The air was cold, the wind was salty as I breathe in the ocean air of the ferry I was taken to Halifax, with Owen in tow of course. Nan and Chris were going to pick us up from the dock when we arrived in Caribou. It was cheaper than driving across the bridge that was for sure which was forty-five dollars to leave the island each time. One ticket return on the ferry walk on was twenty-two dollars.
So we bundled up with our bags for a few day's stay. I had excused myself from school and booked time off work to make this appointment work. Clarke had given me whatever work I would miss to do if I had time.
"Are you having fun?" I ask Owen holding her up to she could see the water around us. Through the glass barrier that was on the deck, when was the last time I was on this ferry? I must have been around ten?
"Yes, mommy!" She says her legs already waving around I put her back down she starts running.
"Owen don't go too far!" I call out to her, her overly pink winter snowsuit made it easy for her to find thank goodness.
I wrestle her back inside the warmer areas of the ferry with a bribe for hot chocolate, with marshmallows if she would sit down and behave for a little bit. At least I was a week into my new pack of pills and not on my period anymore. I didn't have to deal with cramps or general aches. I never further explained Carter to my father. He didn't need to know, but he knew that something happened at school. The school kept it pretty hush, no one likes to admit anything bad has happened, and Ken's father kept his word as he sent out feeders out to figure out how long these sorts of things have been happening. Right now it was mostly just waiting for a pin to drop or the floor to fall out beneath me again. Not a great feeling, but Beth reassured me that it was a natural feeling and to just keep positive.
I'm tired, but I see Nan with Chris waiting in the terminal with coffee for me in the setting sun of the late afternoon.
"We borrowed a car seat for the next few days," Nan tells me. "One of my friends' kids just graduated out of it, still in good condition and hasn't been in any accidents."
I nod my head as I shift Owen in my arms.
"Let me take her?" Chris offers and I let him take her from me allowing me to take a long drink of coffee.
"I can't let her sleep too long, she'll be awake all night if I do," I explain to them.
"Understandable," Chris nods his head and Nan grabs one of my bags for me as we head out to the car.
"Thank you for coming to pick me up, it's not exactly a close pick-up," I tell them both.
"It's only two hours," Nan says shrugging.
"Both ways," I remind her.
"Yes, but it's worth it to see you since I wasn't around over Christmas." Nan reminds me back.
"How was that?" I ask curiously.
"Very…" Nan looks over at her boyfriend. "Religious?"
"You can say that again," Chris says agreeing with a chuckle while taking her hand to kiss it as he drives. "They made us sleep in separate bedrooms."
"I'm assuming they don't know about the unwed teenage mother who is Nan's younger sister?" I joke looking over at my daughter.
"Oh no, they know and pray for you," Nan teases back.
I roll my eyes shaking my head. "I guess I shall introduce myself at Mary Magdalene should we ever meet.
"Oh please do," Chris jokes. "They aren't bad people though, just rather strict in their faith. They tell their friends that Nan has her own place and we don't live with each other. They are very kind to Nan though please don't think else wise of them." He tells me not to make me worry.
I nod my head to him.
I watch the road as Chris drove the two hours back to the city
Nan and Chris lived in a small house near the university. It was the first time I have ever been here. We never made it to Halifax much to begin with growing up, a bunch of kids in a car for four hours? That was never a fun idea!
Nan is excited to show me the place in person for the first time and it was filled up with books and telescopes, moon rocks and other things I had no idea about.
Nan who was in her last year of her master's information had her own system of things and by the sounds of it always reorganizing and tweaking things. Even her kitchen was set up in a way that probably made no sense to anyone but her. The place itself was cute, and very much Nan in the jewel tone colours, much different than her childhood room we all shared for a while.
Nan shows me the spare room and the bathroom that I could use for my stay.
"She's okay on the big bed? She won't fall off?" Nan asks me.
"Nah she's fine, she sleeps half of the week with me in my small bed at home, a double will be a miracle for us," I tell her shaking my head.
"I'm glad. I got some snacks and food for her. I asked Mom what they usually get and found a few things along with a plethora of salad fixings that we have in general anyway." Nan tells me as she leads me into the kitchen that was in the back of the house once our bags were put away.
"I brought some things as well for her, hopefully, this appointment will give us a better definition of what is going on with her," I tell my sister as Owen wakes up rubbing her eyes.
"Potty?" she asks and I grab some panties from her bag. I wasn't sure how the boat would go so I had put her in a pull-up to avoid any accidents.
"This way," I take her hand and lead her to the bathroom as Nan smiles and shakes her head.
It takes longer than usual to get Owen to bed after dinner and a warm bath, to the point that I have to lie with her until she falls asleep. When I sneak back out to the living room and sink into the chair Nan is reading a book while Chris was tinkering with his telescopes on the back porch.
"So, I heard about you and Tristan?" Nan asks as she is clearly pretending to read her book and I groan. Can Di, or Walter keep anything to themselves?
"What about it?" I say sighing.
"Just seems really strange after the afternoon you had?" Nan says simply.
"At the end of it, he didn't think he was ready for such commitments, nothing more nothing less," I say simply. "I rather it is now than later down the road?"
"Fair enough," Nan says agreeing and going back to her book. "Don't have to talk about it if you don't want."
"Thank you," I tell her. "I think I might take a shower and head to bed actually I think? Get a good sleep for tomorrow?" I tell her.
"Towels are on the counter for you, water gets hot fast so don't crank it while under it," Nan tells me. "I'm gonna stay up reading a bit longer and then head to bed."
I next morning I woke up to Chris groaning about her reorganizing something.
"I couldn't sleep!" Nan objects to his groan.
"That doesn't mean you get to reorganize my office, Nan! You promised that would be more own space."
"It was haunting my dreams! It was chaos in there!"
"And now I can find anything! I had everything organized to my needs," he reminds her. "It will take ages to get back to the state of where I liked things."
"Is she still sleep organizing things?" I say yawning walking into the kitchen and my sister and boyfriend stop arguing at the sound of my voice.
"I'll fix it later," Nan tells him.
"No, I will fix it, you have the whole house to fuss over I just ask you to leave my office alone," Chris shakes his head.
"You know the more I get older, the more I realize that no one in this family is exactly normal," I say out loud.
"I am normal!" Nan exclaims.
"You may not be on drugs, but you are far from normal," I say shaking my head teasingly as a sister often does to another sister. "Coffee, please? You do drink coffee do you not?"
"Of course, Nan practically has an addiction to it," Chris says grinning as he hands me a mug from the cupboard and allows me to make my cup. "Where is the minion?"
"Sleeping for another few minutes most likely?" I say looking at the microwave for time. "The appointment is at 11:30 so plenty of time to get her up and ready."
"What does the appointment consist of?" Nan asks.
"I think they are going to check with a skin prick test and maybe a blood test. Once and for all figure out hopefully if the soy is just an intolerance and not an allergy that could get worse?" I explain. "I don't think it's going to be fun."
"Ken couldn't come help with it?" Nan asks.
"He offered, but no point in both of us losing work over it," I tell her with a shrug. "I'll call him afterwards with the details of everything."
"Makes sense I suppose?" Nan says nodding along. "Let me know when you want to leave, I'll go to the bookstore to wait for you when you are finished."
"Sounds good," I tell her nodding my head with another drink of coffee.
"Elowen Blythe," I hear the nurse call out Owen's name.
"Come on baby," I say getting her attention from the blocks she was playing with. She pouts and I stand with my hands on my hips and she slowly gets ups and takes my hand.
"Come along," I urge her. "The sooner you see the nice doctor, the faster you get to leave," I tell her.
"Ms. Blythe," The nurse says, "if you want you can sit up with her to make her more comfortable?"
"Thank you," I say nodding my head and I sit on the exam table and hold her on my lap as she cuddles into my lap. She was used to doctoring offices, but this one was new and she was wary of it. "See everything is going to be okay," I whisper to her.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Keely, you must be Elowen?" He says focussing on Owen.
She steals a look and nods her head.
"Me Owen," she tells him quietly.
"Owen is it? Lovely nickname," he says before looking toward me. "Ms. Blythe,"
"Rilla please," I tell him, trying to feel more grown up than feel right now.
"Rilla why don't you give a rundown of symptoms and issues," He asks sitting down.
"Well, it started after she was born, or even when I was pregnant with her. I ate a pretty soy-heavy, vegan diet, but eventually had to add more animal proteins and dairy into my diet as I progressed. When she was a few weeks old and I was cleared medically to exercise and what not, I went back or tried to go back to clean eating." I explain to him. "She soon began to be really colicky and angry every time she ate, then calm down then an hour after eating she would start up once again. It was my father who suggested doing some eliminations. Soy was the first thing to go really. He got me eating lean protein again. Eventually, he got me to add dairy in which was fine. I tried soy once more and it wasn't a fun few days. So I kept off soy until she weaned herself, we have mostly kept her away from anything soy from the get-go. Every once in a while if she does eat something with soy in it, she ends up vomiting or sometimes with diarrhea if It's a lot. Her father and I try to watch closely what she eats."
"What is her diet like? Is it similar to yours, that way it sounds like you are rather strict with yourself?"
"I was a dancer, ballet when I got pregnant. I still dance but life gets in the way to do more than teaching and the odd afternoon." I say looking down at her. "But we both eat a healthy variety of fruit and vegetables, I mostly stick to chicken and the occasional hamburger. She eats chicken, and sadly enough nuggets to fill the freezer up with bulk buys and loves cheese. We get homemade bakery bread that doesn't have soy flour in it. She's okay with peanuts, but chickpea's upset her stomach, so hummus is out. My dad is a doctor, she's never had a full-blown allergic reaction so he calls it more of intolerance but her father and I just want to make sure?"
"Completely understandable," The doctor nods his head. "She's almost three? Born in 2018?"
"Yes," I nod my head. "I was sixteen when I had her," I tell him honestly. "Does this reflect in her diagnosis?"
"Generally not," he says shaking his head. "It is hard for a mother to watch certain things, but I do find sometimes the younger mothers deal with certain things better than the older ones?"
"Right, so how does this go?" I ask him.
"We'll stick to her arm, do the most common ones for her age. Wrap it up and you can come back tomorrow afternoon to see the results. Of course, if they pop right away, we'll know straight away. If she doesn't react badly within 15-20 minutes you'll be cleared to do the rest of the test at home."
"Sounds good," I say.
"So this is what's going to happen, Owen, I'm going to have to prick your arm a few times and write on it. It should hurt too much, I'll do it fast as I can and then when you're all done I think the nurse's station has some treats for you?" He says. "Can I see your arm to wash down?"
I look down at Owen who is looking up at me and I encourage her to hold her arm for him.
She spends the rest of the afternoon cuddled up to me. Only taking a break when she demands Ken to show off her pink bandaged arm. I get her into bed for the evening when Ken calls me again.
"So how did it go?" He asks me from his office.
"Best at it could go? She was fine until the first scratch and all hell broke loose? She was crying, I was crying trying to hold her arm. She told me I was a monster and she hated me," I say sighing brushing my hair from my face. "We only got about 6 of them done, but he got Soy, soy lecithin, legumes, eggs, peanuts, nuts in general."
"I should have come with you," Ken says resting his head on his free hand.
"There's no point in both of us losing work for a few days." I remind him. "She'll be okay, the doctor promised her that the next time he see's here there won't be any pokes or scratches," I tell him. "I just hope she doesn't melt down when we go back anyway?"
"Well, keep me posted about it, or if you need me I'll come straight away," Ken tells me.
"Thank you," I say with another sigh. "What are you doing tonight?"
"Just marking I think unless someone wants to get a beer or something? What does Nan have planned?"
"She has some sort of bachelorette party to go to this evening?" I tell him. "They keep trying to get me to go, Chris says he'll watch Owen after I put her to bed, but I really shouldn't leave Owen given everything today."
"You should go, it might be fun and when do chances like this come up?" Ken says which surprises me.
"I think my days are fun are well over," I tell him.
"You looked like you were having fun that night with your friends," he comments, which means he had seen me that night Miranda and I argued about him in the bathroom.
"I didn't realize you saw me there?" I tell him.
"I'm not sure when you got there or anything but I thought I saw you at some point?" Ken says simply.
"Probably did," I say simply. "The band is pretty good, though I have to ask did you actually dress up jack in a priest's collar for that photo you have on the drum kit?"
"Well, we are the Dachshund Confessional," Ken grins as there is a knock on the door. "I have to go, but really Rilla go out with Nan. Especially if Owen gets to bed on time and isn't reacting to the testing," he tells me.
"I'll think about it, have a good day," I tell him.
"You too," Ken says before the call ends on my phone as Nan comes back into the room with her water bottle smiling at me.
"She'll be fine with Chris," Nan tells me. "Come on it will be fun, no one is drinking, not really anyway. They already said it was fine if you come along, even Ken told you to come along if Owen is feeling all right."
"Why are you so pushy for me to go," I look at her.
"Because it will be fun, you deserve some fun. Plus I think you'll be good at it, a private class about strip tease and pole dancing," Nan tells me.
"The last time I had fun, he walked into my class the day after as a guest speaker," I give her a look.
"Wait…clearly that is not Tristan," Nan says giving me a look. "What did this happen?"
"About two weeks?" I say under my breath. "Well proved to be a douche and that is the end of it. Even my period came earlier than it usually does to help me get over it all quicker."
"Well, at least you don't have to worry about anything else," Nan frowns. "You really haven't had much luck when it came to guys have you?"
"Lets see, Fred was a horny teenager, I got pregnant after getting drunk and sleep with Ken. Three guys pretty much ghosted me after finding out I had a kid during the first year of college, Tristan barely made it past eight months of dating before freaking out, and Carter….well he threatened my career and just to grope me under the desk during mock interviews….yeah my track record rather sucks?"
"Jesus Christ," Nan says mouth hanging open. "You told someone about that last guy?"
"It's being taken care of, I can't go back and not sleep with him sadly, but I can deal with the situation," I tell her.
"You talked to Uncle Owen?" Nan asks and I nod my head.
I end up going out with Nan after Owen seems to go to bed without a fault. I kiss her forehead smoothing out her dark hair from her face. Maybe for the next hair cut she can try out bangs? She definitely takes after Ken more than my own curly mane.
While Nan said there wouldn't be drinking, there was still some Champagne being passed around. Along with other things like light-up headbands and penis-shaped wants that were decorated with feathers and streamers. Something that Owen would go crazy over if it were appropriate! I felt a little out of place being the youngest person in the room, but as soon as the teacher realized I had core strength and a dance background I was her guinea pig. It took a few tries, getting used to the revolving pole, who knew that stripper poles moved themselves to swing you around?
Still, I had more fun than I thought I would have as I manage a few tricks that were taught. But most of the time was spent laughing and eating chocolate-covered strawberries and cake.
"How are you not dying?" Nan asks as she breathes heavily at the end of it while I am sweating but otherwise unbothered by it the small workout. I mainly shrug, examining my sister in her crop top and high-waisted black shorts. She's gained a little bit of weight but in ways that reminded oddly of my early days being pregnant with Owen.
We leave with goody bags and pieces of cake from the cake that was left over as we rush out to Nan's car I shriek from the cold air on my warm muscles.
"Heaters!" I say cranking them, looking at my sister who flushed in the face while fixing herself in her bra.
"Are you pregnant?" I ask her before I can stop myself.
"Jesus Christ, thanks for calling me fat," Nan barks out a shocked laugh.
"I didn't mean! You just looked different?" I say blushing.
"It's fine, I'm not pregnant I took like two tests and they came back negative. Sometimes I skip a month or two at a time" Nan tells me. "Plus Faith is pretty much due in a few weeks isn't she? Like we need any more babies right now in the family?"
"I can't believe it's another girl," I say shaking my head.
"It seems unreal, five in a row," Nan agrees. "But I am not, truly I am not. I'm just a bit bloated lately, too much gluten I think?"
"Fair enough, but if you miss another one I would go to the doctor," I tell her.
"If I miss another one, I'll be asking for new birth control," Nan tells me honestly. "Though it's different these days than before? It's been over two years at this point. We live together and we have contingency plans."
"Does Chris know?" I ask quietly.
"It's come up," Nan nods her head. "And unlike last time, I wasn't called names or made to be ashamed granted we will never tell his parents, but he hugged me and said people have been making impossible choices from the dawn of the stars. You made your own when that stick turned positive, and I made my own. Both seemingly impossible choices for both of us, each end of the spectrum was impossible to us." Nan says reminding me of my own seemingly impossible choice.
"Do you want kids?" I ask next.
"We'll probably have one or two," Nan says. "But not for a while yet, we are happy just by ourselves. But if it does happen we'll be okay with that as well?"
"So no condoms?" I ask her teasingly. "Mom and dad would be so disappointed."
"What they don't know, doesn't hurt them," Nan tells me with a grin. "So much more spontaneous when you aren't worried about them. Plus I'm twenty-four, they had Joy and Jem by the time mom was twenty-four. I'm in a monogamous relationship with someone I trust and love and we live together. Plus you think Shirley and Wynnie rely on them anymore either?"
I make a face at her at the mental image, before pulling out my phone and looking at the photo of Owen and me in the background.
Nan finally starts driving and I make up my mind and pull up a text that is Chris letting me know that Owen was still asleep and had been no trouble for the past few hours. In the end, I send off a quick one to Ken.
You were right, it was fun and Owen is dead asleep apparently.
"No Mommy I play with it!" Owen screams as I try to take the glittery, light-up penis wand that I somehow made it way into my bag. I swear I am going to have words with my sister.
"Owen, sweetie please let mommy have the wand," I beg her. "It's not appropriate, Aunty Nana was playing a joke. Look I have your fairy one in this bag," I try to give her the one that was a glittery star.
"No, pee-pee, peeeeniss wand!" She giggles and I groan. I can only imagine the looks that I was getting or reactions. Some people definitely were stifling laughs. I am going to strangle whoever taught her that word and it could only be my shockingly innocent-looking, but not so-innocent sister. Not that I didn't believe she shouldn't know proper words and terms, but having her run around screaming pee-pee…it was not the way to do it.
Dad is waiting at the terminal when we make it off the ferry, wand still in hand. I had more than one mom give me a knowing look and a nod of the head. Some battles weren't worth fighting, and maybe the wand would just disappear in the middle of the night? Some older ladies shook their heads, something about teenage mothers, but I mainly ignored it. I was fairly good at that now."
"Pawpaw it a pee-pee penis!" Owen announces when she sees him. He looks confused for a moment before he's trying not to laugh when he sees it.
"Don't you dare, I am going to strangle Nan for this." I poke my dad's chest.
"You're going to laugh looking back at it," Dad shakes his head. "How was everything should I ask about the wand?"
"A small bachelorette party I got dragged to with Nan," I tell him. "Other than that, it was fine, she did pretty well at the doctor's office for the first part anyway. Pretty much what we expected, allergic to soy, but soy lecithin is fine apparently. Peanuts are fine, she had a small reaction to the mix of other legumes they tried out, warned up to be careful and gave us a list of what to potentially try out slowly with her. She might outgrow it given her age, and the statistics of such things, she may not?"
I hope everyone is doing well. I am happy to say that within two chapter the long awaited moment will finally be arriving!