June 5th 9 am
Oh my Godrick Griffindor! I have to write this down; I couldn't get my quill out fast enough. I was just munching through a packet of Bertie Bott's every flavour beans and I came across a half brown, half white one. At first I thought, hey, I've not had one of those before and when I tasted it…it was shepherd's pie flavour! It must be the only one in the world! So, I just really had to write that down.
6 pm
Nagini can finally talk again but what she told me hasn't completely revealed everything. Apparently, an hour after I had gone up to sleep, she heard noises outside. She went into the kitchen and someone opened the door. Now here's the issue…she didn't actually see who it was because as they walked in, this bright unbearable light, or something, lit up the room. (Yeah weird, I know). Nagini couldn't see a thing yet she could hear a voice. And the intruder spoke to her, asked about horticulture. Yes, horticulture. As in plants and stuff. So, that's it really. Must go now and make an evil plan.
7.28 pm
I have discovered that I can't lift up my forth finger on its own. The foolish puny finger keeps coming up as well. Does this mean that my body is defected? That I went through all that pain and I didn't get a perfect body? (Considers plastic surgery).
June 7th 9.10
Last night, I was sat up in bed reading 'The day I slayed the Fish-man and various other heroic deeds' by Gildroy Lockhart when I felt a surge of heat rush up my spine. I ignored it, though. Just assumed that these sort of pains were normal in a new body. But after a few minutes, I was hit by another pain, which I couldn't ignore. It felt like someone was rubbing hot spoons on my temples and using a third spoon to try to crack my head open like an egg. I got up and went on to the landing of my apartment, but like the pain just increased. So I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes shut, which really didn't help that much.
Then, as I opened my eyes, I noticed a light seeping from under the living room door. There were noises. Someone was speaking in parcel tongue. Making sure that my glittery, silver boots didn't make a loud noise, I crept into the living room.
It was a truly bizarre scene. Nagini was lying on the floor hissing and writhing, the room was filled with a waning white light and stood tall by the door was a male figure. He stepped forward and raised his wand to my face, madness glaring in his eyes.
What would Gildroy do (?), I thought. No! I'm the great, almighty and terrifying Dark Lord. No one can defeat me - except maybe that Harry Pootter. Ah! Don't think like that. Out thought. I exile you!
"Crucio!"
The intruder fell to the floor and screamed in pain. Ah, it was music to my ears. As he wriggled, a white stone fell with a clop from his hand and all the light in the room seemed to get sucked back into the stone. I wrapped it in a tea-towel and slipped it into my pocket.
Now, back to the man, I thought. And then, like a speedy quaffle, an ingenious idea came to me…
A cut from the wizard weekly.
Harry Potter's unwelcome visitor
Harry Potter, the only person ever to survive the killing curse and three-time defeater of Lord Voldemort ahh, woke up last night to find an extremely unwelcome visitor in his muggle home in Sussex. The, until now, missing lunatic, Frankie Slobovich had forced an entry through a window into the house where he immediately took to smashing as many wooden objects as he could find.
Harry, still shaking from shock told us, "I was woken by a smashing noise from downstairs. My aunt and uncle were out and so it was just me and Dudley (his cousin). I ran into Dudleys room and found him already awake, curled in a corner whimpering. So I got out my wand and went downstairs."
Harry then used the petrificus totalus spell to stun the intruder and the ministry were quick to arrive.
Slobovich is being taken…
OK. Maybe that wasn't the best plan ever. But at least I disrupted the little brat's sleep. Ha Ha HAAAAAAAA.