The morning found Xander naked. Xander found his clothes scattered on the floor. His clothes found the elevator floor sticky. The elevator floor found that a night of wild sex did not help its finish at all.

Putting on clothes in an elevator while still partly asleep is a task that Olympians would find trying. It was this reason that Xander barely averted tragedy by zipping up too early. Thankfully self-preservation instincts kicked in and he was saved from having tire marks on his testicles. These self-preservation instincts, however, did nothing to stop him from trying to put a bra on before his shirt. It seemed, apparently, that a night of wild sex stopped him from realizing that he had not been wearing a bra the night before.

It was then that he realized he had woken up alone. The bra's previous inhabitant was nowhere in sight and none of the laundry bags had been opened. Stuffing the bra into his pocket, he pushed the door open button and waited. And waited. And waited a moment more before realizing that the elevator door wasn't going to open. It was then that he noticed the escape hatch had been opened.

"Wham, bam and not a 'thank you Xan,'" Xander muttered to himself as he tried to jump up and grab the edge of the escape hatch. He missed by inches. Proving that, though the school sucked, he did manage to gain some cognitive skills, Xander moved the laundry bags over and stood on them. With that extra lift he managed to grab the lip of the opening and was literally hanging by his fingertips.

It was then that the elevator began moving again and Xander lost his grip and managed to land on the pile of laundry bags. Xander, sprawled on the floor of the elevator with laundry scattered over him, was the sight that greeted twenty-five teenage girls when the door opened.

Accepting the risk of losing more boxers, Xander delegated laundry duty to Sally and made his way to see the only person he could tell the tale of the previous night to. The only person who could help him find the Slayer who had given him such a fun night. Xander wanted to get to know this girl. Hopefully have sex with her again and thus remove it from "one-night stand" status so she might be inclined to not choke him to death later. And maybe keep on with the having sex part.

A couple of quick knocks and then waiting. It wasn't, in actuality, a long wait. Time, being the relative bitch she is, could have easily enticed Xander to argue he waited long enough for Andrew's balls to drop. Finally the door opened and his best friend ushered him into the room. Xander opened his mouth, ready to tell his bestest friend of all his friends everything that happened when he was interrupted.

"You had sex!" Willow said in a hushed whisper. One had to be careful of their voice in a building full of Slayers.

"What… I mean… was it with you?" Xander blurted.

"What? No. Wait, you had sex and you thought it was with me?"

"No. I didn't know who it was with and since you knew… Hey! How'd you know if it wasn't you?"

"Sweetie, you've been walking around so tense it looked like you had an active taser up your butt. Now you're kind of… relaxed. Or were. So, you had sex?" Willow said, bouncing slightly on her feet.

"I haven't been that tense… And yes, I had sex. I was hoping you might help me find out who it was."

"It was you."

"Ha ha. Yes, I was there, I was there."

"Good, so you should know who she is," Willow said with a Cheshire grin.

"You're enjoying this far too much."

"What are best friends for?"

"Free live lesbian shows?"

Willow's tactful retort was a pillow to Xander's face.

"Low priced?"

Xander caught the next pillow.

"Discounted shows for friends and family?"

"Now you're just beating a dead horse."

"Hey, I had to it was the only way to ki… oh, er, you meant going too far, not the masturbation of dead animals. Hehe, okay, gotcha..."

"Xander…"

"No, nyet, never mind, back to me having sex."

"Is that one of the stories from Africa that we'll never get to hear about?"

"Yes, it is, so let's move on."

"Is it as bad as you stripping?"

"I'm not talking about that either. Focus Willow. Me. Sex. Find girl."

"Fine. You. Sex. Find girl. Have sex again?"

"I wouldn't be opposed to it… But mainly I'd like to meet her, get to know her, thank her for the kegel exercises and make sure she's not planning on killing me in the future."

Willow stared at Xander a moment, processing what he'd said and debating the wisdom of questioning his knowledge of kegel exercises. "Killing you?"

"Well, past experience. If it wants to date or mate me there are usually homicidal tendencies. Usually aimed at me. Especially one-night stands. Thus, I find the girl, get to know her, make sure she won't kill me and… maybe get laid again."

"You're really hard up, aren't you honey?"

"I'm not that hard up! Why do you keep saying that?"

"'Cause the Slaybees have noticed and are plotting how to best rape you."

The open-mouthed fish face Xander was doing would have made his old swim team proud. Or horny, depending on how they interpreted it. "They're WHAT?"

"Oh calm down. They decided early on they wouldn't really rape you. From what Kennedy said, they decided against tying you down or drugging you… after some debate."

"But it was a consideration!"

"Well, for a while. You're one of only three guys in the school. Well, four if you count Robin who isn't here full time. Between you, Andrew and Giles all the girls went for you. There was talk that And-"

"NO! No, for the sake of my sanity, please don't finish that."

With a chuckle Willow started again. "Anyway, you're their logical choice and the most in need they decided. Last Kennedy mentioned it, they were still working on a fair lottery system to decide who got you first."

"I… am frightened. Can you, like, put a magical lock on my door so they can't get me?"

"Only if when we find this girl she keeps with you, you really need the sex."

"I do not, I'm handling things just fine!"

"I'm sure you are, but you should seize the opportunity to let someone else handle it."

There was an awkward paused as both realized what she said. "I didn't mean it that way."

"Okay."

"So, why do we need to find Little Miss One-Night Stand? You lose her number already?"

"Um, I didn't get her number."

"Oh, well I can get into the phone company records and find her in a jiff, what's her name?"

"I don't know her name."

"Xander! I can't decide if I'm upset with you or proud. I think I'll be proud because you're not giving off as many tense vibes. Okay, so what'd she look like? I'll hit the DMV and see who fits the profile."

"Willow… I don't know what she looks like either."

"You are not making this easy Mister! How could you have sex with someone and not know what she looked like? I mean, okay, name and number I can understand but looks?"

"It was dark."

"Oh. Oh! You got laid during the blackout! Wee! Oh. Poop. Do you know anything about her? Wait, where'd you have sex in the blackout?"

"We did it in the elevator. And I know-"

"Wait, what elevator?"

"The elevator here."

"You had sex with a Slaybee! Congratulations, that makes two Slayers under your belt."

There was another awkward pause as they both realized what she said. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"That's okay. Let's just move on. Um, what I know about her is that she's a…" Xander pulled the bra from his pocket and read. "A 34C."

"Boo. Bra sizes don't tell you diddly anymore, she could have been using cutlets."

Seeing Xander staring blankly at her, Willow took a bit of pity on him. "Cutlets, they're like little silicone car-jacks for the boob. They add contour, shape and fill out the bra to make the breasts stand out more."

Now Xander's stare was more one of imagining those things and how women's stuffing technology had improved greatly over the years where men were still stuck with salami and socks.

"Okay, so if we can't go by the bra size what do we do?"

"Well, did you happen to touch them?"

Even after all the time spent with Anya, a question like that from his longtime friend was enough to make him blush. "Yes."

"Well how big were they?"

"How do you judge that, I mean, bigger than an apple?"

"Men! Okay, stick out your hands like you were cupping them so I can get some kind of idea. We know she's a thirty-four so I just need an idea how far out she sticks so I can get the cup size right."

"Um… Like this?" Xander said, making a large circle with both hands that you could have tossed a nerf football through.

"No silly, just put your hands out like you were squeezing them."

"This is embarrassing. I can't remember and…"

"Xander, just do it."

"I'll get it wrong. Can't you just do some witchy stuff to find her and—"

"Xander Harris show me how you squeezed them now!"

And Xander did. Of course he showed by putting both palms on Willow's chest. And then suddenly lost his ability to speak and move. Breathing was thankfully autonomic.

"Xander."

"Yes?"

"Your hands are on my boobs."

"Um. I noticed."

A few ticks on a clock passed.

"Xander."

"Yes?"

"You can move your hands now."

"Okay."

A few more ticks on a clock passed.

"Xander."

"Yes?"

"Take a deep breath."

"Okay."

"Good. Now either squeeze or let my tits go."

Xander's hands flew from Willow's chest and he jumped back a step. "What? I… but… Kennedy…"

"I figured that might get through to you. From that I'm guessing your mystery elevator girl didn't use cutlets to fill out the bra. So that removes a few possibilities."

"I touched your boobs."

"I know hon, but only through my shirt. Now let's focus on which Slaybees can fill out this bra. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Good boy."

Willow had her computer up and going as she loaded up the Slaybee Database. Early on they had realized it would be a good idea to have a listing of all the Slayers under their care and across the globe. Later they realized that between prophecies and Slayer dreams, it would also be a good idea that in this listing they had the girls' physical characteristics. Eye color, hair color, style, height, measurements, birthmarks, scars, piercings and some other, even more personal, information. Thus the listing became a database. Today the Slaybee Database became Xander's version of "Love Connection." Sadly, Chuck Woolery was unable to participate.

"The database shows twenty-one matches at that size, but we can narrow that a bit more. Did she have long or short hair?" Willow asked as she looked over the database on her computer.

"Long, past shoulder length. Oh, and it wasn't a wig so you can be sure."

Willow turned around to look at Xander. "Wasn't a wig?"

"Well, you said the boobs could have been wrong because of the cutlets and I figured I'd rule out fake hair. Why?

"How do you know it wasn't a wig?" Willow asked, barely masking her smile as Xander became very uncomfortable.

"Uh… There may have been, at times, at someone's insistence some… tugging of the hair."

"Naughty. Okay, that takes it down to seventeen girls who fit the profile. Huh, okay we can discount this one easy," Willow said as she removed a name.

"What? Huh?"

"I took Kennedy's name off, or do you have something to tell me?" Another wicked grin from Willow. "You don't get to enjoy my girlfriend, at least not without me there."

"Gotcha, yeah, wasn't Kennedy, don't gayify me."

"Could it have been Faith?" Willow asked as she saw the name on the list.

"From my one experience with Faith, I'll give a big no to that. Well, it was a wham-bam and she was gone but this time it was more, you know, intimate and less sweaty, well, there was sweat, but it wasn't just a---"

"I get the picture," Willow interrupted. "Faith is off the list. So there are fifteen Slaybees left."

"Please tell me they're all of legal age," Xander practically begged.

"For this state, yes, they are all legal."

"Um, what does that mean?"

"Well, you won't get in any trouble. It's just that not all on the list are eighteen."

"What! Oh man…"

"Three are eighteen, six are seventeen and six are sixteen. You're lucky, the youngest on the list turned sixteen last week and Ohio's age of consent is sixteen. Xander, honey, stop hyperventilating."

Xander managed to stop hyperventilating. He passed out.