No matter how much Shuuichi tried to focus his brain, his mind kept straying. He could feel two forces pulling at him, as if in an enraged battle. One sent his head spinning, giving him a nauseating sensation. The other was something he could only barely recognize; death. All he wanted now was to drift into a world of unconsciousness again. He could feel light pressing at the corners of his eyes, but he didn't want to know anything yet. After all, he wasn't even aware of his surroundings, even though he felt surprisingly warmer than he had earlier. A groan passed his lips as a voice called out to him, as if wanting to coax him somewhere. He could feel a gentle touch against his forehead again, perking his curiosity. He felt a name pass his lips, yet wasn't able to remember whom it belonged to. Blinking pink eyes came into view as he blearily forced himself to focus. He felt disappointment well up within him for a moment. The individual he'd been thinking about… she wasn't that person.
"Shuuichi, thank goodness!" he heard her sign out in relief. He blinked and tried to survey his surroundings. He was no longer in a raining forest. He was lying on a soft bed of warm material. The room was not his own, from what he could tell. No sunlight passed through a window slightly off to his left, signaling that it had become late and the sun had already set. His memories seemed out of reach for now, only because his mind was clouded. Pain pounded at his temples as he slowly searched for the source of light that he had first spotted. A lamp was shining a little ways away. He grunted to his friend, making sure she understood that he was basically asking 'Where in the world am I?' He could distantly her laugh and brush her fingertips against the skin of his forehead. Briefly, he winced in pain from it.
"God, Shuuichi, I thought that you were going to die. If Yasuda-senpai hadn't…" she stopped herself short, surveying the expression on his pale face. He had only just remembered about Hiei. What had happened? He couldn't remember anything after Hiei coming and yelling at his captor about something or the other. He shivered slightly at the thought. Another question came to his head. How much school had he missed. Certainly, all his teachers would be suspicious. How had he survived? He couldn't imagine that the dosage he'd been given on drugs wasn't anything aside from fatal. This defied every rule in the book. What had happened to cause this? He was a student, a good one. He wasn't supposed to be caught up with the wrong crowd. His mother wouldn't approve and not only that, it could ruin his chances for a good collage in the future. He'd spend his life at a bad job, only to disappoint his highly expectant mother. Botan simply blinked at him, a worried look embedded deep within her eyes.
Suddenly, he felt a whole lot worse, almost to a point where he literally wanted to be sick. Hiei… Hiei… the name slowly swirled around his mind. His foggy vision only grew more because of this. It hurt his head badly just to think. There was still a part of him that defied his wishes though, clouding his mind with random thoughts, many of which being thoughts that didn't make any sense to him whatsoever. Faintly, he could sense another presence. With the passing of time fatigue only grew. He wanted to be alone and simply sleep. However, he already could sense that neither presence was willing to honor this small wish.
"Shimokawa-chan, perhaps you should go to bed. If anyone catches you here, we'll all be in trouble. You wouldn't want to stress 'Shuu-kun' would you?" Both sets of eyes, emerald and magenta tracked towards the source of the pessimistic voice. Hiei sounded as annoyed as ever. Botan nodded slightly while still clinging to the limp form of a redhead protectively. Shuuichi watched as she bit her lip softly, chewing at it in a nervous fashion. She inclined her head, bowing politely. She received no such polite gesture back. "Thanks a lot for everything, Yasuda-senpai. I apologize for intruding." As she was approaching the door Hiei spoke back to her.
"Don't be thanking me. I only did this because it was an obligation. If you say one word to me again, I could always slit you throat." He said rudely. Even Shuuichi winced at the tone. Botan once again bowed and gave a last farewell to Shuuichi before shutting the door quickly. They could both hear her footfall for a few moments before it faded away. He tried to sit up, but Hiei walked over and forced him back down, giving a halfhearted glare. He looked tired and it was only then that Shuuichi realized that he was the one who occupied the bed Hiei should have. The place where another bed should've rested was empty; hinting that Hiei had his own dorm like he did.
"I'm fine Hiei. I just need to get back to my own bed. I'm being a burden." He swung his feet off the edge of the bed with the most intention to stand. Again, Hiei forced him back.
"You're staying here until you're well again. You'll end up losing your life if you get taken like that again. Besides, you can't even think for yourself, let alone walk more than three feet." Kurama looked slightly disheartened at this. Instead of pulling himself back under the covers of the bed, he remained in a sitting position, hugging his knees to his chest. His eyes flickered slightly before dying back down and turning to gaze at the student who had rescued him. Hiei looked almost expectant, as if he knew something.
The thought of 'knowing something' brought back recent memories. It stabbed at his pride, the thought of Hiei knowing what he generally kept secret. That Sniper man had known, so why wouldn't Hiei know? He felt the urge to be sick, and to fall back unconscious. The awkward silence passing between them currently made him cringe more than Hiei's angered tone ever could. He felt unnaturally shy towards Hiei right now.
"Why do you care? It's something that seems new for you." Shuichi replied despondently. At this point, he didn't really care about how he sounded around Hiei. He was in such a confused state that he wanted to simply lie in his own bed and forget it all. Besides, why should Hiei really care at all? Didn't he think that he was a show off? The words Hiei had spoken to him before came back to him with painful detail. Hiei shouldn't care because he didn't know Shuuichi all that well. Shuuichi knew Hiei well because of the desire to learn more about his crush. However, it was one of those instances where it doesn't work on the other side. Hiei had never, and in Shuuichi's opinion, would most likely never reciprocate feelings that he had harbored for a long time now.
"I want answers, Koizumi. It's all as simple as that. Tell me, why were you calling for me constantly while you were asleep. Your friend Shimokawa didn't seem to want to explain it to me." Shuuichi felt himself tense at this question. It was like his worst nightmare unfolding before his eyes. If his secret were to be discovered, he'd be ruined. Not only that, but Hiei would never even glance in his direction again. He tried to think up a logical answer to excuse the behavior.
"Are you absolutely sure that it was your name you heard. I mean I know I talk in my sleep, but I never make any sense. Botan can cover for me. Whatever I said in my sleep, it was certainly not your name." Though his voice was still hoarse and raspy, he was wearing his regular mask. Unless someone had Botan's state of mind, they would never see through his façade. It was simply impossible. He was the best liar at Meiou Boarding School hands down. To his surprise, the boy sitting in front of him looked very skeptical of what he had just said. He felt a bead of sweat run down his neck. The suspense of being around Hiei seemed to be compromising his ability to lie. There was no way he could let his secret leak out, though. This was more forbidden then running away and quitting high school.
"Somehow, I don't believe that. You see; I did talk to Shimokawa about it. She isn't as good of a liar as you. I can defiantly tell you that she's keeping something from me. Shuuichi, I don't like it when people lie to me. Despite the fact that you're a good liar, I still don't like it. Had I not talked to your friend, I may still have remained clueless. So, go ahead, lie all you want. I will find a way to figure out what the hell it is. I already do have a suspicion already, so you better hurry before I draw my own conclusions."
The redhead tentatively scooted father away from Hiei. His palms were slippery with sweat while he felt the urge to run away. He just had to keep reminding himself that there was no way in the world that Hiei could ever find out his secret. Right now, Hiei seemed closer than ever to achieving such a feat. He shook his head and gave a weak laugh as another attempt at shaking the boy off. Even Shuuichi knew that this was highly pathetic. He flushed slightly in embarrassment. Cursing to himself, he questioned as to why he wasn't even acting slightly like he should. Hiei was not that stupid, he'd figure it out if he kept up like this. The truth of it hit the redhead hard. For the first time in the redhead's life, he realized he was pretty much cornered without much else to do. All the ideas dried up as he looked down in shame. No matter how much he wanted to keep this secret, he was going to have to face the facts sooner than he'd expected the he'd have to.
"Hiei, why do you really want to know so much? It isn't your place to interfere." He replied, practically resigned to the fact that most likely he'd be loosing his chance at a relationship with Hiei within a few minutes. To his surprise, Hiei looked confused slightly by the question he had asked. While the dark haired male contemplated it for a moment, Shuuichi made his move for escaped. His attempt at standing, though, was immediately thrashed by a burning pain in his side. Hurriedly, he lowered himself back to the most comfortable sitting position possible. Hiei simply gave him a glare out of the corner out of his eye while managing to occupy the majority of his gaze with a small brown speck on the ceiling.
"Shuuichi, it isn't so much that I care about you. I just have my reasons of needing to know. As I said, you don't have to answer, because I seem to have a talent for drawing my own conclusions. I simply thought that it might be fairer if I got your feedback firsthand. " Shuuichi lowered his head even more after hearing this. Yes, you want to know, but do you need to know was his question. He had only barely restrained himself from actually screaming it out at Hiei. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, he made a whish deep in his heart that he could be transported somewhere else right now.
However, the boy sitting only a few feet away from him was still looking expectant. He desperately looked for one last way out of this. His heart, his brain, and all of the instincts he'd ever had were screaming 'no' at the idea of confessing his feelings so early on. After all, his plan was to develop a relationship between him and Hiei before he chose the right time to talk about it. This time was certainly not the right time that was for sure. Oh why did these types of things always have to happen to him at the wrong time? Couldn't he have a lucky break with Hiei just this once? He almost began to panic. The only thing that was keeping him on the edge of sanity was Hiei's curious gaze. That in itself though, almost made him want to simply go on a rampage.
"Hiei… I don't understand why you're so intent upon knowing the truth about me. After all, I know I don't amount to much within your view. I am asking you this one thing before I do explain it to you "You see… over the few years since I met you, I really have grown attached to you." As if on cue, he lost all will and all ability to speak. Though he opened and closed his mouth many times in desperation nothing came out. Once again, he felt that he was on the brink of panic, of breaking down right in front of Hiei. He did not like having to divulge his feelings so quickly like this without even being able to willingly do it. It made him feel so sick to his stomach that he wanted to cry. The demanding glare urged him to continue, despite his obvious discomfort. Nothing could make him feel worse than the way that Hiei looked at him right then and there.
"So yes, Hiei I really do like you. Maybe I even love you. I just can't help it. I know that right now you probably want to kill me for it and I wouldn't blame you if you did. No matter what you do you can't control how I feel. I like everything about you, your voice, your looks, your skills, and the way you act. You're absolutely perfect, Hiei. I mean there's no chance that I'd ever be able to measure up to you no matter how hard I tried. You can probably guess by now that I only joined the soccer team to get closer to you. Do anything, you can beat me, kill me, or yell at me, but I won't take it back. I've been obsessed with you for a long time now, and it's unbearable to try and pretend that there's even a chance of you liking me. Go ahead; tell me that you hate me. It'll be for both our sakes."
All this was said so fast that it was almost a blur to Shuuichi. Hiei had understood every word perfectly, despite the fact that it had almost been the redhead's intention for only certain snippets to be comprehendible. What he had said still had yet to take effect on Hiei. However, it had already devastated the boy who had made the declaration. His eyes were full of broken emotions, turning eyes into sad and dull jade orbs. A few tears had already leaked out of his eyes as he braced himself for the worst.
Even if Hiei had asked for it, he still had every right in the world to be mad at what he'd said. A few more tears escaped unbidden from his eyes while he began to shake gently. Suddenly collapsing on the bed, he began to cry. This wasn't something he was supposed to do. Boys weren't supposed to cry like this. It made him look like an overly hormonal teenage girl. He covered his eyes and sobbed softly in to the warm blankets, ashamed of his own behavior. Quietly retreating to a corner of his mind, he found himself in a daze. The only thing able to bring him out of it was a rough jerk as Hiei pulled him up roughly and placed a hand none too gently under his chin, forcing him to look up. The redhead sniffled for a moment, puffy red gaze meeting crimson glare. There was nothing gentle or kind about how Hiei was reacting. Not even his aura showed signs of sympathy in the slightest. So… Hiei really didn't care.
"Calm yourself, idiot. You're acting like a child, and over what? This is just a stupid high school crush that won't affect you life in the slightest. Only girls are supposed to do that! Remember, this is like, not love. You may think you know me, but I'll tell you that you've barely even scratched the surface!" The redhead didn't know anything else to do. He launched himself unbidden at Hiei, wrapped his arms around him, and cried freely against the strong shoulder. Hiei only tensed and shoved him away.
He could hear the annoyed snort Hiei issued only slightly. He was too caught up in what Hiei had just said to really think straight. It hurt more than anything to hear what Hiei had just said. Like, not love… Shouldn't that be true? It wasn't every day you came across love of the romantic kind. Why should he even slightly think that this was real love? Real love had to be two-sided, didn't it? No matter how much Shuuichi didn't want to say it, he believed it to be true. He'd never be good enough for Hiei, or even worthy enough to kiss the ground he walked upon. "Honestly, do you really think anything could ever work out between us? We're both boys, Shuuichi. What would society say if it was discovered that the two model students were in an affair? Though I know you have a different way of thinking, it still isn't possible. You'll be an outcast." Hiei said angrily.
Weakening, the redhead shrunk back, overtaken by the sharp sting of Hiei's rejection. It was obvious that Hiei must've had a lecture in mind. Before he was even able to start, Shuuichi issued a soft sort of noise from his throat. He'd already managed to compose himself back to his regular calm state, but the pain remained bottled up inside. While he had the intention of turning and forgetting about it, Hiei didn't even look like he was finished yelling. Hiei seemed to get an idea at the very moment. You could tell by his gaze that the thought had struck him very suddenly.
"You know, I'll tell you what. I will be your 'boyfriend' just for a while. It is not in any way to benefit you, just to clear things up. However, if I can say that I'm going out with someone to all these annoying women who want to date me, it'll be a reward for me. So long as you're willing to bail me out of worse situations without any personal benefit, I'll allow you to call yourself my boyfriend. I will say this, though. This will not be a permanent relationship. I am allowed to dismiss you anytime I feel it is fit. So, do not get comfortable with it. What do you say?" he asked. It took the boy in question a long time to think. This was a chance of a lifetime, and he was extremely lucky that Hiei had just put forth such an attractive offer. The only problem was that this wasn't the real thing. He was most likely going to be in an idle relationship without much benefit towards his feelings. Plus, from what Hiei had said, he could only end up hurt in the end. Why should he be stupid enough to take this and even believe this would be slightly like the real thing? He reminded himself that it most likely not be like his greatest fantasies.
No, Hiei did not like him. This wasn't a cover up, as Shuuichi may have dreamed once. It was all common sense to say that this was all going to be for Hiei's personal benefit. The redhead may have had some pretty impossible fantasies, but he wasn't an idiot. He'd always had a natural talent when it came to seeing hidden emotions. He could read people's auras. He'd know when they were sad, happy, and anything on from there. He could tell literally that Hiei did not like him. This time, it wasn't his lack of self-confidence to blame. This was a true fact that not even the most powerful god could change.
There would be no nights where Hiei would hold him gently while whispering sweet nothings into his ear. There would be no kisses, hugs, close contact, or even reassuring words. His heart screamed out despite it all. It wanted anything it could take as close to the real thing. It was the part of him that held the naïve part of him that held the hope that Hiei'd one day love him. Without much control over his own body, he could feel himself nod idly. Hiei looked satisfied, as if he had just won the grand prize at a contest or something. Only a few seconds after he had made his decision did it sink in what he'd gotten himself into. He was just setting himself up for the most painful experience of his life.
With another movement, Hiei sat only a few inches away from Shuuichi, a smirk curling across his lips. With the intention of rewarding the boy for being so cooperative with him, he leaned in quickly for a kiss. Sensations erupted at Hiei's actions, paralyzing him completely. He wanted to react, to kiss back or at least embrace him. No such thing like that ever happened.
Before the other was even able to react, he had already pulled away and moved back to a less awkward distance. No matter how hard the redhead tried to sustain it, he could already feel the light pink tint coming across his cheeks while his heart raced faster than ever. Whatever thoughts he'd had before were chased away, though not far on the horizon. Hiei's kiss had left him wanting more. He wanted anything, another kiss, or a simple touch or hug. He was reminded quickly that their agreement hadn't had anything to do with being in love. Hiei stopped him when he went to move closer to him.
"We need to set ground rules first. I don't want you to make physical contact with me unless I'm currently making direct physical contact too. Don't go broadcasting to the world the fact that you're my 'boyfriend'. You'll get bad rumors started. Most of all, I don't want you to expect me to make physical contact. I'll only do it as I see fit. Understood?" Hiei's words hurt Shuuichi a little, even though he should have expected it. He sighed and made a noise in his throat as a signal that he agreed. Hiei nodded again before casting his bored gaze absentmindedly off elsewhere. He then arranged some blankets on the ground so he could sleep. After switching of the bedside lamp and muttering a quick 'goodnight' Hiei turned his back to Shuuichi for the first time and lay down. Shuuichi, too, sighed and lay down sadly. He felt tired, drained.
Two words echoed throughout his mind, making him dread the situation he'd just dragged himself into. Only Pretend…
Me: Well, I think that this story has pretty much gone down the drain. People who've read my last chaptered story are probably going 'Romance in chapter six? It's the end of the world as we know it!' Well, this is not romance yet, I'll tell you that much. As told in the story, Hiei really has no interest in dating Shuuichi. He really just took a pity on him and figured it could also be used for self-benefit. In this story, it's not going to be getting together that'll be the problem. There's going to be a huge conflict later though. NO this relationship will not remain stable. The real problem is not romantic, but it's something wrong on Shuuichi's part. There is actually a term for it, so I'll give points to anyone who can guess it correctly. Honestly, I'm also sorry about the lateness on my part. This was actually done over the weekend, but due to Internet problems, was unable to be posted.