Disclaimer: This story is written for fun-purpose only. I don't own Digimon or the characters I use in this story; and no money is made with this fanfic

Did you know that by now you can't even write the name f a n f i c t i o n . n e t in normal writing anymore (I have to use spaces between the letters!)? It automatically gets deleted! Woh! I feel very censored! What right do they have to delete ANYTHING I have written? Ever heard about the freedom of speech and writing? What about 'unleash your imagination'? They're certainly hypocrites on this site and I must say, by now I'm wondering whether it's really worth the hassle.

I hate the formatting here. You can't even use spaces, which really sucks, as it destroys the flow of the story. I'm sorry that it looks so horrible - the 'poem' should be seperated by spaces, but I was just trying fruitlessly for an hour to get #f a n f i c t i o n. n e t # to do it...which they wouldn't. So you just have to read one big mashed together piece. Go and complain to the makers - I would certainly like to do so. They want me to 'free my soul', but give me so silly and STRICT rules in formatting that it's not even possible.

Little Dragon

by Kaeera

Chapter Ten: A silent good-bye

Daisuke ran. He ran faster than ever before in his life. The wind rushed past him, as he dodged people and cars, skidded around corners and dashed madly across the streets. His heart pounded loudly in his ears, but he ignored it, needed the adrenaline to keep himself going .

This couldn't be. It had to be a dream, some kind of wicked nightmare, but…but…

But this was real and that was the reason it hurt so much, the reason why it tore at his heart and burned. It wasn't a dream, it was reality and it wouldn't change. There's was no escape, nothing to flee the nightmare.

He stumbled over a stone and fell. The rough asphalt scraped his knees, sending a burning wave of pain through his body. Daisuke dimly stared at the blood, unable to comprehend. The injury itself wasn't great, but it added physical pain to the emotional one; and that was too much. His breathing grew ragged, as tears started to stream down his face.

It wasn't fair. It simply wasn't fair!

Instead of running again, he curled up and hid his face in his hands. How had it ever come that far? Everything he had dreaded, everything he had feared…had become reality, and now he was lost and alone and miserable and…and…didn't know what to do…

"I'm sorry, but…we couldn't save her."

The words, spoken with a professional detachment, brought the world crashing down. The room shifted out of focus, as he concentrated on these words and these words alone. Couldn't save. Like: we were too late. As in: There was nothing to be done. We did everything we could. The odds were too high.

How ironic.

The doctor looked sympathetic, tried to help his mother when she broke down sobbing. Talked softly with his father, probably explaining some of the details. They were too caught up in their own grief to notice their son. Oh, they knew he was there, but pain is a strange thing. It makes people egoistic; it's hard to emphasize when you're grieving.

Jun was dead.

D-e-a-d. Dead. As in 'never going to laugh again'. As in 'a lifeless corpse lying on the bed'. As in 'gone forever and leaving a hole in all our lives'.

A hole that wouldn't – couldn't – be filled again, that would always be there, and damn, it hurt, damn, it was just so painful and why, why had be been too late, why couldn't he say good-bye to her one last time, why was life so cruel?

Like in trance, he watched the blood trickling down his knee.

Had Jun been in pain?

Had she been bleeding?

He didn't have the slightest clue, and to be quite honest, he didn't even want to know. He certainly wished she had been able to die peacefully. Maybe she had just slipped away in her slumber, without even noticing…That would be nice. That way she hadn't been afraid, hadn't seen what was coming.

But it didn't change the fact that she was dead.

Hot tears ran down his face. "Why?" Daisuke croaked and stared at the sky. "Why did you have to take her? She didn't want to die, dammit! She had so much life left in her, and she was ready to fight, but damn, you didn't even give her a chance!"

That was what hurt the most, Daisuke realised. Jun had been fighting, all the time, hadn't lost her optimism, but it had all been in vain. All their efforts, their struggles to get her back on track, to encourage her that yes, it was worth to keep living, had been futile.

Daisuke, who had grown up with the belief that you could achieve anything if you only worked hard enough, found out the harsh truth.

Sometimes, things just happen, and there's nothing that can be done to prevent them. Powerless, as we are.

It hurt. Damn, it hurt.

Stumbling, the boy stood up and glared at the offending sky, who had the obstinacy to look totally peaceful and calm.

"I never believed in any gods, or religion." he whispered. "But the universe has a pretty bad sense of humour, if you ask me."

Nobody asked him, though. Daisuke continued walking again, as he realised that he was drawing attention to himself. He didn't want to confront the others – or anyone, for that matter. Not now. Not when his emotions were so raw, so open. He needed to come to grip with it first…hell, how was he supposed to do that? His sister died! How could he ever…ever…accept this…

Suddenly, he was furious. Angrily, he slammed his fist against a nearby wall and started running again. He wanted to be away from the crowd, needed to be on his own, before he did something stupid like attacking random people.

His breath hitched and sweat poured down his brow as he skidded corners and dashed through side streets. Finally, he reached his destination – a small park in a peaceful living area far away from the city centre.

It was early, so nobody was there. Daisuke relished the peaceful scenery and walked through the grass until he reached a couple of trees. He leaned his head against a tree trunk and tried to control his emotions.

It didn't work. The tears kept coming, huge sobs wracking his thin body.

"God, I miss you!" he whispered and closed his eyes. "It hasn't even been a day yet and I already miss you."

"No." His mother gasped. His father didn't say anything, but his face was as white as chalk. Daisuke stood behind them, feeling sick.

The doctor looked uncomfortable. He had been treating Jun and knew her; clearly, he was upset by her death as well.

"How?" Daisuke asked, surprised at the steadiness of his voice.

"It was the cold." The doctor admitted. "Your sister was already weak. With her immune system down and her drepanocythemia, her body simply didn't have any strength left. We gave her medication, but it didn't have any use. Early this morning, her body shut down while she was sleeping. We tried to resurrect her, but we failed…I'm sorry."

His mother started to cry, short, sobbing gasps of pain and loss that tore at his heart. "Not my baby!" she wept. "She didn't deserve this!"

"No!" Daisuke whimpered. "She can't be dead! She's my sister! What am I going to do now? I'm not cut out to be an only child! Who's going to fight with me over the remote control? Who's going to tease me about my nonexistent love life?"

They had never been particularly close, but there had been a bond between them, forged by the similarities in their characters. Over the last couple of weeks, Daisuke had learned how much he had come to rely on Jun. He didn't want to – no, couldn't! – live without her.

Even though everybody had been afraid this was going to happen, even though the doctors had warned them that there was always a possibility…nothing could have prepared him.

"I wonder what you're doing right." The Chosen mumbled, staring at the sky. "Are you up there somewhere, watching us and thinking how stupid we are?" A small smile fluttered over his face. "You'd make a pretty bad angel, do you know that? You're far too brash, for example, and too stubborn. You're missing the blonde locks as well. I bet you're annoying your co-angels right now, aren't you?"

Daisuke could imagine her grimacing in response. "Davis", she would have said. "My little finger is a better angel than you could ever be!"

"You know? I think you might be right with that." He agreed sadly. And then he curled into a ball and cried, cried until no tears were left in his body.

Have you ever had something precious ripped away from you?

Have you ever lost something you held dear, without even knowing consciously how dear?

When the doctor told us about Jun, I thought my world had shattered. The room seemed to disappear, and it was just me, standing in white nothingness, with the words echoing through my head.

Jun is dead. She's dead. She will never come back. You lost her. She's gone.

Forever.

Everybody around me was crying, but I didn't do anything. I had raced there directly from the school, the euphoria from my good results forgotten. Only to get there and learn that it was too late.

Somebody ripped my heart out that very moment, leaving only a hole behind. I couldn't react. I just stood there, numbly, and watched everything around me.

My father was comforting my mother, every now and then checking on me to see whether I was okay.

Well, I wasn't. My sister had just died – how could I be okay?

But I didn't cry. Not at once. I stood and stared and listened and…well…fell in a kind of trance. The hospital seemed to suffocate me. Everything was wrong, bent out of shape and somehow unreal. People approached me, touched me, spoke to me, until finally, I couldn't bear it anymore. I broke into a run and bolted from the room. Shouts followed me, but I didn't listen.

I had only one goal in my mind: to leave.

On my way outside, I passed Hikari and Takeru, but I ignored them as well. I just wanted to get away, and so I ran, ran until my legs couldn't carry me anymore and I stumbled to the ground.

Daisuke's Notes

When he finally returned to the hospital, it was almost noon. He was surprised to see that everybody was there; apparently Takeru and Hikari had gotten wind of what had happened and had called the others. Miyako, Ken, Iori, and Veemon were sitting patiently in the waiting area. Daisuke felt a surge of relief when he saw them, even though he didn't really understand why. It was just nice to have someone, he guessed, knowing very well that he could never turn to his parents.

As soon as his friends saw him, he was engulfed in a wave of tearful hugs and kisses. Veemon clung to his feet, determined not to leave his partner's side.

Daisuke endured the attention with weary resignation, too tired to answer or speak much. After a while, everybody calmed down a bit.

Ken stood by his side, a steady hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Davis." he said sincerely. "I wish this didn't have to happen. I know how you feel – know how hard it is – so if you need to talk, I'm here."

Daisuke smiled, as it dawned to him that out of their little group, Ken was the only one who could really understand. Ken had lost his brother, and he had given in to the despair. Now he was offering his help, his experience, so that he wouldn't endure the same fate. It was humbling; and Daisuke appreciated it.

"Thank you." He didn't smile, even though it would have been appropriate. He couldn't smile – not now, not yet. The pain was too fresh, the wound too open. Smiling hurt. Smiling hurt because Jun would never smile again.

"I still can't believe it." Daisuke whispered as the tears started to fall again. "I mean…she's gone! Just like that, and she's gone. Yesterday we were talking about the merits of soccer, and today she's simply…not there anymore."

"At least she's not in pain anymore." Takeru offered, feeling foolish, but it was the only thing that came to his mind. Next to him, Hikari was crying, brown eyes red rimmed and full of tears. She had learned to like the older Motomiya, had accepted her as a friend, and the very idea that Jun would never get the chance to meet her digimon partner broke her heart.

Daisuke just snorted and shoved his hands in his pockets. He really didn't feel like talking – couldn't Takeru just stay silent? Especially those kinds of comments…he really didn't want to hear them right now.

Something crackled under his fingers. It felt like paper, but what…Frowning, the boy pulled a crumpled letter out of his pocket. It was labelled with his sister's messy scrawl, addressed to him. What the heck…

"For Daisuke", it said. "In the case of…well, you know what."

He felt his knees go weak. The letter! The goddamn letter Jun had written to him!

Daisuke gripped the envelope with trembling fingers. A message from Jun. Her last words, dedicated to him. Wildly, he looked around. He couldn't read it here, not with the others around. He needed some piece and quiet, some secluded space…the perfect place came into his mind and he turned to his friends.

"I need a time-out." The boy announced and made a hasty retreat. "I'll be on the roof."

Ken eyed him worriedly. He had noticed the change in his friend's behaviour. "Davis? What's wrong?"

Daisuke laughed bitterly. "How can you actually ask that?"

The genius flushed. "Sorry…I didn't think."

"It's alright." The leader of the Chosen shook his head. "It's just…I need to be on my own. For a bit. Just half an hour, and then I'll come back, okay? I'm not going to do anything stupid, I just need to…remember."

"Sure." Most of them didn't understand, sent him looks of concern and confusion. But he couldn't explain. They couldn't have stopped him from going anyway.

Without another word, Daisuke sped towards the stairway and made his way upstairs, the letter clutched closely at his heart. It contained the last memory of his sister, his last link to her fading spirit. He couldn't, wouldn't read it with the others there; it simply didn't seem right. No, he needed to be alone.

The roof was empty, a flat, concrete area with walls around to refrain people from jumping. Daisuke enjoyed the view for a moment, then looked for a lonely corner and plopped down on the cold concrete floor.

He took a deep breath, composed himself – and opened the letter.

It contained one page of red paper, full of messy handwriting. He recognized his sister's writing immediately; her habit to scribble and rush; her own, special way of drawing the character for 'Jun'; and of course, the stickers she had put everywhere.

My dear little Dragon,

Do you remember that I used to call you that? When you were little? It was such a fitting name. You, with your fiery temper, but still so small and in need of protection…and of course, you hated that nickname, which made it even better.

Well. Enough of the jokes. I reckon I should be serious for once.

If you read this, then it means the ultimate has happened – I'm dead and you're stuck alone on this world, without an annoying older sister to give to a good kick on your backside. It sounds horrible, not only because I'm dead, but because I will never have the chance to annoy you again. And I was so looking forward to teasing you about your first girlfriend (if you'll ever have one).

I'm sorry. Even in my death letter, I'm being funny. I shouldn't be, because you're probably crying right now and missing me terribly. Don't deny it, Davis; I know that you love me, as I always loved you. We just didn't show it.

Little dragon, I am writing to you because I want you to remember these lines. They contain all my love, my pride and my thoughts

My little dragon, who's so strong and still cries at night (hot, fiery tears, hidden in the darkness).

(Did that sound pathetic or what?)

While I was sitting in the hospital, I had a lot of time to think. Too much time, some would say. I could exactly imagine how my death would be like, and believe me, it wasn't a great experience. During one, silent-filled night, I actually wrote my own eulogy – and tore it to pieces afterwards.

I have to thank you, little dragon – thank you and your friends. You were always there for me, gave me my spirit back when I was at the lowest and made me laugh. You have a wonderful gift, Davis; you can make people laugh, and that's something much needed in our dark world. I know that you think of yourself as unworthy (yes, I can see through that façade of yours!), but believe me, you're not. It was only because of you that I managed to keep my sanity (the little that I still possess).

But something must have happened, otherwise you wouldn't read this letter and I wouldn't be dead. Maybe I became tired. Maybe it was some freak accident. It doesn't matter.

I never told you, but there were moments when I actually wished to die. At least then the pain would be over, and all the hassle with the doctors and treatments and, well, stuff. I just wanted it to end. I was tired, Davis, so tired and exhausted, of simply everything.

However, whatever happened, I don't want you to blame yourself. It wasn't your fault; it was a freakish accident, some kind of coincidence or some kind of deity that simply hates my guts. I don't know. What I know for sure is that it wasn't your fault! So don't go around and feel guilty because you're alive and I'm not. Because I know you. You're going to do exactly that and deny yourself any pleasures, because I won't be able to enjoy them anymore.

Rubbish!

I admit that I will miss everything terribly, but still, I want you to keep living. Sure, you're going to be sad for a while (I would be insulted if not!), but don't let that destroy your life. I saw how you acted when I was at the hospital, and I didn't like it. In order to keep me company, you neglected yourself! Well, that's going to stop now. I might be dead, but I can still order you around! You are to go outside and do well in life, is that understood, Daisuke Motomiya?

I want you to remember me in fondness and not in tears. And I'd rather have it if you celebrated my funeral in some kind of karaoke bar, but I guess Mum and Dad are going to be against that. Pity. Would have been cool.

Well, I don't know what's going to happen to me. But wherever I am, be assured that I think of you. You will always be my little brother, no matter what! I'm going to miss you terribly, because it has been a wonderful life so far, with many ups and downs, but wonderful nonetheless.

I love you.

Jun

PS: I'm going to copy a poem I wrote during my boring hospital hours. It's dedicated to you, so feel honoured!

little dragon

feel the air under your wings, come

don't be afraid of the last step

little dragon

life is one big adventure

but what comes next, we don't know

Little Dragon, be my guide

Help me being strong

And teach me how to laugh again

For I fear that the shadows are overwhelming

And I cannot fight much longer

Little Dragon, promise me

Promise me to give your best

Even though I won't be there to encourage you

Little Dragon, think of me

As I will think of you

Always

But it's no shame to cry

It's no shame to show emotions

Because we are only humans

And humans cry

when they hurt

Humans cry

It's okay

Little Dragon

It's going to be okay

Little Dragon, make me proud

I'm not giving up and neither should you

If I have to go down, then I want to go down fighting

Little Dragon, don't be sad

I feel it's time for me to leave

I'm getting weaker, getting pale

But I will always think of you

And be with you in your dreams

Little Dragon

Stretch your wings and fly

Leave behind the burden you bear

And soar through the skies

Like you always did

Mind and spirit free

#

...miss you…

Daisuke stared at the letter. Jun's voice echoed in his head, and he could almost see her, with that sad, little smile on her face. "Oh, Jun!" he whispered and buried his face in the paper. Somehow, reading the lines had made the sadness even greater, yet he felt…relieved, he guessed.

I never got the chance to say good-bye, Daisuke reflected. But…no. Everything has been a good-bye, when I think of it. Every day, every moment I spent with her. It was all leading up to this.

He traced the letters with his finger. The sadness didn't go, was still there, eating him alive. Oh gawd, he missed her so much!

Soft footsteps announced a presence, but he didn't look up. Instead, he glanced at the floor, which was dull and grey and generally very boring. The world seemed to have lost its colour.

"I thought I'd better look for you." A soft voice announced.

Daisuke smiled without a trace of humour. "Afraid I might do something stupid?"

"No, not really." Ken replied sincerely, carefully sitting down on the ground. "But I thought you might need a friend."

"Is this going to be one of those emotional pep-talks?" Daisuke frowned. "If yes, then I'm really not up to it right now." Absently, he put the letter back into the envelope and avoided Ken's gaze.

"No pep-talk." The genius promised. "Just general talking."

"It's not going to bring her back."

"Nothing will."

"So why should I talk about it?" Daisuke turned angrily towards his friend. "What am I supposed to tell you? Do you want every detail? Do you want to hear how much I miss her already? Do you want to see me break down and cry?"

Ken regarded him calmly, his dark eyes full of understanding. "Because…because if you bottle it up, the pain will only become larger and larger. It will be like poison in your heart, and it'll drag you down until you're unable to smile anymore. I don't want this to happen to you, Davis. You're one of the kindest people on this planet – you don't deserve this fate."

The boy snorted. "Well, neither did Jun."

"No, neither did she."

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Daisuke stared sullenly at his shoes. He had already broken down once today; he didn't want to do it a second time.

"When Osamu died, I thought the world would end." Ken's soft voice startled him. "I used to hate him with every fibre of my body. He was everything I wasn't, and I hated him for that. I remember that I even wished for him to die, as children sometimes do."

Daisuke turned to listen, interested despite everything that had happened. Ken rarely talked about his brother; and when he did, it was always tinted with regret and sorrow. The boy knew the basics of the story, knew more than the others, but it was still a touchy subject.

"Then he had this stupid accident." Ken continued, unaware of Daisuke's thoughts. "And he died. I guess nobody can imagine what I felt when my parents told me. I hated him, and suddenly he wasn't there anymore! And it was my fault, because I had wished for it, because I had wanted him to die!"

He smiled sadly. "Of course, it was nobody's fault, but I didn't know – didn't understand - that back then. And nobody told me. My parents were grieving themselves, they couldn't help me – after all they had lost their perfect son. And so I was alone with my pain, my feelings, my guilt."

He turned his head and stared at Daisuke, eyes full of churning emotions. "That was when the darkness caught me. I was weak and vulnerable, and before I knew it, it had me in its claws. And you know how I nearly ended up." Ken shuddered as he remembered his time as the Kaiser. Then his face hardened. "I don't want it to be like that for you, Davis. I won't let you down. I'm your friend. I'm here."

Daisuke closed his eyes, trying to get a grip of the emotions that washed over him. There was gratefulness, for once; and surprise, anger, sadness, despair and, well, resignation.

"She's dead, Ken. She's dead." He finally whispered, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He wondered how many he had left. He felt as if he had cried his body empty, and yet they were still flowing.

He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and welcomed the touch. It was his only link to reality right now, the only thing that was keeping him sane. "And she wrote me a good-bye letter to tell me…" Daisuke's voice broke. "Told me that she loves me…"

"Just like you loved her."

"Yes…but she's gone!" Daisuke buried his head in his hands. "Ken…if I just think of it…it's so hard!"

"I know it is." Ken tried his best to be comforting. "But the pain is going to grow less, after a while. You will always miss her, and that's perfectly natural, because she's your sister and you love her – but it won't be as devastating as it seems now."

Daisuke stared, his eyes fixed on nothing in particular. "I'm going to go home and she won't be there. Can you believe that? Her room…it will be empty." He laughed bitterly. "Hell, there will be nobody to raid the fridge at night, or buy stupid girly magazines. I'm going to be alone with my parents. Me! Alone! I don't know…it's just…she's always been there, and in her own, twisted way, she protected me. And now. After all the fighting we did, after everything, she just went away and left us…left me… "

His breath hitched and turned into a sob. "She never saw my results. Hell, she never even knew how well I did! I worked like mad, just for her, to make her proud, and now she doesn't even know…gosh, she doesn't even know…"

Daisuke curled up again, trying to make himself as small as possible. He was crying again, desperate sobs wracking his slim body.

Ken slung one arm around his friend, then the other one, until he held the smaller boy securely. The hug was meant to give comfort, and after the first, initial surprise Daisuke accepted it. Warmth seeped through his body as he let himself fall, too tired to think anymore.

The letter was still in his hands, as the boy finally fell asleep, emotionally and physically exhausted.

To be continued

A/N: Thank you for the overwhelming review responses! Here I was, utterly devastated and of the opinion that I would get a massive bunch of flames, and what did I get? Wonderful reviews filled with ecnouraging words. I was really surprised and flattered. I still think this story has too many flaws, especially after what I had planned for it (which you, thankfully, will never know) and the lack of a beta-reader is noticable everywhere.

As I said, I'm trying my best to finish this story. Only one more chapter, and we should have reached the end of it. Sorry about letting Jun die, but I actually never intended to let her live. That would have been too...well, Hollywood-like.

I don't think I portrayed Daisuke's loss well, though...he seems a bit flat. #frowns#