Disclaimer: This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic.
Genre: Tragedy/Drama
Rating: T (just to be safe)
Criticism: Always welcome, as long as it's constructive.
Summary: "In order to keep sane, I need to continue pretending. Because otherwise, my whole world would fall apart…" (Daisuke-centric)
Notes: Long delay, I know. First I was backpacking in Australia (outback, Darwin, rainforest) and then I flew home to Germany. I had a big blast meeting all my friends and family again after being away for a year, but I didn't get any writing done. Plus, I somehow lost my inspiration for this story (which really sucks). Don't be surprised if you don't like this chapter; it's pretty crappy.
Little Dragon
by Kaeera
Chapter Six: Feathers in the wind
"He just collapsed?"
"Why? Is he sick?"
"I don't know, the doctor didn't say anything-"
"…but he-"
"I can't believe-"
"Did anyone contact his parents?"
"Tried…no one there."
"Why didn't we notice sooner? Why didn't we do anything?"
"…totally exhausted…"
"…somebody should get Veemon…"
"-still at home?"
"I'll get him later…"
"…good, so that…"
Yuck. Couldn't they be silent? Hey, he just wanted to sleep! He hadn't been able to sleep properly in months, and now they were taking this last pleasure of him? Oh, they'd never hear the end of it…if only he wasn't so tired, if he only had enough power to open his eyes and tell them to shut up…
The light filtered through the closed curtains, painting a strange, irregular pattern on the floor. Three beds were in the room, each of them separated by curtains who gave a limited amount of privacy. But they didn't keep the noise at bay, and so the faint beeping of the heart monitors and breathing machines mixed with the occasional mumbling to form a surreal background noise.
Outside in the corridor, the little group clustered together, scared by the unfamiliar surroundings. Nurses and doctors kept walking past, and everyone seemed to be too busy to talk with a bunch of kids.
So they waited.
It seemed such a long time ago when they had celebrated their final exam. Now, anxiousness hung over them like the sword of Damocles.
Something was wrong with their begoggled friend, but they didn't know what. Was he ill? Depressed? Did he have any problems?
Questions over questions ran through their minds, but none of them could find any answers.
"Maybe he's just exhausted." Miyako said for the sixth time, trying to ease the anxiousness of the others. Truth to be said, she knew that it wasn't that simple, but she didn't want to think of other possibilities.
"Maybe." Takeru replied, only to fill the uncomfortable silence between them.
Hikari shook her head. She had seen Davis. There was something wrong with him, and it wasn't mere exhaustion.
Iori was sensible, as usual. "Tying ourselves in knots won't help him either."
"You're right. But I hate waiting!"
Takeru sighed. "That's not how I imagined my after-exam celebrations."
"I guess neither of us did."
An unfamiliar voice interrupted their conversation. "Are you Daisuke Motomiya's friends?"
"Yes. Inoue Miyako," the lavender haired girl introduced herself, eyeing the doctor standing behind them.
Hikari bowed politely. "Hikari."
"Iori."
"Ken."
"Takeru." The blonde boy noticed the pad in the doctor's hand. "Are you treating Davis? What's wrong with him?
"Easy, easy," the man smiled. He had to be around forty, with grey strands in his otherwise black hair. "Yes, I'm going to exam your friend, but I wanted to ask a few questions first. My name is Dr. Matsuda, by the way."
"Pleased to meet you." They all chorused.
"Your friend's name is Daisuke Motomiya, yes?" Miyako nodded enthusiastically.
The doctor frowned at his notepad. "Is he related to Jun Motomiya by any chance?"
"Oh yes, that's his sister."
"Hm. I should better send someone up to the long-term treatment ward then." Dr. Matsuda scribbled something on the paper. "She should know about this."
Ken blinked surprised. Had he heard correctly? Long-term treatment ward? "Excuse me, what do you mean by that?" he inquired in a soft voice. "Is something wrong with Jun?"
Now it was the doctor's turn to blink. "What? You don't know?"
"Know what?" Hikari's eyes widened. "Is there something wrong with Jun? Is that the reason why Davis is all weird?"
Dr.Matsuda seemed at a loss of words. He adjusted his glasses worriedly. "Well, I must admit that I expected you to know about this, after all, you are his friends and he wouldn't keep this a secret, would he?"
Ken rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Doctor, Davis didn't speak to any of us over the last months. He avoided us, and replied that he was fine every time we asked him. We knew something was amiss, but honestly, he never told us what. Please, could you tell us, what is wrong with Jun? We want to help him, but he won't let us. He's too proud, too stubborn."
The man tilted his head. "I'm not sure if I'm in the right place to tell you this…" His eyes trailed over the children who looked at him hopefully. "I'm going to get into trouble for this," he mumbled to himself and sighed.
"Jun Motomiya is very sick. She is currently receiving treatment in the long-term ward, but she is not progressing well…"
"What illness does she suffer from?" Miyako whispered.
"Cancer."
The lavender-haired girl gasped. Jun? Cancer? She couldn't imagine the cheerful redhead being sick, forced to stay in the hospital all the time. Yet it explained Daisuke's behaviour, his lacking cheerfulness. Had he kept it to himself all the time?
But why? Usually, he told them everything!
Miyako had known their leader as a person who couldn't keep any secrets, who didn't want to keep secrets. Not telling things, that was more Ken's or even Hikari's agenda! She and Daisuke, they had always been the blunt and honest ones, which had, naturally, often resulted in fights.
"Can we see her?" she blurted out, before the others even could think of something to say. "Please?"
Dr. Matsuda frowned. "That's up to her. I can tell a nurse to ask, but I don't know…"
"Please do so!" Miyako pleaded, ignoring the confused stares of the others. "We need to talk to her. And she needs to know about Daisuke."
He sent her one last, calculating look. "Alright."
Jun was bored. Very bored. And she hated being bored, because that usually resulted in her thinking about dying, and she didn't want to think about dying. At least not yet. Not now.
Well, that wasn't quite right. Of course she thought about dying – who wouldn't in her situation? – and in her opinion, she was dealing with it quite well. But there's such a thing as thinking too much about something.
"Argh!" she grumbled, sitting cross-legged on her bed, a book lying unopened near her feet. "I want to do something!"
Oh, how much she wished to go outside and just walk! But she knew – knew out of painful experiences – that she wouldn't even be able to make it to the other end of the corridor, yet alone outside. It was frustrating to be so weak.
"It would be easier to die in a car accident," she mused. "Because then it's just a big BANG-" she clapped her hands together, "-and then it's over. Finite. No more worrying, no more stress. Just nothing."
Jun leaned back and watched the ceiling. Maybe it would have been better that way. Maybe not. Seeing her family suffer because of her was horrible. Suffering herself was even worse.
But then again, at least she would be able to say goodbye – to say all the things you never say, because life seems endless, until it is too later.
A sad smile lit up her face. "I'm talking as if I'm gonna to die for sure. Davis is going to scold me for this."
They hadn't said it yet. They had said that there was still hope. And her stubborn, caring brother was clinging to this hope with all he had. No worries, you're going to survive, he said. Don't give up, and then we can go outside and laugh again, he smiled. Don't die, because I'll miss you, his eyes cried silently.
A knock on the door interrupted her gloomy thoughts. Jun sat up abruptly, ignoring the dizziness that swapped over her. Her parents weren't due for another couple of hours, and she had told Daisuke firmly to stay at home and celebrate with his friends. Who else could it be?
"Yes?" she asked cautiously. It was probably a nurse with yet another test, or a doctor with some lab results she didn't understand anyway.
The door opened slowly, and a boy around Daisuke's age stepped in. Jun recognized the blonde head and her eyes widened. "Takeru?"
The boy froze and stared at the figure on the bed. He had opened the door with the feeling that this had to be wrong, that maybe there had been an error…after all, Daisuke would have told them about this, wouldn't he? Jun couldn't have cancer. She just couldn't! He was so used to the energetic, yet annoying girl; he just couldn't imagine her any other way.
But now he stared into the all-too familiar face of Motomiya Jun, his best friend's sister. In the hospital. But what shocked him the most was the hair. Or better, the lack thereof.
The last time he had seen Jun, she had a mop of red hair on her head, which seemed quite untameable and very similar to Taichi's haircut. But now she was…bald. Not a single hair was left, and she looked frail, her eyes strangely big in the pale face. Takeru was used to seeing old men without hair; but someone who was only slightly older than himself?
"Takeru?" the voice was still the same, he realized with a jolt.
"Uhmm," he said, not a very intelligent answer, but he was far too shocked.
Behind him, he could hear the other digidestined murmuring. Since he was blocking the view, they didn't know what was going on.
"Takeru?" Hikari's voice floated into the room. "Can we come in?"
The blond boy regained his composure and sent a questioning look towards Jun. The girl was clearly shocked as well, but she pulled herself together and smiled. "Come in. I like having visitors."
"We didn't want to disturb you…" Takeru began and stepped aside to let the others through. "But the doctor mentioned something, and so we asked, because Davis never said somethingandwedidn'tknowthatotherwisewewouldhavehelpedyou…"
Jun blinked, both at the massive word flow and the amount of visitors. "Alright…let me get this straight…you didn't know what?"
There was a pregnant silence. "About your illness," Miyako then whispered softly, unable to tear her eyes away from the skinny girl. She couldn't imagine losing her hair like that. Miyako loved her hair dearly and would never cut it. Seeing another girl with a bald head hurt her soul. She shook her head. It shouldn't matter that much, but somehow, Jun's loss of hair seemed to underline the seriousness of the situation.
Jun blanched. "What? Davis didn't tell you?"
"No," Hikari's eyes were wide. "We knew that something was going on with him, but we didn't know what and he always evaded our questions. We didn't know that it was because you…because you were…" she couldn't bring it over her to say the words.
"What?" Jun smiled wryly. "Sick? Dying? Wasting away?"
A sigh escaped her lips. "I don't understand why he didn't tell you. I mean, I wanted him to tell you, because everybody needs friends, especially now…" a worried frown appeared on her face. "He has the tendency of trying to fight his battles on his own, my Davis. I didn't want that…if I had known, then I would have told you. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" Miyako couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Jun, you're the one who's sick, you've got nothing to be sorry for! If at all, then it was our fault, because we didn't ask more, because we just led our lives, not realizing that…that…" The lavender-haired girl was close to tears. This was all too much for her. First Daisuke's collapse, and now this!
True, she didn't know Jun that well, but she was Daisuke's sister, for God's sake! And she had cancer, had lost her hair, and yet she was still sitting there, smiling at them and apologizing for something she hadn't done. So unlike the Jun she knew. The Jun they had known had been obnoxious and annoying. Now she seemed to have matured.
"H-How bad is it?" she inquired in a timid voice. "Your cancer, I mean?"
Jun looked away. "They don't tell me anymore," she whispered, her jaw muscles working. "But I'm getting weaker, and the treatment isn't helping much. I passed the critical stadium and I didn't get better, so…"
"Jun…" Hikari didn't know what to say and looked helplessly at the others. But they had equal looks of helplessness and confusion on their faces. Nobody had expected this. No wonder that Daisuke hadn't been himself lately; who would with such a threat hanging over his sister?
"But I'm strong." Jun suddenly laughed. "You know, I'm a Motomiya. We survive things like this. We're too stubborn to die. I'm not gonna die. I don't want to die."
Tears glistened in her eyes and she clutched the blankets. "That's what I always tell anyway." She looked up and the pain in her eyes was clearly visible. "Because…because talking about it makes it more real, do you understand?" She sniffed and wiped her face. "God, we're all so messed up."
Hikari couldn't stand seeing her like this. Quickly, she stepped to the bed and sat down. Tears shimmered in her own eyes as she laid her hand on Jun's shoulder. "As long as you're alive, there's hope." she whispered,
"That's right." Takeru stepped closer, too. "But if you give up, then everything's lost. You have to keep trying and hoping. We're going to help you."
Miyako and Iori nodded both vigorously, but Ken remained silent. His face was even paler than usual. Contrary to the others, he knew what it meant to lose a sibling. He remembered clearly how much it hurt, a pain that cut deeper that everything else he ever experienced. And Daisuke, his best friend, had been living with this thread for who knew how long! How could he not have noticed? Why hadn't he been able to help? He should have been there for him. He should.
"You're sweet." Jun smiled. "Just like Davis. That's what he always says. But, you know…" she closed her eyes. "Between saying that and feeling-" she touched her chest, "inside, feeling how I get weaker and weaker, watching the looks of the doctors…well, sometimes I think there's not much left to hope for."
Her face seemed vulnerable as she sat on the bed, burdened by her cruel destiny. It was easy to notice that she had lost weight, her overall appearance very frail. Her wrists were thin and delicate, her skin so pale that it appeared almost blue.
Silence fell over the room like a heavy, suffocating blanket. None of them had ever seen Jun so solemn, so serious, and so sad. What do you say to somebody who's facing death? Who lost his life, is confined to a hospital bed 24/7? There are no words to describe the misery; and there are no words to make it better. Happy ends only exist in fairytales.
And so they remained silent.
Suddenly, Jun took a deep breath. "Alright, enough of this!" she scolded herself. To her utter amazement, Hikari observed how the solemn look disappeared, to be replaced by something she could only consider as a mask. For a moment, they had seen the true Jun, but now she was hiding again. Hikari could only admire Jun's strength and willpower; but on the other hand she knew that it was self-destructive behaviour.
"No use wallowing in self-pity." Jun grinned. "So, why are you here? I gather that my brother didn't inform you about my condition, so how come you're here?"
"Well, actually we came to see Dav-" Miyako started, but was shushed by the others. She stopped, realising that it was probably the best not to upset Jun any further.
But shouldn't she know? After all, she was Daisuke's sister. Uncertainly, Miyako looked at the others. Hikari just shrugged, indicating that he had no clue how to continue the present course of conversation.
"You came to see who?" Jun questioned.
Ken took a silent breath. Best to get it over with now. "Davis. We came to see Davis."
"He collapsed at school." Hikari explained further. "And we were worried, so we came here as quickly as possible. The doctor noticed that you two had the same last name, and well, one thing led to the next."
"Davis collapsed?" Jun was shocked by this news. Then her eyes narrowed. "Tell me everything."
He blinked and opened his eyes. The blurred outline of an unfamiliar ceiling stretched over him. There was movement beside his bed, but he couldn't decipher what or who it was.
Daisuke blinked. He had never felt so tired in his entire life, but it felt so good simply lying there. Nothing to do, no worries, no studies, just him and this comfortable bed…wherever it was.
He recognized that he wasn't in his own room, but he couldn't care less. It was comfortable.
"Here, drink this," a gentle voice coaxed. "You're getting dehydrated."
Somebody held a glass with cool liquid against his lips. He drank greedily, realizing how thirsty he was.
"Now, that's better." The voice replied. "I reckon all you need is some good rest. I wonder what your parents were thinking, leaving you in a state like this, ts…" The complaining ceased into a faint mumbling.
'My parents?' Daisuke thought befuddled. 'They weren't thinking anything, that's the problem. But that's alright. I can look after myself. Have done it my whole life. Easy peasy.'
Sleep pulled at him again.
"Nurse, I need your help over here!" somebody shouted from the other end of the room.
'Nurse? Ah, so I'm in the hospital. Should have known.' satisfied that he knew where he was, he fell asleep again, not even wondering why he was in the hospital. The week long exhaustion finally took its toll.
Little Dragon
I want you to be strong
But it's no shame to cry
It's no shame to show emotions
Because we are only humans
And humans cry
when they hurt
Humans cry
It's okay
Little Dragon
It's going to be okay
Jun hugged the pillow closer to her chest. Miyako, Iori, Ken, Hikari and Takeru were spread out over the room, sitting in various chairs or on the ground. Over the last thirty minutes, they had told her all they knew; all about Daisuke's behaviour, his detachment from the group, and finally, his fatal collapse today.
In return, Jun had filled them in about her own illness, about the last months, the treatments, the hair loss and the despair that clung to each member or the family. Somehow, she felt she could be much more open to those kids than she could be to her family. In front of her brother, she had to appear strong, but now she could break down and cry. Those kids weren't that close to her, they could deal with it. Davis couldn't. Oh yes, he was strong, but not that strong. And far too stubborn for his own good. Why hadn't he said anything?
"Dammit!" she cursed. "Goddammit, DAVIS!" Jun slammed her fist down. "What use is this false show of bravado? What the hell was he thinking?"
"He probably wasn't thinking at all." Ken replied softly.
Jun rubbed her temples. She could feel the exhaustion creeping up her limbs. "He's never going to hear the end of this! And he's here right now?"
"Yes." Takeru shifted around uneasily. "Maybe it's best if one of us goes check on him. He might be awake by now."
"That's a good idea." Jun nodded. "And someone else might want to get Veemon. I have the feeling that we need his help."
"I'll do that!" Miyako volunteered. Inwardly, she was glad to be able to leave the hospital. She hated being here.
"Ken, do you want to visit Davis?" Takeru asked. "I mean, you're his best friend, you might be able to talk to him if he's awake."
Surprised, the blue haired genius nodded. "Of course."
The two got up. "See ya later." Miyako grinned cheerfully, and then the door clicked shut behind them.
Hikari turned towards Jun. She couldn't believe how pale Daisuke's sister looked! And their visit hadn't helped either. The girl could sense that Jun wasn't as strong as she'd like to let on.
It was the same with Davis, she suddenly realized. He, too, had the annoying habit of trying to appear stronger than he was. And he never realized that he was only hurting himself even more.
She exchanged a meaningful glance with Takeru. The blonde understood immediately.
"Come on, Iori. Let's get something to eat. I'm sure we can all need it!" he suggested with a smile on his lips that didn't reach his eyes.
Iori wanted to protest at first, but then he saw the determined look on Hikari's face. A-ha, he thought, Girl's talk.
"That's fine with me." The serious boy nodded. "Some brownies might be nice."
"You speak out of my soul." Takeru slapped him on the shoulder. "We'll be back in a bit, guys. Don't miss us too much!" Once more, the door slammed shut.
Now only Hikari and Jun were left in the room; one girl sitting cross-legged on the bed, the other sitting on a chair.
"So," the brown-haired girl started, a kind look in her eyes. "How do you really feel?"
"Davis!"
He flinched at the high-pitched voice and frantically looked for a place to hide. But there was none. He was standing in an empty room that didn't have any windows.
"DAVIS!" The voice was coming closer. His eyes fixed on the only door of the room, grey in colour. There was no way he could escape through that. Oh no, he was done for…briefly, he wondered what it was that he was afraid of, but he quickly dismissed the thought as the voice hollered again.
"DAISUKE MOTOMIYA! I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!"
The door opened with a loud bang, and in barged his sister, a look of fury in her eyes. She glowered at him.
Daisuke smiled uneasily. "Uh, hi Jun."
The red-haired girl held out her hand. "The control."
"What?"
She rolled her eyes. "Don't go all stupid on me. The remote control. I know that you have it. Give it to me!"
Ah. Now he was on familiar territory again. Daisuke started to grin. "Why should I? You didn't say the word."
"Da-vis." Jun stretched the syllabi in a way that meant serious business.
"I can't hear, what did you say?" he cupped a hand behind his ear.
Instead of replying, the older girl only snarled and flung herself at her brother. They both fell on the ground and wrestled for a bit. "HA!" Jun yelled triumphantly, holding up the remote control. "I knew you had it."
Daisuke held up his hands in a gesture of peace. "Alright. You won, fair and squarely."
A smug smile appeared on his sister's face. "You need to get better if you want to beat me, little dragon."
"Don't call me that!" he protested, but she only ruffled his hair.
"But it fits so well! You're little, and you breathe fire like a dragon." Jun chuckled. "Thanks for the remote, by the way. I'm off to watch TV now. See ya, loser!"
"Get lost, squarehead!" Daisuke called after her. He didn't know why he was feeling uneasy all of sudden. Jun was walking away from him and he didn't like that. Normally he couldn't get rid of his sister quickly enough.
A single feather flew past him. He followed it with his eyes and wondered where it had come from.
"Oh, and Davis," Jun paused, her hand on the doorhandle. There was another feather, flying across her face and then disappearing into nothingness. "You're not that bad, you know?" She sent him a gentle smile.
Daisuke's mouth fell open. Jun never smiled at him. She grinned, smirked, poked out her tongue, but smiling? Nicely? That was unheard of. The two siblings had been at constant war for their whole lives.
Then he realised what she had said and was even more surprised. "I am?" he repeated dumbly.
Jun giggled. "Oh, Davis – you're hopeless!" She opened the door and waved to him. Daisuke stretched his neck to see what lay behind the door, but he could see only darkness. "Bye-bye."
There was a gust of feathers, swirling in the air in a beautiful dance of white lights.
And then she was gone.
Daisuke woke up to see Ken's face hovering about him. He blinked, trying to distinguish between dream and reality. His blue-haired friend smiled gently, his eyes full of sympathy. Only Ken's eyes could look that kind, Daisuke reflected with his sleep-befuddled mind.
He tried to smile, but it ended in a grimace of pain. With his awakening, he became aware of a pounding headache that seemed intent on drilling holes in his skull.
"Davis," Ken had apparently noticed his friend's distress. "You can't go on like this. You're destroying yourself."
He was? Daisuke frowned, trying to remember. He was so tired. He wanted to go to sleep again. But Ken wouldn't let him.
"There's no bailing out this time, Daisuke. We have to talk."
To be continued…
The Light's Refrain – You're perfectly right – there are people who love Davis and people who hate him. I haven't seen much in-between. However, I think my Davis is a bit OOC as well, I tend to be a bit overdramatic (by the way, my first language is German).
Karina11 – I'm glad you like it. I reckon there are much better fics out there (just look at Silvor Moon's page); I'm just an addicted angst junkie, can't help it :D Sorry for the slow update.
Miricles-3 – Wah! Don't flatter me like that! Believe me, there are much better angst writers out there, people who have a proper plot and a decent grasp of the grammar, unlike me with my half-finished sentences. sighs depressedly Anyway, I'm still happy that you like it.
Puppeh – Sorry, I'm afraid you didn't manage to kill the writer's block. It only got worse…and worse…and worse…sobs I wonder how I'm ever going to finish this story. I seem to have lost all my muses.
Super Davis – Don't interpret too much into my writings! You should know by know that Kaeera never writes any complicated plots. It's too much for my brain :D
Sorry that I couldn't reply to everyone. I'm running out of time here…dashes away