A/N: Hey guys, I'm back. So sorry it took so long, but I've been rather ill, and not in the good mental way, either. I'm going to try and keep this story smoothly developing over the next few weeks without any more interruptions. BUT, I make NO promises! Anyway, I would like to give some credit to DarkShadow1818, for without her help, I would still be futilely thrashing about in the death grip of the dreaded WRITER'S BLOCK! I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please tell me what you think of it. I LOVE REVIEWS! I LOVES THEM GOOOOOOOOD!
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Chapter 2
THE ALLIANCE OF DOOM OF THE LITTLE, WAFFLE EATING GREEN MAN FROM BEYOND THE STARS WHO YELLS DRAMATICALLY FOR NO APPARENT REASON TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR AND THE WEIRD IRISH BOY FROM BEYOND SOUTHHAMPTON!
Byron was awakened by a loud beeping sound that was in rhythm with his heartbeat. He quickly discovered a cold feeling in his lags and the strange taste of cold tacos in his mouth. He opened his eyes to find a distorted, green vision of a strange environment around him. The lab swirled in and out of perspective, along with the little green figure that scurried back and forth. It didn't take Byron long to figure out that Zim had imprisoned him in a large glass tube that was filled with a strange green fluid that he, at present, could successfully respirate in. He floated there, in the tube, watching as Zim busied himself with his countless computers and monitors and calculated who knows what for who knows why. After about twenty minutes of watching this strange display of alien work ethic, Byron attempted, for the second time that day, to speak with Zim.
"Uh, Zim?" Byron said, experiencing slight difficulty in communication due to his lungs being full of fluids.
"Eh?" Zim shrieked and spun around on his heels. "Oh, you're awake. EXCELLENT!" He screamed.
"Yeah, um, could you get me out of here?"
"Why would I want to do that, Earth-stink?" He asked with a rather precious quizzical look on his face. "Since the Dib-beast escaped last time, YOU shall have the great honor of being the first HUMAN to be dissected in the name of Irken scientific advancement! I'll find out just what makes your pathetic, stinking body of MEAT and hair function!" Zim said the 'M-word' with a loud hiss and arched his fist at Byron as he yelled.
'Ah, shite! What have I gone and done now?' Byron thought.
"But, I have a pressing matter to attend to first!"
Just then, Gir ran into Byron's field of sight and screamed, "Master, your waffles are done!" He then busied himself with rolling around on the floor and screeching at the top of what ever he has for lungs.
"Enough, Gir! Guard the prisoner while I claim my waffles! OH, such waffles I shall claim!" He then turned and pointed a claw at Byron. "And when I get back, THE DISSECTION SHALL BEGIN!"
"Um, Zim?"
"WHAT?" He yelled.
"What's that?" Byron asked and pointed toward another tube with a creepy smiling child in it.
"That's Nick. He's UNNATURALLY happy!" He screamed then marched off in a hurried pace toward wherever the waffles were, leaving Byron and Gir all by their lonesomes.
Nick watched Zim march off and yelled, "I LOVE being a prisoner! IT'S GREAT!"
"Yeah," Byron said worriedly. "Hey, Gir," he said with a wave.
"Hey, Byron person! How's the mongooses treating you?"
"Not so good. How about yourself?"
"I can't complain." Gir's tongue stuck out the side of his mouth as he started contently up at Byron.
"Say, could you let me go, Gir? For old times sake?"
"But master said to guard you while he eats his WAFFELS!" Gir said with a sudden jerk of his body.
"He didn'a say I had to stay in the tube," Byron said with a whine.
Gir stood there for a moment before there was a loud popping sound and a small trail of smoke rose from the top of Gir's head. "OKAY!" He yelled and slammed his fist into the control panel, causing sparks to fly across the room.
Zim was upstairs in the kitchen obliviously eating his waffles as Dib continued to intently watched him via his hidden camera as he had done for many weeks, so, fortunately, he did not hear the loud commotion that was occurring down below in the lab.
A siren whaled and the computer announced, "SYSTEM PURGE! SYSTEM PURGE," as the tube rapidly drained and spit Byron out onto the floor. He lay there for a few minutes coughing up green fluid before he was able to speak.
"Thanks Gir."
"Es no problema, señor!" He said with a smile.
"When'd you learn Spanish?" Byron asked.
"¡Yo lo aprendí hace algunos meses cuando trabajé en el taco loco!" He laughed.
"Okay." The pair's linguistics class was quickly interrupted by the approaching sound of boot steps. Byron hurriedly scrambled behind a nearby fuel barrel that was tastefully adorned with the Irken military symbol and watched.
"Gir! Where is the prisoner!"
"Yo no sé!" Gir responded happily.
Byron choked back a laugh and quietly walked from hiding place to hiding place. He reached into his pocket and quickly pulled out his trusty switchblade. Carefully, Byron snuck up behind Zim. 'I hope he doesn't know any commando moves that'll feck this one up.'
The next thing Zim knew, there was a cold blade against his throat and a hot breath on the back of his neck. "Zim, I don't know much about your biology, but I'm sure, at the least, this will be quite painful. So, just relax and I won't hurt you, if you cooperate. No one is going to be dissected this day!"
While this was unfolding, Dib had just abandoned his "waffle cam" and turned on his police scanner. He trudged his way through the messy pile that was his bedroom floor and turned on his computer. After a few minutes, Dib poured himself a hot root beer and logged into The Swollen Eyeball network. It was but a few more minutes before he was regaling Agent Darkbootie with the latest goings-on in the cafeteria with Zim.
"My god, Mothman! And no one noticed this?" Darkbootie asked.
"Not a single one! I'm convinced he's using a sinister mind control device that affects everyone at skool except myself. It must be that my super intelligent brain can resist it." Dib said triumphantly.
"Um, that being the case," Agent Darkbootie said humoringly, "we still need proof that this 'Zim' is actually an extra terrestrial that is bent on world conquest. If you can bring us this proof, you'll have your autopsy and complementary 'I caught an alien' coffee mug."
"Ooh, coffee mug," Dib smiled. His expression then hardened. "I'll get your proof. I'll get it if it's the last thing I ever do!"
"Excellent! Inform me once you have the proof. And you better be for real this time! Agent Darkbootie, signing off."
"Agent Mothman, signing off." Dib said and turned off his computer. He ducked under his bed and reemerged in his ninja garb. "I'll get the proof. It'll be such fantastic, incontrovertible proof, that it'll, um, prove me, ah, forget it. He said and dove out his window in a dramatic fashion only to become tangled in the power lines. "Ahhhhh!" he screamed as fifty thousand volts of grade-a American electricity surged through his body.
Driven by his curious nature, Professor Membrane, along with his ventriloquist dummy pal, Otto, stuck his head in the door to investigate the loud screams coming from upstairs. He watched for a few seconds as Dib was electrocuted and then turned back toward the stairs. "My poor, super-charged, insane son!" He looked down at his little dummy and said, "Isn't that right, Otto?"
"Yes Professor!" It replied in a high-pitched voice. "He's totally insane!"
Meanwhile, back at Zim's impenetrable base of doom, Zim and Byron where still at a total stand off. Gir sat on the sidelines whistling the theme from 'The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly' and Minimoose watched nervously.
"Be calm Minimoose. No need for your nubs of doom. No harm shall befall your master."
"Squeek!"
"Of course I'm telling the truth!" Byron said with a twinge almost as though his honor had been impugned
"Squeek!" Minimoose responded angrily.
"Fine, Minimoose! I'll do it!" Byron yelled.
By now Zim's heart was pounding and his Squeedly Spooch was churning. He thought to himself nervously, 'Why is it that the only course I missed in the Invader Academy was repelling a hostage taker's knife attack? How humiliating! If anyone on Irk ever found out about this, I'd be a laughing stock. What would happen to my spotless reputation? They'd hate me!'
"Zim, are you listening?" Byron asked.
"Eh?"
"I guess not. I'll repeat myself. As a sign of good favor, I'm going to remove the knife from your neck, but when I do, I want you to stay calm. No attacking me. Alright? I just want to talk to you," Byron said, slightly increasing the pressure of the knife against Zim's throat.
"Alright, stink human, you have my attention, for now!"
Byron released Zim and put his knife back in his pocket. Zim instantly spun around and slapped Byron across the face, which was quite a feat since Zim was about two feet shorter than Byron. "You slark sucking clibsmich! Never do that to me again or I shall exterminate you! "Zim howled while holding his slightly bloody neck. "I'd do this time, but I'm an Irken of my word! Now speak. SPEAK FOR ZIM!"
Byron cleared his throat and looked down at Zim. "I want to help you."
"With what?"
"Uh, you know, conquering the world. Destroying the humans. That kind of stuff!"
"I don't know what you're talking about! I'm a normal Earth stink, just like yourself," Zim stated, his antennae standing on end and his ruby eyes flashing angrily.
"Let's not start this game again, Zim! I'm being honest."
"Honest? So am I. I'm a perfectly normal…"
"Squeek!" Minimoose challenged.
Zim looked angrily at the floating moose. "Fine, you speak the truth Minimoose. I suppose I could use one more minion," he said and looked at Byron. "What is your name, HUMAN?"
"Uh, it's Byron. I've been in your classes for the past six years and you don't know my name?"
"Of course I do, it's Byron! But that's beyond the point! Even though Minimoose seems to trust you, I DO NOT! You must take the oath of undying loyalty to the great Irken Empire!"
"Fine," Byron huffed.
Zim glared at him and said, "Repeat after me: Velt, deres navn, gjør…"
"I don't speak Irken!" Byron protested.
"I don't care! Just say 'Velt', and then your name!"
"Velt, Byron O'Connor," he said.
"Gjør mijn min udødelig lojalitet til det store intergalactic Irken rike og jeg ærer denne mijn og tjener riket og beskytter riket til død bescherm ejk squeedly spooch! Vagl den Røyeste Red olg Purple! Mag zij regenen voor altijd ovre alle heelal!" Zim said flawlessly. The words danced off of his long tongue and poured beautifully from his mouth. Of course, Byron, not being of good Irken stock, tried his best, miserably.
"What did I just say?" He asked.
"Nothing much, it was just about undying loyalty to the empire and whatnot. Don't worry about it now, it's all said and done. You are now a proud servent of the Irken Empire and a faithful pawn in my BRILLIANT scheme! If you try to desert, I'll kill you," he said with a malicious grin.
"Okay, Zim. Glad to be a part of this."
"If I may ask you, Byron of the planet 'I-er-lund' , why is it you wish to serve the MIGHTY ZIM?"
"I'm sick of this fecking place."
"Good enough! I'll see you tomorrow at school then, Byron. Have a pleasant nocturnal hibernation cycle!" Zim chirped in an almost happy fashion.
"Thanks, Zim."
"Yes. Thank the MIGHTY ZIM!" He screamed.
The rest of the way up to the main house floor, Zim and Byron discussed the theory of "keeping one's voice at a reasonable volume level". Once the elevator reached the ground floor, the pair was greeted to an unpleasant surprise. There in the window, stood Dib. He was intently trying to cut his way through the glass.
Before Zim could react, Byron charged the glass and took Dib by surprise. "I want your blood, Dib! I want it ALL!" He screamed and ran out the door after Dib.
"No, back vampire scum! I have garlic!" Dib yelled and produced a large clove from his bag.
"You would carry that you smelly eedget!" Byron yelled and grabbed the garlic. "Watch this mortal!" He yelled and stuffed it in his mouth. "Blah!"
Dib immediately turned tail and ran home in the grip of unrelenting terror. Byron and Zim both stood in the front yard. Zim was laughing and Byron was gagging on the garlic.
He looked up at Zim and said, while gagging, "Tomorrow, I'll help you revamp the security system. We can't have another uninvited guest showing up while we're in the middle of planning."
Zim nodded in agreement.
"Don't worry about Dib, I'll take care of him."
"You have a plan?" asked Zim.
I'm working on one. I'm working on a MASTER plan," Byron said with his lips twisting into a sinister grin and a pinprick twinkle in his eye that hinted at madness.
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A/N: I hope you like this. It only took me three and a half hours to type. Please, leave me a review, or five. I'd like to know what you think. Especially you, DarkShadow1818, I love hearing from you and hearing your opinions. Also, I think I owe you some translations since many people, including myself, are not bilingual, even though I'll try anything once. lol
Translations:
"Es no problema, señor!"
-- It's no problem, mister!
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"¡Yo lo aprendí hace algunos meses cuando trabajé en el taco loco!"
-- I learned it a few months ago when I worked at the Crazy Taco!
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"Yo no sé!"
-- I don't know!
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"Velt, deres navn, gjør mijn min udødelig lojalitet til det store intergalactic Irken rike og jeg ærer denne mijn og tjener riket og beskytter riket til død bescherm ejk squeedly spooch! Vagl den Røyeste Red olg Purple! Mag zij regenen voor altijd ovre alle heelal!"
-- "I, your name, do pledge my undying loyalty to the great intergalactic Irken Empire and I shall honor this pledge and serve the empire and protect the empire until death does seize my squeedly spooch! Hail Tallest RED and PURPLE! May they rain for all time over all the known universe!"
I hope you like, I worked hard on the Pledge of Undying Loyalty. Feel free yo memorize it. You will be quizzed!