Panda bear's Art of War

Chapter 4

CAVE ATTACK AND DEFENSE part: 2

23:54 hours, March 9, 2006 (civilian calendar)\Bloodgulch map, sol system, simulated Halo

The onslaught came in an instant, one moment, Panda bear and the rest of the blue team were chatting idly in the cave, to pass some time and to bond. And the next moment, 7 red dots registered on their motion-sensing radars and quickly spread out.

"I'm going out," New001 said and was out of the cave before anyone could stop him. The poor nooby was gunned down with 3 inhumanly precise shots to the head even before he could take aim with his personal rocket launcher.

"No! You stupid…" the rocket-hog-manning Jimmy said through the COM a second too late.

(New001 was killed by JediMaster)

A red Spartan appeared in the cave entrance while the blue team was still in shock, she threw a frag grenade into the cave, and the projectile landed perfectly in the middle of the huddle of warthogs. In the next moment, every Blue Spartan was engulfed in a wave of heat and shrapnel before even one of the hogs could open fire.

"Someone go cover the entrance!" Panda quickly typed as the team began to re-orient the flipped warthogs. Turtleneck sprinted to the entrance and unleashed a cloud of super-heated flame into the red "Longcat", who died before she could lounge another grenade into the cave. Unfortunately, the grenade that was about to be thrown had already been primed and fell at her feet in a shower of deadly sparks. It erupted a moment later in another yellow infernal that engulfed and killed Turtleneck.

(Longcat was killed by Turtleneck)

(Turtleneck was killed by Longcat)

"Noooo!" typed a re-spawning Turtleneck.

"lol," Longcat laughed while she too was in the process of being reborn.

"Crap." Panda cursed and hastily threw a grenade, which landed just outside of the entrance, and exploded-explosively. 3 Warthogs had been flipped over and Jimmy and Blue 002 already manned two. 7up, unfortunately, had been squashed while the third hog was being flipped over.

(7Up was killed by a Vehicle)

Panda Bear jumped on the third rocket warthog and unleashed two rockets at the entrance before he ran out of rockets and had to reload. Unicorny and Bellsy, who had been assigned to relieve Panda Bear and Turtle in the lower cave, quickly came sprinting up the back-tunnel and joining in the defense.

"go bac dwn to the low-cave. their tryin to flank us!" Blue 002 hastily commanded, spelling errors and all, and the two Spartans turned in mid-stride to retreat back into their original stations. But a firefight instantly broke out only half way down into the lower cave. Blue 002 was right, only he was too late, by the time that Bellsy and Unicorny had went back down, 3 reds had already penetrated into the lower cave and was half way up the tunnel into the main cave when Bellsy and Unicorn met them. The rhythmic flashing of lights bouncing off of the tunnel wall from the gun fight reminded Panda of a night out at some disco-bar which was playing techno-pop extraordinaire, but now was hardly the time to think about disco, he was on the verge of death.

A red dot moved along his radar, slowly creeping towards the entrance of their cave, and Panda trained his sights on the ground at the cave opening.

(Red7 was killed by Unicorny)

(Bellsy was killed by Spartan 117)

(Spartan 117 was killed by Unicorny)

(Unicorny was killed by Dirtbag)

Panda knew he had to go engage Dirtbag or the remaining Blues would be history, the red dot on his radar was waiting for the moment when Dirtbag threw his grenade into the blue team's warthog formation. Whoever had mounted and planned this attack was a strategic genius, the red's knew how many people would be guarding the lower cave, and how the blues would react, and within the first 10 seconds of the attack, 5 Blue Spartans had been killed while the reds only suffered 3 casualties.

Panda jumped off from his warthog and threw a frag grenade into the narrow tunnel leading into the main cave. Following the echoing explosion, he ran down the tunnel to greet his enemy, Dirtbag. Panda brought his assault rifle to bear and prepared to engage his enemy at any second, usually he would use the M6D pistol for a one-on-one engagement, but the tunnel was so narrow that even the assault rifle couldn't miss. Dirtbag rounded a corner and came face to face with Panda Bear, who was waiting. The blue Spartan quickly "F"ed (F key Melee attack) Dirtbag in the face and while his enemy was trying to make out what was happening, Panda let 60 rounds fly and penetrate straight and deepinto the chest plate of his enemy, who fell and died.

(Dirtbag was killed by Panda Bear)

(Jimmy was killed by Jedi Master)

(Jedi Master was killed by Jimmy)

(2kewl4u was killed by Jimmy)

It looks as if Jimmy blew up two reds before got blown up himself, I gotta make it back up into the cave, Blue002 needs help. Panda turned and entered the main cave again. Jimmy's body lay beside a flipped rocket-hog while Blue 002 poured a hail of bullets through the entrance. Panda Bear swiftly jumped on the back of the remaining rocket hog and fired the 1 rocket remaining in its barrel. At a time when the enemy is rushing you, it's always good to fire all your remaining rockets and let it reload to the full 3 barrel if you get the chance.

(Chuck Norris: We can't waste time! The cave must be taken before the cursed Blues get back to reinforce them!)

Apparently, that was meant as a TEAM COM, judging by the deafening silence from the red team after that command, Chucky must have pressed "T" instead of "Y" when talking. Leaking "important military info."

Panda Bear trained his rocket on the entrance and prepared to fire at any moment and it came quickly. The red Spartan "Caboose" appeared around the corner and was blown away even before a single bullet came out of his assault rifle.

(Chuck Norris: You FOOL! Caboose, you have utterly DESTROYED my CUNNING and GENIUS plan! Must I always deal with these fools?)

Panda almost laughed, an evil-genius-drawl would have completed that statement made by Chucky, this was one of those times when Panda Bear wished that Halo Online Multiplayer supported voice-chat; but then again, that would be too-funny and no one would fight anymore. The Spartans were designed to kill-in-style, not laugh like a pack of idiots at someone's strange accent when they should be blowing each other up.

(JediMaster: Oh oh! Wanna hear a Chuck Norris Joke!) JediMaster paused for dramatic effect. (JediMaster: When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris! Hahahahaha) He laughed and appeared to be the only one laughing, an awkward silence hung in the air, (JediMaster: Oh oh! And, Chuck Norris' tears are proven to cure cancer… TOO BAD HE'S NEVER CRIED! AHAHAHAHAHA)

(Everyone playing the game (EPTG): … Oooooohh, good one…)

(Chuck Norris: Are you quite done yet?)

(JediMaster: No! heck no! I have lots more, like…)

(EPTG: SHUT UP!)

(JediMaster: okay.)

And so, the so called CAVE ATTACK AND DEFENSE was completely forgotten moments later, as each person began to communicate their own intellect in the field of Chuck Norris jokes

And they lived happily ever after.

End of CAVE ATTACK AND DEFENSE

There is no end, there is only Chuck Norris! (I came up with that one myself)

I am simply using the Chuck Norris phenomenon as a cheap way of making my story funny, well, I find the Chuck Norris jokes funny, so there! BUWAHAHAHA! And by the way the ("F" ed) thing came from "Systemcrashed" (slowpoke)'s fics, he thought that up, so he gets credit.

REVIEW, it's your destiny!

Next up... err... new maps and new strategies!

Here's a random blurb, Up till now, I've always been playing the Halo trial, and blood gulch was the only online option, but just a few days ago, I got full version and I'm having a BLAST blasting people away with scorpions and other stuff! So now I can write about other maps! Yay!