We spend the next day making Owen's birthday cake and while I mostly leave it to Leslie who I have found out to be a wonderful cake maker. She does get me to help decorate the cake while teaching me some basics. It's harder than it looks when piping bags and tips are involved and of course, a barbie doll is stuck in the middle of it.
"Persis used to love these cakes," Leslies says as she remembers her daughter's past birthdays. "Slowly of course she outgrew them, but it was always fun when she was young."
"How is she doing?" I ask curiously.
"Oh she and Yosuke are very well," Leslie says happily. "No children yet, but they just built a house, I'm not sure if Ken told you they moved out of Tokyo? It is down in the South end of the country. Fukuoka is the main large city around, Yosuke got a job transfer and decided to take it. Persis is excited about space and she's planting a garden and their neighbours are lovely and welcoming. She was a little worried of course, being a foreigner outside of Tokyo and all, but it hasn't been anything but welcoming for her."
"That sounds amazing for her," I say with a small smile.
"Well next time we go out, you guys should come along for the trip?" Leslie says. "I'm just they would love to see you as well."
"I guess that's something to talk about one day," I say quietly, that also sounded like a lot of money!
"Of course, we would help with the airfare, if you did," Leslie adds one like money was no consequence because in their life it wasn't. "There I think we did a pretty good job?" She steps back looking at the cake. I look at it impressed at how good it looked, but also trying not to have the other half of my mind is cringing at the amount of sugar, butter and lack of anything good in it.
"It reminds me of the cakes Aunt Marilla would make back when we were young," I say quietly.
"She didn't a lot of them didn't she?" Leslie says kindly and I nod my head.
"As we got older mom started to just buy them, but as kids, Aunt Marilla always made them. Mostly to help mom out, given our birthdays and how they fall."
"Oh yes, your poor family with birthdays," Leslie laughs. "What is it like every other month?"
"Well, Mom is March, Then it goes Shirley in April, Joy and Walter in June, Me and Jem in July, and the twins in August. Add Owen being born in May, it's a full spring and summer, and then Dad being in November."
"Look what I found!" Ken's father calls out from the back deck area where he was with Ken and Owen who were playing outside.
I look to Leslie and raise an eyebrow, and we go over to the patio door and find him, with what I assume can only be Ken's old power wheels jeep. "I might have a battery somewhere for it as well!" He says excited and all I am thinking is that this is going to be a nightmare or a trip to the hospital at the very least.
Thankfully it barely goes more than 6/kmph, but she has a blast either way and I have a feeling that we will regret showing her such a thing.
"Watch Mommy!" She screams as she drives around the backyard.
"I am!" I call out to her, "Watch where you are going!" I call out as Ken narrowly moves out of the way of her driving as he was helping his dad try to get the kite that she had been playing with that was now stuck in a tree.
He gives me a look, which I giggle at. Clearly, he is annoyed at his father for this afternoon of fun. Mainly knowing we probably will be having a whining child for weeks. He says something I can't quite hear from a distance. Owen makes another lap around, narrowly missing Ken once again, though clearly bumps into the side of his leg.
"Who wants to go down to the beach?" I call out, meaning to give the men a break from her driving.
"ME!" She says stopping short of the deck that I almost cringed. "Sea and shells,"
"Yes we can find shells," I say nodding my head and Ken gives me a look of gratitude.
Leslie and Owen wave us off, saying they were going to make a few phone calls while we were out. Leaving Ken and me by ourselves with Owen who runs ahead of us. Eventually, Ken joins her, chasing as he usually does as their laughter and giggles fill the air around us. I pull out my phone and pull up the camera and take videos and photos. Owen was in her overalls and flowered shirt, while Ken had his khakis rolled up and socks off. I smile to myself, feeling happy for myself and my own little family. Because they were my family, ever since this day three years ago. Between contractions and my stubbornness about the pain, all the crying and cursing that came along later, until it was all over with and Owen was put on my chest.
"What are you thinking about," Ken says breaking into my silence.
"Just life," I say simply, smiling at him.
"Mommy do a cartwheel!" Owen says interrupting up.
"Oh no, not right now sweetie the sand is too soft," I say shaking my head as I gather her up into my arms. I swear she's gotten heavier again, growing as she does in the moments I'm not looking.
I twirl her around, until we're both dizzy and tumble into the sand laughing with her still in my arms.
I find myself alone with Ken's dad at one point as Owen took her afternoon nap and Ken went out to grab something for his mother that forgot.
"Sit down, I don't bite," Owen says rather amused at my unrest at what to do at the moment, by waving at one of the sofas. "Just was flipping through CBC for something to watch, but we can find something on Netflix if you want?"
"I wouldn't know what to watch even if wanted to watch something," I tell him honestly. "I don't get much time for television in general, especially during the school year." I sit down rather primly, tucking my ankles together as he watches me.
"Rilla, seriously there is no need to be afraid. While I have had objections in the past, many of the reasons have corrected themselves over time without either of your input," Owen tells me. "If my son and you wish to explore something between the two of you, that is your own business."
"Even if you told him to be a friend and not barely legal star-crossed lovers?" I ask him boldly.
"You heard that didn't you?" Owen hums. "I stand by what I said of course back then, but that was then, and this is now. Things are different and not so complicated and I trust my son to trust his own judgment. If he didn't think it was right he would have told you so. I've also seen the growth you have had in yourself between the visits we have had."
"It was complicated and messy," I say quietly agreeing. "You think I should tell my parents?" I ask him.
"I think your parents, no matter their reaction deserves to know at some point," Owen tells me simply. "I hear you got an internship for the summer though?" He says changing the subject.
"Yeah, I'm just it will just be little things like coffee runs, and writing liners but I'm sure it will experience either way?" I tell him.
"I have a feeling it will be much more than you think it will be," Owen chuckles. "Is it office hours or shifts?"
"Mid-morning and evenings mostly, I explained childcare and what not to them. They were understanding, though Ken is taking her most of the time minus a few days at daycare for socialization and his sanity as well I am assuming."
"Makes sense," Owen agrees while chuckling. He looks at the tv for a moment, before he ends up putting on one thing I didn't think he would ever put on. "Are you still a Tolkien fan?"
"I read them to Elowen," I admit to him, nodding my head at the same time.
"It's not often I hear that name from you," Owen tells me and I smile awkwardly for a moment. "Ken of course calls her so, but you not so much."
"She is Owen to me mostly, but I try not to make any extra confusion when you are visiting. For both of you," I admit. "She answers to both the same these days, she is used to Ken calling her Elowen, and my sister Di does as well sometimes. Mom and Dad when she is being naughty of course," I add on sighing.
"The longer you put things off, the harder they become," Owen reminds me. "Now who is this one Dumbledore or Gandalf?" He asks what appears to be a genuine question. "I always mix up the two?"
"Gandalf, Gandalf is Lord of the Ring," I laugh lightly settling back into the love seat as I pull up my feet.
We end up on our own that evening as Ken's parents tell us to go out and enjoy a few hours by ourselves. So we head to the area that has a few shops and restaurants near the summer house. We walk hand in hand down the old sidewalks, stopping to steal kisses. Feeling happy to not have to hide at all, because I didn't have to worry about people around knowing me or my parents.
We stop at the small oceanside restaurant, since tourist season wasn't in full swing yet we get a table easily.
"Can I get a gin and tonic?" I ask the server after Ken orders himself a drink himself.
"Sorry, I have to, but may I see ID?" The girl says apologetically. "I'm sure you are, but if my boss asks, and you look young." She rattles on as I open my small wallet and find my driver's license and hand it over to her.
"Thank you," she says, as her eyes dart back over to Ken for a moment. "Actually can I see yours as well," suddenly afraid that she misjudged his age.
"Of course," Ken says and pulls out his wallet from the back of his pocket and fishes it out.
I know what it says 1995, to my 2001.
"Thanks," She says before handing them back and going over to the bar to make our drinks. I am sure she is going on about our ages, but I try not to let it bother me.
"What are you thinking about getting?" Ken asks looking down at the menu. "Please don't just say salad." He teases me.
"I like salad, there is nothing wrong with it, but if it makes you happy I'll get the fish and a side salad," I tell him rolling my eyes at him.
"I thought you didn't really like fish?" Ken says confused and I shrug my shoulders.
"True I don't, but every once in a while I'll eat if I am in the mood for it," I tell him. "Really mostly only eat meat when I am in the mood for it."
"Well as long as you eating," he says quietly, but his voice is kind. "I don't like it when you are struggling." He adds on quietly.
"I do my best, some days are better than others," I tell him truthfully. "I'm a work in progress. Am I better than before, loads, I have better-coping skills that is for sure, and Owen helps me keep working on myself. I am still working through things, but it's progress and that is good at the end of the day?"
"Which is all Elowen and I can ask for," Ken agrees as we get our drink and they take our orders. We make small talk about life and friends in ways we usually don't get a chance to when you have a toddler dominating the conversation. I learn that he's working on a research paper about ancient civilizations and something I am not entirely sure about but he beams when he goes on about it. I wonder if this is the same sort of feeling he gets when he watches me dance as I feel pride from his passions well up in me as he speaks.
We finish dinner in quiet conversation and for him, I try to prove a point and suggest getting some ice cream afterwards. Sure I eat less than half of the amount that he eats, but I still try to prove to him that I am doing better.
We walk around down the beach until the sunset in the sky and the night goes chilly before going back up to the house. Where his parents left the light on for us, but have gone to bed themselves by the time we make it back inside. We quietly look in on Owen who is sprawled and completely out of the big bed I shake my head. I pull Ken by the hand into his old room with a sly smile. It's the quiet sort of lovemaking, where I try to muffle any sound with my hand or into the pillow. I lay there for a good moment as Ken gets up to use the washroom that was joined to his room and on his way back into bed tosses my bralette back to me and my panties. I wiggle them on, before getting up to go pee and grab the toiletries I grabbed from the other room. I wash my face and swallow my birth control faithfully before I go back and curl up next to him when he crawls back into bed and kisses the top of my head.
"Mommy?" I hear Owen's little voice near my face.
"What is it, babe?" I ask not opening my eyes, but I feel one of Ken's arms around me.
"Why are you in bed with daddy? Like Grammy and paw-paw?" She asks and my eyes fly open as I struggle to sit up, pushing Ken away in the process where he just rolls away groaning. I was in my bralette and underwear I quickly find out and that made me sigh with relief. I look over to Ken who was shirtless, which wasn't anything new, he generally slept shirtless, even Owen knew that but the sheet was riding dangerously low, so I could see he had boxers on.
I breathe another sigh.
"Does mommy like daddy snuggles too?" She asks so innocently.
"Elowen, I think grandpa is making your pancakes this morning," Ken says from his spot on the bed. "You might want to go make sure though?"
"Pancakes!" She says before racing to the door. "I need to pee-pee," she announced her original reason.
I sigh and roll out of bed. "You can flush the toilet yourself it's not going to hurt you."
"But mommy!" She whines and I sigh and I grab the first thing I find on the floor and follow her anyway.
I send her off downstairs after I make sure she has washed her hands as I hear Leslie or Owen up and about.
"I need a shower," I say sighing as I grab my stuff and water bottle. I take my other daily pill with a swig of water before putting them high up on the dresser away from little hands.
"So do I," Ken says grinning. "Shall we save some water?"
"We're in your parent's house!" I say rather shocked.
"Yes and we also had sex last night as well, so how is a shower any different?" Ken says pointing out the obvious to me.
"That's entirely different!" I say squeaking and Ken give me a confused look.
"How is sex different than sharing a shower?"
"It's just different, it's just more intimate. People expect us to have sex, showering together though it feels different and wrong with your parents here," I try to explain my reasoning even if it feels completely messed up.
"Fair enough," Ken says shrugging and grabbing his clothing and heading for the door.
"Where are you going?" I ask him confused.
"To shower down the hall?" He looks back at me.
"But?" I say unsure of what to say or do, confused I feel like any other guy would have pressed the issue.
"I've told you before that I will follow your lead, just because I can ask doesn't mean you have to do something you're not comfortable with. You politely told me no, I didn't even need your reasonings for that no to qualify, so I will go shower down the hall. This is how this works, No means no, always. " Ken reminds me gently as he walks closer to me and grasps my hand and kisses my forehead.
"Unless it has been agreed upon beforehand and another word is given in its place," I tell him. "At least that is what the spicy books Olivia sends me tell me," I say cheekily.
"Well, yes but that is something else entirely," Ken says swallowing gruffly. I can almost see his ears go red. "Go shower, I'll see you downstairs."
"Can you help me with the water," I ask him first and Ken nods and goes to turn on the shower for me?
"No funny business though," he warns me cheekily.
"Well, funny business is useless because condoms don't exactly work well in the shower and all the water. That just sounds like a chaffing issue." I ramble on and he looks amused as he shakes his head.
"Take your shower," he whispers and swats my butt playfully before leaving the bathroom. I feel a shiver run down my spine...okay maybe one day I will try out that sort of shower. When no one else is around of course.
I wash off last night's activities quickly and run a razor over my legs not wanting to linger long. I hop out, as fast as I hopped in. I dry off and find yesterday's dress still on the floor and I pull that on and adjust my boobs into their spot as Ken comes back from down the hall with wet hair and a pair of light khakis on.
"Do you think she will say something?" I ask worried that Owen would tell the world that she saw us together in the same bed.
"She asked one question and didn't seem that bothered, so I doubt it?" Ken says grabbing his shirt and throwing it on. I can't help but stare at him. "You know if you take a photo it lasts longer," he teases me as I ogle him.
"Oh I have plenty," I stick my tongue out at him as we both head downstairs. We were both wrong it appears as we both arrived for breakfast as Owen is watching her grandfather making pancakes on a toddler standing stool.
"Mommy was in daddy's bed, do you think she likes his cuddles?" She essentially says in her jibberish. I blush bright red and Owen chuckles to himself.
"You might have to ask your mommy about that one Elowen," Owen tells her, clearly amused as his eyes twinkle as he hears us approach.
"I did, and daddy told me to come here to you." She says matter of factly.
Oh dear lord, this child was going to be the death of me.
"Now, who is ready for birthday pancakes," Leslie asks loudly.
"Who Birthday?" She says looking around.
"Why it's yours, remember you're three now?" I speak up and go towards her. I still say it in bizarre amazement that it is her birthday once again.
"Me?" She says."Cake? Like Uncle Lee's birthday?" She asks excitedly remembering a month ago.
"Yes later tonight, after dinner," I laugh explaining. "Breakfast first, and I think Gramma and Grandpa have a present for you."
"And you and daddy?" She asks perking up.
Everyone laughs. "Yes, and Daddy and I have presents for you," I tell her.
"Come let's go sit down?" Ken says moving to grab her, and Owen tactfully passes me a plate of pancakes that had sprinkles in them, while Leslie was grinning like a cat holding the can of whipping cream and bowl of cut-up strawberries.
I eat a pancake and a bowl of fruit, with a small amount of whipped cream as Owen, gets food all over herself as she eats her own.
"I think Grammy and Pawpaw, will call you as well to wish you a happy birthday," I tell her. "When you do you should say thank you," I try to explain to her.
"Why?"
"Because it's polite," I say to her. "Let's practice if I say Happy Birthday Elowen! What do you say to me?"
"Thank you!" She chirps as she shoves more pancakes into her mouth.
I shake my head but pray to God that she doesn't say anything on the call. The rest of the day is spent the same way as the day before, running about, naps, but this time there is cake, which we serve in the afternoon, so you know. She doesn't stay away all evening from a sugar high. Mom and Dad call before lunch, and after careful watch, I manage to get her to not spill the beans or say anything about me and Ken being in the same bed this morning.
It was after dinner and Leslie had her watching a movie I went out to get some fresh air with Ken.
"I'm going to have to tell them," I say quietly, cursing under my breath. "Damn it, I should have just gone back to the other room."
"Maybe this is a good thing?" Ken says standing across from me, leaning on the porch railing. "I mean, it's been two months, going into three. They should know by now?"
"They'll just ruin everything," I say bitterly. "She didn't even want me to come here this week. They'll just make a fuss and try to lock me up like I'm sixteen," I tell him.
"Well, I don't see how hiding it is going to help you, or us in any way, it will just make it worse. It will be much worse if they find out without you telling them." Ken says calmly, but with a touch, a rigidity to his voice, or was it annoyance? "Is it that bad of a decision, one we both made if we have to hide it from them? Am I that terrible of a person that I need to be hidden?"
I scowl at him, mostly because I know deep down he is right, but at the same time, I don't want them to come between us.
"I'm trying to hide you, I'm just preserving you from their wrath," I tell him. "I don't want to lose this or you," I add on.
"You won't, but it will be easier if you tell them sooner rather than later," Ken tells me.
"I'll tell them when I get home," I say standing up, wrapping my arms around myself. "You can keep Owen for the afternoon and evening. I have to work anyway and I'll you if it's safe or not to show your face." I don't like the twisting of my hands on this decision, but I have no other choice in the matter. If I don't and Owen mentions it, which most likely she will. I will be outed by my child, and if mom finds out else way, well I'd be in for that as well.
"You don't have to do it alone, I can come with you I'm sure it won't be that bad?" Ken says trying to reassure me.
I look at him, wanting him to be right, but I know. I know it won't be pretty.
"It's going to be a disaster," I tell him. "It won't matter that I'm almost twenty, it won't matter that we decided this together. It will just be displaced anger and terror and I won't be able to escape it."
"You know there is always room for you and Owen at my place," Ken reminds me quietly. "But I can't be your secret Rilla. We kept it quiet to make sure that we could work together, but it was time to be open. I know it's scary but it's time, it's past time."
I sigh once more nodding my head. I guess if you make a big-girl decision, you have to wear the big-girl panties that come with such decisions.
Hope everyone has had a good week so far, and I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! As usual I welcome all comments people wish to leave!
Tina.