A/N: So sorry!!! I messed up big time… This is chapter 4, didn't you guys think there was some information missing??
Chapter 4 - ExplainingWhen Harry arrived in what he believed to be Hermione's room his jaw dropped. It was a huge light blue room, with a big bed, a computer, a flat screen TV, a DVD player, a stereo, a walk-in closet, a privet bathroom and very few books. But what surprised Harry was the fact that Hermione was sitting on her bed, eyes closed, playing a guitar and was very good at that. It looked like a rock song or something but he'd never heard it. And then, she started singing, she had a very nice but strong voice and Harry could do nothing but stare when he noticed what the song was about and that there was a tear running down her cheek.
"All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell"
Harry didn't know what to think. Was she really feeling like that or was it just some song she liked? Slowly he took off his cloak and stood there waiting for her to open her eyes, he didn't know whether she really was avoiding him or not so he would wait for her to make the first move.
When she finally opened her eyes to put her guitar aside she saw Harry. She didn't scream or look surprised, she just locked eyes with him as if trying to see if he was really there or if it was just a hallucination. Harry didn't move, he just kept looking at her and waiting for her to say something. After a while of this she decided to speak.
"Harry?" She asked tentatively.
"Hi!" He replied with a lopsided grin.
"Oh, Harry!" She exclaimed, jumping from the bed and enveloping him a tight hug.
"I'm happy to see you too." He chuckled hugging her back. 'I guess she wasn't avoiding me after all.' He thought happily.
"So… What happened? You never came back after that day." He asked shyly after she pulled back from him.
She sighed, grabbed his hands and took him over to the bed so they could sit. "Well, I'm grounded. Can't leave the house, can't use the phone and can't owl anyone until I'm back at school. I can't believe my parents did this to me. I'm going completely mad!!"
"I guess that excuse I came up with didn't work then."
"It would have if you hadn't given me a hickey!" She replied giving him a mock glare.
"I didn't know that I had." He said quickly. "That must have gone bad. What did you tell them?"
"At first I was speechless, I couldn't tell them the truth. My father is very protective of me, I don't know what he would have done if he found out I sleep in a boy's bed. So I told them that I had met this muggle boy and that we were dating. We usually met at the park during the day while they weren't home but he was leaving for a vacation with his parents so we agreed to meet before he left and that's why I went out so early and didn't tell them."
"Wow, that's a good lie. How did you think that up so quickly?" He asked really impressed.
"Well, the thing is…" she started looking down at her lap. "I did secretly date a muggle boy last summer before I left for headquarters and I knew that he would cover for me if my parents ever asked so it wasn't really that difficult." She said all of that really fast and now was looking shyly at Harry waiting for him to say something.
"Oh! That's… something." He answered trying to rid his mind of the image of Hermione with another guy. "At least this explains why you are such a good kisser." He said with a smile.
"Yeah… about that…" She said looking at her lap again.
"What?" Harry asked in a high-pitched voice.
"Jason wasn't the one who taught me to kiss like that." She said playing with Harry's fingers.
"Who was then??" Harry asked a little louder than he intended to do. 'How many guys did you kiss??' he thought but decided not to ask and risk sounding jealous.
"Viktor." She replied carefully.
"But last year you said he was just a friend." Said Harry a little put out.
"Yes, and I wasn't lying. Last year he was just a friend, we decided to break up at the end of 4 year since neither of us believed in long distance relationships. If we hadn't broken up I would never have gone out with Jason. Or do you think I was cheating on Viktor??" Hermione now was looking at him with a mix of hurt and disbelief in her eyes.
"No, of course not." Answered Harry quickly. "Look, I'm sorry. It's just that I can't help but feel a little hurt that you didn't tell me those things. I'm supposed to be your best friend and I told you everything that happened with Cho. Don't you trust me?" He said feeling a little hurt and really jealous. He knew he couldn't say he was jealous because they had an agreement and it's not like he'd never dated anyone else but he just couldn't help it and it left him really confused. 'Why the hell am I feeling this things now??' He asked himself. 'I must be getting protective, that's it. Like Ron felt when he found out Ginny was dating.' And even though he knew that wasn't the case that thought calmed him down.
"Of course I trust you Harry, or I wouldn't be telling you now. It's just that I never had an opening to talk about this kind of things with you guys and there was the fact that Ron went barking mad every time I mentioned Viktor. It's not like I was hiding from you, you just never asked." She told him in a tone that was pleading him to understand.
"Yeah, I guess you right." He sighed. "It would have been king of awkward to have you talk about boys with us." Said Harry deciding to drop the matter before she realized what was really troubling him. "Ok, back to matter of your punishment. Why is it bothering you so much? I thought you wouldn't mind spending some quality time with your books. Speaking of which, where are they?" He asked looking around the room one more time.
"We have a small library… " He smiled at that, it was just so… Hermione. "Anyway, I'm going to tell you something but you cannot speak until I'm finished, ok?" She said seriously. He nodded. "Well, after everything that happened this past couple of months I started to see things differently." He looked at her with sad eyes remembering what had happened, and motioned her to continue. "It – was – not – your – fault! But I almost died and I'm almost happy it happened." Harry was completely shocked by that and was about to say something when she started explaining herself. "I've always hidden myself behind my books, you and Ron kept telling me to loosen up and enjoy myself more but I never listened, I thought that once I graduated I would have time to do all those things. Even with my boyfriends I was like that; I must have kissed Jason a dozen times at most, we spent most of our time together talking about books and stuff and it was pretty much the same with Viktor, the only reason I snogged him in the first place was because I wanted to know what it felt like, I always wanted to know everything. But now I know that I may never graduate. It's true, Harry, and you know it." She said as he opened her mouth to speak again. "We are at war, and in war there are casualties. And it's nobody fault but Voldemort's. So, I'm not going to spend all my time readying and studying anymore. I still think it's important but it's not everything. I want to live a little, be stupid, do things I've never done before because if in the end I don't make it, at least I'll know that I didn't waste all my time away. And that's why I'm so angry at my parents, I've always been the perfect daughter and now that I want to be a 'normal' teenager for once, on my first slip up they lock me up as if I was completely irresponsible." She finished with her anger showing in her voice.
Harry was speechless. He spent all his time wallowing in his self-pity that he never did stop to think about how everybody else was taking in everything. He must be the one who has to put an end to the war but the war affected everybody. He couldn't help feeling guilt though, if only he was more prepared, if only he'd defeated Voldemort… No, this was no use. Hermione was right, as much as she couldn't spend all her time studying, he couldn't spend all his time blaming himself either. He was taking a leaf out of her book and try to enjoy his life while he still could. The order kept telling him to not worry and leave the war to the adults and that's what he was going to do, or at least try to do.
"You're right." He said to a concerned Hermione. He had been staring at her for the last few minutes. "We need to have fun and enjoy our lives while we can. And I know just the way to start doing that." There was one thing he wanted to do since he saw her singing earlier and now he had the perfect excuse to do it. So with a mischievous smile on his face he leaned and gave her a small and tentative kiss on the lips, as he felt her kissing back, he deepened the kiss and moments later they were lying on bed on a full snogging section.
They were interrupted after several minutes of intense snogging by the phone ringing.
"Hello." Said Hermione still a little breathless. "Oh, hi, mum. It's just that I was in the bathroom and ran here to answer the phone." She said innocently, earning an amused glance from Harry. "I'm fine. No, I didn't leave the house. I know you can find out if I use the phone." She said rolling her eyes. "Yes, mother. I know. I promise. Bye." She finished sounding really annoyed.
She popped her head back on the pillow and groaned. "I can't take this anymore, Harry. I'm going spare locked up in here, not being able to talk with anyone. And having my parents checking up on me all day, controlling everything I do. Remember the song I was singing when you got here? I'm really close to talking to the shadows on my wall."
"Don't worry, Hermy. We will figure something out." He said lying next to her and kissing her cheek.
"Don't call me that!!" She said hitting him with her pillow.
"Ok, ok! I won't." He said chuckling. "But then we'll have to find a cute nickname that you like, because although Hermione is a beautiful name it's a little big don't you think? Imagine calling Ron 'Ronald' all the time."
"Fine, I'll think about it." She said grumpily.
"Good." He said while softly rubbing her arm. They lay there for a while just enjoying each other's company until Hermione broke the silence.
"Harry?" She said tentatively. And then continued when he looked at her. "How are you coping with… er… everything that happened last month?"
He just looked at her for a while, maybe it was time to finally talk about this and Hermione was definitely the best person to open up with.
"I'm doing better." He said moving closer to her so his head was in the crock of her neck, his arms around her and she was running her fingers through his hair. That seemed to calm him down. "But I can't still help feeling like it was all my fault. You warned me it was a trap. Why didn't I just listen? Now, I lost him and I almost lost you." He said in a voice that was almost a whisper.
"It wasn't your fault, Harry. You went there risking you life to save someone you loved and so did Sirius. We all went there to do what we thought was right, nobody forced us, we wanted to go. So I won't have you blaming yourself for what happened there." She lifted his head up a little so she could look him in the eye. "It. Was. Not. Your. Fault. Get it now?" She asked with a small smile. He nodded and gave her a small kiss.
"I have to tell you something really important. You can't repeat this to anyone and nobody can know that you know, ok?" He said with a serious look on his face. She only nodded, frowning her browns at him as if in deep concentration. "You remember that Voldemort dragged us down there because of a prophecy, right?" She nodded again. "That prophecy broke during the battle but it was just a record. Professor Dumbledore was the one that the prophecy was told to and he told me." Hermione nodded motioning to continue. "Well, the prophecy was about me, and Voldemort. It states that I have some power he knows not and that either I kill him or he kills me because neither can live while the other survives. And that's it, in the end, it's up to me and if I fail he can't be stopped." Hermione had tears in her eyes but a determined look on her face, she reached out for him and held him even closer to her.
"Then we will just have to make sure that you don't fail." She said kissing the top of his head. "You can do this, Harry. I know you can. And I'll be right there with you, helping you every step of the way." She now was crying freely but still kept her hold of him.
"What would I do without you??" He asked looking up at her and wiping her tears with his thumb. "I can't believe I almost lost you."
"But you didn't." She said holding his hand on her cheek. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
He leaned over to give her a soft kiss on the lips and rested his head on the crock of her neck again. They stayed like that in a comfortable silence for a long time until the phone rang again. After Hermione finished talking to her mother, she turned to Harry with a serious look on her face.
"We need to get training."
"I know." He sighed. "What do you have in mind?" He knew by the look in her face that she probably had a plan.
"We need to get serious training. Dueling, weapons, some martial arts, useful potions, and maybe other things too. And we know that we can't count on the Order to help us with that, you know how they treated us last year like we were some stupid children that can't understand grow up's business." Harry just nodded at Hermione that was now pacing in front of the bed. "I've been doing some research, you know, to kill the time while I'm grounded here. I still have to check some stuff up, since I can't go to the library but I'll see if I can find something on the Internet. I won't tell you much now, but if I can get all the information I need and it all checks up then we'll have a perfect place to get training."
"But how can you research magical stuff on the Internet?" Asked Harry confused.
"Oh, no. It's a muggle myth I have to research but don't worry, I'll explain once I'm done." Explained Hermione.
"Ok, now that's settled…" He stopped for a minute to pull her back to bed. "When were you going to tell me that you were a musician?? And that you were filthy rich??" He asked in an amused tone while looking around the room.
"I'm not a musician, I just like to play and sing when I'm at home, and I certainly am not filthy rich." He looked at her with a look that said he didn't believe her so she added with a playful smile. "I am not! It's just that I spend so little time at home that my parents keep trying to spoil me so I don't want to leave."
They spent the rest of the afternoon talking, listening to music and snogging. They got to know a lot of personal things about each other that they didn't know and were getting really comfortable with their new relationship; it was just like another step on their friendship. When Hermione heard their parent's car parking they said they goodbyes and Harry apparated home but not without promising to be back the next day.
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A/N: So sorry again!! Try to forgive me and review!!