Published: 09/03/21

Darkness was the only word to describe what "it" was experiencing. The dark void completely enveloped its consciousness as it floated aimlessly within this space. It was a sensation similar to drowning, yet at the same time not. Sounds of flowing water enveloped its ears, yet it wasn't suffocating. Nor was it breathing.

The entire time it was simply drifting through this endless void, not even thinking. Only drifting in non-existence, creating surface-level thoughts that never went anywhere and simply got lost in the abyss such as its state of current consciousness or lack thereof.

The next thing it felt was a blinding light. Surrounded by the surreal feeling of gentleness and warmth. This warm, yet slightly prickly sensation could completely make one forget oneself. Forget oneself? Right, as if something was lost, but what was it? What was the thing that had been forgotten?

These thoughts eventually came to mind as it tried to reach towards the light.

But as it got closer, it started to tremble all of a sudden. After a short moment of delay, its mind began to comprehend the feeling of coldness; a coldness that could easily penetrate the skin. Just like a newborn baby feeling cold for the first time. However it didn't have the luxury to experience it in full.

As if suddenly encountering the assault of a previously known yet forgotten sensation, it began to panic under the intense feeling of suffocation, and started to struggle.

Lungs, body, every single cell within the body screamed for oxygen, the pain was unbearable. Unable to remain calm and to think, the only thing it could do was to struggle.

Without being able to exercise any control of the body, the only thing it could do was to struggle painfully under duress. All of the pain and suffering had easily clouded its consciousness, and then, as if finally liberated from the human existence which had not cried for the longest of time, the body started to cry instinctively.

With the consciousness murky and the sense of self a mess, it opened its eyes to a gray sky. A blurry world… No, perhaps it was only its vision that was blurred? It was a twisted world seen through unfitting spectacles. The outlines were blurry and the colors chaotic, even it who had not felt as many emotions in all those years began to sense the unease.

After what felt objectively to be about 3 years, it finally started to gain back its consciousness and form, feeling only pure confusion.

Just what the heck is going on? What happened to me? It entered a vessel that was unable to maintain consciousness for long periods of time, and still couldn't properly recall this information. Therefore, it was unable to understand why the sound of a baby's cry that was barely audible each time its consciousness began to fade had made it feel so embarrassed.

Mature adults aside, a baby would normally cry. Given a fair chance and appropriate protection, by rights, a baby shouldn't feel embarrassed at all. Therefore, with its senses and consciousness all jumbled it started to relax, and threw this unclear sense of shame deep into the recesses of its memories.

After that, although still confused, it had finally gained a general idea of the situation it was currently in, yet even then, it only further added to its confusion. It clearly remembered driving its way to work, however, after snapping back to reality, it found itself inside a thick, stone-built, western-style building with a nurse-like figure wiping its lips. If this was a hospital, it was understandable to infer that an accident had occurred. That could also explain why its vision was blurry due to having suffered an injury.

However, when its eyes could finally begin to see clearly of its surroundings, all that was in view under the dim lights were the same figures wearing maid-like attire. The reason for the dim light...if not mistaken, would be due to the gas lamps which clearly belonged to a different era. Both revelations only further impounded its confusion.

"Come on, Ajax, ahhhhh—-"

What the hell? Just where am I? Why am I in this place? Why are they talking to me like that?!

"Ajax? Aaaajjjjaaaaxx?"

An unexplainable situation. The multitude of questions and doubts kept piling on and on.

"Alrighty, be obedient and open your mouth, Ajax."

The current question which needed to be answered was, "Just what is going on?" Thus, it shifted its vision to the spoon served in front of it, but even though it had noticed the existence of the spoon, the thought that the spoon was for itself had never occurred in its mind. All it felt was to question why that "Ajax" person still hasn't eaten yet.

However, the nurse that was in front of it (who was deeply in thought) must have reached the end of her patience. With a gentle smile that wouldn't accept, "no," for an answer, she shoved the spoon in her hand into its mouth.

"Don't be picky now. Come. ahhhh—-"

It was a spoon of stewed vegetables, but at the same time as this spoon, without a doubt, it dragged "Ajax" back to reality.

The over-stewed vegetables were the only thing that was stuffed into its mouth. But the one who was forced to eat this, this unexplainable situation only made its thoughts even more confused. In other words: that...was me. The one they called Ajax.

And then "it" screamed from the bottom of his heart—"Why?!"

Metempsychosis, Reincarnation, Rebirth, etc. All of these words relate to dying and being born once again as the same or different entity with a new life cycle on earth. Many religions, notably Buddhism, take this philosophy to guide them on their current life for a better afterlife. However none ever mentioned being reborn as a person in a completely different world from a Chinese gacha game!

Yet that was the current reality. It took some time to accept it of course. There were many moments I slipped in and out of consciousness, taking forced naps at inopportune moments. Slowly but surely, I managed to reign in my consciousness long enough until it felt natural to me.

The last few moments I recalled in my previous life was that I was on my way driving late at night to work on an off-day due to an emergency that occurred within the company I'm working for. I was driving in the middle of heavy rain, winds were blowing stray leaves and debris on the highway. Then suddenly a large screeching sound occurred akin to skidding tires, and the scene even registered in my mind I felt an impact.

In an instant, I was cut off in my previous life without any fair warning. There were no flashes of life right before my eyes, being shown the gates of heaven (or pits of hell), or even anything grandeur people seemed to believe. It was just only a vague period of complete and unfathomable darkness I couldn't even begin to describe. I was not able to recall anything beyond that semi-conscious purgatory. It was only after I was brought in to complete consciousness once more.

Having to wake up with all my memories and experiencing my life as an infant to a child was an arduous process. I was forced to endure the humiliating experience of not being in full control of my body, always defecating and urinating in my own diapers no matter how much I tried to resist. All of it was like having an everlasting fever dream. Yet however much I denied reality, it wouldn't change that I was Ajax; a person from a game I played a few months ago.

I was Ajax. The very concept felt still foreign to me. More than that, it frightened me. I could barely even remember the events of that game and was even more bewildered as to why I'm even here. In the past, multiple thoughts and theories invaded my mind. A coma? Divine punishment? A cruel whim by an eldritch god? I haven't had a clue.

Over the years I've more or less come to accept these circumstances, however, some darker thoughts always stood out to me.

What happened to the real Ajax? Did I kill him by taking over his body? Did he even exist in the first place? Hell, I didn't even like Ajax, much less still involved with the game that I stopped playing ages ago. Sure, he was a great older sibling and all, but he was a dead-beat maniac that thirsts for violence. He was also depressingly naïve for a guy that nearly got himself killed in the freaking Abyss! Ajax believes that children's innocence should be treasured, not knowing when their life would turn upside-down. I snorted at the thought. Funny, that happened to poor Ajax.

All in all, a damn psycho and a hypocrite.

Years have passed since then. I sigh monotonously as I stare outside my window laying on the side of my head. Even so, there was something distinctly foreboding about the old homestead, a clear sense that I was not particularly welcomed here. This was mostly due to the fact that I'm not supposed to be here. Combined with the fact that the weather had recently faced a fairly severe snowy thunderstorm that had been announced last night, the clouds overhead gave off an overall sense of gloom.

Welcome to Sneznhaya I guess.

I exhaled again, the glass collecting moisture as it fogged the clear surface. It cleared away in moments as I could then see my reflection. My eyes were a moderate blue, not yet dull, with two shades of white, and my hair was choppy orange, even as a kid. I was barely a child now. My eyes wander to my hand resting against the bottom frame.

They were small, tiny in fact. As an adult that had been through much, it was condescending being reduced to this.

As much as they were embarrassing to behold as an adult, it felt refreshing to a point. I felt more free than ever before, and was in fact enjoying every bit of it. No responsibilities, no sense of urgency, just the calm and the tranquil to accompany me.

Of course, as any normal five-year old, I had my fair share of toys and items to behold. If you count a wooden horse, a sword, and toy fishing pole toys. They were the only things my new parents were able to afford.

Speaking of new parents, Ajax's parents were not the picture-perfect beings of maternal and paternal grace, they were just as human and normal as any other beings. His mother was apparently a seamstress and she enjoys her passion well. Add to the fact that Sneznhaya was well-known in selling furs, the industry of clothes sells well. It was Ajax's father that seemed to be a conundrum. He was a great fisherman, a blacksmith, and sometimes an adviser to the local town mayor.

All in all, not rich, but not in a dire situation.

It changed when I was born as Ajax of course. He was the fourth child of the family. A bunch of rabbits, my new parents were. With two older twin brothers and an older sister, I was not hurting for older siblings.

They were absolutely in love with me, because of course, I was the youngest. It will change indefinitely, with my future knowledge and my parents' uncontrollable lust with one another. Teucer would be born. Just the thought of the young kid in my mind, made my heart clench. In all technicalities, I would be the older sibling soon.

Of course, this was a new feeling for me, as I was born as an only-child. The closest thing I had to siblings were my cousins, and even that was a stretch, as I never had a chance to re-connect and everything. It still hurts to know that my old life was wasted to a point that I took it for granted.

This time would be different, or at least I hope it will.

I am not as stupid as the old Tartaglia to look for danger, drop into a hole that leads to this world's version of the underworld, get tutored by a suspicious individual, and end up as a weapon for the most ambiguous Archon that I have ever heard.

No thanks, I wasted my old life, and I am not going to waste this one. I don't care if it will "change the timeline" or some other bullshit, I just wanna have a normal life like the last one and live much longer, preferably much longer than my parents and older siblings ever will. It was selfish of me, yes, but have you ever lived a short life with no worries? I did, and I still regret it after five years into my new life.

Sadly, it seems the world was against me.