How I Conquered The Earth Chapter 24: Chasing Chapter, an invader zim fanfic

A/N: Sorry about how long this took, I've been sick and work has been slow. I'm not going to say that I'll post more frequently now, because then I always get sick so, um, I'm never posting again! Yeah.

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Chapter 24

THE LONG CHAPTER OF CHASING DOOM! PART ONE!

While Byron was recovering from his hellish musical number nightmare, Zim was merrily strolling down the street with the sack slung over his shoulder and dragging on the ground behind him. He whistled a happy tune he'd learned while stationed in a garrison on some distant planet named "Sirus Minor" many years before. It had been a rather successful tour of duty, if you didn't count the fact that no one had escaped the flaming garrison alive except for Zim, or the fact the planet was so completely decimated that it couldn't have even been used as a garbage disposal planet, or the fact that Zim had destroyed half of the fighting Armada stationed there, or the fact that, if not for the hover belt, Almighty Tallest Purple would have a rather nasty limp, it was a gloriously successful tour. Perhaps one day he'd receive a medal for his efforts and merits.

As Zim happily visited his little private memory of glorious triumph in battle, he failed to notice that fact that the sack he was dragging had suddenly become drastically lighter than it had been several moments previously. He had been dragging the sack behind him for nearly twelve blocks before a little child with his female parental unit cheerfully exclaimed, "Look mommy! He's dragging an empty sack! HE'S CRAZY!"

Zim froze in his tracks. Fear and realization enveloped his Squeedly-spooch and swiftly charged up his spine, gripping his brain-meats in a vice-like grip of panicky grippiness as he spun around to see a large gaping hole in the canvas. It appeared as though some wild animal had chewed its way through it. Part of the hole was especially large; more than like afford Dib's giganormous head safe passage!

Everything had, up until this point of course, been going very well. Zim had decided to field test his latest disguise. It was by far his most realistic attempt at replicating the human form. From the large, red bowling shoes to the velvet tuxedo jacket, it was perfect. He even had a little hat with light-up letters spelling, "NORMAL!" across the front.

"Oh, no! Oh, no! The Dib-best is loose! LOOSE!" Zim screamed as he fought off his panic. He danced in place, squeaking loudly, quickly regained his firm composer and fell back upon his many decades of reliable Invader training. He did what any skilled Invader would do in this situation. He mumbled to himself in a terribly loud voice.

"Alright, Zim, calm down. The Dib-stink couldn't have gotten far. He's bound to be hiding somewhere around here. It's not like he… HE'S LOOSE! HE'S LOOSE! THE DIB IS LOOSE!" Zim clamped his claws onto the sides of his head and began tugging and yanking on his antennas shrieking. "What am I going to do! What is to be done!"

Zim quickly reached into his pack and pulled out his communicator. "Gir, where are you? GIR!" Zim received no answer. "Where is he? He's never disappeared before?"

Zim's panic would have continued, more than likely growing even more uncontrollable, had it not been for the piercing scream of a woman down the street. "Ah, what is that! It's like a giant weasel! It's a giant killer weasel!"

Zim quickly scooped up the shreds of the sack and ran down the street toward the commotion screaming, "Dib-weasel, Zim comes for you know!"

When Zim finally reached the corner and tore around, he found the busy intersection in complete and utter disarray. There must have been at least fifteen motor vehicles and eight fires involved in the crash. More fond memories came back to him, but these were even shorter lived than their predecessors.

"Please sir, help us," a tiny little woman shrieked at Zim. She was slightly burned from an apparent explosion and one of her arms was missing.

He looked at her and made a satisfied "Hmmm!" sound before speaking to her. "Do not worry your stink-human brains, ma'am! For I am the weasel catcher and I'm here to catch the, um… WEASEL!"

The woman backed up a few steps from the little Invader's spectacle.

"Did you see which way he, er, it went?"

The woman simply nodded and, with her only remaining hand, pointed at a narrow alley that ran between two buildings just past the crash site. Zim, paying the stupid amputated woman no more attention, bolted toward the alley in chase of the Dib.

Dib rested for a moment; leaning against a brick wall in the shadows. He'd finally chewed his way out of the sack and had escaped down the street without Zim noticing. He'd tried to signal a cab, or anyone for that matter, and had, instead, caused the worst pile up since Zim had accidentally created the timefield explosion on probing day.

Once he'd climbed out of the twisted heaps that had once been cars, Dib had lurched his way down the ally that Zim was now diligently approaching. Dib knew he wouldn't have much time. A few moments before, he'd heard a loud and familiar voice shriek the word "weasel" and he knew Zim was coming for him. He quickly looked around for somewhere to hide.

"Dib-stink, no use in hiding! I'm going to find you! You shall not fool Zim twice in one day!" Zim howled as he ran down the ally looking for his prey. He ran down past a pile of boxes, and then past a large dumpster, and then, finally, a few trashcans before he came to a dead end. "Where did he go? It's not like there's anything to provide cover or a defilade from the AMAZING eyes of Zim!"

Suddenly there was a rustle in between the garbage cans. Zim spun around on his boot heels to investigate what was causing the ruckus.

As Zim walked toward the sound, Dib could hear his approaching boot steps. He knew he'd be captured again and whatever Zim had planned would finally be carried out upon his terribly large head.

"I have you now, Dib," Zim exclaimed as he stood next to the cans. "Dun dun dun!" He yelled as he kicked over the can and froze in horror at what he found.

Staring up at him was a tiny little Chihuahua with a not-so-tiny head. It had a terrible scar across its forehead and a large chunk bitten out of its left ear. I happily looked up at Zim with it's bulgy eyes and whimpered.

"AHHHHHHH! Madness! Madness!" Zim screamed in terror as he bolted down the ally and dove into the dumpster in an attempt to evade the evil dog. He sat in the darkness of the dumpster for several seconds hyperventilating before he realized he wasn't alone. He hastily reached into his Pak and pulled out a flashlight.

As the light came on, Zim could now see just all that was taking refuge in the dumpster. In the corner, two hobos struggled to rip a large cob of corn from the others hands while at least twenty five thousand, and a half, rats dug and waded around in the garbage looking for food. None of this concerned Zim, for in the other corner, hiding with a brown paper bag over his head, sat Dib.

"Hmmm, nothing here," Zim declared confidently and climbed out of the dumpster. After making sure the coast was clear of the evil meats dog, Zim proceeded onward in his quest.

"ACHOO!" Came a sneeze from the dumpster and Zim wheeled around and looked at where the noise had come from. "Hey! Hobos don't sneeze! THE DIB!" He screamed as he charged the dumpster.

Dib quickly scrambled out and, with the bag still firmly atop his massive head, ran directly into a large, metal pipe. He quickly stood back up and ripped the bag off his head. He looked back at the rapidly approaching Zim and made a break for the fire escape that hung just down the ally. And so, a truly gripping chase began that was almost totally impossible to achieve with such a low budget and lazy author!

Dib ran up the wall, his claws digging into the brick, and jumped onto the fire escape. He madly ran up each flight as Zim pursued. He deployed his spider legs and scaled the wall tight next to his prey. "I'm coming Dib, and when I get you, I'm gonna' do you in just like a Valkerian Figglequaspleech, with jiggley goo and nasty, big pointy teeth!"

Dib would have replied to this with a very witty and well-developed retort, but instead a loud and frightening hiss was shrieked back. As the two finally reached the rooftops, Dib had a slight head start and instantly bolted across the tarred roofs bolting behind pipes and vents. Zim followed, slowly gain on him as the continued to run and jump over the alleys that divided the buildings. Finally, Zim had enough distance on him and dove in for a tackled.

The pair became tangled and rolled off the top of the building and landed on a nasty, soggy pile of cardboard boxes. Dib regained his composure and ran inside the building they were behind. Zim looked up at the sign and read allowed, "Chicky Licky?" Zim got up and ran for the door. Just as he threw it open to go in, a tall, Goth girl ran out, knocking Zim down. She ran away screaming, "I got a better job! A better job!"

Zim stood back up, shaking his head, and ran inside. There stood Dib, holding a pot lid and a large spoon like a shield and sword. Zim instantly went into a fighting position and pulled a laser out of his Pak. And so, just as an amazingly well-choreographed fight scene was about to take place inside the kitchen of the Chicky Licky, the budget for this chapter finally gave out.

And so several action packed minutes that would have made you feel complete inside and given meaning to your life later, Zim exited the Chicky Licky with Dib draped, unconscious, over his shoulder. "That will teach you to resist ZIM!" He bellowed as he walked away, failing to notice the giant taco floating along in the sky. What was most sickening about it was that Zim also failed to notice the man in a Mr. Chiky Licky suit pointing up and shrieking and clucking insanely.

"We have the human now! And his little weasel!" The alien laughed as he, and his partner, watched from the bridge of their ship. "They won't escape this time!"

"Yeah, Pa! We'll replenish our collection something fierce!" The other one whooped. "Why'd we decide to get the human and the weasel first?"

"Duh! We pulled their names out of this hat!" He said, brandishing a small blue cap.

"Yeah, but all the little slips say 'Human and weasel on 'em!"

"So?"

"Oh, good point!" He yelled and fiddled with the control panel. Within seconds, Zim and Dib were both standing behind the two other aliens.

"Hey, what's going on here! I… oh no! It's THEM again!" Zim yelled in anger and disgust. The kind of disgust you get when you see a really bad burn victim being chewed on by a moose. That kind of disgust.

"Yes, Earthling! It is us!" The blue-eyed alien shouted.

"And me!" The other interjected happily.

"Yes, we have come back! Did you think we'd forgotten you?"

Zim looked at him, dropping Dib to the floor, "Uh, yeah, actually."

"Oh, well… you were wrong!" Blue laughed maniacally as Green joined in.

"This time you will not escape! For we are going to fuse you both with THE JUICE!"

Blue grinned and said, "Oh, by the way, where's that smart dog of yours?"

Zim looked curious for a moment and replied, "That's a good question actually. Where IS Gir?"

A/N: YAY! I finished! I hope you all really like this one. The next chapter's really depressing, but it talks about Gir, SO READ IT! Please review…