Chapter 3: Teach Them Hell, Kid!

The gang helps Erwin in fostering a student-teacher atmosphere in his class.

They catch Erwin eating a salad on his own at the cafeteria's faculty lounge. There's a huge yellow sign in bold letters that says the area is off-limit to students, but that doesn't stop them because nobody gives a shit. The divider is transparent, which explains why the teachers are usually ambushed by their students the moment they step out of the lounge.

"Heya, Erwin!" Hange cheerfully waves at him. Actually, waving is not exactly it; she's flapping her arms like a giant chicken. Levi follows right behind her, and so do Mike and Nanaba.

Erwin looks up and greets them with a small smile. And then he goes back to munching on his leafy greens. Back when he was still a student, Erwin usually had a piss-poor diet, always ordering fast food and eating chips while studying for exams. It's unusual for them to see him having a healthy meal for once.

They plop right on the chairs near him and tell him about the success of the Survey Scout's first meeting. Hange is talkative as always, explaining everything in full detail with her hand gestures and a wide smile. "You won't believe it, Erwin! It's going to be an amazing year—"

"So, how are your classes going?" Mike cuts her off, prompting Hange to make a face while staying silent.

"Good." He stabs a piece of tomato absentmindedly.

"That doesn't sound like it is."

"Well…" Erwin drifts off and looks away. That's how they know something is wrong.

Levi talks under his breath, "Oi, Erwin. Spit it out."

Erwin hesitates and eyes them wistfully at first. Sighing, he then tells them that his students look bored in his class. Their participation is minimal and they don't even seem concerned about learning at all. "They probably think World History sucks."

"Maybe you suck."

Hange nudges Levi. "Don't say that. Maybe he's still trying to get the hang of it."

Nobody speaks for a while. They know Erwin is passionate about teaching. He has always wanted to be one, but he's never really tried teaching college students before. It's an entirely different ordeal stepping in front of the board when he's been sitting in the back row all this time because the know-it-all kids couldn't see past his huge broad back.

"I've got an idea." Nanaba raises a hand. They scooch closer towards her. "How about we sit in your class, Erwin, and then we participate in it as well? That should boost their motivation."

"Oooh, I love sitting in!" Hange gleefully volunteers as if she had been handed a present.

Mike asks, "So, we're like, herding cattle?"

Levi rolls his eyes. "That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard."

"An idea is an idea, shorty. I don't see you having one." Nanaba shoots back. "What do you think, Erwin?"

He's not really sure, but he's already desperate to inspire his students, so he'll give a go on anything at this point. Finally, Erwin shrugs. "Alright, well, let's try it."

The four of them sit at the back of his class, pretending they belong there. They have five minutes left before the bell rings to mark the start of the session. Levi shifts uncomfortably in his seat, locking his legs together and crossing his arms. Hange looks eager as ever, her eyes shining brightly behind her glasses. Mike and Nanaba try to look as dignified as possible.

A student sitting in the row in front of them turns around and faces them. "I've never seen you guys before. Are you varsity or something?" He's one of those annoying students who alert the professor who's been skipping class or not.

But they're on the teacher's side this time so Nanaba fakes a smile. "I guess."

The student puts down his pen. "You guess?"

Levi looks around the classroom and observes the students chattering with each other. There's a kid near the window listening to music with his airpods. Erwin cannot see it from the front. 'Fucking wireless tech,' Levi thinks. A girl looks like a younger Hange without glasses is eating a potato, chomping on a piece here and there—who the fuck eats a potato with their bare hands? Another boy is texting, probably his parents. He can forgive that, as well as two girls passing notes to each other in silence.

Ah, youth.

Erwin enters the room and immediately sees the four of them at the back. He gives the class a small nod and starts writing on the board. When the bell finally rings, he then clears his throat and commences his lecture for the day. The topic is World War II and everyone can tell that nobody is really listening to him.

Nanaba breaks his speech by raising a hand. "Erwin—uh, Mr. Erwin? Mr. Smith?" she tries not to laugh as she formally addresses her friend, "How do we know that the history we learn is correct?"

This is it. His moment to shine. Erwin looks at her with gratitude and expresses with great confidence, "There's a difference between 'correct' and 'true.' And it's called perspective. History is written by the winners. Those who survive and witness everything get to write—"

"So you're saying that we're putting the burden of fact-checking on a bunch of heroic pretenders?" Hange blurts out with a surprised look on her face. "Does that mean the news we receive today are just shit we hear from liars?"

There are murmurs among his students.

Erwin flinches at the way it was said, but still goes along. "Yes, but—"

"How do we know we're not being lied to right now?" A blonde girl wearing a hoodie asks, hands stuffed in her pocket while sitting down.

"That's right!" Hange joins in to motivate the student even more. A student-teacher interaction is finally in Erwin's books. "The whole world is probably a con—"

Levi slaps her hand and mutters, "Hange, stop it, you're not helping."

She was about to ask how so when another student finally speaks up.

"So that's how nations are made! Maybe we should start telling our own news and claim to be credible, then!"

There are reactions from the class, most of them saying 'Yeah' while a bunch are shaking their heads. Erwin's face is already worried. "No, that's not where I'm getting at, Rainier…"

Mike poses another question, his voice loud and booming. "So who would be an excellent historian, Hitler or Stalin? Who did a better job in shaping the world?"

"Uhm, we don't really talk about that," Erwin can feel himself sweating by now.

"Exactly my point," the student named Rainier remarks. "We should probably start labeling Hitler as a leader who's been wronged by people! Right, Bertholdt?"

"Why?" Bertholdt tries not to look at anyone in his seat. "Now's not a really good time to defend the Nazis…"

"Oh, so you'd rather side with the Russians? We need to swallow history a little bit easier, then. Hitler's like a tragic hero!"

Voices start rising. Someone calls them 'fucking traitors,' and Rainier lashes out at the entire class. Hange is still adding fuel to the fire by saying that a lot of scientific calculations are not as accurate as people think they should be. Mike is now in a debate with Rainier, with Nanaba backing up her boyfriend and Bertholdt trying to ease the tension. More arguments ensue between Hitler and Stalin and chaos erupts in the classroom.

"Hitler is for the people!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, Stalin started a new era!"

"You've got your entire history wrong, fuckwad!"

"And your history has been written by shitheads!"

"Quit being racist! It's like claiming supremacy over others when you can't even tell the difference between Asians!"

"That's better than classifying people according to their skincare!"

"Please, calm down," Erwin is pleading, trying to shush them up. He tries to resume his lecture by raising the volume of his voice, but it's already futile. His words are being drowned by the commotion in the room.

Levi can see the kid changing the song on his playlist, his head bobbing along and oblivious to the ruckus that's happening. When his thumb starts fiddling inside his pocket where his phone probably is, Levi stands up and yanks one of the airpods from the student's earlobe out of pure rage. "Oi, that's disrespectful, brat."

The student cries out, "The hell? Give it back!" He can hear the next song already playing in full volume. The loud instrumental riff of Party Rock Anthem is pulsating hard in Levi's hand.

"And you," Levi spats on the girl who's still chewing on her potato. He can still hear the ongoing debate between Hitler and Stalin, someone uttering 'the spawn of the devil.' He snatches the half-eaten potato from the girl. "Stop eating in class."

"But I'm hungry," she whines over the shouts of "Stalin!" and "Hitler!"

The rest of the students are now chanting for a brawl, their fists pounding on their tables. Hange has already joined the hullabaloo, also cheering them to boost their class participation. Wads of paper start flying across the classroom as they start chucking stuff at each other.

"What are you, five? Nobody fucking cares—"

Erwin finally slams his hand loudly on his desk. "That's enough!" Thirty-four pairs of eyes blink at him in surprise. His temper has already flown out of the window. "Those who aren't going to shut up, get out."

"Oi, we're just helping…"

"Out."

Levi throws the airpod and the potato to the two students and walks out. Hange calls his name, but Mike is already striding off and Nanaba has to follow him. Apologetic, Hange gives Erwin a cringing look and heads out as well.

The students just stare at him in silence. Erwin is devastated now more than ever.

There's a kid who raises his hand. "So, are they marked absent for today?"

The four of them finally find peace by sitting on the nice benches by the school garden. The shouts are still ringing in their ears. Mike's head is between his legs, his pulse still throbbing in his temples after getting into a verbal spar with the students. Nanaba is rubbing his back while Hange is fidgeting with her hands. A bird flies by and starts twittering in their silence. They look like a miserable team who just lost the championship games.

After a while, Levi finally uncrosses his arms and scoffs, "Tch, that went well."

Hange points a finger at Nanaba for the failed operation. "This was your idea!"

"Don't give me that look," Nanaba glares at her. She gave everything that she got just for the spotlight to shine on Erwin. "I didn't know you would botch his moment just like that!"

"Your boyfriend did that, too!"

Mike defends himself. "At least they started talking."

"Yeah, for all the wrong reasons." A sad voice behind them speaks.

They all crane their necks around and see Erwin standing there, his gloomy figure hovering above them. He has allowed his class to end early for today, unable to change the sour note when the four walked out of his room.

"Erwin! We're really, really sorry." There's a hint of regret in Nanaba's tone as she wrings her hands. "I swear we tried our best."

"In starting a war in my World History class?"

Nanaba looks crestfallen. "At least we're keeping up with the topic."

Levi snorts.

"Okay, how about this, next time—"

Erwin cuts Hange off. "There won't be a next time." He's already had enough.

But Hange is not backing down. "You can call us in class and ask us a question. If we screw up, you can kick us out of the room and we'll pretend we never knew each other."

"That's basically what just happened. We can start with the pretending part now." He turns to leave but Hange stops him with her hands.

"We'll try again. Please, Erwin?"

The sparrow in the background flies away and drops bird poop onto Erwin's shirt.

Their friend-turned-instructor apparently only handles that class once a week, so they will have to wait till next Tuesday. Erwin says he'll think about inviting them to sit in again.

In the meantime, they need to hold a meeting for the Special Operations Squad. Petra, Gunther, Oluo, and Eld are supposed to attend, along with Eren and his two bodyguards-aka-friends, Mikasa and Armin. Hange has class for the rest of the afternoon, so she assigns Levi to preside over the discussion without her.

When he arrives at the meeting room, there's already a bit of commotion outside the door. At this point, Levi is sure enough that trouble just follows him wherever he goes. When he hears a shrill and very frustrated cry, he waits for a moment near the bathroom and watches a group of students turn away and leave, their faces annoyed with disdain. Levi checks to see if the coast is clear and brisk-walks straight to the room.

He is not expecting to see a furious Petra, which is very, very rare.

"I've booked this room ages ago!" She hisses. "I can't believe the Anime Club wanted to chuck us out just because they have support from the admin."

"What were they planning to do?"

"Binge-watch some anime."

Once she finally calms down, they form a circle with the chairs and sit closer together. "By the way," Petra announces, "Professor Shadis has declined to be our club moderator this year."

Keith Shadis has always been the Survey Scouts advisor, approving their projects and managing all paperwork for them. But since last time, after having to shell out his own money to fund the club's expedition which racked up a lot of debt, he's finally had enough.

"So we're moderator-less? That's great! No need to feel like we're being bossed around by a parent."

"No, Oluo, it's like being disowned by a parent who pays for your stuff all the time."

"Oh."

The agenda for the meeting is to arrive at a decision for their initial fundraising project which the Special Operations Squad is apparently responsible for. They take turns giving ideas and suggestions, only to be shut down by each other. Within half an hour, Petra's list has already been reduced to three.

"So are we doing a car wash? Or a bake sale?" Armin asks.

"Are you serious?" Levi frowns. "That's what hoes and pimps do."

"Is that also why they're always out on the streets?"

Nobody answers.

Eld turns to the girl who's been taking down the minutes of the meeting. "So what have you got, Petra?"

There's a pause before she speaks. "I'm thinking of... fortune-telling."

They look at her incredulously, their mouths open as if waiting for a fly. Gunther breaks the silence. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Come on, ever heard of tarot cards? Palm reading?" Petra looks around, trying to catch their interests. "That stuff sells."

"So do ouija boards and porn magazines," Oluo comments.

"Yeah, but this one, it's like reading a fortune cookie or making up a horoscope for the day. People love that."

It's fifteen minutes worth of squabble among Levi and the four juniors. In the end, they finally relent to Petra's suggestion. Nobody wants to tell her this is two crimes combined: hoodwinking and extortion. Feeling self-victorious, she agrees to do most of the preparations; all they have to do is show up on the day of the event for their assigned roles.

"I thought this is the mafia team they were talking about," Eren whispers to his friends, expecting badassery but only ending up with misery and terrible bickering.

"We are the MaFiA," Petra explains to him. "The SOS works on Marketing, Finance, and Accounting."

This is nothing they ever expected.

Their classes are surprisingly normal for the rest of the week. Back-to-back three-hour subjects should be illegal. Levi's been hit from all sides with requirements and meetings that he's ready to call it quits.

He is on his way back to the apartment after a long afternoon when he spots Hange in a coffee shop called Paradis Cafe. She's sitting by the window, typing something on her laptop and scribbling something down on her notebook. Knowing that he's got nothing to do for the remainder of his day, he comes inside and taps her on the shoulder. "Oi, Hange."

She jumps, almost knocking down her mocha latte. "You scared me."

"It doesn't matter." He knows that Hange normally stays inside the comfort of her room or spends more time on campus, so he asks her, "Why are you here by the way? Lab reps?"

Hange holds out her papers. "The library's full and I can't concentrate back in the apartment. The neighbor's bulldog keeps on barking as if she's on her period. And so, here I am."

"That's not as bad as when you yap about all your absurd science shit." He slings his backpack over his shoulder and makes way for the door. "I'm heading home."

She calls out to him, "Ah, I'd rather you don't." Levi stops, his eyebrow arched. Hange shrugs her shoulder. "Just a friendly suggestion."

"Haaa?" There's something she's not saying, and it's not just the dog that's nagging her, so he prompts her to explain.

"It's, uhm, Mike and Nanaba's anniversary."

"And…?"

"What do you mean 'and'?" She looks at him, shocked that he has no idea what she's talking about. "You know, they're uhm..." Averting her eyes from his, she makes an OK sign with one hand and pokes an index finger repeatedly through the O.

Feeling his cheeks heat up, Levi finally gets the message. "Ah. Guess I'm staying here, then."

The café has a very relaxing aura which Levi does not expect at all. He thinks all coffee shops are just hippy and borderline pretentious so students can say they're cool whenever they order a cappuccino and take selfies with it. He leaves Hange for a while when he orders a cup of black tea and positions himself on the stool right beside hers. By the time he gets back with his drink, she's almost done with her paper. For some reason, Touch My Body is currently on the cafe's playlist.

"Maybe we should get to know the students of Erwin," she rests her chin on the palm of her hand.

Levi blows on the surface of his cup. "Still thinking about that, huh?"

Even though her head is usually above the clouds, blabbering on about her experiments and science trivia, Hange can be unexpectedly caring when it comes to her friends.

"I'm trying to make it up to him," she pauses to adjust her glasses. "It's technically my fault that he lashed out last time."

"Ah, so you finally realized." He lets her playfully punch him in the arm. Changing the subject, he points to a small takeout box beside her bag. "What's that?" He leans to read the card sticking out of it.

"It's a strawberry shortcake for Mike and Nanaba. Thought they might like it."

He tilts his head to the side. "So the mad scientist has a heart."

"Eh? Of course I do." She firmly grabs him by the wrist, dejected by his words. "Do you really think I only care about my odd insect collection?"

Her face is really close to his, their noses inches away from each other. Her glasses have fogged, making it hard to tell if she's thinking what he's thinking. Mariah Carey is already singing the chorus of the title song. Levi stares at Hange's lips and swallows as he shuts his eyes, moving his face closer to hers.

He's about to close the gap when something vibrates in her pocket.

"Oh, someone's calling." She lets go of him and turns away to answer her phone. "Hello, Mom?"

She doesn't see Levi's face fall forward into the empty space like a fool.

"Say, Eren, what do you know about the other block from your batch?"

"You mean the ones from Utgard?'

The two of them are in the freshmen dormitory visiting Eren at 8 in the evening. Eren's a lucky guy, being selected to stay at the limited spots and all. The school gives priority to those whose families are really struggling with finances and to those who really live far, far away.

The boy apparently is familiar with most of the students from Erwin's class. They're from the other block, but he's been with them during the orientation week. So he tells them what he knows. Hange and Levi listen closely as he tells them their quirks and main habits, starting with Sasha who has a Southern accent ("As in, like, 'Yee-haw, cowboy!'") and loves potatoes, and Connie who's a family guy and is always thinking about his parents back home ("I don't know why, but he's going bald..."). Historia and Ymir are together ("Love wins, right?"), while Bertholdt, Rainier, and Annie are pretty much a trio ("They just popped out of nowhere, like daisies!"). There are other students, too, but Levi remembers the ones who stood out the last time hell broke loose in World History. Hange, already satisfied with the information, thanks Eren and prepares to head back to their apartment.

"Oh, and one more thing," Eren adds. "They believe Jean is my doppelganger but I daresay he looks more like a horse."

"Thanks, 'suicidal maniac,'" Jean appears from behind Eren, his fist already out and ready to knock the lights out of him.

Looking at each other, Levi and Hange turn around and leave quietly, pretending they didn't see anything.

Erwin finally heeds to what they have to say after several attempts of reaching out to him. Eventually the four of them had to ambush him once more in the faculty lounge. "I sure hope this goes well," he sighs, fingers crossed.

The students are already weary of their presence when the four of them enter the room once more. They probably think the class is a shit-show.

But Erwin's friends are not giving up on him.

The four of them listen as they allow him to control the pace of his lecture. And then Erwin starts relating the aspects of history to his students. He now calls them randomly, not out of contempt, but to attentively hear what they have to say. "Say, Historia and Ymir," he would call out the two girls passing notes to each other, "What would you feel if women like you weren't allowed to vote and own property?" Or: "Sasha! If they rationed out potatoes during the war, wouldn't that make you mad?"

The rest of the students are appalled by the way he explains things, as if he knows them all too well as much as he knows history. Nanaba and Mike still attempt to pique their interest by asking a question or two but it's obvious by now that Erwin can already handle the class on his own.

"I don't think he needs us here anymore," Hange whispers to Levi. "Should I still ask what he thinks about historians evolving from monkeys?"

"Let's still be on standby, just in case. And for the love of god, stop asking ridiculous questions."

By the end of the class, Erwin gives good book recommendations to Bertholdt and Rainier about the viewpoints of Hitler and Stalin, and even advises them to watch a few highly-praised documentaries about their lives during the war. They seem to be listening to him as they even tagged Annie along with them to look for the books in the library. Apparently she is also interested in the controversies during the war.

When the bell finally rings, one of his students approaches him. "Thank you for the amazing lecture, by the way, Mr. Erwin," she gives him a warmhearted smile.

"Oh, you're welcome, Historia." His heart swells. He feels as if he's a completely different person.

"We know you're trying really hard. But we'll try to meet you halfway from here on," Historia promises him, before turning her head towards her classmates. "Right, guys?"

The rest of the students give him a thumbs up before they head out to their next class. Ymir nudges the girl who's eating once again. Sasha gives Erwin a double thumbs up, an entire potato lodged in her mouth.

When the room is already empty, Erwin catches up to them in the hallway, holding his folders and the History textbook with him. "Hey, uh, thanks, you guys."

"Told you we'd tame them!" Hange grins, happy that their friend is now satisfied.

Nanaba tells him, "But you do realize, you have to keep it up, you know? Else they'll be bored once again."

"Understood," Erwin nods. He gives himself an internal note of connecting more with his students. "I owe you guys one."

"Well, about that..." Mike's voice trails as he looks at Levi, urging the shorter guy to prompt the question to Erwin: "How do you feel about becoming our club advisor?"

Erwin's mouth falls open then closes for a few times, like a fish flopping in the market. There's no going back on his word.

END OF CHAPTER

Author's Note: There you go, folks! I've always loved to see the veterans interact with each other (and now I have finally made my own dream come true /sniffs/). Let me know what you think!