King of the Hill
Bowling Green
written by: Mr. Semaj
Act III
Scene I - Pressure
Hank: "Dad, what are you doing--?"
Cotton: "I'm putting some zing back into my life! That's what!"
"Your double-crossing step-mother took half my belongings with her following our divorce!"
Didi is seen across the alley with G.H. in a stroller.
Didi: "Cotton, let's talk about--"
Cotton: "SHADDAP, CUNT!"
Didi starts crying as she runs away.
Cotton: "Your coach is falling asleep at the wheel, because he's a got-dang sissy! He'd NEVER survive in Iraq!"
Hank: "But Dad--"
Cotton: "SILENCE! You're dismissed! I'm the new coach of the Arlen Arbitrators!"
The team starts to tremble in fear.
Later that day, the men are out in the alley sipping beer.
Dale: "So the colonel's commandeered your bowling crew?"
Hank: "Bobby's. The guy has no shins, and has never bowled a game in his life."
Boomhauer: "Yo, man. Talkin' 'bout dang ol' nothin' better to do wit' his life. Ya know, why don't he go back to doin' what Boomhauer, does, yo?"
Hank: "He got the short end of the stick in this divorce, which more than makes up for the divorce he put my Mom through. Now he's sworn off women for the rest of his life."
(sighs) "This is awful. I finally have the time to bring Mr. Strickland's team back up, but now if I leave Bobby's team to Cotton, he will ruin everything, and I will have let down my son."
Brief silence.
Bill: "Hank, you ever get tired of being a punching bag?"
Hank: (annoyed) "That makes two of us."
Scene II - Back on Track
With only one team to manage now, Hank focuses his extra time on Strickland's bowling team. In their last Wednesday meeting before te Championship, they begin to make noticeable improvements.
Scores: Hank - 182, Donna - 188, Joe Jack - 195, Enrique - 179.
Enrique: "Wow, Hank! You're really showing a lot more spirit tonight!"
Joe Jack: "Yeah. We may actually beat those jerks after all!"
Hank: (wearily) "Yeah, I guess."
Strickland: "What's wrong, Hank? I've seen you weather slow days better than this."
Hank: "Nothing, sir. I was recently let go...by a stranger...for coaching my son's bowling team. He doesn't know the first thing about bowling, and now he's gonna screw up the hard work I put into making my son an athlete."
Strickland: "If there's anything troubling you, ol' top, it can always be solved with a little excitement."
Donna is up to bowl. She throws the ball, and picks up a spare. The others applaud.
Strickland: "See Hank, we all moved on after Debbie left us. Donna just so happens to be a damn good bowler!"
Hank sees a poster announcing the championship games for both the Aviators and the Aeronauts. He takes the time to ponder how things will go for both he and Bobby...
Scene III - Heart to Heart Talk
On Thursday, Connie and Joseph go on a date to the Heimlich Center Science Museum. They marvel at the astronomical exhibits.
Connie: "Isn't it great, Joseph?"
Joseph: "What's great?"
Connie: "Just look at it! The moons, the stars, and the planets...it makes you wonder, even with all the scientific accomplishments made up to today, how much more is to be discovered in the big, endless universe."
Joseph: "Pretty neat...Do you ever wonder if there's a parallel universe?"
Connie: "Joseph, I don't think you understand..."
Just then, Principal Moss comes by.
Moss: "Well, if it isn't two of Tom Landry Middle School's alumni. How are you guys?"
Connie: "Fine, Principal Moss."
Moss: "Please, call me Mr. Moss. Great to hear that you guys have been doing so well since 8th Grade."
"By the way, why are you two here? Science project?"
Joseph: "Uh, no. We're on a date."
Moss?
Connie: "Uh, actually, I was just helping Joseph...on a planetary assignment that's due next Thursday." (chuckles uneasily)
Moss: "Okay, I'll be on my way. Knowledge is power!" (walks away)
Joseph: "But Connie, I don't think I'll memorize all the twelve planets by next week. And we're not even up to Astronomy yet."
Connie: (exasperated sigh) "Joseph, there is no test! And there's twelve planets in our solar system."
Joseph: "That's a good start, but slow down."
Connie: (sighs) "Joseph, come here."
They sit down on a nearby bench, as Connie tries to begin the conversation.
Connie: "Joseph...um...what do you plan on doing with your life?"
Joseph: "Well, I thought about being a professional athlete, but Mom doesn't want me to risk getting into the steroids craze."
Connie: "Well, in order to keep up with your goals, you have to stay focused on what you have now. We still have another three years of high school, and then college ahead of us. You could start by showing a little more interest in studying, even for fun."
Joseph: "Whoa! You do studying for fun?"
Connie: (sighs) "Maybe it's time we took a break."
Joseph: "So, you're breaking up with me?"
Connie: "Of course not. Joseph, we've been...acquainted for the past three and a half years. But only recently have I finally begun to see you for who you really are."
Joseph: "Connie, I may not be the type of guy you'd like to have, but... (holds back a tear) ...I try. I really do."
Connie: "I know."
Joseph gazes into
Connie's eyes. Connie gazes into Joseph's eyes. They loom in, and
kiss each other on the lips. The ethereal atmosphere takes shape, as
Connie seemingly floats into thin air.
Suddenly, the music stops.
Connie: "Uh, Joseph..." (Joseph lifted Connie into the air with his arms)
Joseph: "Heh, sorry." (puts her down)
Scene IV - The Big Championship
That night, Peggy is typing up another report. It's another headline announcing the big championship for both the junior and senior teams on Saturday.
Main headline - "Double Face-Off at the Arlen Bowling Center!"
Minor headline - "Local Bug Exterminator Charged with Home Invasion"
On Saturday, a big crowd turns out for the senior bowling championship.
Announcer #1: "Hello. Welcome to the 54th annual Senior Bowling Championships, here at the Arlen Bowling Center."
Bobby gets ready bowl.
The other teammates glare nervously at Cotton, who has a belt in his hands.
A big crowd turns out at a second bowling game on the other side of the alley...
Announcer #2: "Hello. Welcome to the 27th annual Junior Bowling Championships, here at the Arlen Bowling Center."
"Today is game for the Championship title with the Arlen Aviators, versus the MacManurberry Bombardiers."
Hank gets ready to bowl.
The other teammates glare at Buck's serious attitude towards the game.
Announcer #1: "So get ready, folks!"
Announcer #2: "Stay in your seats!"
Announcer #1: "Lets..."
Announcer #2: "...get..."
Announcer #1: "...ready..."
Announcer #2: "...to..."
Announcers #1 & #2: "...BOWL!"
Hank gets nervous...
Bobby gets nervous...
Montage.
Hank and Bobby continue to bowl, with their teams bowling strikes and spares.
Enrique gets a gutter. Hank has to re-explain the strategy to him.
When Clark bowls and fails to pick up a spare, Cotton yells at him.
Donna picks up a 5-7 split. Team cheers.
Goth girl bowls a strike, resulting in a turkey. Team and audience cheers and applauds.
Joe Jack bowls another strike with his powerful throw. The audience applauds.
Bobby picks up a spare. Team cheers.
Both teams continue to bowl, up until the 9th frame.
Montage ends.
Scene V - Tension Builds
Announcer #1: "Well, folks, we're down to the final frame. It's the Arlen Aeronauts slightly behind the Arlen Bedevilers by 15 pins."
Announcer #2: "It's the MacManurberry Bombardiers ahead of the Arlen Aviators by 9 pins."
Strickland: "Hank, you're up! It's all up to you."
Hank nervously goes up to bowl.
Clark looks across the alley.
Clark: "Where's Coach Hill?"
Goth Girl: "Forget about the coach! We need Bobby to win this game!"
Bobby goes up to bowl. He throws the ball, and knocks down 8 pins.
Team and crowd applauds.
Bobby picks up the spare, and prepares for his final frame.
The pressure is on. Everyone is counting on him. His team. His coach. His dad. Everyone.
Suddenly, he remembers what Hank told him once before; "Be thankful that God allows another day."
Just then, bowling didn't seem like the most important thing to him anymore. Even if he failed here, Bobby still had his whole life to find another thing to fall back on.
He gained some inner confidence, put the ball into position, and took his steps forward.
One.
Two.
Three.
Bobby throws the ball. The ball makes a slight curve right. It knocks down...all ten pins!
Scores: Bobby - 167, Goth Girl - 201, Dooley - 153, Clark - 125.
With Bobby's score of 167, the Arlen Aviators have won the game by one strike!
The Bombardiers pout in disappointment.
Announcer #2: "Ladies and gentlemen, our new junior bowling champions...The Arlen Aviators!"
The audience cheers as the team goes to congratulate Bobby.
Meanwhile, Hank prepares to make the bowl for the last frame.
He gets nervous, but pauses.
Hank tries to envision a team of pilots steering a blimp. A blimp that advertises Alamo Beer over a stadium during a Cowboys game.
He gains his inner strength. He goes up, puts the ball into position, and takes his three steps forward.
One.
Two.
Three.
Hank throws the ball. It goes straight down the lane. The ball knocks down all ten pins!
Hank's score puts the Arlen Aeronauts ahead by 9 pins!
The audience cheers.
Announcer #1: "It's not over yet, folks! The Bedevilers need to either get a strike, or pick up a spare to win this game."
The Aeronauts look over to Thatherton, who looks overwhelmingly confident.
He goes up to the platform, puts the ball into position, and throws it down the lane.
The ball flies through the air, thuds, and makes a sharp curve to the left gutter.
The audience gasps.
The Bedevilers gasp in disbelief.
Thatherton gets nervous. His ball returns. He picks it up, and starts to tremble.
He tries to stiffen up. He focuses, and finally throws the ball down the lane again.
The ball rolls down the middle, presumably with a spare ensured. It knocks down all...
...but one pin.
The game is over!
Scores: Hank - 223, Donna - 211, Joe Jack - 219, Enrique - 190.
Hank's score of 223 leads the Arlen Aeronauts to victory!
Announcer #1: "They say it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings. And this fat lady has sung herself...to death!"
The audience cheers at the Aeronauts' victory.
Thatherton starts beating himself up, as the Bedevilers start berating him for his last-minute failure.
With the games finally over, Hank goes over to see how the Aviators did.
As luck would have it, they were still celebrating their own victory.
Bobby gracefully holds up his first place trophy for the cameras.
Hank holds the trophy up for the nearby cameras, but has it quickly snatched away by Buck Strickland, as he begins to gloat.
Strickland: "HA HA HA! I beat ya idiots fair and square! We won the trophy, and there ain't a got-dang thing you can do about it! YEEE-HAW!"
As Bedevilers walk away with their heads hung low, Buck starts nibbling on a plate of brownies on a table.
Thatherton: (snickering to himself) "The joke's on him; he's gonna be feeling those laxatives in the morning."
Just then, Bobby comes running to Hank.
Bobby: "Dad, we won!"
Hank: "We did, too!"
Bobby: "I guess this means we're both winners."
Hank: "Guess what else it means?"
Bobby: "What?"
Hank: "This is your first real trophy...ever!"
Bobby gasps in surprise.
Hank: "What happened to your 'new coach'?"
Bobby: "He wasn't around for too much of the game. Don't know where he's been, though."
Cotton starts screaming as he's running from the bar section. Two men are chasing him.
Cotton: "They were wearing bikinis, and all the men had smokes and beers! How was I to know it wasn't a strip club!"
Cotton starts screaming as he runs out the door.
Bobby: "Well, there goes our new team captain."
Hank: "Bobby, if anybody deserves to be team captain, it's you."
Hank hands Bobby the Aviators Captain shirt, the same one that Cotton had removed at some point. Bobby smiles.
A voice calls Bobby from behind him.
Daniel: "Hey Bobby!"
"Sorry I ever doubted you!" (gives him thumbs up)
Bobby: (in narrative) "I guess it's true...miracles can happen."
They walk together towards the party celebrating victory for both teams.
Scene VI - A Day at the Park
On a breezy day in the park, some people are enjoying time in the meadow flying kites. Luanne is nearby picking some flowers.
Just then, she hears some rustling in the bushes. She tries to ignore it. She hears more rustling, and turns the cheek. The rustling continues, and Luanne makes her way towards the bushes. The rustling stops as the shadowy figure runs off.
Luanne walks back to collect more flowers. She then hears some approaching footsteps. They get closer, and closer, and closer, until...
...someone touches her shoulders. She makes a surprised yelp.
Connie: "LEAP FROG!"
She leaps onto Luanne's shoulders, and Luanne wobbles around, until the both go tumbling into the grass. The girls share a laugh.
As the girls stare into the clouds, they talk.
Luanne: "How are things with Joseph?"
Connie: "Eh, we're still working a few things out. We'll still be going to the theatre next week."
"How are things with you?"
Luanne: "Could be better. I thought I saw Rad at the supermarket the other day. Turns out it was a look-a-like named Brad."
Connie: "Oh..."
"If you're not busy, wanna hang out tonight?"
Luanne: "True friends..."
Connie: "True hearts..."
Luanne & Connie: "That is what counts in life."
The girls reconfirm their friendship with a pinky promise.
Scene VII - The New Champions
Colored flags are hung up at Strickland Propane.
On their lunch break, Hank, Buck Strickland, and the other team members stand as they look gracefully at the trophy in Strickland's office. The song America the Beautiful plays...
At Arlen High, Bobby finishes shining something. He steps back, as he, Dooley, Goth Girl, and Clark look at it.
Bobby: "We are The Champions."
The four teammates stand in unison as they look gracefully at their trophy in the display case. The song America the Beautiful continues...
(end of Act III)
The End
Tagline:
Dooley: "My pride is gone."