix my make-up and fluff my hair up with my hands. Turning in the mirror to look at myself Tristan sneaks up behind me kissing my bare shoulder.

"We can always just stay in?" He says and I shake my head.

"Oh no, you promised me some live music" I shake my head. It was my favourite local band playing at one of the clubs after all.

It was fairly full when we finally arrived. I wave excitedly over to Lillie who was already there with her boyfriend Hunter.

Tristan goes off to find us some drinks as I hug my friend, gushing over her dress.

We don't stay out late, because I do have to work in the morning nor do I drink more than one drink. Tristan who offered to drive me home sticks to pop as well.

I creep into the house at 1 am, not that I have a curfew much these days. Still, Mom is waiting up for me with a book. She looks up taking in my wild hair and short silver dress with its bareback.

"You're going to catch something if you wear a dress like that out this time of year without a jacket." She tells me.

"We were out and they don't have a coat check," I say shrugging sinking into a chair to do my heels that were fastened around my ankle.

"Still, it's October, not the summertime," Mom reminds me. "There is no sick time when you are sick as a parent." She reminds me and I groan.

"I really don't want to do this right now," I warn her gently. "At least I came home and didn't spend the night at Tristan as I could have. We didn't even really drink tonight either, we just met up with Lillie and Hunter to listen to a band and dance. I had one drink and Tristan was DD. I was barely outside the entire night." I tell her getting up and tossing my shoes into the pile by the front door.

"Well, give it a few years and you'll be the one waiting up for your own child to come from the bar to make sure she's going to be okay?" Mom says sighing and getting up from her spot. "Mostly because I know she already argues about the sweaters you make her wear outdoor already."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes and take a deep breath. She's right, I do the same thing to Owen that she just did with me.

She walks past me and kisses my cheek, her long robe and nightgown floating by as she does.

"It's always done out of love." She reminds me. "Your father is sleeping so try and be quiet getting to bed?"

Thank you all for the comments last chapter! This is a bit early because I've been stuck at home with mild covid symptoms and not allowed to be at work.

Hope everyone stays well and has a good weekend!

Tina