Coping

Chapter 2: Lost

Buttamellow

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling, Warner Brothers, and its various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

I left the room sometime this morning. I could hear the hushed whispers and feel the sympathetic stares as people passed by. Several people tried to claim my attention on more than one occasion but I hadn't the heart to look at them, let alone reply. I knew my appearance was only causing more of a commotion considering I hadn't changed from the outfit I had been wearing at the Opening Feast. I knew without looking at my appearance that my eyes were swollen and red and my hair was an awful mess. More so than usual.

Only a handful of people can truly understand how I feel and, at the moment, I can't bear the thought of seeing them. I especially don't want to see Ron. He would only serve as a reminder that the "Golden Trio" was no more.

We were broken.

I was torn between thousands of emotions today. I felt as though I was on an emotional rollercoaster that just kept dropping. Just as I thought I had reached a plateau I quickly felt myself rushing down another slope.

I'm so angry, so hurt, so sad, so scared, so defeated, so...alone. So...empty.

And everyone seems so sorry. So upset. So hurt.

It's funny. These are the same people who thought that Harry was crazy and dangerous during fifth year, the same ones who continued to avoid him during the last. The same people who shunned, glared, whispered and told lies about him.

What hypocrites!

I couldn't bear to be in the same room with them. They were suffocating me. It was hard to breathe. I couldn't bear their overdramatic sympathy and their false looks. I hated them all.

They didn't truly know what it was like to lose your best friend. They had never cared for him. They only "cared" about him when it was convenient for them. Just when things were starting to get tough and Harry needed them the most, they would flee from him.

I can hear them calling my name but I don't want to talk to them. I don't need their pity. I don't want to see their empty pain or hear their lies about how sorry they are.

Sometimes, my thoughts drift towards Ron against my will. I wonder how he's coping. If he feels the same way I do. I wonder if he has truly even accepted the fact that Harry is gone. That our best friend...

Oh gosh. I'll never see him again. No matter how many times I tell myself, it still cuts me deeper each time I remember.

Did you know it rained today? It was almost as if the heavens were crying for our loss. I'm not sure how, but I found myself walking around the pond, the rain soaking my clothes. I stayed out there for hours just sitting and walking and...and thinking.

I didn't have the heart to cast a warming spell on myself. I needed the cold. I needed the pain. It was so much better than having to feel the hurt.

My thoughts have been shattered all day. I can't seem to stick to a certain thought. For the first time in...probably forever I don't want to read or study or go to class. I don't want to do anything. How can I do these things when Harry won't be able to do them again?

Although I keep telling myself that I don't want to see Ron, I really do. I just need him beside me so I know that everything will be alright. He's the only one that can truly understand. I just...I...

I'm so lost.

A/N: Again, very AU. Just as a reminder. More to come. :) Hope you like it.