The only family I need
Written by: JuliaFC
Beta: Genxha, Gray, KhanOfAllOrcs, Yamina20 and akode. Thank you so much!
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by (c) Thomas Astruc, TS1 Bouygues, Disney Channel, Zagtoon, Toei Animation. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
This story is dedicated to all mothers and fathers. Those who have children, those who are trying to conceive. Those who are going through a similar pain than the one Marinette and Adrien are going through here. It's painful, it's extremely hard to deal with physically and psychologically, and it's not spoken of enough. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage, so it's one of the most common losses that people will have to face in the course of their life. However, somehow, it's become a massive taboo to even mention the subject. Well, if you're going through something like this right now, or you ever experienced pregnancy loss and have felt the isolation and heartache of it, this story is dedicated to you.
Happy Christmas! Wish I could wrap you all in the biggest and tightest hug!
oOoOoOoOoOo
Marinette opened her eyes slowly, a deep wave of pain spreading all over her stomach and resonating across her womb. She had eaten hours earlier but for some reason it felt as if she was ready to throw up, nausea hitting her senses like a slap in the face.
She put a hand to her mouth to muffle a groan and worriedly eyed the door to the ensuite of the master bedroom. Behind her, Adrien was nestled to her back with his arm wrapped around her tummy right where the pain was worst. Panic hit Marinette. She didn't want Adrien to wake up. She tried to convince herself it was probably nothing, and he had been so tired recently working overtime...that she didn't want him to lose precious sleep.
Trying her best to muffle the groans of pain, she bit her index finger and carefully moved Adrien's arm to sneak out of bed. When she stood, the world spun and she grabbed hastily at the mattress and bedsheets. Marinette tried to regain her balance but didn't manage to and fell to her knees, which caused the pain to somehow increase.
She doubled over herself and hugged herself tightly, trying to soothe the pain enough to breathe. Not that the discomfort ever stopped, but the most painful jabs seemed to be coming in regular waves, maybe every two or three minutes. Which meant that she had the time to drag herself to the bathroom before it got extra painful again. Unable to stand up completely without having dizzy spells, she supported her weight with one arm, half crawling on the floor, half holding onto the furniture. She eventually managed to reach the door to the ensuite and grabbed the handle, then held on for dear life as she pushed it open and disappeared inside. Having finally made it to her destination, she closed the door behind her as quietly as possible and rushed to the toilet seat to pull down her underwear.
It was stained with blood. Or rather, stained was an understatement. It was soaked in blood.
"Shit," she muttered under her breath. "Must be that time of the month? I thought I only had it less than three weeks ago?" She sat on the toilet, trying to examine the damage. She had already dumped her underwear in the bin, but her pyjama bottoms, and even the top, also needed changing. The pain was buckling her up and it made her mind wander. Yes, she did have quite painful periods, but...never before in her life did she experience agony like she was feeling right now. A new throbbing wave of pain washed through her, leaving her breathless and muffling a further groan. She hugged her core tight and started rocking back and forth, moaning silently as her teeth bit her bottom lip, her eyes squeezed closed in an attempt to release some pain.
What was going on? She dared to peek inside the toilet bowl and noticed how much blood was running down into it. The pain was getting almost unbearable and Marinette couldn't contain her groans anymore.
Suddenly, a flash of pink zipped in the air as Tikki flew up to her face looking at her with her round blue eyes.
"Are you okay, Marinette?" she asked, a deep frown furrowing her brow.
"No," she admitted, as a further pang of pain caused her to nearly scream. She felt a gush of blood coming out of her and held her breath. Her hand reached for the toilet paper, which she got hold of and used to wipe herself. Her heartbeat quickened when she saw the large blood clots that she had just passed.
"This doesn't look normal!" chirped Tikki worriedly. "Maybe we should wake Adrien u—"
"NO!" said Marinette a little louder. "He's working so hard, he's tired. I don't want him to miss out on his sleep."
"Marinette, this definitely isn't your period. Didn't you tell me that you and Adrien have spoken about a certain special topic?"
The girl nodded, tears rolling from her eyes as the truth of what Tikki had said started to sink in. "It happened and I'm losing it, right?" she asked the red kwami. In response, Tikki zipped near her stomach and...and then disappeared inside of her, causing Marinette to gasp. When she reappeared after what felt like a very long time, she had tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Marinette," said the little goddess of creation.
All that was left for Marinette was to cry, take a shower, get changed and hope that she had managed to get up early enough to clean any traces of blood on the bed sheets. Adrien didn't deserve this. She wasn't going to tell him. After all, she had read enough books and websites about pregnancy in the last couple of months and she knew that these things happened.
"Next time, little one. Next time it will be okay."
Next time wasn't okay. And neither was the time after, and the time after the time after. It didn't happen every month, but every month that passed, Marinette lived in fear. She started wearing pads every day and night, terrified that something would happen when she was out with Adrien, or again while she was asleep. She lived with the dread of waking up once more, nauseous and in pain, quickly soaking a pad with blood.
Yet, she kept trying. They had spoken about having a baby a couple of months before the first incident, and when the subject had come up the joy in Adrien's gaze had been immense.
"I have always wanted to have kids of my own, Marinette," he had said, a dreamy gleam flicking through the green of his eyes. "They will be the most spoiled kids in the world. I'll take them everywhere they want to go, and get them anything that they'd ever wish for. You will be a great maman, mon amour," he had said while wrapping her into a hug.
No, she couldn't do that to him. She knew that if he found out how many times in the last two years she had woken up in pain and bleeding, he would start questioning it, questioning whether it was making her sick, whether they had to stop. And she didn't want to stop. She was sure that, if she tried once more, if she ate a little healthier, if she exercised a bit more carefully, if she took better vitamins, made better charts...
"I know what's happening, Tikki," she told the kwami one night.
A couple of nights before, Marinette had taken a first response pregnancy test and had seen clearly the two lines appear on the stick. She had cried that night, because it was the first time that she had actually seen the lines, and she hadn't been getting sick and bleeding. She had even booked an appointment with her GP in order to confirm pregnancy with a blood test, and considered booking in with a gynecologue. She had allowed herself to start scrolling pregnancy websites, type the start date of her last period and see the due date of the 6th of September of the following year. She had allowed herself to start dreaming, dreaming of making a little black onesie, with cat ears on a little black hat, and the embroidering 'papa loves meow' on the chest, to announce the pregnancy to Adrien.
And yet, just a couple of days later she'd just taken a fresh pregnancy test to find out that the two lines had completely vanished. Then sure enough, the cramps had started. The blood had gushed out. And now she was again sitting on the toilet seat crying all her tears.
"It's me being Ladybug, isn't it? It's my fault. I'm killing my babies!" The sound of her sobs echoed in the small ensuite as she banged her fists against the cold ceramic tiles of the shower's walls, gushes of water splashing against her naked skin and washing away the blood. Again. Yet another failed attempt.
"That's not correct, Marinette. The suit protects you. I protect you. I would never allow something to happen to one of your little beans." The frown on Tikki's face looked almost outraged that her chosen could even consider the possibility of what she'd just said.
"Sorry, Tikki. I know you protect me, but I can't help feeling that, you know, with all the hits I take and the rolls on the ground and all that...it could harm the baby somehow."
Tikki sighed. "Stop worrying about it. It's not that, I promise you. The baby is already in a perfectly safe container, inside your womb. Usually, as long as someone doesn't kick you straight in the tummy, nothing happens, even without the suit. I've seen it with a lot of my previous Ladybugs, some of whom became mothers while being holders. It's not the fights."
"Then what is it?" hissed Marinette, glaring at her red friend, tears streaming from her eyes and mixing with the water of the shower she was still under. "Why am I so unlucky? It's been two years we've been trying now. I'm losing hope…" The sound of her sobs resounded for a long time in the steamy shower before she felt well enough to get out and return to bed.
oOoOoOoOoOo
"So...when are you going to make me become an aunty, Marinette?" Alya asked a little while later. They happened to be shopping for food at Monoprix and passed in front of the baby aisle, surrounded by nappies of every shape and size, adorable bibs and onesies and even prettier little hats.
Marinette groaned, a surge of nausea hitting her like a punch in the stomach. She looked at Alya with a frown and retorted, "I could ask you the same."
"Eh," sighed Alya, "you know it's not easy for me. I'm still trying to get established as a journalist. If I were going to have a baby, it could irreparably compromise my chances of a career. Besides," she added with a little pout, "Nino is doing a few gigs here and there, but is far from stable. Having a kid is a big responsibility and a big financial strain. We would be idiots to try until we were more secure money-wise." Alya tenderly stroked a little onesie with a fox cub embroidered on the front. "You, however, don't have that issue. Adrien is loaded, thanks to his job. You wouldn't even need to work and instead are already making good money selling your creations with your online shop. And besides, Adrien's dying to become a papa."
Marinette leaned against the shelf in front of her, resting her forehead on the cold metal, her eyes closed, trying to get relief from the splitting headache running through her head. "I know," she muttered in a low tone, her throat dry, her eyes wet from the tears she was trying to hold in. "I know he is."
Alya moved closer and leaned to put a hand on her shoulder. "Then what's going on, girl? Why do I hear Adrien complaining to Nino, in confidence, that for some time now you refuse to touch him, or let him touch you? I couldn't believe it when Nino told me."
As Alya said that, Marinette felt an urge to facepalm. 'In confidence' my foot. Nino couldn't keep a secret from Alya even if his life depended on it. But she couldn't bring herself to facepalm, or groan, because the pain was starting to get unbearable. So she kept quiet, squeezed her eyes shut and kept listening to her friend's outburst. As painful as her words were, hitting right in her sorest spot, she knew Alya meant well.
"After all the talks we had back in Collège," continued Alya, "with you dreaming of what it would feel like to be with him. He's your husband now, you can get hot and steamy with him whenever you want...and what do you do? You neglect him? You just go to bed, turn around and pretend to sleep? Honestly, girl? Poor Sunshine child! Do I need to lecture you on how important sex is in a relationship?"
"Shhhhh," hissed Marinette, trying to make her friend lower her voice. She didn't want the whole supermarket to know about her personal struggles, after all. Besides, she had a terrible splitting headache and couldn't take her friend talking any longer even at a lower volume." He wants to have sex without a condom," Marinette managed to let out.
Alya put her hands to her hips and raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Last time I checked, that's the way you have babies...he told Nino that you spoke about it among yourselves. How long ago was that? A couple of years? It wasn't only him wanting kids, right? I remember you wanted three, back in Collège…"
"It's complicated, Al—" Marinette started to say, but couldn't finish her friend's name because a sharp cramp in her tummy caused her to groan in pain and crouch over herself.
That's when Alya realised that something was off. "Marinette? Girl, are you alright? Do you need to sit down? What's going on, you're as pale as a sheet…" Alya instinctively ran to Marinette and leaned closer, but Marinette felt breathless and pushed her away to get some air.
"Sorry, Alya, don't take it personally, I can't breathe."
"Girl," said Alya in a worried tone, as she moved a little bit on the side, "you're bleeding."
Marinette looked down at her jeans and groaned. Yes, there she was. Again. "I...need to use the restroom. Can we go to your apartment?"
"Sure!" said Alya immediately. "It's only a block away. Hold on to me, we'll be there in no time and we can call an ambulance."
Marinette turned towards her and gasped. "No, no ambulance. I'm okay. I'll explain."
Alya left the trolley with the shopping they had been making up to then at the side of the aisle and moved to Marinette's right, holding her by the arm to prevent her from falling. "Yes, you'll explain it to me later. Let's go home, come on."
oOoOoOoOoOo
Alya frowned at her best friend, who was sitting on the toilet, wearing a pair of panties and jeans that she had lent her. The jeans were going to be a little baggy, since Alya was a size bigger than Marinette. However, it was either that or nothing, considering that Marinette's trousers and panties were now washing in Alya's washing machine.
"How long has this been going for?" she asked, her arms folded to her chest.
Marinette sighed and sniffled a couple of times. "About two years."
"What?" Alya's eyes went huge. "And you haven't told him?"
Marinette pinned her elbows to her thighs and covered her eyes with her hands, trying to muffle a sob. "Nope."
"Why? Girl, this is serious. You've been having miscarriages almost every month for the last two years? That's practically the amount of time Adrien told Nino you've been trying."
"I know," cried Marinette, "I'm perfectly aware of that, Alya. But...I couldn't tell him."
"Why couldn't you tell him, Marinette?" Alya crouched down at her height and grabbed hold of Marinette's hands, forcing her to look her in the eye.
New tears rolled down Marinette's cheeks. She lowered her gaze, as if unable to hold Alya's as she said, "I was scared."
Alya leaned in. "Scared of what? Marinette, look at me." When finally Marinette matched gazes with her again, Alya continued, "There's nobody more understanding, supportive and amazing than Adrien, girl. Why are you afraid of talking to him?"
Marinette looked away. "I...don't want to worry him. He's been so busy with his work and—"
"Bullshit!" Alya gripped Marinette more firmly, then raised on hand to lift her friend's chin and force eye contact. "You're lying, Marinette. You're doing it again, right? You're keeping him out of the loop, withholding crucial information from him. You're not giving him the full picture. Why? Why do you want him to stay out of the loop? Don't you think he deserves to know? They're his babies, too…"
New tears rolled down Marinette's cheeks as her eyes grew wide at her friend's remark. Tikki chose that moment to emerge from Marinette's purse and zip up to float between the two girls' faces.
"I've told her that many times, Alya, but Marinette is stubborn. She won't listen. I told her to tell Adrien, but no, she keeps hiding it as if it was a criminal offence." The little kwami lowered her gaze and pouted. "She feels guilty about it, Alya, she thinks that being Ladybug is affecting her ability to hold a pregnancy."
Alya sucked her breath in and sat down, legs crossed, on the floor. "But...I spoke to Trixx some years ago, when Nino and I had been talking about having kids, and Trixx said very clearly that being Rena Rouge wouldn't affect my ability to have babies because the suit would protect me."
"That's what I told her too! And besides, even if she did get hit badly in her lower tummy, the Miraculous Ladybug would put things right again. It's not being Ladybug. I and all the other kwamis have had plenty of holders who became mothers over the course of the millennia. But no, Marinette is adamant. She's even considered giving up Guardianship and losing her memories!"
"NO! You can't do that, Marinette!"
"What other choice do I have? I do want to be a mother, I want to have kids, I want to give Adrien the family he craves and deserves, but...if being Ladybug is taking this away from us…If it's killing my babies..."
Alya raised herself up to her knees and grabbed Marinette by the shoulders. "Girl, have you listened to anything that Tikki and I have been saying up to now? It's not the suit! It's not the fights!"
"What is it, then? Why do I end up like this every time? You know that last month I had finally gotten a positive pregnancy test? Up to then, I didn't get to that point. I lost it every time even before a first response could detect it. Well, I got the two lines one day and two days later, poof! They had vanished. I had booked an appointment with the doctor about it and when I rang to cancel, the woman told me to bring the stick in the office next time because 'evidently, I didn't know how to read it'!"
Alya pouted. "What a bitch…"
"Right?" Marinette wiped her eyes dry, but new tears quickly replaced the ones she had brushed off.
"Right," agreed Alya. "But this doesn't take away the fact that you shouldn't be dealing with this situation by yourself. Now I understand why you're trying to keep Adrien at arm's length, it sounds as if he only needs to breathe on you and you get pregnant. But it's not fair on him, Marinette. He told Nino that he was afraid you didn't love him anymore. Can you believe that?"
Marinette sucked her breath in, her eyes widening in shock as Alya's words sank in.
"Yeah, right, that feeling. Nino managed to reassure him this time but, Marinette, you need to talk to him. You need to do something. Already years ago he got angry and upset for being kept in the dark for stupid superhero stuff. Just imagine how he would feel if he knew you were hiding something like this!"
"He wants a family, Alya," muttered Marinette, head down. "What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore?" She grabbed her friend by the collar and glared at her, straight in the eye, her face millimeters from the brunette's. "Do you know how hard it's been for me, the last two years? Dreading it every time? Living in fear? Seeing two Mother's Days passing by, having to pretend to be happy and cheerful for my own mother, but in reality dying inside because I couldn't have kids? I couldn't fulfil his greatest wish? I wasn't good enough to be a mother? Hearing you every time, asking me when he was going to get me knocked up? Repeating to my face what a failure of a woman I am? I feel so empty..."
Alya's frown had no malice, no judgement, only compassion and true chagrin as she hugged her friend tightly. "I'm sorry, Marinette. You're a great friend and leader, but you're making me want to slap you until you lose consciousness. What are you talking about, girl? You know how much I love you. How much all of us love and respect you. You're not a failure! And that man of yours...That man adores you so much that he would love you even if you were a spirit and talking from a machine connected to God! He's been in love with you since you were both 13. He would never leave you!"
But, of course, Marinette didn't listen. Alya shook her head in disappointment over the following weeks as she noticed that nothing had changed.
Another few months passed, and yet again Marinette took a pregnancy test in her bathroom to find the two lines glaring at her, clear and bright. They were darker than the last time because Marinette had been afraid and delayed taking the test. But now she was three whole days late for her period, so the temptation was too big not to check.
She still didn't say a word. She waited day after day, even afraid to book an appointment with the doctor, in case she got the same reaction as before from the receptionist. She lived a whole three weeks in terror, too afraid to do anything, including transforming into Ladybug.
Eventually she did go to the doctor, who confirmed the pregnancy and set up her following visits. The more days passed, the more she was thinking of the best way to break the news to Adrien. To make the announcement memorable for him.
However, at the crack of dawn of the day of her first scan everything went downhill again. Once more, Marinette woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible pain butchering her insides. As soon as she opened her eyes, she recognised it.
"Shiiiiit," she hissed under her breath. She had decided only a couple of weeks ago to stop wearing pads in her underwear, and now she could feel that she was wet to the touch between her legs. She looked at her hand after feeling the area, and saw bright red blood staining her fingers.
"Damn it!" She stood up from the bed and crawled her way to the ensuite, letting herself kneel down in the middle of the shower. She turned it on, not even bothered that she was still wearing clothes and they were now getting soaked. She would have to change them anyway, as they were covered in blood.
She would also have to do something about the bedsheets, a mess like the one she could see in full display on her pyjamas wasn't going to go unnoticed tomorrow morning. And then Adrien would find out; she couldn't allow that. She didn't want to allow that. He couldn't know...whatever Alya said, he couldn't know...
"Marinette, what's going on?" asked Tikki's sleepy voice. The little kwami zipped in through the ensuite door and her sleepy expression immediately turned to horror when she looked at her chosen. She was covered in her own blood and soaking wet, sitting on her knees in the middle of the shower, her eyes full of tears, her bloody hands leaving bloody fingerprints all over her face as she cried. "Marinette? Oh no…"
"There wasn't even an akuma recently. I didn't even transform…" she was muttering under her breath as she hugged her middle section and groaned in pain.
Tikki flew to her face and looked at her for a long time. "I did tell you it wasn't your role as Ladybug, Marinette. You need to talk to Adrien. There must be something that is going wrong and until you talk to him, until you go to a doctor with him, you will never know."
"I can't show him this, Tikki. He would be devastated!" she cried in between sobs. "He would think I'm not good enough for him…"
Tikki's frown morphed from concerned to compassionate in the snap of a finger. So that was it. That's the reason why Marinette was keeping it from him. Nope. Tikki wouldn't allow Marinette to keep hurting herself. Shaking a little from her anger, she gave her chosen a serious look and zipped out the door.
"Where are you going? Tikki?" whispered Marinette, but it was too late, Tikki had disappeared from her view. The little kwami flew to the bed and started pulling on Adrien's hair.
"Uh, I'm awake, I'm awake…" said Adrien with a yawn. He switched the light on and focused his sleepy gaze on the little red dot that kept buzzing around him. "What's going on? Is it an akuma? Where's Marin—" he started to say when he noticed that his wife wasn't in bed with him, but when he pulled the blankets to get up he noticed the big bloody stains. He gasped and dashed out of bed, darting his gaze around until he saw the light switched on in the ensuite.
"Marinette! Marinette, what happened? Are you okay?" he shouted, banging his fist on the door.
"Uh," he heard Marinette saying from inside. "I'm okay, go back to bed."
"Marinette, what's going on? There's blood on the bed sheets!" he muttered, his heart pumping madly in his throat.
"I'm goo—" she started to say, but as she said that, her words turned into groans and next thing Adrien heard, she was screaming in pain.
"MARINETTE!" Adrien instinctively started crashing his shoulder against the door and moving the handle, trying to get in. "Fuck, it's locked! Marinette, hold on!" He ran a hand through his hair, looking around and trying to think of a way to break through the door. He glanced down at his ring and was ready to say the transformation words and wake up Plagg from his cheese-induced, coma-like sleep, when he saw Tikki zipping through the door, and after a second, he heard a clack and the door cracked open. He put a hand to the handle and burst inside.
Only to freeze on the spot and look at Marinette with his eyes wide. His hand ran to his mouth as his body moved at breakneck speed towards his wife inside the shower. Marinette was doubled up over herself, covered in her own blood, her stained and wet clothes sticking to her skin and showing what she wore underneath in a see-through effect. His arms were around her shoulders in an instant, oblivious to the water from the shower soaking his hair and clothes and to the blood that was staining his own pyjamas and skin.
"What's happening, M'lady?" he whispered into her ear. "Where's all this blood coming from?"
"I've been trying to convince her to talk to you for literally ages, Adrien, I'm so sorry," said Tikki lowering her gaze.
Her comment made Adrien gasp. "Has this happened before?" he asked, while Marinette screamed again and wrapped herself around him, holding him desperately.
"I'm sorry, Aaaaaaaaah—Adrien," breathed Marinette in between screams. "I didn't want you to find out."
"Find out what?" he asked, still trying to get his head around what was going on.
"It's happened almost every month for the past two and a half years," whispered Tikki, her guilty looking gaze darting between Marinette's face contorted with pain and Adrien's pale and shocked one. "This time she was further along, so it probably hurts more."
As Adrien slowly took in the clots running down the ceramic tiles of the shower, the blood staining his wife's clothing and skin, and her screams of agony, his eyes widened in the shock of understanding. He leaned in, covering his screaming wife and wrapping her into a bone-crushing hug. "Why didn't you tell me, Marinette? Why did you keep this to yourself? Hadn't we decided we were going to tell each other everything?"
"Why should I have told you?" she retorted angrily. Then she must have noticed the hurt in his eyes, because her glare turned into a pleading look.
"I'm sorry," she eventually said, when her pain seemed to subside momentarily, in between screams. "I was hoping that eventually one would stick. I didn't want to worry you…" But as he heard her saying that, he saw that Tikki was shaking her head and shooting her a disapproving look.
"Something tells me that it's not completely the truth, Buginette. Please. What are you trying to hide from me? How can I help you if I'm kept in the dark? I thought you didn't love me anymore, it broke my heart. I love you so much, mon amour. Please talk to me."
Marinette held onto him for dear life, as she uttered a louder groan and finally, she relaxed a little in his hold. She hugged him tight, her frame shaken by sobs she was finally able to let out.
"I'm sorry, Adrien. When we spoke about starting a family two years ago, you were so happy thinking about having kids. But...I tried. I tried so hard! I...don't know what's wrong, it just doesn't want to stay inside me. I thought it was me being Ladybug and I was ready to give up on everything because I wanted to give you the family you crave and deser—"
He stopped her by moving slightly to have a better look at her face and lifting her chin. "You wanted to do what?"
"Give up on being Ladybug and being the Guardian." She saw that he was trying to speak and she put a finger on his lips. "I have realised this time that it's not about that. I haven't transformed once this time round and...it still happened. It must be something different, but I can't put my finger on what it could be."
He suddenly stiffened and looked down, his Adam's apple bobbing as he gulped dryly. "D-do you think that...it's -my fault? Because I'm—"
"Don't you even dare think something as silly as that," she retorted, cutting him off. "It's not your fault, or at least, it's not for the reason that you think. We have been told very clearly that it doesn't matter. No, I don't want to believe it." She felt him relax in her hold and let out a sigh that Marinette assumed must have been of relief. "Silly Chaton," she whispered into his ear. "And you know I would love you anyway, even if it was that."
He sighed a painful sigh and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Me too, Marinette. So tell me, why was it so scary to talk to me about it?"
She blushed bright red. "Be-because I was afraid." She blushed darker under his scrutinising gaze. "Afraid that I wouldn't be good enough for you."
His hold on her shuddering form grew tighter, if possible. "It's me who doesn't deserve you, M'lady," he whispered, his words muffled by his lips pushing against her forehead.
Then he moved to look her in the eye. "Now let's take these clothes stained with blood off, shall we, and let's get you washed. Do you want to go to the hospital now?" He saw her shaking her head and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "We'll go in the morning, then. But we must get you checked out."
He proceeded to help her take her clothes off, help her clean up the mess, and help her wash off the blood. Once they were dressed in fresh pyjamas, hair towel dried and bedsheets changed, he picked her up bridal style and placed her gently into bed, making sure to tuck her in and kiss her. Then, he crawled back into bed himself, hugging her tight from behind and placing a soft kiss on the top of her still damp hair.
"We'll find a way together, M'lady. We can go to a doctor and get us checked up to see where the problem lies. We can work with it, and if it means that you need to step down from being Ladybug for a few months I'm sure Alya will be more than happy to be your substitute. Or I can be Mr Bug. But you heard Tikki, it's not that."
She grabbed his hands and held them tight. "Thank you, Adrien. I'm sorry for having kept you out of the loop again. I love you so much!" Her hold on his hands grew tighter, as he placed another kiss on the back of her head.
"I love you too, Buginette. More than my life. Never doubt that again, please, and never, ever think again that you're not good enough for me."
"What if...there's no solution?" she asked after a long pause. "What if we can't have any kids?"
He hugged her again, tighter than under the shower. "We can work around that too. There's other options we can consider, depending on what's wrong. Worst case scenario, we can adopt."
Marinette gasped and got out of his hold to turn around and look at him with her eyes wide. "Are you sure?"
"Positive." He smiled a genuine smile that reached his eyes and made them sparkle in ways that released a whole kaleidoscope of butterflies in her belly. "Whatever we decide to do, I will give my family all my love. Whether it comes from us or not. And if it's going to be only us, M'lady, that's also okay. You're my family now; the only family I really need is you." Then his smile changed into one of amusement. "We could...even just have two or three hamsters in the very worst case scenario. I remember you telling me that you like them. We could call them…"
But he didn't finish his sentence because he noticed that she had fallen asleep and was now breathing softly on his neck.
"I'm so lucky to have you, Marinette. My love, my family, my world." He felt her cuddling more tightly on his chest and sighed heavily. As long as they were together, he had everything that he needed. Because all he really needed was her.
Author's Note:
*waves*
I'm sorry to come back with such a sad story. Well, at least they managed to talk it through at the end and find comfort in each other, so maybe not the saddest, but you know what I mean.
This story came to me when I realised that October (I know, I hear you. It's December now…) was the month dedicated to pregnancy loss. I was reading the supporting material and it stuck a thorn into me when it said that women don't talk enough about this reality, and that it's often seen as something that shouldn't be mentioned. And I knew it was right, because I went through something similar myself. Not as long as I described here in this story, but it happened to me too. In case you wondered, the chemical pregnancy Marinette had, and the way the nurse spoke to her when she cancelled the appointment...that was autobiographical. Yes, people can be horrible even when they mean well.
It's true that pregnancy loss is one of the biggest taboos and the best kept secrets. We're encouraged as couples not to say anything to anyone about expecting, at least until the first scan at 12 weeks, so we usually just do that. And most miscarriages happen during the first trimester, so most people never manage to let out the fact that they even miscarried in the first place.
What makes it worse is right that: the isolation. The fact that you're almost not *allowed* to talk about it, to voice out your feelings, to feel sorry for yourself. You're pushed to think that life moves on, that you can't stop and cry for something that still wasn't human. You're told that 'it's only a bundle of flesh 3-4 mm long', and to get a grip and stop moaning about it and get on with life, when all you want is just curl into a ball and cry all your tears. Because for you, the 'bundle of flesh 3-4 mm long' is a baby. It may not be one still physically, but it IS in your head, from the second you saw the two lines appearing on the pregnancy test. It doesn't matter whether it can survive outside the womb or not.
In this story I wanted to convey to you all a message of hope this Christmas, a message about dialogue within the couple, about being truthful and about not being afraid to ask for help. About the fact that there are other solutions, other things that can be done, that you don't need to just suffer alone. I know it's a really hard subject, but I hope that some of you decided that it was worth taking the risk to read it, and will drop me a note.
Thank you for reading my story. I hope you will like it enough to decide to bless me with a comment. All comments are welcome and cherished! It doesn't have to be a long and articulated critique, even a heartfelt hug or short comment will do. Just remember that your comments are what make me (and all other writers, but in this case, me in particular) keep going when I'm upset and want to give up and throw the towel. So make *us* a present, this Christmas, and comment on our stories! If there's a story that you liked and you felt unsure of commenting on, please go back to it and add a note. Something. Anything.
Happy Christmas everyone!
Also, if you read this and you're not part of our wonderful Discord server already, but you enjoy reading, writing and talking about Miraculous, please join our Discord server, Miraculous Fanworks (for people on FFN, discord dot gg slash mlfanworks). See you there soon.