King of the Hill
Bowling Green
written by: Mr. Semaj
Act II
Scene I - Recruiting Members
On Monday, during lunch hour, Bobby has a discussion with the Student Activities Chairperson, Daniel, about his new proposal for a bowling team.
Daniel: "I don't know, Bobby. Bowling doesn't seem to be very popular around here. And we already have enough problems with our lacrosse team."
Bobby: "I promise you, Daniel, it'll be really great!"
"This is just the kind of thing Arlen High needs; a winning sports team! With my supervision, I guarantee you a trophy before the end of the school year!"
Daniel ponders the thought...
Daniel: "Bobby, you got yourself a team!" (shakes hand)
Bobby: "All right!" (clenches fist)
Later, Bobby designs a poster, and makes many copies in the school's print room.
He posts flyers on all of the high school bulletin boards announcing his new bowling team. Bowling tryouts are scheduled for Tuesdays and Fridays.
Some of the students murmur over the bulletin, as they decide whether this is the correct sport for them.
The next day, after school, the first assembly is held at the bowling alley for bowling tryouts.
Bobby: "So, this is the whole team?"
The team before him consists of Joseph, Dooley, and Clark.
Dooley: "Where's the free food?"
Bobby: "Look guys, people may not know about or even appreciate bowling as much as they should, but once we get out skills toned, we will redefine the sport in the tri-county area!"
"Who's with me?"
Brief silence.
Dooley: "I want a pretzel."
(Bobby sighs)
Scene II - Getting it Together
The next evening, The Arlen Aeronauts attend their own bowling meeting.
As everyone puts on their green bowling uniforms, Strickland makes his opening speech.
Strickland: "Now, I'm sure all of you have had some experience in the sport of bowling?" (Team nods affirmatively)
"That saves us some time. Okay, show me what ya got!"
Donna goes up first, and throws the ball down the lane. She gets seven of the ten pins.
The Aeronauts applaud.
Donna picks up the spare.
The Aeronauts applaud.
Next is Joe Jack's turn. He manages to get a strike following a very powerful throw with his ball.
The Aeronauts cheer and whistle.
Enrique is up next. He has a hard time throwing the ball, and manages to knock down five pins.
No response from the team.
Enrique goes up, and knock down four more pins.
The team responds with unenthusiastic applause.
Next is Hank, the most experienced of the four. He picks up his bowling ball, focuses, and throws it. He manages to get a strike.
The team applauds.
As the game continues, Hank, Joe Jack, Donna, and Enrique each express a varying degree of success.
In the end, the scores are about medium-high range; Hank - 179, Donna - 167, Joe Jack - 173, Enrique - 155.
After two more games, and by the end of the meeting, each team mate has tuned their skills to satisfactory results.
Strickland: "Excellent! You've all made Buck very proud!
"Help yourselves to a round of beer...your treat!"
The team makes unenthusiastic compliments.
Strickland: "At this rate, we'll be beating Thatherton and his goons with our eyes shut!"
Scene III - Finding Help
That night, as Hank walks through the front door at home, Bobby seeks his guidance.
Bobby: "Dad, I got around to making my new bowling team..."
Hank: "All right, son!"
Bobby: "But there's only a few people interested, and they don't know the first thing about bowling!"
Hank: "Son, no one said that the game of bowling can be mastered overnight."
Bobby: "But Dad, we can't seem to locate a coach for our team!"
Hank: "Didn't you ask any of the professionals at the bowling alley?"
Bobby: "They're all tied down to obligations for their own teams."
"Please, Dad. You gotta help me! If I don't get this team off the ground, they won't include it in our next yearbook!"
Hank: (sigh) "This is a big dilemma for me, Bobby. No high school should exclude bowling from their list of sports. But I'm already committed to my own bowling team at Strickland Propane. If they win, they get the first dibbs on a sale we're both having at the end of the month."
Bobby: "Pleeeeeeease?"
Hank: "Okay. When's your next meeting?"
Bobby: "This Friday at 4:30."
Hank: "Good. Our meetings are on Mondays and Wednesdays. That balances things out."
Scene IV - The New Couple
At the end of the school day, Joseph has packed up his stuff, and is ready to head home. Connie walks up to him.
Connie: "Hey, Joseph."
Joseph: "Hi, Connie."
Connie: "Anything new?"
Joseph: "Not much."
Connie: "Hey, I was wondering...If you're not busy some time, we can...get together and, you know, talk and junk?"
Joseph?
Joseph has a puzzled look on his face. Although he has admired Connie, he had previously failed time and again to actually go out with her.
But instead of asking questions, he seizes the opportunity.
Joseph: "Sure. Call me."
Connie smiles and walks away.
Later, at the Gribbles' residence, Joseph talks with Dale and Nancy.
Dale!
Dale: "She said WHAT!"
Joseph: "Dude, I'm not kidding. After all these years, Connie finally said 'yes'! This is the best day of my life!"
Dale: "So, this 'Connie' says 'yes' when ordinarily she'd say 'no'. I'll have to stop by the Souphanousinphones some time for some alien scanning..."
Nancy: "Oh, congratulations, Sug! Your first real girlfriend!" (hugs Joseph)
Dale: "...and of course, I will need to use my ultraviolet light to detect any alien captives. You remember, Nancy? That one time I used it when you were in the bathtub--"
Nancy: "SUG!"
Dale: "Sorry, geez."
Scene V - New Coach
On Friday, Bobby gathers the team for their second meeting.
Bobby: "Team, I would like to introduce you to our new coach: Hank Hill!"
Brief silence.
Dooley: "You got your dad?"
Joseph: "Dude, are you sure nobody's gonna notice?"
Hank: "No they won't. Bobby doesn't get special treatment. He addresses me as 'Coach Hill' like the rest of you during games."
Bobby: "Thanks, Dad, eh, Coach." (smiles)
"People, one of the key ingredients to successful bowling is experience. Coach Hill happens to be very experienced, one of the most experienced in Arlen. We'd be committing a crime not to have him as our leader!"
Clark: "What crime?"
Bobby: "Moral ignorance! That's what!"
Dooley picks up a spare in his final frame, where the first game draws to a close.
At the end of the game, the scores are collected: Bobby - 106, Joseph - 88, Dooley - 94, Clark - 84.
At the next Tuesday game, Hank has an important announcement.
Hank: "Everyone, we may not be getting off to a great start, but even the Cowboys have a few dry periods once in a while."
"Nevertheless, I got something to show everybody that we're out here and soon to be seen on the horizon."
Hank hands out red shirts, labeled The Arlen Aviators, complete with a plane symbol.
Joseph: "New uniforms!"
Hank: "If we're gonna be a winning team, we gotta look like one!"
The Arlen Aviators, with their growing confidence, play three excellent games with their new uniforms.
The final scores are in: Bobby - 124, Joseph - 105, Dooley - 110, Clark - 99.
The opposing team complains to their coach about their lack of uniforms.
Boy #1: "You still haven't got us uniforms yet!"
Boy #2: "What a cheapskate!"
Joseph talks a bit with Coach Hank Hill.
Joseph: "How did we do, Coach?"
Hank: "Well, you're not perfect, but you all show some promise, so that's a good thing."
Scene VI - Special Edition
One week later, in the late night hours, Peggy is typing on a computer, while looking at an article about an upcoming waterfront festival.
As she continues typing, she sips on a cup of coffee.
Peggy starts writing down notes on a notepad. The ink runs dry in the ink pen.
As she reaches for a new pen, she knocks over some papers, and discovers another article from a magazine: "Bowling: America's Forgotten Sport?"
Peggy ignores her waterfront essay, and starts getting to work on a new bowling article.
The next day, the Sports headline features the main story: "New Bowling Champs - The Arlen Aviators & Aeronauts!"
Minor article: "Record Low Attendance at Waterfront Festival"
Scene VII - Missing Teammate
Crowds appear at the Arlen Bowling Center on Friday, as they discuss the headline about the fledging bowling teams.
Meanwhile, Hank oversees Bobby's discussion at their current meeting.
Bobby: "Has anyone seen Joseph lately?"
Dooley: "Nope"
Clark: "Nuh-uh."
Bobby: "Dang! We were just starting to find our stride."
Hank: "Bobby, for whatever member is absent, the remaining team has to compensate."
"Whether or not you find your stride, you'll still succeed at showing pride."
Bobby: "Okay, Dad."
Bobby goes up to bowl. He tosses the ball down the lane. The ball hits the pins. He gets nine.
The team applauds.
Bobby tries to pick up the spare, but misses.
Hank: "You gave it your best shot, son."
Clark is up next. He tries to replay Hank's words in his head.
"For whatever member is absent, the remaining team has to compensate."
Clark throws the ball. It hits five pins. He throws the ball down a second time, and picks up three pins. He begins to get nervous.
Next, it's Dooley's turn. He throws the ball down the lane, and only gets one pin.
On his next throw, he too tries to replay Hank's words.
"Whether or not you find your stride, you'll succeed at showing pride."
Dooley throws the ball, which curves, and makes a gutter.
Dooley: "My pride is gone."
The team loses another practice round with the Witcita Wringers, a rival bowling team from Witcita Falls High School.
Scores: Bobby - 98, Joseph - 0, Dooley - 90, Clark - 81.
Just then, a voice calls Bobby from the other side of the alley.
Daniel: "Hey Bobby!" (walks over with a stern look on his face)
Bobby: "Uh-oh."
Daniel sees the poor scores for the team.
Daniel: "Tsk, tsk, tsk. And a truant teammate?"
"Bobby, the more I look at this team, the more I think my decision was a mistake." (walks away)
Hank: "Huh, so that's your Student Activities Chairperson?" (team nods affirmatively)
"Let's take a break."
The team heads over to the restaurant as the grumble to themselves with their heads hanging in shame...
Scene VIII - Meditation
One Tuesday after school, Joseph spends time at Connie's house. The two spend some time meditating to a Buddhist statue.
But Joseph has trouble concentrating.
Joseph: "Uh, Connie?"
Connie: "Shhh!"
Joseph: "But I have a question."
Connie: "Ugh, now you made me lose my center!"
Joseph: "Why exactly are we doing this?"
Connie: "I already told you, Joseph. Meditating is the best way to earn enlightment, and inner peace. It requires absolute silence."
Joseph: "So that's why you're able to put up with so much junk everyday?"
Connie: "I guess. All you need to do is concentrate."
Joseph: "Okay."
The two resume meditating, but are interrupted when a low grumbling sound is heard.
Joseph's stomach is growling.
Joseph: (chuckles) "Sorry. I'll be right back. I'm just gonna make a sandwich."
Connie makes a frustrated sigh.
Scene IX - Barbershop
On Friday, at Jack's Barbershop, Luanne finishes fixing up Connie's hair for her next date.
Connie: "Wow, it's so pretty!"
Luanne: "Thanks, but I could've done it at home for free."
Connie: "No, I owe you one. Thank you, Lu!" (hands her 10 dollars)
Connie walks out the door. A moment later, Bobby shows up.
Bobby: "Luanne, I need a trim before my next bowling meeting."
Luanne: "Right away, Bobby."
Luanne begins combing Bobby's hair, up until she decides to ask him a burning question.
Luanne: "Um, Bobby?"
Bobby: "Yeah?"
Luanne: "You know you and Connie haven't dated in..."
Bobby: "A long time? Indeed."
Luanne: "How would you feel if she started dating another guy?"
Bobby: "It doesn't matter if Connie dates another guy. Besides...she my Math and Science tutor."
Luanne: "Thank God! It's about time Joseph found himself a girl!"
Bobby: "Huh?"
Luanne: "I'm just sayin'...Without you, he seems kinda lonely."
Bobby: "I know what you mean."
"By the way, if you see Joseph, tell him he's due on the team tomorrow."
Luanne sighs of relief as she continues trimming Bobby's hair.
Scene X - Keeping Up
When the Arlen Aeronauts practice bowling the next day, Donna, Joe Jack, and Enrique improve as they go along. Hank, however, has a tough time keeping up.
When he's up to bowl, he is unable to focus. He throws the ball, and only manages to hit one pin.
Scores: Hank - 112, Donna - 183, Joe Jack - 172, Enrique - 164.
Strickland: "Got-danggit, Hank! What's wrong? You're dragging the whole team down!"
Hank: "Sorry, sir. I... (yawn) can't seem to get enough rest these days."
Joe Jack: "Honey, you better get as much as you can before the big game. Thatherton is gonna bulldoze all of us unless we give him our best, and then some!"
Thatherton: "Hey, Buck!"
Waves tauntingly at him, then walks away.
Strickland: "Our only handicap is you Hank! You alone will make or break this team."
Hank gets very stressed.
Scene XI - New Member
The following week, after a few more games, Bobby has an important announcement.
Bobby: "Team, in light of Joseph's chronic absence, I took my dad's advice, and got a new team member."
Goth Girl: "What up?"
Dooley: "She's not very colorful."
Goth Girl: "Maybe not physically, but verbally."
Clark: "Bobby, are you sure about this?"
Bobby: "Desperate times call for desperate measures."
"Show the team your skills."
Goth Girl walks up to the platform with a black ball. She pauses in stance, throws, and bowls a strike.
Clark: (scoffs) "Lucky."
Goth Girl bowls several more times, each time getting a strike, much to the boys' awe.
Clark: "I'm without words."
Dooley: "She's a natural."
Bobby: "Then it's settled. Welcome to the team!" (shakes her hand)
Scene XII - Under New Management
At the end of the next game, the scores improve. Bobby - 130, Goth Girl - 185, Dooley - 126, Clark - 109.
As the Arlen Aviators begin to make improvements, they notice their coach, Hank, is feeling quite fatigued.
Goth Girl: "Coach Hill, you're dozing off..in the middle of a game."
Hank: "I'm sorry. I've been doubling between teams for so long, I barely have anymore downtime."
Clark: "But we're doing so well under your supervision."
Bobby: "Yeah, Dad. If it weren't for your years of wisdom and experience, we never would've gotten this good."
The team agrees, as they make a group hug with their coach.
Hank: (chuckles uneasily) "Okay, that's enough."
Man: "You're damn right it is!"
Hank: "Huh?"
The man in question is none other than Cotton Hill.
Cotton: "Starting today, "I'm running the show!"
Hank: "Bwah!"
(end of Act II)