There Was A Yami Who Shot A Fly

Use the right weapon to fight the right battle; you don't need a Millennium item to swat a fly.

"But even the Pharaoh would agree it's more fun, ne, Marik?" Malik joked, carefully slicing the bumper sticker to sticky-backed ribbons with his all-purpose Swiss Army knife.

"Indeed, hikari," Marik replied with a malicious smirk. "But personally, I prefer just shooting the fly out from between its wings."

Platinum brows knitting together in a frown, Malik asked, "What kind of weapon do you use for that? I'd think most bullets would be too big."

Marik coughed and averted his gaze, cheeks pinkening ever-so-slightly. "A rubber band," he mumbled.

Malik's eyes went almost comically wide. "You're kidding," he said, voice flatter than his sister's chest.

Shaking his head slightly, Marik blushed harder. "No."

Deciding to just completely forget about his yami's unusual choice in weaponry, Malik performed a swift, if not deft, change of subject. "So, who do you think we should get?"

Marik blinked for a moment, then, relaxing slightly, said, "Well, I think it should be someone who hasn't been hit in a while. The element of surprise, after all."

Malik tapped his now-closed knife against his chin in thought. "But who hasn't gotten hit recently?"

"Well, our sister went after Kaiba," Marik offered.

"And Kaiba got us," Malik remembered, scowling sourly.

"But we got the tomb robber," Marik consoled his lover. "And he and his hikari got those twin idiots."

Malik smiled gleefully, somehow managing to look more horrifying than Isis before she put on her make-up. "And the dumbnamic duo got the Barbie and her bitch," Malik continued, as ever scornful of the friendship girl, and the woman who'd once called him 'glamourless.' And gold jewelry never went out of style, thank you, Miss Thang!

"And they went after the Pharaoh's pet," Marik said.

Frowning thoughtfully, Malik said, "I thought that was Kaiba?"

Marik shook his head. "No, the brat thought it was, but it was Mai and Téa. Yugi went after girlyboy, and because the insult wasn't that bad, she and Tristan decided to get Wheeler for them."

Malik's face scrunched up in a frown. "Why would Yugi be mad at his best friend?"

"The lack of sex," Marik stated baldly.

Malik's eyes went wide. "N-nani! Since when are Yugi and Joey having sex?" he sputtered.

Making a noise of disgust, Marik said, "Not Yugi and Joey. Yugi and the Pharaoh. Wheeler was avoiding his lover this past week and kept bugging Yugi. Keeping him and Yami from getting frisky."

Comprehension dawning, Malik said, "Oooooh." Then he frowned. "But wait, why would Joey avoid Kaiba?"

Marik raised one platinum brow. "You remember hearing about Kaiba's sort of stepbrother and that blonde bratlet with the freaky attachment to her stuffed bear?"

Looking as if he'd just sucked on a tree full of lemons, Malik could only nod.

"That would put even the High Priest off sex for a while, I guess." Marik shrugged. Nothing put him off sex – except Isis in a bad mood, and even then it was only because she tended to pester him and his light until they fixed whatever it was. And Malik was strangely prudish about getting naked in front of his sister.

"Nearly everybody in our little inner circle has been hit lately," Malik said, depressed.

Mairk nodded. "Even the ones outside the circle, like the twin twits."

Platinum brows knitting together in thought, Malik mused, "Outside the circle…" His violent eyes lit up with violence, and he grinned widely, showing more teeth than the average shark. "Let's go after the 'fly' in our circle of idiots," he said. "Bugboy is going down."

It took a moment for Marik to catch on, but when he did, his face lit up like a Christmas tree – one decorated with sharp and pointy things. "I'll get my rubber bands!"