OK, so I decided not to read The Trials of Apollo, I tried the first 2 books, but it was honestly really hard for me to get into. But as I am writing this, it has been 2 minutes since I found out that Jason dies in one of the books. I actually really hated Jason and I can recall that while I was reading House of Hades, I really wished so hard that he would die in the next book. But for some reason, I am really sad. Jason is dead? So, I guess this chapter is sorta dedicated to him. Berryfur's POV. I guess in light of the whole 'Jason is dead' thing, I won't be hating on him as much. Riordan is a great author, so I always felt like his characters are real people. But, for me, that is how it is with every book. If he's dead, I won't 'disrespect his memory'...
That felt really weird to write. But I seriously can't believe that I am so sad about this! I really hate Jason! Oof. I shouldn't say that. He has been dead for a while. Not really obviously, but that book has been out for a while. So, yeah...
Ferntail loves someone.
I was sure of it. I always thought that at one point, she would fall in love with me. But in the back of my mind, I always knew that she wouldn't. I had begun to question whether I loved her. Maybe I just thought I loved her because I thought that I should. Maybe I'm just thinking that because I don't even want to love her anymore. To spare myself the pain. Whichever it is, I'm passing on the pain.
I am also becoming surer that Petalnose loves me. Sometimes I thought that I should just go and ask her. She might know whether or not Ferntail will ever love me. Or if I'm wasting my time.
But if I handle that conversation the wrong way, it would be really awkward. And I may burn the already rickety bridges between me and my first friends.
How do I make sure that wouldn't happen?
Berryfur: Petalnose, do you love me?
Petalnose: Wha- um, Berryfur, you're an old friend, I-
Berryfur: Petalnose-
Petalnose: Yes. Yes... I do.
Berryfur: And Ferntail?
Petalnose: Doesn't love you...
Berryfur: Who then?
Petalnose:
What would she say?
Who does Ferntail love?
Petalnose: I can't tell you.
Berryfur: Why not?
Petalnose: Well, who do you love?
Berryfur: I'm not sure...
Petalnose: You're not sure? How hard can it be? If you love someone, you just need to look at them to know.
I looked up from my cold thrush. Petalnose was coming back from a hunting patrol. Her eyes glanced at me, then quickly at the fresh-kill pile. My heart burst. In happiness. I always felt that when I saw Petalnose. She was the first friend I ever made. When we were kits.
Then there was Ferntail. I closed my eyes. She was always there when I closed my eyes. She was etched into my brain. Always there. Always. But lately, her image had begun to flicker.
I looked at her and felt nothing but a pang in my heart. Because she didn't love me. Or maybe it was because I knew I could never actually love her.
Why was I sad?
Berryfur: I love you.
I didn't realize it, but as I was thinking, I got up to my paws and wandered over to Petalnose. I didn't even notice.
" Do you love me? " I asked.