A/N: So reupload this chapter. Will explain why in the end chapters note. Here I'd just like to say that the Marauders don't belong to me. Neither does Raven who I owe to my good friend. But I still hope that you love their adventures. R&R. :)
Chapter 9
Gwen stared up at the night sky overhead and then her eyes turned to the distant lights that shined like gold and silver on the horizon. Closing her eyes for a minute she concentrated on the gentle lapping of the distant waves as the waters broke on the walls of the great hill Hogwarts sat upon. The night air spun around her and for a minute everything felt peaceful.
Then she felt the sudden switch of energy in the place. Sirius… she knew it was him but she didn't move. Her eyes stayed on the stars as they had every time he had followed her up here. She'd always known it except on the first night that night she hadn't known he was there until the very end. Until the moment he had chosen to let her feel him, as it was, she knew…
She smiled to herself. He was waiting for her to acknowledge him. To tell him that it was okay and he could come out. But she wouldn't. No matter how much she wished she could and she wanted, she couldn't…and she wouldn't… She had made a promise. One she would break but not yet…
Kneeling she touched her hand to the wall and sighed letting her mind wander hunting for that feeling that brought her here night after night. A tension fissured up her arm and she knew that someone else watched her.
It wasn't someone she knew. Standing up she turned and slowly looked around the dark interior of the tower. Then she spotted him.
His hair was worn long around his gaunt face that had ambitious eyes staring from behind them. Eyes so deep and dark the only color they reflected was the colors running through his robes. A Slytherin… He walked slowly in and a chill ran down Gwendolyn's back. The arms on her hair and neck stood on end and she got the sense of premonition she had only gotten once before when she had linked with her mother in meditation.
"What do you want from me?" she managed to ask even as a voice in the back of her head was telling her to run.
"You don't know? I thought you would, after all, your mother can tell the future. Can't you do at least that, Gwendolyn Farr?" he said stepping closer sarcasm dripping from his words.
How could he know about her mother? "Who are you? And what do you want from me?" a tight string seemed to wrap itself around Gwen's heart and the pain in her head increased but she did her best to never let it show. Showing it would mean giving in and if she had learned anything it was to never give in and to never show weakness.
"My name is Severus Snape. Don't you recall Potter and his friends mentioning me?" he stepped closer and Gwen felt a quick flash go off in her head.
She saw Snape being held in the air by a wand, James' wand. She heard Lily yelling at him to put him down and then it ended and then there was Sirius teasing him. Then she was back in the tower of Hogwarts her back just inches from the wall and Severus Snape smirking at her.
She felt Sirius' anger beginning to build and it snapped her back to attention. She wanted to shout at him that he wasn't supposed to be getting mad at Severus. He shouldn't even be hearing these things. …not from someone else. And right there she became determined…Sirius would not interfere. Severus took a step closer to her and her mind centered on him.
"Don't come any closer, Severus. Answer my second question: what do you want from me?"
"I want you gone. You are not muggle. You are not witch. You are a mutt, worse than a Mudblood. You don't belong here at Hogwarts."
Gwen felt as if someone had slapped her and her fingers had grown cold on the wall behind her, which felt warm. Concentrating on that warmth she pulled the happy memories of Raven and Remus holding each other close and then pushed away from the wall. They were the reason she came here each night. Their love always centered her.
Their love made her hope that she could tell them all. Sirius especially. She felt his muscles tighten and his restless energy helped her to look Snape in the eyes. "As it stands, Severus, I am under the impression that it is not your choice whether or not I am here. Dumbledore allowed me in. And if you think I am worse than a Mudblood. Know this: all my life I have been trained in the magical, mostly to save, but I can hurt. No wand needed."
Waving her left hand with impatience the tower door swung opened without a sound and she looked at him. "Best be on your way. If Filch catches you…who knows what he may do?"
Snape look like a firework about to explode in her face and Gwendolyn braced herself for his attack but when he hadn't moved she turned to face the wall. A risky move as it might send his temper off but she couldn't look at him and feel the tension that shimmered through Sirius without risking hurting someone or something. Potentially, and most likely, herself.
She heard his steps start towards the door then they stopped slowly turning she looked at him. His eyes burned with hatred and a lightening quick pain burned down her spine. "Go back to your common room, Snivellus."
The name spilled from her lips as if she had always known them. She hadn't. That was what Sirius had called him. What James called him… Severus face turned red and words seemed to spring to his lips. But something held him back. For a moment she could almost swear there was something else that he would have said but instead he spun on his heels and left.
Gwen waved her hand and the door shut gently. Leaning back against the wall she felt the little bit of strength she had managed to gather from Sirius drain from her. Slowly she slid down the wall and let her head fall to her knees.
After a moment she felt Sirius feelings changed to anxiety and she knew that he was edging back and forth not sure if he should go to her or stay hidden as he had every night. She was so tired. Her nerves tingling with the last wave of emotion.
Sirius shuffled again and she sighed. She hadn't planned for this. "You can come out, Sirius. I know you're there."
He walked straight from behind the wall to her side kneeling down to have a better look at her. One of his hands covered hers and his other one came out and cupped her chin making her look up into his eyes. He turned her head this way and that and finally Gwen took his hand away from her face and held it.
She waited for the onslaught from his touch but miraculously nothing came of it. Maybe because there was nothing lurking on the surface. Perhaps because he was too worried about her to let her in.
"I'm fine, really, Sirius. He scared me more than anything. But he didn't touch me, I promise." She tried her best to smile but all she could do was think about what Severus had said.
You are not muggle. You are not witch. You are a mutt, worse than a Mudblood.
His silver eyes searched hers then finally looked down at their hands holding on tight to each other. "If he had…"
"He'd regret it." Gwen finished and Sirius grinned down at her. For a moment they sat there smiling at one another then Gwen looked down to their entwined hands. Sirius' were wide and dark compared to her own slim and pale fingers… and yet they meshed and they matched. Tell him… a voice echoed in her head and she nodded to herself.
Looking up into his eyes she wondered what he would think but screwed up her courage before it failed her. "Sirius, about what he said."
A shiver shook her whole body as she thought of finally telling him. The pounding in her head lessened and she felt… right. But Sirius had felt the shiver as well. "It can wait. I don't care what that sniveling loser has to sa—"
"No, it can't wait. I've waited too long. Sirius… well, you heard Snape. And he's right." Sirius frowned at her so she elaborated. "Not about me not belonging here. Though I must admit when I first came I did feel that way. But he's right about something else."
"What could he possibly be right about? All I heard was a load of crap about how you don't belong here. But what right does he have to decide?"
She looked at his silver eyes sparking with a hint of anger. But what she had seen when she read him… "I'm not part muggle but… I'm not fully a witch either…"
Sirius looked even more confused and Gwen pushed away from him standing and walking away from him facing the castle as she gathered her thoughts. "Gwen?"
She turned to face him and took a deep breath. "My mother is a fairy."
"Fairy? As in a little person with wings?" he asked looked very much dumbstruck.
"Yes." She closed her eyes. Why was that always what people thought of first. "My mother has wings. She can change her size and make them disappear if she likes. My father is… was a wizard. I…I don't know what that makes me."
When he didn't say or move for a very long time Gwen wrapped her arms around her middle as if to stop the pain that seemed to have pooled there. He didn't understand…
The disappointment sprang up so fast that Gwen had to smash it down so it wouldn't show. Swallowing the lump in her throat she looked up at him and saw he was frowning. "I'm sorry, Sirius. But this is who I am. I can't change it." Looking down at her feet she walked around him but he stopped her with his arm and she looked up in surprise.
"What? You aren't going to wait to hear what I have to say? Don't you want to know? Or do you have it all marked out in that tidy little mind of yours?" he asked quietly enough but Gwen saw the anger and hurt that underlined his words in his eyes and her heart began to pound an almost hopeful tattoo in her chest where it had died a silent death only a moment before.
"Well, you want to hear?" slowly she forced herself to nod. "So you're a half-fairy? Half-mischievous-midget-with-wings? Was I supposed to shudder at the very idea that you weren't a pureblood? Was I just supposed to be so disgusted that I would walk out and just leave you? What? Since you seem to waiting for something, tell me what is it? Just so I get the reaction right." He said sarcastically and Gwen nearly flinched at the hard look in his eyes. "Well?"
Gwen didn't say anything for it was too hard to get the words past the lump that had formed in her throat.
"Did you really think so little of me? That I could only like you because you were a witch, is that it?"
That was all he said but suddenly anger welled up in her and she looked up at him in hurt. "No, that's not it, Sirius!" they both stood still for a second but Gwen couldn't stop herself from going on.
"You want of know what I think? What I thought? What I am and was scared of? All my life I have been told wizards are this and that. You can't trust a wizard. Wizards are heartless. Wizards steal your heart away and then leave you crushed… That's what I was told. Then I came here and I met you," her finger stabbed his chest she knew it must have hurt because he winced but she didn't stop. "Sirius Black, of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Toujours Pur.Always pure. Sirius Black the consummated player who flirts with every girl without exception! Sirius Black the cool, calm and completely wizard without a hint of difference in him! What was I supposed to think? That you would just accept me? Not likely."
The hard light came back into Sirius silver eyes and he pushed forward. "That's exactly it, Gwen, it was meyou were thinking about. Sirius Black as you so eloquently put it. The guy who can't get you out of his god damned mind! I am not some faceless wizard." He looked at her searching her eyes. "And how did you even know that thing with my family. If you were really looking at me then you would know. I want nothing to do with that moto, with my family… with any of that crap. Because you Gwendolyn Farr are a girl I can't get out of my head. The girl I lo—"
He seemed to run out of words as if he couldn't bring himself to go any further. "I mean do you see me. Me, Sirius, the guy you… the guy, I hope you at least like?"
"But don't you see that makes it all the worse, because I dolike you. I more than like you. Sirius, I—" They both seemed to stand still as the words stood on her lips. She couldn't believe she was saying it to him. It seemed so soon but her heart pounding in her chest she just couldn't deny it. "I love you."
Sirius eyes went wide and the wind seemed to be knocked right out of his lungs. She loved him. She had said the words that he was too terrified to speak himself. He took a step forward and Gwen stepped backwards. "I hated lying to you but I was… and am scared out of my mind."
"Of what? Tell me Gwen."
"I haven't even begun to tell you." the tears started welling up in her eyes again and Sirius stepped forward again but she shook her head. "I'm not even done… lying to you yet…"
"What does that even mean Gwen?"
"When I first came. All of you: Remus, James, Raven, Lily, you... You were all so nice to me… You didn't even know me but you went out of your way to be nice. And then I had to think, to really think and I wondered if mama was wrong. I've just gone against everything that I learned from my mother, so yes, I am scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Scared of you, scared of me, scared of the truth and scared the lies. You don't deserve to be lied to." She turned to look out over the lake that stretched out like more inky stars that mirrored the stars above. "It's not just that I am a faery… I'm clairsentient."
"What?"
"Clairsentient. I see things: memories or images usually, but sometimes I feel emotions, when I touch objects or people." She turned to face him once more and he looked at her his eyes thinking.
Looking down he seemed to realized what you meant. "That was how you knew about my family. The first day. You saw it. So then you probably know more about everyone then we think." Something seemed to dawn. "You know about Remus then."
She nodded. "I always feel like I'm invading. It's not something I can always control. Sometimes things are just so close to the surface they just bubble through. Sometimes if the emotions are strong enough I can feel them vibrating on the air… No one was supposed to know who or what I was… I promised."
Sirius seemed quiet, thoughtful. "So you're different. So you have a gift. There's nothing wrong with that…"
"I know there isn't!" she stopped her voice seeming to echo around her. Swallowing she continued more calmly. "I know it. I knew it the moment I made that stupid promise. But you know why I made it? Because she askedme to. She askedme to do this one thing when all my life she has done everything… And I…" tears welled up in her eyes and Gwen leaned back against the wall as her tears fell silently down her cheeks.
Sirius leaned down and reached out as if to make her stop crying simply by force of will. "Gwen…"
"I hate you right now… leave me alone… go back to the common room. Be mad at me… hate me… I don't care, just go." She managed through her tears, as the pounding in her head seemed to thicken.
Then Sirius rose and for an instant she thought he was going to do as she asked him but instead he leaned down again and hauled her up and pushed her head onto his shoulder. His arms wrapped around her and he held her close. For an instant Gwen didn't know what to do then she wrapped her arms around him and just cried.
"I am not leaving you." she heard him whisper into her hair and her arms tightened around him. The tears rolled through her. She had broken the only promise that she swore she never would. But was it really so wrong? Was she wrong for breaking the promise when it was a promise that she should never have made? "I love you too."
The words were whispered quietly and so secretly she nearly missed them. But they more than anything else he had said were what she needed. Pulling back she looked and couldn't believe that she was staring up at those beautiful silver eyes and that they were looking at her in such wonder. A look she was sure was mimicked on his face.
"What? Shocked?" Sirius smirked, his eyes glimmering boyishly. "Thought Sirius Black couldn't fall in love huh? Well, guess what I guess you can't tell just by holding my hand then."
Then she laughed a little and looked up at him cupping his face in her hands. A promise broken and a new one forged. His eyes dropped to her lips then and a blush stole across his face as he dipped his head close and his warm breath feathered across her face. Their lips met in complete concord neither sure who started the kiss first. It was soft and short just a touching of lips. But it was the best kiss either had experienced.
And then there was the silence of the waves lapping against the castle walls and the sure and stead beating of their two hearts. "Do you know that you're the first person I've yelled at in all of my life?"
He chuckled. "Oh? Was that the only first that I get credit for tonight?"
She swatted his shoulder and he laughed gathering closer. "Glad to be of service." He murmured into her hair.
Gwen put her face in his shoulder as he laughed at her. "I think it's time to head back to the common room." She looked out at the moon and jumped up. "It's almost 10! Oh dear! If we don't hurry Filch will make sure we get detention."
"Argus Filch will never catch us." Sirius said knowingly and then pulled a piece of parchment from him back pocket.
"Sirius, this is hardly the time to be writing a note. We've got to get moving and now." She said as she glanced impatiently at the door then back to the parchment.
Sirius grinned at her then pulled out his wand. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good!" he tapped the paper and ink lines began appearing outlining the Hogwarts grounds. Then dots appeared with names attached. In the astronomy tower two said, Sirius Black and Gwendolyn Farr.
Gwen smiled and then looked at the rest of it. It was very detailed. "A hidden map."
"The Marauders' map. Remus, James and me made it. Peter sort of helped." Distractedly he looked it over and then pointed to a dot somewhere on the fifth floor. "Looks like, Filch is making his rounds. If we hurry we might be able to make it to the common room without difficulty. Nobody seemed to be out. 'Cept maybe Peeves but he shouldn't be too hard to get past."
He turned and walked over to the wall and then pulled a silvery cloak from the floor as he flipped it around he wrapped it around himself and Gwen saw that his head was the only thing that remained.
"An invisibility cloak." She reached out and touched its cool silky fabric and smiled. "So that's how you've been getting in here without me seeing you. Let me guess, borrowed from James?"
He nodded. "How'd you—oh right. That's going to take some getting used to." He shook his head then moved to spread the cloak around her. She stepped back and he looked at her confused.
"We could use a disillusionment spell." She said and he just grinned devilishly at her.
"This is much more fun." He said and then pulled her close so they could both look at the marauders' map.
Then they headed down to the common room. Thankfully Filch stayed up on the fifth floor and Peeves was too busy destroying a classroom to pay much attention to them. And at a little past ten-thirty they plopped down on the common room couch.
For a moment Gwen thought of not moving until morning but then she made herself get up. Yawning she looked over at Sirius and smiled. "I think I'll call it a night. After facing a Slytherin, yelling for my very first time, crying my eyes out and dodging maniac poltergeists in deserted school grounds I think I've had enough, at least for today. I want to tell the others tomorrow. Where do you think will be the best place?"
"We can have it here. We'll just have to wait until everyone else clears out for the night."
"All right then, tomorrow night. You'll tell Remus and James?"
"As soon as they waked up. Now, you've got to go to sleep and so do I. I'll see you in the morning?" he asked standing up and slowly walking with her hand and handover to the stairs that lead to the girls' dormitory.
"Unless you go blind in your sleep, yes." She said then started up the steps. But before she could walk all the way but Sirius called her back.
Then he stepped up on one of the stairs and they folded from under her causing her to slide down where Sirius caught her. She held his shoulders for balance but then she looked into his eyes, which were twinkling brightly. "Boys aren't allowed on the girls' staircases."
"I know. I just wanted to catch you," he said with a smart-aleck grin. "Besides I missed a very important event that happened tonight being recounted in your summary. Thought maybe I should remind you how it went."
He leaned down and kissed her and Gwen smiled as she sunk into the kiss. She found that she could quite easily get used to this. "Go to bed and get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning."
"G'night, Gwendolyn. Dream easy." He said and bowed gallantly.
Gwen smiled and then slowly walked up the stairs. "Hey Sirius," he turned his foot on the first step to boys dorm. "Thanks for understanding. I'm glad that I know you better now. I like the Sirius I got to know tonight."
He smiled and she closed the door. As soon as she disappeared Sirius walked to the boys' dormitory and without bothering to change into pajamas fell onto the bed and into a quick dreamless sleep.
Only once did he think and those thoughts were for Gwen. There's so much more I want you to understand Gwendolyn Farr…
A/N: 1/7/2012 Didn't think I'd be coming back to this story any time soon but a new reader pointed out that I had missed a very important little piece. in the original chapter, if you had the chance to read it Gwendolyn admitted that she loved Sirius and Sirius completely didn't react and didn't even say he loved her back! GASP! So anyway thanks be to FlyingTiger99. I went back in and added a bunch of stuff that i like alot... hope it was a good read and it should still flow well. Who knows it might spark a complete rewrite... I've been playing around with that anyway... lol :)