Auntie Chaos and the Sixth Golden Ticket
Author: Chaos Valkyrie
First Conceptualized: August 29, 2005
Posted Chapter 02: March 17, 2006
Posted Revisions: August 1, 2006

Chaos Val: Yeah, I'm back! Finally...

Chapter Two: Fiery Fire I Love the Most
It is now the next morning, and Chaos, Mokuba, and Seto have joined the other children and their parents outside the factory gates…

A glowering Seto Kaiba shoves a thick stack of papers and a pen into Chaos Val's hands. "Here's your contract. If he comes back with even a scratch…"

Chaos rolls her eyes. "All right, Mr. Overprotective. Let's see…" She reads through the contract. "Yada yada yada… 'Retains all rights and privileges as legal guardian until such time as the party in question leaves the factory grounds.' Yup, expected that." Pauses as she skims ahead. "'Whomever shall cause any harm to the younger Kaiba in question on this date shall be slapped with a lawsuit of epic proportions, resulting in loss of all total physical, mental, and spiritual assets.'" She coughs nervously. "Yup, expected that too," she mutters as she signs the little dotted line.

Seto takes the contract and shoves it into his briefcase. "That's that then. Mokuba, keep your eyes open."

Mokuba waves to his big brother. "'Kay Nii-sama."

"Don't worry! I'll take care of him!" Chaos declares proudly.

Seto rolls his eyes. "You're the one I'm afraid of," he says before stalking off.

"Sheesh. And I thought the weather was cold. You ready, squirt?" Chaos asked, turning to Mokuba. Mokuba gives her the Puppy Dog Eyes of Death in return.

"Never call me that again."

"Ha! I'll call you what I want." She taps her sunglasses. "Your evil ways are no match for me! …Right now, anyway," she admits reluctantly.

Meanwhile, nearby…

Marik stood staring through the barred gates towards the factory. "You sure we're going to be able to sneak in there?" he asks his partner in crime.

Bakura snorts. "Give me some credit. I was sneaking into tombs more heavily tricked out than this place before you were even born! Whenever that was…"

Marik sweatdrops.

Back to the Sweet Little Children… Or not.

"Daddy, I want to go in," Veruca whines.

"Its 9:59, sweetheart," Mr. Salt consoles her, all the while wishing for some migraine medication.

"Make time go faster…" Veruca manages to say before… "Ow!" She glares at Chaos while rubbing the back of her head. Chaos merely whistles innocently. Mokuba rolls his eyes.

"You shouldn't bother… no one's falling for it," he tells her. Chaos shrugs.

"True…" she replies, then gives her patented Evil Grin #7895. Veruca gulps, and even Mokuba looks alarmed.

"Or maybe you should just whistle after all…" he starts to tell her before he's interrupted by the gates creaking open. A strange voice comes over the speakers…

"Please enter!" it commands. The Six Ticket Holders and Guardians rush forward through the gates, while the guards behind them struggle to keep the masses in check.

"This is it kiddo!" Chaos cries, taking Mokuba's hand and walking forward with others. The gates slowly shut behind them as the voice commands them once again…

"Come closer!"

Back at the now closed gates…

Seto grips the bars tightly, his knuckles shining whitely against the black iron.

"He had better be okay in there…" he mutters as he watches the doors open and curtains pull back. The sight of the Willy Wonka Singing Puppet Troop causes him to sweatdrop. "Oh. My. Kami."

Then, to make matters worse, the puppets began to sing.

"Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatier! Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, everybody give a cheer – Hooray! He's modest, clever, and so smart, he barely can restrain it. With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it, to contain it, to contain, to contain, to contain…" Seto watches in horror as the puppets dance for a bit and an empty chair arises from the floor. "Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's the one that you're about to meet. Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's a genius who just can't be beat. The magician and the chocolate wiz. The best darn guy who ever lived. Willy Wonka, here he is!" The puppets then catch on fire as the fireworks flare out of control.

Seto merely watches in wide-eyed horror, while nearby…

"Yay Destruction!" Bakura and Marik clap, cheer and whistle.

Back to the children…

"Ha ha ha, wasn't that just magnificent? I thought it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but that finale... Wow!" Willy Wonka gushes, clapping enthusiastically next to the children and their P… P… Guardians. While the others watch him strangely, Mokuba and Chaos are clapping as well.

"Did you see that one puppet's eye pop out! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Chaos giggles madly. Mokuba had a different appreciation.

"Go Fire! Thanks for ending that stupid song! Creepy puppets…" he shudders. Wonka gives them both sour looks. Mokuba shrugs.

"What? You stole that whole idea right from Shrek – can we say, 'copyright infringement', boys and girls!" Mokuba retorts. Wonka coughs violently, then runs up the steps and excitedly faces the six children and p-p-parents.

"Good morning, starshine... the earth says hello!" he greets them nervously. Mokuba snorts.

"No it doesn't. Auntie Chaos?" he asks.

"Oo, oo!" Chaos cries, waving her hands, "I speak Rock!" She pauses and listens very carefully. "The earth distinctly says 'Quit standing on me, you are one heavy fat ass!'," she sweatdrops, then turns to Augustus, "Um, Fat Boy, I think it's talking to you…" Mrs. Gloop glares at Chaos with the Generic Evil Glare of Death. Chaos guffaws.

"Oo, scary. Let me show you how it's really done…" she started before Mokuba grabs her arm pleadingly.

"Save it for later. Please?" he asks, throwing in a pout for good measure.

"Damn it," Chaos swears as she caves in, "Now I have to make these sunglasses Pout-proof as well as PDE proof."

"Ahem!" Violet coughs pointedly, irritated by the delay in delivering her lines. "Who are you?" she asks Wonka.

"Who the hell do you think he is? Sergeant Pepper?" Chaos snorts.

"No, that's Willy Wonka!" Grandpa Joe exclaims joyfully. Willy smiles nervously as he pulls out his notes. Chaos and Mokuba shudder.

"Not cue cards… Anything but cue cards…" Chaos moans. Mokuba turns on the PDE.

"Mr. Wonka, can we please go inside? It's cold out here!" A pouty lip is added for clout purposes. Wonka merely taps his goggles and grins, entirely unmoved.

"Nope. Gotta finish my cards first," he says with a smirk. Chaos stares in unabashed awe.

"That's it, I'm stealing those goggles first chance I get."

Back at the gates…

Seto Kaiba shakes off his horror with a grim frown.

"There is no way in hell I'm letting my brother go in there with all those freaks," he growls. He then notices Marik and Bakura standing nearby looking dodgy. "And where do you think you two are going?" Marik grins evilly.

"Baku here thinks he can sneak us in. Why, interested?"

Seto sighs. "Under normal circumstances, no." He pauses to watch the distant group enter the factory. "But desperate times…"

"Yeah yeah, whatever, no time for clichés. Let's go," Bakura interrupts, pulling out a grappling hook and throwing it at the gates.

Inside the factory…

"Just throw your coats anywhere!" Wonka tosses his own coat and goggles on the floor nearby. Chaos steals the goggles when no one is watching.

"Ha! Victory is mine!" she crows.

"You're weird," Willy tells her. She smiles, hiding the goggles behind her back and whistling innocently.

"You have no idea," Mokuba replies, shaking his head. Chaos starts to reach out to smack the back of his head, but Mokuba merely waves a photostatic copy of the contract in her face. "I don't think so!" Chaos slowly retracts her hand, cursing.

"Verdamnt."

Meanwhile, the other kids are buttering up Wonka… ew.

"Don't you want to know our names?" Augustus manages to pant around his candy bar. Wonka shrugs.

"I can't see how it would matter."

Violet hugs him anyway. "Mr. Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde." Willy looks terrified.

"Oh. I don't care."

Of course, Chaos is never one to let ruining a moment go to waste.

"Oo… cooties," she drawls, her eyes wide with horror.

Willy lets out a terrific shriek. "Where!"

The other children all look at Chaos, irritated. She shrugs in reply.

"What! Who knows what diseases you little maggots are crawling with?" she tells them. Veruca sticks her tongue out in reply before turning back to Wonka.

"I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir," she says while curtsying. Wonka grins.

"I always thought a veruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot. Ha, ha," he laughs while Veruca sneers.

Mokuba chortles. "Still is."

"Daddy!" Veruca commands, her eyes never leaving Mokuba.

"Yes, dear?"

"I want you to…" Veruca is interrupted by a smug Mokuba.

"Don't even think about it. I'm a Kaiba."

"I don't care…" Veruca starts again. Meanwhile, Chaos has been perusing her contract.

"Oh goody. I get legal permission to use that today too!" She gives Veruca Seto's Icy Glare of Death™. Naturally, this shuts her up.

"Um, never mind, Daddy."

"Welcome, children, to my factory and these people behind you must be your par... par... par..." Wonka trails off, stuttering frustratedly.

"Parents?" Mr. Salt supplies.

"Yeah! Moms and dads!" He drifts off. "Dad? Papa?" Most of the others watch him in confusion; however, Chaos and Mokuba are extremely peeved.

"I'm highly insulted by that remark!"

Wonka snaps out of his daze with a "Huh?"

Mokuba points at Chaos Val. "I refuse to be related to her!"

Chaos Val points at Mokuba. "And I am nowhere near old enough to have a kid his age!"

"Then why is he here with you?" Mike asks, his usual sneer fixed in place.

"Two reasons: One, show them Mokuba." Chaos looks away as Mokuba flashes the Puppy Dog Eyes, Level 3 Intensity at the rest of the group.

"Aww…" everyone gushes, minus Wonka.

"Ew."

"Exactly. And Two, I wanted the factory to still be standing by the time the tour was over. So…" she flips out contract and waves it, "Legally, I'm his 'Aunt' for the day."

Wonka shrugged. "Whatever. Let's hurry. So much time and so little to see!" He freezes. "Um…"

"Strike that!" Chaos crows.

"Reverse it!" Mokuba chimes in. The pair exchange high-fives while Wonka shakes his head.

"Weirdos."

Chaos Val: Well, that's it for now. Still don't own anything… Note? Anything?

Note: Nope.

Chaos Val: Small note?

Small Note: The authoress would also like to state that she is well aware that certain lines from the movie are out of order – it is intentional for the sake of continuity and plot.

Chaos Val: Thanks. Until next time!