13. True nightmares
It was raining, but not hard. But still loud enough that Liu couldn't sleep. The constant rumbling of the thunderstorm was just as restless as her restless soul. She was worried.
Worried about him.
She kept rolling from side to side. She just couldn't find rest. How was he feeling now? What was he doing now? She just couldn't forget his look from this noon. This scary behavior. She hadn't seen him like this for a long time. But it wasn't the first time. More precisely, it was three years ago that he had cried for the last time...
Almost 3 years ago ...
Liu blinked. It was still dark. Tired, she stretched herself in her bed in the anteroom of Xiang's bedroom. She was about to lie down on the other side when a whimpering groan made her sit up and take notice. For a moment she didn't dare to breathe. She listened hard. No, she wasn't wrong. The whining grew even louder. Then an outcry. With a jerk she sat on the edge of the bed. Then she jumped to the sliding door and pushed it open. Xiang was tossing himself in his bed. He uttered gruesome noises as if someone were strangling him. The bedspread was rumpled on the floor. With a pounding heart, she ran over to him and pressed him on the mattress.
"Stay calm," she talked insistently to him. "Everything is ok..."
He pushed her away brutally, but his eyes were still closed. The peahen stood there in shock for a short moment, but then she threw herself with all her weight on the writhing peacock.
"Stop it! Stop it!" She pleaded with him. "Wake up!"
Finally, he blinked. But when he saw her, he panicked again. Liu had to try hard not to be thrown away again. The powers that the peacock developed were almost supernatural.
"Stay calm! Stay calm!" She kept repeating.
It felt like an eternity before Xiang gave up the resistance. The peahen held him for a few more minutes, always uttering soothing words. But the peacock didn't seem to listen to her. He lay trembling in bed and sobbed. He had no qualms about crying.
She got up slowly. Xiang lay on the bed, breathing hard, but had calmed down enough to lie on his back. His face was wet with tears. Liu tried to pat his cheeks with a cloth, but the peacock pushed her hands away. He didn't want that.
Liu tried hard not to continue speaking. He had already made it clear to her often enough that he didn't want to hear pity gossip. Instead, she picked up his blanket from the floor and shook it a few times. Then she took a bottle from the shelf and took it back to the exhausted peacock. She opened the bottle and poured some of it into her feathered hand. Then she rubbed it on Xiang's chest. The peacock flinched for a moment, but he stayed. He knew this stuff that always calmed him down when he couldn't sleep. Liu smiled slightly, but said nothing. Instead, she carried out her stroking movements on his phantom pain-plagued body gently and calmly. Xiang had closed his eyes and was inhaling the calming effects of the viscous medicine. Gradually his seizure subsided.
Finally, Liu got the blanket and put it over him, which he accepted with an accommodating gesture. He even gave a sigh of relief as she covered him with it. But then he opened his eyes a crack. She caught his gaze.
"I hate you," he hissed, then he closed his eyes again.
Liu sighed. But she still believed that he meant the opposite.
Liu let out a deep breath at the memory and rolled to the other side. She was sure, that he had nightmares again now.
Liu wasn't too wrong in her guess. A few rooms away from her, the peacock was also lying in his bed and had a restless sleep. Again and again he woke up. Then he dozed for a few minutes, then he woke up again. His wings trembled. He looked around hastily. Was there someone coming? His gaze wandered to the door. She was closed. But he was still afraid that the door would open up at any moment. He lay down again. He tried to think of something else. For years, he had managed to get his panic under control. But the brutal attack of today had unleashed the wave of horror in him again, which weighed him down mercilessly.
His feather fingers dug into the pillow.
There was that fear again. This terrible fear when she came. Back then. When he was a child...
Many, many years ago ...
She came. She came whenever she wanted.
The little blue peacock dared not breathe. He lay quietly on his side in bed with his back to the door. He heard that somebody opened the door.
He had expected her to come today. He had dared to contradict her today.
"Well, how is my little boy doing tonight?" A woman's voice made him afraid. The boy pushed himself deeper into the blankets.
She rarely allowed him to sleep properly.
An ice-cold shiver ran through his little body when he felt a wing on his shoulder, her feather fingers dug into the blanket.
"How often do I have to tell you that you don't contradict your mother when she says you should clean your plate?" The voice reprimanded.
The little blue peacock moved his beak in fear. "I-it... it was too much."
She had overfilled his plate for him purposely. It was too much for a small child. She knew that. She knew that very well. And she had wanted it so that he couldn't clean the whole plate.
His heart beat faster as her grip tightened on his shoulder. "You know that small children are punished for not obeying their mother."
A frightened sound escaped the boy. He would like to run out of the room and run away, but then she would only punish him harder. Therefore, he remained motionless in his bed and didn't run away when she suddenly tore the blanket off him.
The little blue peacock pressed his wings to his body with fear.
"No, mom, please don't... NO!"
The purple peahen grabbed his wings, then she pressed him to his stomach.
"Shut up!" She hissed at him and gave him a warning slap on his back. "Again such contradictions and I'll put you in the ice water!"
Regardless of her son's crying, she tied one rope around his first wing, then another around his second wing. She did the same with his feet. The peacock boy hardly noticed anything. He only felt the tears welling up in his eyes. She tied his wings and legs to the bed posts and used them to stretch his tiny body on the bed, stomach down, that his crying gradually subsided.
There was a silence. A silence that almost overwhelmed the little boy. He thought he was choking under her silence. Only when he saw his mother's shadow next to him, he let out another sob.
"You know I could kill you," the peahen whispered viciously. "But I still have a better idea."
The boy's breath caught when the knife flashed in the moonlight. He pulled on the ropes, but they held him mercilessly to the bed.
His breathing quickened as her feather fingers brushed his wing against the direction of the feathers. Then he felt towels that she put between them. The peacock pressed his lips together. He couldn't scream. Just one scream and she would kill him for that. The knife touched his skin. He winced when the sharp metal injured his child's thin skin on the wing. The cut wasn't deep, but it started to bleed immediately.
He heard her laugh. The little peacock shivered badly as she ran her finger feathers over his bleeding wound. Then she leaned over his head and gave him a warning smile.
"Just one word to someone..." She stroked her blood-smeared feather fingertips over his beak lips and brushed his blood on them. "You don't want to end up like daddy, do you?"
The little blue peacock's eyes widened with fear.
Father! Help me! Why aren't you here?!, he shouted inwardly.
His vision was obscured with tears. He didn't feel anything anymore. Just how she finally loosened the knots and untied him. Then it went quiet.
A door was closed.
For a while, the boy lay crying on the bed. Finally, he managed to pull himself together again to straighten up. He licked his lips and tasted his blood. He quickly got out of bed and ran to a bowl of water on a small dresser. Shivering, he lit a lamp and owned himself in the mirror. The blood on his lips looked like lipstick. He quickly scooped up some water and used it to wipe the red paint off his face. Then his gaze wandered to the wings. The blood could not be seen on the feathers, but she had previously placed the cloths in between so that no blood would get on the feathers. No one but he should see them.
Hesitantly, he stroked against the direction of the feathers until the cuts became visible. His breathing quickened when he saw the blood...
With a jerk, the peacock sat up in the bed. He could barely breathe. He looked at his wings, trembling. There was no blood. He clenched his fists, then he held them in front of his face.
There is no blood!
Nevertheless, he thought he could still see the red color. Between his feathers, on his beak. It followed him like a shadow. It didn't let him go.
For a while the peacock sat listless. He had been a child then, but he could still see it before him as she cut his arms. He checked his legs. They still hurt a little. He had only cleaned it up improvisationally. One spot seemed to have infected. There was an uncomfortable throbbing on his left leg near the knee. Since his right leg was numb, he could only guess that it might look the same.
He lay down again and tried to think of something else. But the thunderstorm in the distance didn't make it any better. On the contrary. He felt like he'd ended up in hell. He used to be able to defend himself, today he couldn't even walk.
His beak lips began to tremble. His fingers dug into the pillow. He was about to cry when he heard a low creak that he thought came from the door.
Xiang pressed himself deeper into the blanket. He closed his eyes and tried to suppress his panic.
"Everything is just imagination, everything is just imagination," he kept shouting to himself in his mind. "You are only imagining it, you are only imagining it."
He pressed his eyes even tighter together. He thought that someone would sneak up on him. Xiang was so fixated on telling himself that the panic would drive him insane that he didn't even look around. Because actually, a shadow as creeping up to him. Big hands reached out for him and were already over his head. Suddenly they grabbed at lightning speed.
Xiang was so scared that he couldn't breathe to scream at first. But before he could take a deep breath, someone held his beak tightly.
The peacock threw himself on the side. He thought his heart would stop when he recognized Duona's silhouette in the dark room. At first the peacock was paralyzed, but then he tried to free himself from her grips. But the she-bear grabbed the ends of the blanket with her free hand and used it to wrap the bird's wings and legs together. Xiang struggled like crazy. Damn, what was that supposed to be?! He tried to scream, but before he could react, he was pulled out of the bed and was pressed against the body of his tormentor.
"Just a peep," the nurse growled menacingly. "And I'll cover both nostrils for you."
The blue peacock froze as soon as the she-bear not only closed her mouth, but also closed one of his nostrils. He nodded hastily, afraid of suffocation. And without his being able to do anything, he was dragged out of the room.
It was quiet in the corridors of the cure residence. Nobody was there. Usually, Xiang never wanted to see anyone there, but now he only wishes one of the doors would open. Unfortunately, this wish was not granted to him, so that the she-bear was able to slip him through to the next back door without being seen.
It was still raining outside. When Xiang felt the first raindrops on his face, he closed his eyes convulsively.
"It's all just a nightmare," he thought desperately and shook his head laboriously. In reality, he was in bed and would wake up soon.
Without resistance, he let the she-bear carry him down a hill. Fortunately, the thunderstorm was still some way away so they weren't in danger of being struck by lightning. Xiang looked around carefully. In the light of the flashes of light, he only saw a steep slope, covered with meadow and small pine trees.
Finally, the walk ended on a small road. Xiang narrowed his eyes. There was something a few feet away that he couldn't identify immediately. Only when the next lightning flashed, he recognized a wooden wagon.
Once there, the she-bear stopped. Xiang tried to say something, but Duona continued to hold his beak.
"Are you alone?" a suspicious voice asked.
The she-bear grunted just before answering. "Except for him, yes."
Suddenly several small shadows appeared. Xiang narrowed his eyes.
They were geckos. Small geckos with red eyes and black slit-shaped pupils. Their tails were striped in black and white, while their upper bodies were covered with black spots. All wore black pants.
Without warning, Duona threw Xiang on the ground. Immediately Xiang wanted to run away, but firstly he was still tangled in the blanket and secondly, he would not have gotten very far with his lame leg anyway. And before he knew it, he was surrounded by the geckos.
"HEL ... mmpf!"
One of the geckos had stuffed a rag in his mouth. But Xiang couldn't spit him out anymore because the next one tied a rope around his beak.
"I'm gradually starting to like tying up birds," the front gecko laughed with amusement.
Xiang fluttered with his wings in shock until they were tied together like his feet. In the next second, two geckos bumped him from the side, knocking him to the ground. Xiang paused for a moment until four more geckos pulled him up again and pressed him against the wooden wagon.
"And you wait for further instructions," the gecko instructed Duona. The bear nodded and withdrew with stamping steps. In the thunderstorm of lightning, she looked like a striding monster.
Xiang screamed a muffled cry through the gag. No matter what they were going to do with him, but it couldn't be good. His premonition seemed to be confirmed when one of the geckos pressed a rag onto his nose that had been soaked in a strange smelling liquid.
"Take a breath now," a voice echoed in the rumbling thunderstorm.
The peacock tossed his head back and forth. But he couldn't help breathing the numbing stuff. For a while he fought against it. His whole body went numb like his lame leg.
"She will be delighted to see him again," he heard the gecko laugh. Then he passed out.
Every sound boomed in his head. The peacock woke up groaning. Everything rocked and trembled. He breathed in in air sharply through his nose. His mouth was still gagged. The rest of his body was still in shackles. He tried to remember what had happened. Finally, it all came back to him. He raised his head. Apart from the rain and the screeching tires of the wooden wagon, there was no sound. Finally, he tried to stretch out. There were wooden walls on all sides, but with a low ceiling. He checked the walls with the claws of his good leg. The geckos must have put him in the wooden cart while he was unconscious. However, he couldn't tell whether he was lying in a box or somewhere else.
Suddenly the cart stopped. The peacock listened intently.
He heard a quiet murmur. Then there were stomping footsteps on the muddy ground that went around the cart. It rumbled a few times, followed closely by probing knocks.
Finally, the steps retreated.
"Approved," growled a deep voice. "You can pass through."
Xiang's eyes widened. These were clearly soldiers' voices. They had to be on the border.
"Mmpffphf!"
But his calls for help were stifled by the still active thunderstorm and pattering rain. The journey continued without his knowing what the destination was.
After a while he gave up trying to attract attention. He sat quietly in his prison and could only wait and see what would happen next.
Suddenly the cart stopped abruptly.
The peacock was frightened. Did they arrive?
"This just can't be true!" He heard an angry voice swear. "Especially today."
Someone giggled. "I'm curious how you want to put this thing away."
The rest of the conversation was drowned out in a murmur of discussion that gradually faded away. Obviously, something was in the way of the cart. The peacock continued to listen. He seemed to be alone now.
He tugged at the shackles. Damn, he had to go out even if he had a lame leg.
Suddenly he stopped. Someone was crawling around on the wagon. It seemed to be over him.
In the next moment a light flashed through a crack in the wooden ceiling. Someone was removing the wooden planks above his head. Then hands tucked under his armpits, which dragged him out of the false floor in the cart.
Xiang gave a muffled scream when a knife flashed in the light. He panicked and tried to run away. But then a hand held his shoulder.
"Stop it!" a woman's voice cried. "It's me!"
When Xiang recognized Liu's voice, he paused. In the next moment he felt the knife cut his bonds.
"Get out of here quickly!"
Because of the gag, which still was in his mouth, he couldn't talk. The peahen quickly heaved him up and propped him up on the side. Xiang almost tripped when they got out of the cart. But there was no time for a break. Without waiting, she dragged him into the forest. It was still raining and lightning flashed here and there.
Liu didn't know how long they stumbled through the undergrowth. It was not easy to move forward quickly with a semi-paralyzed peacock. But at some point, she broke off the escape. Xiang couldn't go any further.
"I don't think they're following us," Liu hoped and set the peacock down next to a rock.
She looked at him with a worried look. "I'll take the gag off," she offered and leaned over to his head.
But suddenly the peacock hit her on the wings. She backed away, startled. Xiang grabbed the ropes surrounding his beak and managed to tear them down. As soon as he had the piece of cloth out of his mouth, he angrily snapped at her.
"It was your assault plan, wasn't it!"
Liu was breathless. "How can you say something like that?! You can be glad that I was worried about you and couldn't sleep and I wanted to find out about you. Otherwise, I would never have seen how they had taken you away!"
Snorting angrily, the peacock heaved himself up on the rock and looked at her with rage filled eyes.
"Don't lie!" He hissed. "You may have me under your control, but I will stay my ground! You can't pull me down! Especially not a cheap slut like you!"
"Don't go on like that!" The peahen pushed him away, completely beside herself, so that the peacock fell backwards and landed under a bush.
"That's enough for me now!" Liu continued to shout. "I will no longer be insulted by you! Either pull yourself together or you can stay here! Alone!"
The next lightning bolt, followed closely by an eerie bang, filled the air. The peacock buried his face in his wings and began to sob. Liu paused in shock. Gradually her anger subsided and looked down at him pityingly as he lay huddled. Slowly she got down on her knees next to him. "Listen," she began quieter. "I would never want to hurt you."
She swallowed hard. "You are lucky that the storm caused a tree to fall on the street."
She stroked his shoulder, but he avoided her touch and huddled even more under the bush.
Both kept silent for a while. Finally, Liu started.
"Do you want to catch a cold?" She asked softly. "You have to get dry."
"I will not go back," Xiang growled bitterly.
Liu sighed. She couldn't blame him for the thought.
"Where do you want to go?" She asked.
There was silence for a while, then the peacock finally lifted his head from its wings. Their eyes met. It was raining, but she knew he still had tears in his eyes.
"Are we in China?" He asked.
She nodded. "Yes, the cart drove across the border."
He wiped his face. "And how did you get here then?"
Liu smiled sheepishly. "I snuck over there. It wasn't easy. But with a little flying practice..."
"How far is it to Mendong City?" He interrupted her.
"Your hometown?"
Xiang looked at her in surprise.
"I know this from your medical record," Liu said.
Xiang avoided her gaze and stood up. For a moment he braced himself on a small tree, then he hobbled a few steps.
"You can't go there by yourself," Liu interjected and hurried over to him. "I'll go with you."
"Just get out of here!" Xiang snapped and pushed her away.
"Xiang!... I mean... Lord Xiang. You cannot survive without help."
The peacock snorted in disgust. "My leg is numb, but not my whole body."
"No, I will not let you go alone!"
She grabbed his wing. For a moment it looked like Xiang was about to hit her again, but then he stopped. There was no point in stopping her anyway. He was incapable of fighting. He also noticed how he was starting to freeze.
"All right, but just until we reach the city," he growled.
Liu breathed a sigh of relief, which Xiang did not like. In general, he hoped that he was still dreaming.
The geckos are Chinese leopard geckos (Goniurosaurus luii).