February 2021

"Hold still Elowen," Ken says to Owen as he tries to get a photo of her in the dress that Leslie had sent for Christmas. Bright red with lace and perfect for Valentine's Day Tea at the local hotel. Though when I first heard of the tea party I was wondering what sort of maniac would bring a toddler to a tea party in a restaurant, though after looking it up I changed my mind, too what sort of maniac hosts a tea party for a toddler for Valentine's Day!

I searched through my own closet, before settling on a piece that I had gotten on sale. A dark red dress with white flowers that buttoned down the front. It was light and floaty, and while it was winter I decided to wear it with a pair of pantyhose.

"She's going to break that doll in two minutes," I tell him as she is holding a porcelain doll that comes from somewhere. Posing cutely on the staircase, her dark hair in curly pigtails and her little patent shoes on display.

"She'll love it, she won't let it fall," Ken tells me taking another photo. Bending slightly at the waist to do so.

I find myself focusing on the back of his pants. His butt….I mentally slap myself and shake my head.

'Don't go there Rilla', I tell myself. He's wearing a pair of dress pants with a button-down and a sweater over a top, topped off with a red tie that is a similar colour to my dress.

Kids are running around everywhere, If Joy didn't have the twins I am sure that Delilah would be here as well, but maybe next year? I manage to catch the doll before she toss it aside, really who thought porcelain dolls were a good idea? There are tables of craft things, valentine's day cards and glitter. Whoever had to clean up afterwards I pitied them slightly.

"Jack-Jack," she says pointing to the card that had a cartoon wiener dog on it.

"So it is," Ken grins at her grabbing it for her pile. She picks up one for Mom and Dad, Uncle Lee and Auntie Wynnie.

We help her write her name on the cards, holding the pen in her hand.

"Elowen," she says her name.

"How do you spell that?" Ken asks her.

"Elowen," She says.

"Well there is an E, and an L," Ken shows her tracing out the letters on a piece of construction paper. "O, oh there is a W, do you know how to make a W?"

I watch him with her a smile on my face because he was always so much fun and patient with her.

"Daddy," she tells him pushing a card over to him. "Mommy," she says next giving him a stubborn look.

"Mommy doesn't need any…"

"No!" She says shaking her head. "Card for mommy."

I look at Ken trying to stifle a giggle. "Well, she definitely doesn't take no for an answer."

"Well, do I get to make one for Daddy?" I ask her.

"No Only boys give girls," she says shaking her head.

"Great, my daughter is trying to set me up," I say under my breath. "Can I make one for PawPaw? He might like a card?"

Owen looks at me tilting her head. "That okay."

I laugh shaking my head lightly and pick out a card and find a pen to use before writing in careful script, To Dad—Love Rilla.

There is a bell and an announcement that the tea party is was ready to begin.

"Cake!" Owen exclaims hands flinging glitter into the air. Ken carries Owen back to our own little table, which was now filled with a three-tier display of petit fours and finger sandwiches, which as I peak to other tables had a few differences. Of course, Ken would have told them about her allergies when he got the tickets for it. He still wouldn't tell me how much this had cost him, but I am sure that even with the library it was still a pretty penny.

For Owen, there was milk and apple juice, while Ken and I had choices of coffee and tea for ourselves.

Scones and Jam, little cucumber and ham and cheese sandwiches. I take a small sandwich, nibbling as Owen goes straight in like Ken. I go for the strawberries and grapes and then the other sweets.

"Mommy yours," Owen says placing a pink petit four with a flower on the top of it on my plate with sticky hands. "Daddy yours," she gives him a blue one, leaving her with a green one.

"Do you like the colour green?" I ask her.

'Green?" She looks at me head tilting.

"Green," I point to the green frosting on her dessert.

"Like mommy's eyes," she looks up at me.

"Sort of, mommy's eyes are more of a hazel and not green," I explain to her. "Like yours are grey like daddy's," I point over at Ken.

"Grey," she repeats before she climbs down from her seat and climbs onto Ken, standing on her lap as she stares at him. "Same?" She says touching the outside of his eyelid.

"Yes the same," he says laughing as he holds her sides.

"Same," she said going for his hair.

"Yes," he agrees with her with a nod of his head. "Though the curls, are from your mother and you have her pretty little nose and you pout just like just her as well," he teases her as if she completely understands what he is saying.

"Come and finish your lunch," I tell Owen who looks over at me before plunking herself on Ken's lap in defiance. I shake my head at her as someone taking photos comes closer to the table.

"May I?" She asks first.

I look to Ken who nods his head and she snaps a photo of the two of them before looking at me expectedly. I place my napkin on the table and scoot over to Owen's chair, pulling it closer and joining in on the photo. She takes one professionally, but then pulls out a Polaroid camera and leaves us with that copy.

"Thank you, you'll be able to pick them up at the library in a day or two." She tells us before moving on to another table.

"Empty?" Owen says frowning reaching for the photo.

"It needs to develop," I explain to her, holding as the picture slowly starts to appear.

"Magic!" She says mouth open as she watches it come into view. The red of her dress brightens, and the copper in my hair appears, as does Ken's red tie.

It is a nice photo, my leaning towards them from my chair with a bright smile, Ken looking slightly my way as Owen's pigtails are wild as she smiles cheerily for the camera as she still holds a piece of cake in her hand.

She falls asleep as soon as Ken starts the car afterwards.

"I am never recovering from this glitter am I?" Ken asks brushing off his trousers.

"They don't call it to craft herpes for any other reason," I tease him as I look in the mirror, using a tissue to remove the smudged makeup from the corner of my eye.

I grab my water bottle next take a large drink from it as my phone beeps at me. I pick it up seeing it was from Jem and my heart skips a beat.

Welcome to the world Mirabella Valentina Seraphine Blythe…Born today at 12:30 pm, don't shoot me, Faith wanted a private birth. 21 inches long and a whopping 9lbs and 9ounces. Mommy and Baby are in perfect health. Will send out more photos, over the moon over here. …and if you got through this text wondering if we actually named our daughter that mouthful…well you will just have to wait to find out for real!

"What is it?" Ken asks looking at me while I am giddy.

"Jem and Faith, well Faith had the baby!" I say brightly showing him the photo of the newborn in a striped blanket. Blonde hair as well it appeared, but Faith was rather blonde.

"Jesus that's not her actual name is it," Ken says reading the text. As others started to chime in. "That does sound like Jem to pull a prank like that. She looks like Jem a bit?"

"A bit I suppose?" I say examining the photo closer. "If she does poor kid," I say grinning as another message pops up.

Her name is Poppy Valentina Blythe—Ignore Jem and his games.

"Poppy is sweet," Ken says seeing the new message.

"I'm sure my parents will be heading over to Halifax most likely as soon as Dad can get the time off," I tell him.

"Makes sense," Ken says nodding his head. I wonder if he's remembering Owen's birth.

"Did I ever thank you for being there with me?" I ask him as it pops into my head.

"Pardon?" Ken says confused.

"Having Owen, being there with me?" I explain.

"I don't remember," Ken says thinking about it. It had been a whole rush and flurry of emotions and things when my water broke that night as we slept in my small bed. Practically on his leg at that! "I just knew you wanted me there, despite some objections to it from family."

"They pretty much thought I was crazy," I agree. "But it was comforting to me for you to be there, It was like I wasn't afraid if you were there? It was like you had some sort of effect on me," I tell him honestly. "During the pregnancy anyway, I think it was just baby hormones?"

"Probably was, it was a strange time for both of us. Even looking back at this point we both were young and rather naive about a lot of things. It was a bewildering crazy time and I didn't always act my best. I made a lot of mistakes, I was terrified trying to keep it together because clearly, you needed it from someone. At least I can see how both of us grew up over the years. if you told me a few years ago I would be a junior professor at a university and I'm
Sure you feel the same about college, you seem to really enjoy it. Plus three years ago did you ever think you would be here today. Much happier and I know it's a hard road but healthier?"

"I don't think anyone believes I am good at school right now? I show off my marks and I swear Mom and Dad are wondering if I changed them still?" I say shaking my head. "As my mental health stuff, it's here and there, nothing is perfect. I'm on anti-depressants which help a good deal with general stuff. But Beth is lovely still, and so is Dr. Chang when I see him.

"Well I'm glad that you got what you needed to help you heal," Ken says smiling sadly. "I do hope you are proud of yourself?" I shrug lightly with a small smile.

"Anywhere else today?" Ken asks me picking up on my reluctance to get into it more. "Does she need anything?"

"Spring clothes most likely soon, though I swear the pants I just got her in October are already too short and tight on her," I say sighing. "The things that still fit her are the things I got her in the boys' section. I don't understand why the sizes are so different. I mean I do, it's the same in women's clothing. I can range anywhere from a size 2/XS small to a medium and a size 6 in the same store. It's bloody ridiculous it makes me hate shopping and usually end up crying about it later. I don't have enough bloody problems already even the fashion industry makes me want to hate my body."

"Is that why you rip the tags out of her clothing?" Ken asks me next.

"You've noticed that?" I ask him turning my head to look at him.

"Well, we can look online if you want, see what's on sale and what's out there right now?" Ken says. "She'll probably need some new shoes and rubber boots?"

"That she probably does," I say sighing. "God, I wish someone told me four years ago how expensive children were. I get her second-hand stuff when I can, but the store isn't always great. Or the same price as Walmart stuff."

We browse the usual sites for children's clothes, making notes of items on sale and what would look cute on Owen, and what she would wear.

She preferred girly things more than anything, but I could get her into pants thankfully. Though if she had a choice in the matter it would be skirts and tutu's all winter long.

Still, we found ourselves adding a new pair of overalls that were decorated in floral prints, and a little jean jumper with bumble bee's on them. A slew of new shirts, and a multi-pack of leggings and new socks. Some shorts for summer since they were on sale and a two-pack of rompers. Some dinosaur pyjamas that we also knew she would like.

The total was groan-worthy. It was almost an entire paycheque.

I grab my phone as it buzzes as Ken gets up to check on dinner.

Hot guy, known him since high school. Saw a photo of you on my phone and is totally interested in you…so can I?

I sigh tossing my phone aside which gets a look from Ken. We spend more time together in the past week than probably the last year?

"What's wrong?" He asks as he cuts up the chicken on the board.

"Nothing, just Lillie trying to set me up with someone," I tell him honestly. "Waste of a time really on her part."

"Not cute enough?" Ken teases lightly.

"No idea, didn't ask for a photo, just not into it I guess?" I say with a shrug.

"I get that, Xavier been on my case but honestly with not being sure what's happening after you graduate I told him to not bother," Ken says and I look up at him.

"Please don't let my life control yours!" I blurt out. "That seems highly unfair!"

"I just don't see the point of getting to know someone or liking someone if I don't know where I'll be in a few months. It doesn't seem fair to the other person and most importantly me as well. Why don't you want to?"

"Really, what's the point? As you said who knows what happening upon graduation? Plus I really don't feel like dating right now. Never works out anyway, so why try?"

"Because everyone deserves to find someone to love?"

"Well, I've dated enough over the last two years that I am over it all," I tell him groaning.

"That bad?" Ken gives me an amused smile.

"Just exhausting after a while?" I say with a sigh.

"You mean at the end of the day just because the easiest way to get over someone is under someone new, doesn't mean it's the best approach?" He says calmly and I blush. "Been there, done that a few times, we all have."

"Beth says it's just a way to manipulate emotions, like fake it until you make it? Does it work, possibly sometimes but at some point, you're going to wake up and realize that everything you felt before is still there shoved aside somewhere?"

"Make sense," Ken says nodding and turning back towards the stove.

"I'll go wake up the monster," I tell him heading over to Owen's little room. It was decorated in princess stickers and white Ikea furniture these days.

"Mommy?" She rubs her eyes confused at why I was still here.

"Dinner is almost ready," I tell her and she lefts her arms and I pick her up. Still tired she rests her head on my shoulder and I carry her out into the living room area.

The stereo is softly playing in the background, I sway with the music with her in my arms. I know in time that these moments would be far and few the older she gets. I spin around slowly making her giggle. I stop turning as photos on the bookcase catch my eye, my brow furrows lightly as I make small steps towards it.

It was only of my maternity photo's that Di helped with, me off in the distance with the lighthouse, the dress she made blowing in the wind, hidden behind new photos of Owen.

Pictures of my pregnancy or me with Owen and I have long been gone since the days of Mona, so I thought anyway?

I look back over to Ken who has no idea that I have noticed it.

Could it be?

No, no don't be daft.

I shake my head. It's been too long, it was all water under the bridge.

I think back to his comment about being with other people to forget a person before them….

Maybe?

Maybe just maybe this was the universe telling both of us something?

I was no longer a child? I was almost twenty years old after all. God Ken isn't even the oldest guy I've been with now considering I had found out that Carter was 29 years old. Not my brightest moment for sure!

"Do I have something on my back or butt," Ken asks as he catches me watching him.

"Sorry I was thinking off in a daze about an assignment," I lie smoothly shaking my head.

"What have you been up to all day?" Mom asks as I come downstairs after getting Owen put to bed for the evening. "You heard the news about Jem and Faith?"

"Yeah I got the text, and just had a family day with Ken," I told her as I open the fridge.

"Didn't you just hang out last Sunday?" Mom looks at me and I inwardly groan. Could I not even be friends with him?

"He got tickets to the valentines days thing at one of the fancy hotels, we ended up watching a movie and making dinner together afterwards when we did some online shopping for Owen?" I explain to her. "It's not that strange."

"You've just been hanging around a fair bit with him," Mom notes.

"And your point?" I ask her pointedly. "Owen enjoys it, and it gives me some time that I can relax as well. No one else is making a fuss about it.

"I just worry," Mom starts again.

"Worry about what? We're both single and going to suddenly wind up in bed together? Newsflash mom, it's really hard to find time to do that when you have a toddler running about. God, it was hard enough to figure that shit out when Tristan was around, like I can manage when Owen is actually around us?"

"You're right, my apologies," Mom says taking a step back. "I just worry about you that is all."

"Mom, how old am I?" I ask her.

"Nineteen," she answers instantly.

"Almost twenty, if I want to hang out with Ken and have some fun family time with Owen. I should be able to do that without any sort of insinuation that I'm trying to sleep with him. Ken and I are friends, sometimes we hang out more if there are no other people in our lives. That isn't wrong or horrible? Owen enjoys it which is the most important thing, but jumping to what you consider the most horrible thing in your mind is just insulting at this point. I'm almost twenty, I've had relationships, I've had dates, hell I've slept with a guy older than Ken at this point. You never got worried about those times or relationships, so don't be a hypocrite and be one about my friendship with Ken."

I stare at mom, who is speechless at my statement.

"I have some homework to finish up," I tell her grabbing the bottle of water I had left in the fridge. "I'll be in my room for the rest of the night, also even if we did decide anything…it is between us and our choices. "

I escape moms eyes as fast as I can, sighing as I fall on my bed, leaning forward until my head is in my lap.

I think of the Polaroid that I have in my purse, that perfect little happy-looking family. Of course, we are far from perfect. No where near it, but in that photo…we look happy. We're always happy when it's the three of us.

I sit up and grab my purse and I pull out the photo and the valentines card that Owen made Ken make for me.

A picture of a dachshund and under it said

I heart you, and thats Long and short of it.

I shake my head sighing, turning around to see his scratched signature.

Kenneth

God, maybe I should take Lillie up on the date?

My mind wanders back to his admission. Dating someone to just get over someone?

Life just seemed easier, my parents were easier to deal with when they knew that there were no issues with Ken.

Still the past weeks, swirling in my mind and all the changing dynamics. Ken's willingness to follow my career, his admission that he and Victoria were done and that my offer as kind as it was, was not needed.

His never-ending encouragement, the awkward kiss on the cheek at the university, the photo in his apartment earlier today. Was this all staring me in the face? Was I still too young? I couldn't be too young at almost twenty could I be? He would be twenty-six in May, and I hadn't lied to mother, Carter was closer to thirty.

Was this a chance for us?

Was I just crazy in my thoughts? Was I reading too much into everything?

Was I going out of my mind?

Would I be rejected once again?

Would it be worth it to have answers?

Would it just be easier to find another boyfriend to bury these thoughts and feelings?

I look at the photo of us, and I think back to all the dreams of turning sixteen before my life had changed. Priorities change of course, but if I called Ken tomorrow and asked him to watch Owen for an hour after work, so I could dance he would.

I had a choice to make and I know it was one that many people probably wouldn't like, but could I live the rest of my life not knowing? Not knowing if I missed out on something extraordinary because of other people's opinions? Still, my mind goes back to that night, when everything was falling apart around me over two years ago. He firm stance on what his own conscience could tolerate at that moment.

Still, everything was telling me things had changed, even for him.

I knew my choice because there was only one choice to make in my mind, I just needed to know if he felt the same way.

Well? I hope everyone is enjoying this and excited that we are finally at this moment for her, for them. Please leave a comment if you are excited or worried, life is really up and down lately and writing this story helps me keep a decent frame of a mind and any sort of feedback is always appreciated and cherished.

I've worked really hard making sure this build up and set up for Rilla works for both of them and that it felt natural as I wrote it. I knew I would have a to tread lightly, and I knew ultimately that it would have to be Rilla to approach Ken in this story.

Tina