Ok, this chapter is much more serious than the last one. It's Sirius's last time in the Black house. He'll be at James's in the next chapter, but, of course, nothing is fine and dandy. But read on, and you will discover all.

BrennQT Haha, glad you like my Sirius. Oh, it's ok that you hate Draco. One of my really good friends hates him too and we used to duke it out. I'm glad you liked Sirius chasing his tail. It just seemed like something he would do. Unfortunately, its gonna be a while before he does it again…..sadness.

Maraudering-siriusly Don't worry, he caught it.

Rockpapersissor I'm glad you like it. I know I should have made his condition more apparent to the others, but I couldn't do it. Not that I was incapable of writing something like that, it's just that my image of Sirius got in the way. I'm so dead set on his upbringing that I can't change it even for my story. I just got set that he would never show weakness. He has this wall that, unless he lets it down, no one can get past, not even James. Sirius, I think, despite being a good guy, has this darkness to him. He was raised by maniac dark wizards, and then he gets landed in Azkaban later. Poor thing. I think if I hadn't already had so much more of this written, I might have done exactly what you said and had his friends notice things, but alas. Well, there's still stuff in upcoming chapters so don't worry, just keep reading and reviewing, and I'll love you.

Sad thing is tho, when I was re-reading OotP, Sirius chases his tail on the way to the train station. Dammit….

Thanks to every one else who reviews!

Chapter 4

It was December, and mid-terms and Christmas were right around the corner. This realization disturbed Sirius greatly. Mid-terms he could handle, but going home for the holidays was something else. Sirius had considered asking for permission to stay either at the Potters' or at the school, but he knew better. His parents would come to Hogwarts themselves to make sure he was home.

They could use a punching bag, Sirius bitterly thought.

The four Marauders sat around the tables in the Gryffindor Common Room, the voice of Lily Evans filling the air as she attempted to explain the techniques of brewing a proper Vertaserum potion to Peter. James, while Lily's head was bent down over the parchment, made faces and imitated the red head's lengthy explanation with his hand.

Remus was doing his best to ignore the distractions while Sirius merely stared at his friend, a look of slight amusement on his face. His small smile stretched greatly as, while James's eyes were rolling towards the ceiling, Lily's head jerked up. "Potter!"

Several groans could be heard around the Common Room. Sirius chuckled and leaned back in his chair. Those two were definitely getting married.

The night before the train to London departed, Sirius could not sleep. After hours of lying in his bed, the young man grudgingly removed himself from the covers and made his way out onto the Tower's balcony.

It was cold out, but Sirius did not bother with a cloak or even shoes. Pulling himself up on the thick stone railing, Sirius leaned back against the walls. It was a clear night, and in the dark night sky, the stars shone brightly. Sirius smiled a bit at his namesake.

Tomorrow he was being forced to go home, although it was not much of a home. The Black Manor was a dungeon, almost literally. Dark and cold, it was covered in evil relics and Slytherin memoirs. The family that resided within its walls was no better. They and the house were representations of each other. As often as something good and beautiful could be found in the house did the family produce a decent person. Not many beautiful things can be found in Black Manor.

Did Sirius's friends have even the slightest conception of how lucky they really were? Their families loved them. They missed them while they were away. Hugs and kisses were given at reunions. Sirius's relatives merely bowed to each other, as if they thought themselves great kings.

"Sirius?" Turning his head to the side, Sirius saw the confused and half asleep face of James. The other boy's hair stuck up more so than usual, and his glasses were half askew. Wrapped up in a robe, James slowly walked onto the balcony. "What are you doing out here?"

Immediately, Sirius's hand rose to grasp his left shoulder, where a particularly nasty scar took up residence. James had never seen it before, and Sirius didn't want that to start soon. Sirius cursed silently for not having the foresight to wear at least a robe out. His wife beater shirt would not cover the evidence of his home life. Good thing it was dark.

"I couldn't sleep," Sirius answered.

James leaned back against the doorway. "So you came out here? It's fucking freezing." Sirius shrugged. James raised a dark brow at him. "Something wrong?" Sirius just stared back at him. "With your arm," James elaborated. "It hurt?"

"No," Sirius said quickly, raising his arm to rest between his head and the wall.

"So, what's bothering you," James asked after a few minutes of silence.

For a moment Sirius did not answer. Then he settled on, "Tomorrow."

James bit his bottom lip. Running his fingers through his hair, he asked, "You really hate going back there, don't you?"

Staring off into the Forbidden Forest, Sirius's brows knitted together. "You have no idea."

Walking to the other end of the balcony, James hoisted himself up on the railing. "It's hard to believe that people can be such assholes," he said. "I remember my dad saying that Slytherins were pricks when I was a kid, but after actually dealing with them..." He sighed. "It's just weird, you know. I mean, how much easier is it to be nice?"

Sirius did not look at James but raised a brow. Hypocrite. They were both guilty of bullying. Of course, the people they picked on actually deserved it. Sirius had never raised a wand or hand to a person who had done no wrong to him. He knew all too well how that felt.

James had lived a good life. His parents were probably the best people Sirius knew. If either had ever hit James, it had been a simple spanking, but judging from James's arrogance against authoritive figures, Sirius found that highly unlikely. Other than his uncanny ability to attract trouble, James was perfect. An immediate Gryffindor, Quidditch Capitan and star player, nearly top of the class with the highest marks in Transfiguration, handsome, and an all around good guy.

But Sirius…Sirius had, despite years of prepping of Salazar's teachings, been proclaimed the first Black to be a non-Slytherin. Not just a non-Slytherin, but a Gryffindor. He was too outspoken. He formed his own opinions. He rebelled against the conservatism of the Old Families. His extreme good looks meant nothing. His wit was unappreciated. His top scores might as well have been a toddler's scribblings on a paper.

The world was indeed full of assholes. "It can't be helped," Sirius said. "One person is unhappy. He takes his sorrow out on those closest to him. Those people do the same. It's a chain of grief and hatred. It runs too deep. Not even that God you worship can fix it."

Sirius didn't believe in all that God nonsense. He had seen nothing that proved His existence. If there was such a being that created all things out of love, why was Sirius born into a house of hatred? James bit his bottom lip. It always made him nervous when Sirius began to talk like this.

"Screw it," Sirius said pushing away from the wall. "I'm going inside."

The next afternoon, as the train pulled to a stop in King's Cross Station, Sirius grudgingly exited the compartment with his friends. They hopped out of the train before him, and as Sirius stepped down, a voice called out, "Sirius, wait!"

Sirius turned his head around to see Narcissa in the doorway. As she pulled up the hems of her fine robes, Sirius quickly held up his hand to help her from the car. "Thanks," she said gratefully as she stepped down. "You have no idea how retched these things can be."

Sirius smiled down at his cousin, and a glitter caught his eye. Jaw dropping, Sirius rearranged her hand in his grasp to stare down in shock at a large diamond ring adorning her left ring finger. "Merlin!" he exclaimed, catching the other Marauders' attention.

Staring over Sirius's shoulder, James cried out, "That thing is fucking huge! How did your finger not break?" Sirius's hand flew out and hit James hard in the arm. He and Narcissa glared at him.

"Watch your language around my cousin," Sirius said before turning back to Narcissa. "'Cissa, where did you get this? No one on the family has a ring like this."

With a nervous smile, Narcissa said, "Oh, Lucius owled it to me just a few days ago."

"Why," Sirius growled dangerously.

"Because he asked me to marry him," she squeaked wrapping a lock of her light hair around her finger.

Sirius was silent for a few seconds before screaming, "WHAT!" Several people nearby turned to stare at the group. "You accepted a proposal from Lucius Malfoy? 'Cissa, what's wrong with you? Not only is he six years older than you, but you're still in school. You're not legal yet!"

"I'm older than you are," Narcissa countered. "Besides, the wedding won't take place until after I graduate." In an undertone, she said to him, "You know I would never have a choice in the matter. I marry Lucius or get blasted off the tree."

"I'd rather the latter occur," Sirius said bitterly. Narcissa placed her small hand on his arm and shook her head as the dark form of Bellatrix came walking briskly forward.

The older woman glared hauntingly down her nose at Sirius before squealing over Narcissa's engagement. Sirius seethed as his older cousin led the younger Blacks away, not even giving Sirius a chance to bid his friends farewell.

The trio soon arrived at Black Manor. Bellatrix immediately took her place next to Rudolphus on the couch and placed her son in her lap. The Black mothers called Narcissa over so that they could get a good look at the ring adorning her finger. Narcissa's father boasted about the good fortune of his daughter. She had made a fine catch, after all. Imagine, the Blacks and Malfoys finally joining together.

The very thought made Sirius gag. Lucius was a bastard, a good for nothing bastard who was very likely to treat Sirius's cousin like shit. Narcissa was no fighter. She would do anything for a peaceful household.

Sirius turned and was about to make his way up to his room when the deep voice of his father called, "Boy." Letting out a deep sigh, Sirius turned to face them.

"Sir," he asked.

"Have you congratulated your cousin on her fine engagement," Mr. Black asked.

Sirius eyed his cousin and then turned back to his father. "Words cannot express my feelings on this matter."

"Is that sarcasm, boy," Mr. Black asked dangerously.

"Of course not, Father," Sirius said. To hell with it. Shrugging, he commented, "At least it wasn't Snape."

"Ingrate!" Mrs. Black screeched. "How dare you speak so of our dear friends and not show joy for your cousin!"

Sirius clenched his fists and growled, "You're not happy for her. You're just greedy for more power, and what better way to get it than marrying off into the Malfoys?"

"Hold your tongue, boy," his father growled back, towering dangerously over Sirius. Sirius stared up defiantly at him for a few moments before lowering his eyes. "Get to your room," the older man said roughly shoving his son away.

Sirius sat growling in his room for hours. This was ridiculous. He could have stayed at Hogwarts and maybe have an enjoyable Christmas for once. But no! He had to come back here to this hell hole. It wasn't fair.

Sirius let out a particularly loud snort. Obviously his mother was passing by, because a bang sounded on his door and her voice screeched, "Shut up, boy!"

Boy.

They never said his name anymore. When Sirius was five or six years old, about the time Regulus was born, they had slowly stopped calling him Sirius. It was always Regulus this and Regulus that. Sirius was forgotten.

Bella and Dromeda weren't forgotten when Cissa was born, so why was Sirius forgotten? It made no sense. He was the heir to the family, not the girls, not Regulus. He didn't want that title now, but as a child it had been his dream to live up to his parents' expectations of him. He had wanted to make the family proud, to be the best of the Blacks.

What had changed it all? If Sirius tried hard enough, he could remember a time when his parents cared about him. If he fell and scraped his knee, his mother would heel it herself. If he made an excellent grade at his beginning school, his father had praised him. Hell, the house elf even used to respect him.

Now the only family members who cared about him were blasted off the tree, save Narcissa, but even she was wary of the love she showed for him.

The only people he had left were his friends. But there was so much that they didn't know, that they didn't and couldn't understand. They would pity him. They would think that this could be fixed, but it was impossible. The hate had been there for too long. The hurt could never go away.

The next few days were hell for Sirius, his mother slapping him for the slightest offense and his father forbidding him from meals. His cousins and brother were always staring down their noses at him. Even Narcissa barely spoke to him. Already he had had one beating. It was Christmas Eve when things took a sharp turn for the worse.

Sirius sat in his room, hunched over a piece of parchment, his quill scratching the paper as he madly wrote. He was composing a letter to Andromeda, a crime that, if he were caught, was sure to be disastrous. He had just finished the letters to James, Remus, and Peter. Sirius signed the parchment and blew on the last part for a quick dry. He stood and walked over to his owl's cage. He took the black feathered bird from its cage and stroked its feathers as he made his way back to the desk.

The door suddenly flew open.

Sirius's face dropped in horror as Mrs. Black stepped inside his room. He was trapped. He had no time to hide the letters, and the fact that he was holding the owl was a sure sign that he was sending mail. And Mrs. Black caught it.

"Who are you writing to?" she demanded, her primary reason for intruding forgotten.

Sirius gulped, "James." He sounded pathetic. She was sure to notice, and she did. She stalked over to his desk and lifted the first piece of parchment, the one addressed to Andromeda.

The woman's cold eyes widened considerably, and her face twisted in fury. Speaking to Andromeda was forbidden. She was no longer on the Tree. Without a word to her son, Mrs. Black screamed loudly for her husband. The dark haired man was quick to appear in his son's room. "He is writing to her!"

Sirius's door slammed shut and magical barriers were placed. "What do you think you're doing?" Mr. Black hissed.

"I was writing to my cousin," Sirius said.

"Your cousins are downstairs," Mrs. Black sneered. "Walk down if you wish to speak with them."

Sirius glared at his father, saying, "Your brother had more than two daughters. Andromeda still has the same blood as the rest of us. Just because you're a racist doesn't mean you have to impose it on the rest of us."

Sirius received a hard slap to the face. "That girl has no relation to us," Mrs. Black hissed. "She shamed all of us by marrying that-that creature!"

"Creature," Sirius exclaimed. "Ted's a human, full-blooded, no kind of mix in there."

"A filthy Mudblood," Mr. Black said. "Andromeda will have ruined the family line. Any child that boy produces is sure to be disfigured."

Sirius balled his fists, shaking in furry. "Nymphadora is not ugly," he snapped. "That little girl is beautiful, but you would never see it because your heads are jammed too far up Salazar Slytherin's dead ass."

Shit.

Sirius was always being warned about his temper. Why did he never take advice? Why?

"How dare you!" Mrs. Black screeched. "Not only do you degrade the honorable name of Salazar Slytherin, but you've seen that girl and her spawn! You have left this house and seen her?"

Sirius then found that he did not care anymore. He didn't care what he said, how hard they hit him, how much they hated him. He didn't care anymore. Caring wasn't worth it.

"It was easier than fuck," he said, ignoring the horrible looks written in his parents' faces. "All I had to do was tell that bitch of a House Elf you have follow me around to stay in the Leaky Cauldron until I get back. He has to listen. So then I'm free to do whatever the hell I feel like."

His parents were too shocked to move. "What has gotten into you," Mrs. Black asked.

"What's gotten into me," Sirius screamed. "You! You're what's gotten the fuck into me! I don't give a shit anymore. I say what's on my mind, you hit me. I don't speak, you hit me. I can't do anything to make you happy. I don't care anymore."

"Make us happy," Mr. Black snorted. "You failed miserably at that. Get yourself sorted into Gryffindor, befriend a Potter and Mudbloods, so many detentions that you could never hope to be a prefect. You're a disgrace."

"That's all from Hogwarts," Sirius countered. "You've hated me for years before that. When I still believed all your racist crap, you hated me. Well, I don't care anymore. I'm fucking proud to be a Gryffindor, and even more fucking proud to be best friends with James Potter." Sirius was shaking madly now, his face turning slightly red. He didn't know where the courage to say those things had come from. It might have just been stupidity.

"You know what," he said briskly, "I'm just going to say it." He pointed at his mother. "You are a filthy whore. I am literally sick to my stomach to think that I came out of you." He turned to his father. "An you, oh, you're a big tough man, aren't you? You have to beat up a child to feel powerful."

The Blacks stared at their older son, eyes blazing with fury like never before. Simultaneously, they pulled their wands from their robes.

"Fuck."

MY BABY!