I don't know quite what to expect when Ken drops me off at the address that Di texts me. It's some old building that has office space for rent by the hour or day.
"You made it," Di says pulling me into a hug. "All right, let's get this done and over with," she says leading me over to another room. Lillie is already there, getting her make-up and hair done. It was rather crazy, that my sister managed to put this together.
"This is crazy," I say to Lillie as I sit down.
"This is wicked cool, did she show you the dresses?" Lillie says grinning. Her make-up is typical bridal with a touch more edge given her pink hair that was being curled and pinned up.
"She hasn't she wanted it to be a surprise," I say shaking my head as I go through the makeup bag I brought. "I'm rather fair, and tend to break out but this foundation works great and I use it for recitals when I danced?" I explain.
"Of course, I'm always willing to use foundation if you know it works for you." The girl says. "I know the brand as well so it's even easier for me as well." She tells me.
She moisturizes my face and starts from there and gives me a very subtle natural-looking bridal look with delicate winged eyeliner with a rosy pink lip and cheek. It was sweet and innocent, which made me shake my head slightly. I had a feeling I knew what my sister was planning at this point.
Di had told me to come in with wet hair, they dried it straight before going in with a large curling wand and curling my hair and pinning them to allow them to set. I felt like another person by the end of the hour. The makeup was lovely, and reminiscent of stage makeup by way of coverage but elegant and timeless.
"Already ready for the first dress?" Di asks as I come towards her made-up. Lillie is already in one of hers. I nod my head and Di brings me to the rack and makeshift curtain. I undress, wearing nothing more than a nude thong.
I step into the dress and hold it in place over my boobs as she laces in the internal corset before zipping up the back. I take a moment in the mirror, looking at the lace and shimmering beaded material how it fitted almost perfectly though my breasts were pushed up slightly. It the hips as it flared out into a skirt that has the most glorious spin abilities. While it had long off-the-shoulder sleeves that had almost a fantasy-like pointed cuff at the top of them.
"It's amazing," I say turning to the side to see what it looked like when I took a breath if my stomach would show through the delicate lace and mess of the dress.
"Stop that," Di warns me. "You're skinny as a rig, it doesn't even look like you ever even had a baby."
"Yet I have stretch marks to prove it," I say simply. Still, I suck in, thinking it made the dress look and fall better.
"Maya you remember is my sister," Di says introducing me to her partner for the first time as I approached the small makeshift studio area.
"Hi, forgive me I don't quite remember you?" I say waving awkwardly to her.
"Oh, it's all fine you were little when we were around. My mother is Muriel Stacy, our moms went to college together and worked together for a long time. Until Mom and Dad moved out west, but I came back and when I did I ran into Di."
"Your middle name is Stacey?" I look to Di.
"Which is not a coincidence," Di says with a chuckle.
"So what's my sister like as a business partner, because she was definitely the bossy one of the family growing up." I joke and Di swats me playfully.
"Oh about the same," Maya laughed.
I shake my head grinning and I watch Lillie who was in an edgy lace gown with a low back and deep V. It looks gorgeous on her and suited her somehow despite not being made for her at all.
I look to Di and Maya for direction, and the photographs, of course, asking what they want from me and I work from them. It's not terribly difficult I work through my poses, making variations of old dance ones. I know the angles of my face and I know how to contort and make my body look its best.
The second dress was delicate and pink, with sheer midriffs with gathered swoops of fabric offering the bust and one arm as a makeshift sleeve, a column skirt with the same sparkles as the other dresses. A prom dress, or bridesmaid dress I supposed? It was sweet and innocent and fun to wear.
It was the end of the shoot and I was about to change back into my clothing and call Ken when Di comes to me after Lillie left with a good handful of money thrust at her.
"Can you do one more thing for me?" Di asks as was about to take down my hair from the last style.
"Sure what do you need?"
"Try this on?" She asks holding up a lacey's robe there was also a delicate bra and lacy hipsters.
"That bra isn't gonna fit," I tell her looking at the small cups. They may have shrunk a bit after I stopped nursing but I knew right away they weren't fitting into the cup size. Still, I grab the robe and knickers. I undress in front of her, pulling the underwear over my nude thong, and pulled the robe over my shoulders.
"Rilla I can't ask you," she says hurriedly shaking her head. Horrified at what I was planning on doing.
"I'll be okay, just no face in final photos and no direct shots of my breasts and their wacky nipples from breastfeeding," I tell her with a hesitant smile. "Same thing I tell Ken," I say trying to show that I was okay with this.
"Your nipples are normal," Di saying frown.
"Well, be happy I shaved lately then?" I say shrugging as I run a hand around my bikini area. Truthfully it happened to be nice for Ken, but she didn't need to know that.
She hands me a garter and stockings and I pull them on. Between the robe and a carefully placed garland of pink peonies and roses I sat primly, and seductively in lingerie.
It was Maya that directs me more, along with the photographer into poses this time around. They were still tasteful and I didn't feel too out of place in them.
With every flash, I think of the photos, that I wasn't supposed to have seen, but I asked. I can't let him win, even when he's in prison somewhere. My body was my body, and my choices were my choices and if I chose to be half naked on my sister's bridal shop wall, it was just one step in claiming my identity back.
"Can you do me one favour?" I ask. "Take one with my phone?"
"Ken?" Di asks and I just grinned sheepishly.
She takes a couple with my phone. Before stopping. " if I promise they won't see the light of day and they'll be sent right to you, do you want a professional camera one? Di asks me. I ponder it for a moment. Thinking that maybe it be interesting to have down the road to have.
We go through another bunch, using different areas and corners for different looks.
I catch a flash in corner of my eye, through the mirror I was looking into and I am suddenly slammed back years to something I didn't think I even remembered until now. But a flash in the mirror as I pulled on my leotard for dance. I look towards the slightly open door, shrugging it off because it was probably Nan or Di just taking a photo out in the hall. Light bounces right. I zone out as I dig my nails into my arms that were covering my chest.
"Stop," I hear Di call out. "That's enough for today," she tells the photographer as she comes up to me with a blanket.
"Let's get you back into clothing," Di tells me and I can only nod my head.
She sits with me as I sip some juice she had with her. She doesn't ask questions, but she knows.
She keeps apologizing for asking and that she should have realized.
"It's not your fault Di, and if I didn't want to do it, or knew it would happen I wouldn't have done it," I say weakly. "I just, remember something? Or maybe it's just subliminal? That I just think I remembered something but it's just facts I already know?"
"I saw you shut down, I don't think you would react that way if it wasn't real," Di tells me reaching for my hand. "Take your time getting dressed we're gonna clean up a bit. The photos, as soon as I get them I'll get you to run through them and we can delete and veto anything you're not comfortable with, or if there is any you would like for yourself."
I nod my head and sip more of the apple juice.
"Can I ask you something since well I feel like I would get a better answer from you than Nan?" Di asks when we walk into one of the many restaurants around the area. It was a small dinner that had decent vegetarian selections.
"Of course," I tell her as we sit down at the table we were shown. We both quickly order coffee and I tell Ken I was getting lunch with my sister as we look over the menu for a moment. I order a grilled cheese which shocks my sister. But then again I don't tell her that I skipped breakfast and only had a banana and coffee.
"So Lucan," Di starts nervously. "Well, you know my history…I've only been with girls, I get girls, what do I do with it?"
"Oh, okay," I say blushing. "This is not the conversation I thought we would ever have. Ummm would you want the play-by-play here or a diagram or...I can call Olivia through and she has no problem talking or describing this stuff?" I tell my sister.
"Mostly I would like some advice that does not come from badly written E-rated fanfic. Is that too much to ask?" Di tells me.
"I don't know what FanFiction is, but you do realize all sex advice sounds bad in theory?" I say to her.
"Yes, but you're fairly open about that stuff, Nan isn't she telling me to enjoy myself and have fun," Di tells me.
"Okay, umm, I guess my advice is if it's uncomfortable add lube, change positions and just experiment. And work up to swallowing if you weary of it?" I tell her and her face goes pale at my honesty. "Does he know you've never been with a guy, I mean I'm assuming you and your ex used things to mimic sex?"
"Yes, I told him that the most I did with a guy was kiss one once," Di tells me. "And yes and no? I mean vibrators, sure and some other smaller toys here and there, nothing over the top? I don't think I'm some victorian maiden who going to bleed or anything. I mean virginity was antiquated at home anyway. It was always more an emphasis on being safe more than anything else, but what if he's bigger than what I've used? What if It does hurt a bit?"
"Well, the most I can say is just be ready for it, don't just try and shove it in and take it slow. Make him work for it." I tell her simply.
"What was it like for you?" She asks and I lean back in the booth pondering.
"Well, I was fifteen, Fred was sixteen. It was a mess looking back on it. It didn't necessarily hurt in the classic way we are told. But It was weird and uncomfortable, but that probably could have come from just not being ready for it. " I tell her quietly. "Physically or Mentally, I don't know really?"
"That horrible sounding," Di frown and I shrug.
"It is, what it was," I say simply. "Pretty all I can say is yes it can hurt and not feel great especially if he's packing some meat and you're not ready for it. So make him work for it, but also communicate, tell him if it's not comfortable. Though if he's a decent guy he'll ask." I tell her as our food finally comes. I grab the ketchup bottle from the condiments and squirt some on the plate keeping clear of the small side salad I got instead of French fries. While she had some sort of fruit waffle, I know she won't have any regrets about it later.
We both take bites of our food, sitting in silence for a moment.
"So I do have to ask…those rumours back in high school about Ken, they were true It seems like you have a good deal of knowledge of well-endowed men after all?"
"You do realize I've dated other people and slept with a few people over the years?"
"Oh come on!" Di pouts at me.
"I'm not discussing that sort of thing sorry but nope," I say shaking my head.
"So you'll give me sex tips and suggestions about your sex life but won't tell me ancient gossip?" Di whines loudly.
"It's not gossip to me Di, I love him and he deserves privacy about certain things. I have no issues or complaints and I'll leave it at that." I tell her shaking my head.
"Fine, but how does one even know if they have never actually seen one before?" Di says groaning.
"If it looks small, it's small to you. If you're like god damn, It's bigger than average. If your ehh it's a penis, it's probably average. Also, it's about a 40% chance that he'll be circumcised or not according to what the baby books said about it when I was pregnant anyway. But really it's a 50/50 chance since apparently, those stats went down since the 90s. It's a toss-up, it's really not all that weird if he isn't. A little strange looking but it becomes normal." I tell her simply. "Oh, I will say if he is on the larger side sometimes lying down on the bed with him standing above you can help with the gag reflex. Learned that one by chance," I say innocently.
"So it is true!" Di goes back to her last question about Ken.
"I said nothing of the sort, again I've dated other people." I shake my head at my sister.
"Okay, okay," Di says shaking her head with a knowing smile before she sobers. "You're doing all right though?"
"I'm good Di, I am and I'll be fine," I say quietly. I take a bite of my sandwich and chewed it slowly. I wasn't really hungry, but I felt like I had to eat at this point.
"So when are you going to tell Mom and Dad," I ask her after I finish my bite.
"About Lucan or the shop?" Di says sighing and I shrug my response my mouth full with another bite. "I guess when I know it's really serious and I plan on inviting them to the shop when it is finished and ready to go."
"Makes sense," I say nodding my head.
"How is work?" She asks me next and I go into more detail and what it's like and how the other interns found out about Ken's dad and know I what nepotism in first hand.
"Well, try having Mom as a principal when you get a good grade," Di reminds me she had felt her own over the years. "It wasn't fun."
"Well, we all know how much I enjoyed school and being sixteen and pregnant well helped me out there," I say shaking my head.
We finish our lunch and fight over the bill, which Nan grabs from me and when I complain she shrugs and says she's older and can afford it more. I give up and let her pay for it she drives me home and I invite her up to see Owen and she spends the rest of the afternoon with us before going back to our parent's house. It was a weekend trip home in disguise for her after all.
" Why does all of glen high who are my sisters' age have this idea that the size of your sausage is something spectacular?" I ask Ken as I rub lotion into my legs later that night.
"Pardon?"
"Why do girls my sisters' age all ask about this rumour of your penis being big? It was the first thing they asked years ago when they found out I was pregnant. Like seriously you said you didn't even date anyone from glen high?"
"Well, this is news to me? I mean there was one time when we had a fight in the boy's locker room and we got pulled into the office in our briefs and jock straps once?" Ken says and his look of confusion is real to me but then again who knows?
"Well it's a rumour that is out there," I say shrugging.
"Look I really don't know, I dated like once and we barely hit second base. I mean in theory she could have said something after I left when I couldn't rebuttal it something but really I don't know Rilla. What did you tell her though?" He asks me curiously.
"I refused to comment, they don't need to know what you're packing," I tell him cheekily. "I doubt you go around telling people about my stitches from giving birth?"
"You got stitches?" Ken says brown furrowing.
"Well, yeah I pushed out a human from my vagina," I say sarcastically. "Maybe you had left the room at that point? It was after the placenta and stuff? Or maybe I think I got the nurse to show you have to swaddle and you helped stamp Owen's feet? I don't know?" I say frowning not remembering it clearly these days."
"It's all a bit of a blur, those days," Ken agrees. "Still probably one of the most amazing things I have ever seen you do." He says it with a touch of amazement in his voice still after all this time.
"Well, you can find out if you want?" I wiggle my brow at him.
"Oh, can I now?" Ken says picking up on my mood.
"Only if you want," I tell him before I pretty much sit in his lap. Trying to shake any sort of past trauma from my head. "But I think you'll want to?" I say nipping his ear, my hand going in between us as don't hide my intentions as I stroke over his crotch. He begins to growl but it turns into a groan when I give him a firm yet gentle squeeze.
The little monster has been in bed for ages by this point and our door was closed so we just let go.
It's rougher than usual, though we do try and keep relatively quiet. We both like control and we both like the struggle as he holds down my hips. Hands and tongues explore places until we are both begging for more. I nip at his lips and his throat, leaving small marks as I do as I hold his wrists down.
"No hands," I tell him in his ear and he growls his response.
"I'll show you no hands," he whispers. He manages to flip us about so I was beneath him.
"Mommy?" I hear Owen cry out. Neither of us can quite move just yet but I manage to pull on a tee shirt of Kens. While he cleaned himself up and toss the rubber in the trashcan we had near the bed for such things. I panic slightly wondering if she called out before and we didn't hear her.
"Mommy!" I hear again
"I'm right here," I say sighing as I open the door and walk across to her room.
"What is it baby," I ask crouching down by her bed feeling her forehead only to find it unusually warm and I frown.
"Come on," lifting her up into my arms and bringing her into the bathroom. I grab the thermometer as Ken comes to investigate.
We give her some Tylenol and I quickly check over the bed as she snuggles with Ken. Nothing says more about life as a parent than a rough tumble about, to share a bed with a toddler who had a fever. Plus, what she doesn't know won't hurt her at the end of the night. Right?
Happy Friday, and Happy Canadian Thanksgiving weekend! Happy Turkey weekend.
If you have any time to spare, comments are always loved and appreciated!
Tina