Chapter Five
The next few days passed much the same way. Stephanie did searches and stared at Ranger's vacant office in between hunting down a few low-level skips. Not too many people skipped bail this time of year. Post Christmas and New Year's, family brawls and drunk driving would fuel more business, but right now, most days were quiet. Peace on earth, good will to men, all that shit.
Stephanie met a few of the RangeMan guys, primarily in the break room or passing in the hall. No one other than Les came over except to drop off research requests. Everyone was unfailingly polite but kept their distance and seemed a little nervous any time she tried to strike up a conversation.
Les ambled over to check on her.
"You going to the holiday party at Gunny's tonight?" The nonchalance in his voice should have served as a warning, but her mind was elsewhere right along with Ranger, apparently.
Stephanie gave a negative shake of her head. "Probably not. I think I'll finish up some work, then do some Christmas shopping. I'm just about out of time. Tomorrow is Christmas eve."
"If you change your mind, you know where we are."
"What's with everybody?" Stephanie asked. "They all seem a little afraid of me."
Stephanie thought that applied to Les, too. After the first day when he invited her for dinner with the promise of a lot more, he had kept his distance. Sure, he flirted with her, but it was light, good-natured banter and not the dark, heated way he had looked at her that night.
Les studied her for a minute, like he was debating whether he should tell her the truth.
"Ranger made it known you're off-limits."
"Off-limits?"
Les gave her an insolent shrug. "Personal property."
"Personal property!" Stephanie hissed like a pissed off parrot. "Cars are personal property; shirts are personal property."
"We share shirts, we share cars, we don't share women." Les furrowed his brow and gave a little shake of his head like he was rethinking that statement.
"Well, at least Ranger doesn't. That's not his particular brand of kink." Les clarified.
Stephanie was pretty sure her eyes were bugging out of her head and her face was on fire. She wasn't sure if it was because she was having a conversation with Les about Ranger's kinks, and now that's all she could think about, or the fact everybody considered her off-limits. To be fair, it probably kept her from fielding a bunch of uncomfortable conversations. Even so, she felt a little offended.
"Is that some kind of Neanderthal bro code?" She snapped.
"Only you would question it." Les responded when she shot daggers in his direction.
He seemed entirely unfazed. Given his dating history, Stephanie suspected a lot of woman shot daggers his way. Maybe even a vase or a high heel aimed at his head or the family jewels, which probably accounted for his unflappable response.
"And what about you?" She challenged. "Am I off-limits for you too?" Les didn't seem to have any problem with flirting with her, but he had definitely shut down anything more.
Les gave her his trademark grin. "I'm not very good at following instructions, besides I'm family and Ranger can't kill me. Tia Rosa would kick his ass."
Stephanie couldn't help but laugh. She should be mad, but somehow she wasn't. It secretly thrilled a tiny part of her, and she decided it was better not to examine that inconvenient fact too closely. Logically, she knew it was probably Ranger's way of making sure she wasn't uncomfortable in the workplace, and it had nothing to do with him calling dibs.
"Look Steph, Ranger's never hired a woman before, and he's never brought one ice cream."
"What does that even mean?" Stephanie gave him a palms up gesture.
She had no idea what to do with that statement. It felt like Ranger had staked a claim, which was patently absurd. She barely even knew the guy, but something warm and dangerous spread through her belly at the thought.
"He likes you. He respects you."
At a later time, when she was alone and had given it some thought, she'd probably find the flaw in that logic, but oddly enough, it made sense at the moment.
Les' cocky grin lit up his eyes in a way Stephanie didn't quite trust. It wasn't a steal-her-wallet kind of mistrust, but something different.
"I need your help." Les rubbed his hands together.
"Oh boy." Stephanie groaned.
"I need a distraction." Les stated.
"OK, tonight?"
"No, right now. There's this woman."
Stephanie rolled her eyes. "Isn't there always?" She said sarcastically.
Les' grin got bigger. "Well yes, but in this case, there is this woman at Gunny's bar that Tank is crushing on. Hal, Ram, Zero and Silvio all made a bet on who could get Tank to make a move. Hal, the smart little fucker, got some mistletoe. My money was on Silvio, so I'm going to kidnap Hal's mistletoe and hold it for ransom. That way I'll get a payday either way."
Stephanie looked at Les like he was speaking in tongues and possibly insane, probably because he was. Although, in a way, she could understand the reasoning, and that just made her question her own sanity. She'd been at RangeMan less than a week and already she had gotten sucked in by the madness.
"You're going to kidnap mistletoe?" Her eyes narrowed, and she cocked her head, thinking she must have misheard him.
"Hell yeah, and you're going to help me. Besides, the pot is over a grand. I'm not losing out on that."
"What do I get out of the deal?" Stephanie hedged, knowing this was the slippery path to nowhere good.
"A kiss?" Les teased.
"Pass." Stephanie gave him a Jersey worthy eye roll, mainly to cover the fact that kissing him didn't sound all that bad.
"You're a cruel woman, Stephanie Plum. How about half the hundred-dollar ransom?"
Stephanie scrunched up her nose and thought about it for a minute. "OK, I'm in."
She gave Les a fist bump. "What do you need me to do?" She asked, knowing full well she didn't have the sense god gave a goose or she wouldn't be agreeing to do this. But then, good judgement and common sense had never been among her better qualities. Why start now? Not when there was fifty bucks riding on the deal.
"Hal's monitoring shift just started. The mistletoe is in his desk, but he can see it from the bullpen. He'll know I'm up to something if he sees me sniffing around his desk."
Les rubbed his chin, thinking. He seemed to give it the same careful consideration he might give the invasion of a small third world country.
Les nodded like he'd finally settled on a battle plan.
"Distract the guys in the bullpen. That should work. I'll snag the weed while they're not looking. Then we'll meet back here."
"Why here?" Stephanie asked.
"Cameras are off."
"Good point, but how am I supposed to distract everyone?"
Les gave her a dry look and scanned down her body. "Use your assets."
Pink stained Stephanie's cheeks, and she gave Les a healthy dose of side-eye. He gave her the why-are-you-giving-me-the-eye look right along with his best innocent expression.
What the hell, fifty bucks was fifty bucks. Stephanie got up and edged closer to the bullpen. Hal, Zero, Ram and Binkie were diligently watching the monitors. She knew they had seen her, but were doing their best to pretend like they hadn't. Eyes glued to the monitors, Hal shifted nervously and pulled at the collar of his RangeMan shirt like it was suddenly too tight.
Stephanie pulled in a deep breath and shored up her resolve. Here went nothing. She briefly wondered how she'd gotten roped into this plan. Oh yeah, fifty bucks and Les Santos. That man could talk a woman into just about anything. Or in Les' case, out of just about everything, including their panties.
Stephanie stopped in front of the bank of monitors Hal was watching and pretended to be fascinated by something on the screen. She stretched her arms over her head and arched her back, making sure her shirt rode up a couple of inches. Stephanie sucked in her stomach just in case, but she had a feeling it probably wasn't her stomach that was drawing the most attention. She made a big show of working all the kinks out as she tilted her head up and thrust out her breasts, giving a little moan of satisfaction. Yep, she was definitely going to hell for this one. All the talking in the bullpen had stopped, and you could have heard a pin drop. Stephanie dropped her arms and worked her neck side-to-side.
She saw Les give her a thumbs up out of the corner of her eye. She turned to Hal and gave him her best smile.
"All that sitting gets to me." Stephanie figured it didn't matter what she said. They were in no shape to hear her, let alone comprehend. She could have spoken in Klingon and no one would have noticed.
Hal was staring at her. His face was tomato red and sweat glistened off his forehead. Zero's mouth was hanging open, Ram had a cup of coffee frozen halfway to his mouth, and Binkie had a glazed expression on his face like he wasn't quite all there.
She gave them a little finger wave and turned to head to the break room, a satisfied smile spreading across her face. She was pretty pleased with herself, right until the point Ranger's office caught her eye.
Oh shit. Ranger's door was open, and the light was on. Calm down, she told herself. Just because the light was on didn't mean he was here. Maybe someone needed something from his office. A dark figure moved across the doorway. Yep, no such luck. It was Ranger in all his hotness.
Arms crossed over that impressive chest, he openly assessed her. One eyebrow hitched up in a question and a slight smirk settled on those totally kissable lips. His hypnotic gaze held hers and she couldn't look anywhere but right into his eyes. A little gasp, or maybe it was a sigh, escaped her lips. She was irrationally glad he was back.
A jolt of pain in her hip snapped her out of her stupor as she smacked into the corner of a desk. She saw Ranger mash his lips together like he was trying not to laugh and look at the floor. He just shook his head and retreated into his office. Heat bloomed on her face. She was such a loser. Stephanie looked around for the nearest sharp object to hurl herself onto and save them both from her terminal stupidity.
Stephanie prayed Ranger hadn't just witnessed the little show she'd put on in the bullpen. Really, what were the odds? She consoled herself, knowing full well the odds were not in her favor. Stephanie was going to kill Les for getting her into this. Her eyes stayed glued to the floor, embarrassment coloring her cheeks as she scurried off to the break room. This is what happened when you toyed with the universe. It bit you back.
Stephanie grabbed a bottle of water and downed about half of it, trying to quell the flames racing through her body. Embarrassment and Ranger in equal measure. One look at that man had ignited her. She was crazy. That was the only explanation that made any sense. Her break-up with Morelli had dragged on too long and lack of sex had atrophied her brain as well as parts south of the border. How else could she account for the fact one sardonic look had caused her to go blind and deaf? She was so getting fired for this.
She made her way back to her cubicle; Ranger's door was closed, and she threw up a silent thanks to the universe for that brief reprieve. Of course, he was probably signing the paperwork to terminate her employment, but at least she didn't have to watch as he did.
Les came over and flopped into the empty chair. His head popped over the wall and he scanned the area.
"That was beautiful, you are beautiful." He enthused. "Absolutely brilliant."
Les was grinning from ear-to-ear like a kid in a candy store. His excitement infectious, she couldn't help but smile.
"OK, let's do this. We need a ransom note and proof of life."
Proof of life for a bunch of mistletoe. Yep, she was definitely nuts.
"Let's scan it."
"Good thinking." Les popped his head up one more time to make sure no one was close, and he put the mistletoe on the multifunction printer and hit start.
He grabbed a blank piece of paper and started scrawling a ransom note.
We have the mistletoe.
Leave 100 dollars in the locker room on the bench by noon or the mistletoe dies.
No cameras, no cops, no delays.
If you fail to deliver, than the mistletoe dies a slow death. It will be returned to you leaf by leaf.
"What do you think?" Les asked as he showed her the note.
Stephanie pointed at the note. "It should be then, not than." Les looked at her like she was just left of normal.
She shrugged and gave him an impatient gesture that said get on with it. "Fix it!"
"It's a ransom note. I don't care about grammar." Les hissed, looking around to make sure no one heard them.
Stephanie used her most prim and proper voice and crossed her arms. "There is no excuse for bad grammar."
Les rolled his eyes, but it was clear he was trying not to smile. "Fine."
He wadded up the paper and rewrote the note. "Satisfied?"
Not even close, she thought. "Yes."
"You could have told me Ranger was back." She gave Les an accusatory look. "Before I made an ass out of myself."
"Ranger couldn't hide in Miami forever, and you can't hide in this cubicle all day either. Besides, he was too busy looking at your ass to think you were one."
Les gave her an irreverent grin, and Stephanie groaned and slouched lower in her chair, thinking she was too young to die from embarrassment.
"What do you mean Ranger couldn't hide in Miami forever?"
Les just gave her a look that said, stop being daft, but didn't bother to answer. He rummaged in her drawer and found an envelope, and stuffed the ransom note inside.
Les narrowed his eyes and peeked over the top of her cubicle one more time, scanning the area. "OK, I'm going to go deliver this and stakeout the locker room. Hal looks all innocent, but he's crafty."
Stephanie stifled a giggle. With that pronouncement Les was gone, and Stephanie turned back to her remaining searches and forced herself not to glance at Ranger's office every five seconds.
A few hours later, Les popped into her cube and slid a crisp fifty-dollar bill across the desk to her.
Her eyes shot to his face. "He paid!"
Les grinned. "Yep. We make a great team beautiful."
Stephanie gave him a big smile and pocketed the fifty. They did a little high five.
"We're all heading out to Gunny's in a few. You sure you don't want to join us?"
"Nah, I have money burning a hole in my pocket. I'm off to shop."
"Alright. Merry Christmas beautiful. I'll see you in a few days." Les gave her shoulder a squeeze and sauntered off.
No one had ever called her beautiful before and she felt a little blush of satisfaction creep over her. It was silly, but she kind of liked the nickname, even if it was just trademark Santos charm.
Stephanie was basking in the glow of success when a deep voice startled her and she knocked over her coffee cup. Ranger's arm snaked around her and she watched transfixed as his elegant fingers grabbed the empty mug and righted it. She was pretty sure those hands would be magic. All grace, strength, and skill. Long tapered fingers, short, clean nails. A flash of those gorgeous hands roaming over her skin caused her heart to hammer painfully against her breastbone.
"My office Ms. Plum."
Stephanie winced. Yep, she was so getting fired.