"Happy Birthday to youuuu."
Elliot pasted a smile on his face as Olivia and the rest of the squad strung out the last few notes, then leaned over and blew out the candle on the cupcake she'd set in front of him. He hated the attention, hated this birthday in particular, when nothing was as it should be, but he appreciated her effort. So, he smiled and thanked everyone as they clapped together and teased him about making it another year and about approaching the big 4-0.
A fact he'd rather forget.
When he'd planned out his future, failed husband and part-time father hadn't been part of the dream.
"Gonna make a wish?" Munch asked.
Before he could stop himself, he glanced over at Olivia. He had several things he wished for, but nothing he would or could give voice to. Olivia raised a brow in question, reacting to what, he wasn't sure. She couldn't know what thoughts John's question had prompted. He turned his attention back to his teammates, looking pointedly at each one. "My wish is that you never sing to me again." Elliot said, forcing out a chuckle.
"You're not very good at this wish thing." Fin razzed him. "You gotta keep that shit to yourself or it won't come true." He punched Elliot in the arm lightly before grabbing a cupcake from the plate and moving back towards his desk.
Elliot let it go. Even though he didn't believe in that particular superstition, he wasn't going to challenge him. Because, what if it did work?
Stranger things had happened.
EOEOEO
Elliot watched as Olivia started straightening the papers on her desk. It was now or never. "Hey." He said it softly, in hopes that Fin and Munch wouldn't hear.
"Yeah?"
Olivia obviously didn't take the hint and he saw John's head pop up as he prepared to eavesdrop on their conversation as usual. Nothing in this squad room was private, and now he wished he would have waited to catch her in the cribs. He leaned back in his seat, trying to act nonchalant. "What're you doing tonight?"
Olivia gave him mischievous smile and raked her hair back with her hand. "I'm going out."
She said it in a way that made it clear she was looking forward to it, that whatever she had planned, she was going to enjoy it. Even though she didn't specifically say she had a date, the look on her face gave her away. He felt a small spark of jealousy flare deep inside of him, a feeling that he had no right to, had never had a right to when it came to her. He pushed it down deep, as he had so many times before. He searched for the right thing to say, the tone of voice that wouldn't give him away, but John swept in and saved him.
"Who's the lucky guy?"
Elliot looked at him sharply, his thankfulness forgotten, because that was the last thing he wanted to know.
Olivia pushed herself up from her chair and flipped her hair back, raising one brow as she looked back at John. "I haven't decided yet."
She glanced over at Elliot for just a moment, that sultry smile still on her face, before she let out a small laugh and started gathering her purse and other things from her desk drawer. Elliot didn't know if she was joking or not, but all sorts of thoughts were running through his mind on what kind of night lie ahead. Thankfully, John kept teasing her, offering himself up as a potential good time, so that Olivia didn't even realize he hadn't said a word.
He was still lost in thought as she came around her desk and moved towards his, and he only looked up when she brushed her hand against her shoulder.
"Everything okay birthday boy?" She asked, leaning in this time so only he could hear.
"What? Oh. Yeah." He glanced up and saw her looking at him, as if she wasn't certain she believed him. "I'm fine." He started to push his chair backwards and she took a few steps to the side to give him space to stand up.
"You got big plans?" She asked as they fell in step and headed to the locker room.
Elliot shrugged as he pushed the door open and held it for her, his body acting as a door stop. Olivia stopped just inside the doorframe, turning to face him.
"Are the kids coming over? Or taking you out for dinner?"
He knew he should lie and tell her they were, but she'd know immediately that he wasn't telling her the truth. "There was a thing." He scrubbed a hand over his head, trying to keep the anger he still felt at bay. "Some family thing, so Kathy took the kids to her mom's." He dragged the palm of his hand across his jaw. "Yeah." He sighed, trying to keep the disappointment off his face. "So, they're not in town." Even though he couldn't say he'd spent as many waking hours with his kids as he would have liked prior to the divorce, he had still counted on seeing them tucked in their beds at night. He missed seeing them every day, and he cherished the time he did have so much more now. When Kathy had asked him…well, told him really, that they had to swap weekends, it had made him angry. It felt like a bitch move, and for a second, he had wanted to call her mother to see if this so-called event was even real. But Kathy wasn't really like that, wasn't vindictive, so he knew it wasn't some kind of payback. Regardless, it still stung. Almost 40, divorced, and spending his birthday by himself.
"So, you don't have any plans?"
"I didn't say that." Elliot didn't need her pity.
"Oh, okay." She put up her hands in a defensive gesture, a grin on her face. "Didn't mean to pry."
Elliot wanted to kick himself because now she thought maybe he did have plans, a date of his own and for many unspoken reasons, he didn't want that. He reached out, putting a hand lightly on her arm, removing it as soon as she stopped and turned back to him. "I just…" He cocked his head to the side. "We're gonna celebrate next weekend so I'm good."
Olivia looked at him skeptically. "So…you don't have plans."
He shook his head. "It's not a big deal."
"It's your birthday." She smiled, tipping her head to the side just a little. "You shouldn't spend it alone."
"Liv…" He was about to tell her to drop it, and then she reached out and placed a hand on his bicep.
"Let's go out."
Olivia said it casually, tossing it out there, but Elliot heard excitement in her voice and saw it on her face. She seemed genuinely anxious to go out and celebrate with him, but he wasn't sure he was buying it completely. "I don't want you to cancel your plans. Like I said, it's really no big deal."
"They weren't really…formal plans. You know?"
He didn't know. Had no idea exactly what she meant, and she didn't leave him any time to ponder it. "Yeah, but…"
"El, just drop it. I'm taking you out on the town. Dinner, drinks…maybe even some dancing."
The thought of spending the night with her, one where they weren't tracking down suspects or sitting on surveillance, sounded like a hell of a lot of fun, but he still hated that she was changing her plans just for him. He wanted to object again, but now she seemed to have made up her mind and he knew it was probably too late. He was okay with that because selfishly, the thought of sitting in his apartment alone, wondering who she was with and what they were doing seemed absolutely unbearable. "Liv, you know I don't dance."
"You will if I ask you to."
Elliot only laughed, knowing she was probably right.
EOEOEO
Olivia had been purposefully vague about where they were headed and exactly what they were doing. The only thing she told him was to put on a decent pair of slacks and a nice, collared shirt and to pick her up from her apartment at 8:30. It sounded an awful lot like a date, and he knew better than to think of it as a date, but he couldn't shake the idea of it. There were too many parallels. He was here in his own apartment, shaving carefully and picking through his clothes while he wondered what she'd be wearing, the color of her lipstick, the smell of her perfume.
When it was finally time to leave, he felt nervous and knew he was in trouble. He took a deep breath. He needed to get his head straight. This was a birthday celebration among friends, a fun night out with his partner. It was nothing more and the sooner he could get that through his thick head, the better.
When he showed up at her apartment building, she buzzed him up and as he approached her door, he saw she had left it slightly ajar. He took that as an invitation to go in, and he called her name as he pushed open the door. "You know it's not safe to leave your door open like…" He stopped short as she came out of her bedroom, feeling like an ingrate as he stared, but unable to stop himself. "You look…"
Olivia smiled, looking pleased with his inability to find just the right words. "Thank you."
Her hair was curled in gentle waves, her eyes dark with eyeliner and mascara, and her lips colored a reddish shade that looked amazing against her olive skin. She was wearing a modest dress, with a scoop neck that showed just enough cleavage and a hem that fell to her knees, but the deep emerald color of it was striking. He saw a black leather jacket in one hand and a pair of black pumps in another, and he felt sorry for the poor sucker that was missing out on a date with her tonight.
"You clean up pretty well yourself." She said as she walked towards him.
He saw her appraising look, an infectious smile, and he was glad he had made an extra effort and had donned a jacket to go with his dark gray slacks and midnight blue shirt. He nodded. "Thank you." He held out his hand, gesturing towards the jacket. "May I?"
Olivia raised a brow in question, and he wondered if she was going to call him on his chivalry, remind him that this wasn't a date, but after a few moments' hesitation, she handed the jacket to him and allowed him to help her with it. He couldn't take his eyes off her as she brushed her hair off her neck and over the collar of the jacket, and then turned to face him again, a smile on her perfectly glossed lips. His eyes wandered the length of her shins as she dropped her shoes on the floor, swiping the hem of her skirt to the side as she slid them on her feet. He felt his skin flush, a stirring in his lower belly and he swallowed hard, forced himself to look away.
Friend. Partner.
"Ready?" He asked, stretching his arm out towards the door, giving her room to go ahead of him. But to his surprise, she looped her arm through his and stepped in close.
"Let's go."
EOEOEOEO
They were seated at a steakhouse that had been one of the places on his bucket list, and he realized how much Olivia paid attention to the details. He'd mentioned it only once, in a passing comment as they'd driven by it one time, and somehow, she had committed it to memory. He knew he probably failed in that way, in listening to all the things that made those small differences, with her and with his wife. It was probably one of the reasons that Kathy was his ex-wife.
"I'd suggest the Ribeye." Olivia said, leaning over and pointing to the menu, and he raised his eyebrows.
"You've been here before?" He asked, somewhat surprised.
Olivia gave a slight shrug. "Once or twice."
Elliot didn't press for details. She'd already taken him to some uber expensive rooftop bar that he'd never heard of; all of it making him realize that she lived this whole other life he knew nothing about, and that she didn't share with him. He wondered when she'd stopped telling him about her private life, and when he'd stopped asking. "Was your date disappointed that you canceled on him tonight?" He felt a little smug, thinking that she had picked him to spend the evening with, but he reminded himself it was out of duty or pity. He chose to ignore that fact though, just to see her sitting across from him.
Olivia picked up her wine glass and took a sip as she seemed to ponder his question. "Since when are you so interested in my social life?"
"Since you stopped talking about it."
Olivia seemed to consider his comment before she spoke again. "Seems like whenever I told you I was going out, or about a date, you'd get…"
She just let her sentence trail off as she seemingly searched for the right word, or maybe she wanted him to fill in the blank. If he did, he would have used the word jealous, but he wasn't going to cop to that right now. "I can't be concerned about who my partner is spending time with?"
"Hmmm."
He hated the small smile on her face, the one that said he was full of shit, even though he knew he shouldn't be.
"I can't sit at home every night El."
Olivia said it was a smile on her face, her voice still soft, but he could hear the edge in it.
He sighed. "I know. I just wish…" He stopped before he made a fool of himself, but the way Olivia looked up at him, the spark of curiosity in her eyes, made him wonder.
"What do you wish for?"
She prompted, much to his surprise. They were entering what seemed to be dangerous territory, and he'd had just enough to drink that a part of him wanted to tell her. But in the end, he lost his bravado. "Fin said that if I say what I wish for out loud, it won't come true."
Olivia laughed, a full, rich laugh that involved her mouth and her eyes and her body, and the sound reverberated through him. He didn't want to blow his wish, but in that moment, the only thing he wanted was to be able to make her laugh like that for the rest of his life.
EOEOEOEO
Olivia had made good on her threat and had dragged him to something he would have called a disco or a dance club in his old-fashioned vernacular, but that really had some clever name that gave no indication of what was behind the frosted doors. The sound was loud, the deep bass thrumming through his entire body, and the place was packed. People were three deep at the bar and beyond the crowd, he could see bodies writhing on the dance floor, with a DJ on an elevated dancefloor on the other side.
He leaned in as Olivia searched for an open spot at the bar. "This is insane. There's so many people here."
"Just wait. It's early still."
Elliot looked at his watch and saw it was 2AM. He furrowed his brow because this wasn't a place he ever would have expected Olivia to go to, and now she was talking about it being early? It made him realize how little he really did know about her social life. "You come here a lot?" He felt like he was yelling in her ear, but it was necessary.
Olivia shook her head. "No, but you said you wanted to go dancing so…" She slipped forward between a couple of guys, and she grabbed his hand, dragging him behind her. He was about to object because he definitely hadn't been the one that talked about dancing, but he didn't have the energy to yell. He would let her drag him wherever she wanted to go, and presumably, she knew that.
She moved ahead quickly, and he lost hold of her, but she seemed to be angling towards a specific opening and he just kept his eye on her. He could catch up. He watched as she waited, moving to the beat of the music and he was struck once again by how devastatingly beautiful she was. There were lots of "beautiful" people here, men and women, dressed to impress and made up to perfection, but still, she stood out. He wasn't sure if maybe it was just because he knew all of her, the things inside that made her even more astonishing, that made her seem so stunning. But he watched how people reacted to her, interacted with her, and he knew they saw it too. There was something special about her, something that drew you in, and he knew he was damn lucky that she chose to share herself with him at all.
He worked his way through the crowd and moved in close to her. "Hey…do you care if we get out of here?" He didn't want to disappoint her, but he wanted to be able to keep talking and this wasn't the spot.
Her eyes were bright when she turned back to him. "Whatever you want birthday boy." She teased, placing the palm of her hand on his chest. "But how about one dance first?"
Elliot looked out at the dance floor, watching the way the people were bumping and grinding, sliding their bodies up against each other, and he knew that wasn't his style, but maybe Olivia would press in close. He could handle that. He made up his mind quickly and grabbed her hand, practically dragging her out to where the dance floor started. He wove his way farther into the crowd, feeling her other hand on his back, and tried to let himself get into the rhythm of the music. When he turned, she did press in close to him, moving to the beat, and he was mesmerized as she watched her close her eyes and lift her head and lose herself. He was barely moving himself as guarded their small space, and when she opened her eyes, she smiled at him, as if she knew a secret. It was only seconds before she put her hands on his hips and shimmied closer and he had an entirely new appreciation for dancing.
EOEOEOEO
Elliot couldn't believe that it was 4AM and he was sitting across from Olivia in some shitty, hole-in-the-wall diner. This had definitely been the best night of his life, at least, the best night in a long time and he knew he should tell her, but he didn't want to seem pathetic.
"I had so much fun tonight."
Elliot couldn't keep the grin off his face. As usual, she had known exactly what he was thinking. "You mean, this morning?"
Olivia laughed. "I guess."
"Me too." He leaned back against the booth, taking in the sight of her. Her hair was mussed, but in a sexy way, and her eyeliner had smudged just a little, but there was still an energy about her, even at this hour. "You look like you could still go for several more hours." He teased.
"One of the benefits of working so many long nights." She said, setting her mug back on the table. "Are you telling me that you're tired and you want to go home?"
"Not a chance." He would stay up as long as she was willing to be by his side. "Where should we go next?"
Olivia brushed her hair back with both hands and settled against the back of the booth. "That was all I had planned, so the rest is up to you."
Elliot thought he heard a hint of innuendo in her tone, wondered if she was giving him an opening here to say what was on his mind. Between the hours that had passed and the dancing, the effects of any alcohol they'd consumed was long gone, so this was Olivia talking and nothing else.
When he hesitated, she seemed to move on, picking her coffee mug up again. He reached out and placed his hand on hers, stilling her action. "I never really got my birthday wish." He said, hearing the tremor in his own voice. It made him feel like a teenager, a young boy that had never even had his first kiss, but somehow, that was how he felt.
Olivia looked up at him, her eyes lingering on his mouth and then back up at his eyes, as if she was considering his statement. As if she knew exactly what he'd wished for. "Well…" She licked her bottom lip and tucked it between her bottom teeth very briefly before exhaling slowly. "Good thing the night isn't over yet."
EOEOEOEO
It was crazy to him that they were walking through Central Park at this time of night, the place where so many awful things happened on such a regular basis. But Olivia had wanted to get some fresh air, and even though there was clearly a fall chill in the air and the night sky was still on full display, he couldn't deny her. She was snuggled in close to him, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, as they strolled down the Central Park Mall. There was, surprisingly, runners and others in the park, not causing any trouble, but at 530AM, maybe the troublemakers were finally asleep. It didn't really matter because it felt like they were alone to him.
"Don't your feet hurt, walking in those heels?"
"Nah."
"The many talents of Olivia Benson." At work, she was always wearing her boots, ones she could chase people in, and he never thought of her wearing anything else.
"In case you hadn't noticed El, I am a woman. I may like my jeans and casual clothes, but I do like to get dressed up too."
"Oh, I noticed. I just…"
Olivia interrupted him. "Don't like to think I have a life outside of work?"
Elliot shrugged and he knew she could feel it since they were so close. "Who were you supposed go out with tonight?" He asked, feeling brave in the darkness. "Is there someone serious in your life?" It felt intrusive, but he had to know.
Olivia stopped walking then and he braced himself for an angry outburst, a comment reminding him that her personal life was her own and to butt out. Instead, she turned and grabbed the lapels of his jacket with her hands. She seemingly stared at his chest for a minute before lifting her eyes to meet his. "You're the only man in my life that I have any kind of serious relationship with."
Elliot could feel the weight of her words, understood that the way she was looking at him meant something. He slid his hands inside of her jacket, resting them on her hips, and smiled. "Yeah?"
Olivia smiled back and nodded her head slowly. "Yeah." She said breathlessly, and he felt his heart explode in a million tiny pieces.
"You want to know what my birthday wish is?"
"Yeah."
Elliot knew it was now or never. She was giving him this and he would be foolish to throw it away. "I want to kiss the most beautiful woman in the world."
Olivia lifted her chin towards him, looking him straight in the eyes. "Wish granted." She pushed herself up on her toes slightly and ghosted her lips over his. Elliot lifted his hands to cup her face and pressed his mouth more firmly against hers, feeling her, tasting her, for the first time. He tilted her head slightly so he could get closer, devouring her mouth hungrily, not know if this first kiss would also be the last. He could scarcely breathe, as the reality of this moment struck him, and the sensation threatened to overwhelm him. But instead of pulling back, Olivia took a step closer, put one hand on his waist and the other on the back of his neck, and deepened the kiss. It was heat and passion and love and lust all together and he never wanted it to end.
When they finally both needed a breath, they pulled apart but just barely, their noses bumping as they held each other close. He felt a ridiculous need to thank her, but he bit the words back.
"Happy Birthday Elliot." She whispered, her mouth almost brushing against his.
Her words made him panic for a moment, as if she had granted him his wish and that was the end of it. But then she kissed him lightly once again, letting her lips linger against hers and he held his breath, waiting for her to make the next move.
"Is that all you wished for when you blew out the candle? A kiss?"
Her words were breathy and low, and he wondered if she intended the invitation he heard there. He couldn't put into words what he fervently wanted, mostly because it was so many things, all jumbled together. Words like love and lust and sex and future and forever. He leaned back slightly, looking back and forth between her eyes, hoping she understood that while in this moment, his physical desire for her was evident, but there was so much more. "No."
Olivia's eyes didn't waver from his, her gaze clear and steady. "Good." She brushed her lips against his one more time and then took a step back. "How about you walk me home birthday boy…" She looped her arm through his. "And we can see about fulfilling that wish."