Chapter 2: Losing It
This is Finn here. Yes, Mr. Ghost did the first chapter… (Sketchy, you don't mind if I call you that, do you?) I guess we sort of decided to switch off back and forth. Anyway, I'm doing this chapter. This will get into some intense material ((coughANOREXIABULIMIAcough)), so if you don't like, don't read. Poor Cody…
-Miss Finn
Cody walked adamantly to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror, seeing the reddened eyelids and the light blondish hair. Sighing to himself, he pushed the hair back from his forehead.
Why am I so worthless? he asked himself, staring hard at his mirror image. Why can Zack do everything? Why can't I? What's wrong with me? I'm tired of being the Honor Roll student… I'm sick of being the smart twin. I'm Zack's twin—I have the same genes—why can't I do it? Is there something wrong with me?
He stared harder at himself in the mirror, feeling the tears spill over his eyelids. He wiped them away. He was tired of crying.
He was going to become an athlete. He was going to be able to play. He was going to make everybody proud of him: his mother, Zack, Tapeworm, Max… even Arwin. He had to do it. He had to prove to the others he could be as good as Zack. And on the way, he'd even prove it to himself.
Where can I start? he thought to himself. I know. I'll get the body of an athlete.
He glanced at his reflection and decided he needed to lose some weight and start doing some intense exercising. Sighing to himself, he walked over to a scale that sat in the room. 114 pounds. He'd have to get to at least 100. I'll start now.
He wouldn't eat dinner tonight—he'd go outside and run a couple laps instead. He'd cut down on the fatty foods—like pizza, for example—and eat healthy stuff, like apples and he didn't know… grape nuts and sunflower seeds, the food that Zack called "pigeon food". He wasn't necessarily fat, he decided, but he could lose some weight. Well, he actually decided he needed to. See, Zack was built with muscle, that's why even though he weighed more than Cody, he was a better athlete. Cody did not inherit the large muscle gene from his father, therefore he could lose weight and become better at running. The faster he was, the better he would be, right? And he'd work on his hand-eye coordination as well.
Cody felt himself start tingling with excitement. He knew that cutting dinner wasn't the smartest and most healthy thing to do, but who cared? He was going to be an athlete—he was. He was going to be the best there could be.
And he was going to start. Beginning now.
---
"Hey Cody!" yelped Tapeworm. "It's time to eat!"
Cody looked over for his dark-haired friend. This day had been bad.
Most of his team members—Cody had to face them again at school. Drew hated him, revealed by the fact that he called him a "loser" ever single time he saw him. Warren ignored Cody, deciding it was better to give him the silent treatment. Max saw him and looked the other way, saying that he had "lost it for them." Jeremy gave him a mean look every time their eyes met. Worst of all, Zack seemed not to be talking to him. Cody knew he was embarrassed that his twin had ruined it all.
Tapeworm though… Well, Tapeworm had always been sort of different. He was Cody's closest friend, and never seemed to see the big picture. Tapeworm didn't care—sure, he was bummed that they'd lost the championship, but he decided it was the team's fault; he never blamed it on one person.
"Yeah, ok, Tape," Cody told him, pulling a paper bag out of his locker. Carey had made him a sandwich, just like she did every day.
He headed out with Tapeworm to the lunch area, and they sat down at a table with Zack, Max, Warren, Jeremy, Drew, and the rest of the basketball team. Cody felt his heart sink as the all of them, except for Tapeworm who was too busy pulling out his four hotdogs, left to go sit at another table.
"Ignore them," Tapeworm told him, while spraying bits of hotdog all over Cody's face. Cody flinched, and Tapeworm smiled apologetically.
Cody pulled out his sandwich, and an apple he had slipped in along with a Diet Coke. He put the sandwich back in his paper bag, even though his stomach was growling, due to the fact that he'd skipped dinner and breakfast, (he'd thrown it away while Carey and Zack were getting into a huge fight). Tapeworm didn't notice because he was too busy making weird faces at his hotdogs.
He ate his apple cautiously, leaving most of it behind, and drank about a fourth of the Coke. If he was going to diet, he was going to do it well—Cody had decided that. Then, without arousing too much attention, he placed his apple core and practically full Coke, along with the sandwich, back into the bag and threw it away in the huge green trashcan. Little did he know that this would not be the last time he would do this.
---
Cody was running as fast as he could. Around and around. Tapeworm passed the ball to him, and he fumbled it, dropping it to the moans and disgust of his fellow peers.
Arwin looked at him disappointedly, but didn't say anything, knowing how Cody already felt for losing them the championship.
Cody looked up and watched his twin's face, Zack's eyes narrowing in disgust. Cody felt a wave of dizziness overcome him. He guessed it had to be sort of unhealthy to play basketball when he had eaten practically nothing for the last two days.
Another feeling washed over him. He hated himself. How could he be so utterly useless? Did Zack hate him? Just because he was a bad athlete? How could one Martin twin be brilliant, and the other completely worthless. Cody tried to convince himself that he couldn't help it.
But he was lying to himself. He could.
Tapeworm looked at him sympathetically, and Cody decided he'd have to do this. He couldn't have pity anymore… he needed to be strong. He needed to be an athlete. He needed to do this.
He'd become an athlete at any cost.
He didn't know that it would almost cost him his life.
---
"Cody! Dinner!" Carey called.
"I'm not hungry!" Cody yelled back from where he was doing his homework. Algebra II really killed. "I'm really full from lunch!"
"Cody! You are going to come out here and eat something right now!" Carey shouted back. "I have been slaving away in the kitchen all day to make this lasagna for you! You better come out here and show some gratitude! Your brother's out here eating it!"
Cody looked down at his homework. He couldn't go out there. He'd be too tempted, and wreck his new diet completely. He'd weighed himself… he'd gone down to 113 pounds. This was not the average weight for a fifteen-year-old, Cody knew that, yet, he'd lost one pound… only a few more days…
"CODY!"
With a sigh of defeat, Cody trudged out to the dining table where Zack was already devouring the lasagna. Watching him made Cody gulp, trying to ignore the pains in his stomach.
"Look at your brother!" Carey told him. "He's eating fine! And I like it!"
She scooped out a large spoonful of lasagna and put it on a plate in front of Cody.
Cody swallowed. It looked really, really good. The smell of tomatoes and cheese wafted out and tickled his nose. He was hungry. He needed to eat.
Making a mental note to himself that he would skip lunch and breakfast the next day, he sat down and started shoveling in the pasta as quickly as he could, while Carey raised an eyebrow at Zack who shrugged.
"Not hungry, huh?" Carey asked, scooping out more lasagna. Cody couldn't help it. He felt like he was starving and he ate and ate and ate, until he had had three plates of lasagna.
"It's good, isn't it?" asked Carey, bending down to kiss his head. "There, there. My growing boys."
She took the twins' plates and put them into the sink, leaving Cody feeling guilty. He'd lost it. He'd lost the fight. Already.
---
Cody looked at himself guiltily in the mirror. He hated himself. He hated this.
He weighed himself. 115 pounds! How could that lasagna give him two more?
Why did he give into everything? Perhaps that explained why he was such a crummy athlete. Athletes did the best for their team, the best for their friends. He did the best for himself.
He locked the door and stared closer at him. He'd gotten fatter already. Oh God.
Wishing he hadn't eaten all that lasagna, he wiped the tomato sauce from around his mouth.
No wonder Zack was better. He was dedicated. Cody wasn't strong enough to be dedicated.
He wished to himself he hadn't eaten all that pasta, but what could he do? It was in his stomach already… it wasn't going to come out.
Unless… Cody paused, trying to push himself from that train of thought. This was dangerous. He shouldn't do it, after his Life Skills teacher had finished discussing all the dangers of eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia.
But this is just once, he tried to convince himself. It wasn't like he had an eating disorder or anything. This is just once.
Cody walked over to the toilet that was in the bathroom and opened the lid. He put his head over it. How did they do it?
He remembered learning about a flap in his throat or something that caused people to puke. He didn't know where it was, but decided it didn't really matter. It couldn't be that hard to throw up.
Taking two fingers, he tentatively held his mouth open and put them inside. Nothing was happening. Maybe he had to put them in harder. He shoved his index and middle finger into the back of his throat. Still nothing.
Shuddering, he drew his fingers out. He couldn't do this. This wasn't right. This wasn't healthy.
Stop being such a coward, came a voice in his mind. Zack would do it if he had to. It's for the team. You need to do it if you want to be an athlete.
I can't, he told that voice.
Loser, came Drew's voice, ringing in his head. You pathetic loser.
I'm not, he said back. I'll do it.
Putting his head over the toilet again, he determinedly rammed his two fingers into the back of his throat. He gagged, and pulled them out again. Stop being such a loser Cody. Do what you need to do.
Slam. He trembled and pushed again, feeling his finger poke the back of his throat, causing him to gag. He shivered suddenly, and suddenly convulsed, completely losing it. He leaned over the bowl and vomited until his insides felt raw. He puked and puked until he couldn't throw up anymore. Watching the pasta come up again made him feel even more nauseous, and he vomited even more. He threw up until he had completely emptied everything that had been in his stomach.
Cody drew back and stared at the toilet bowl, wiping at the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand. That had been hard.
He flushed the toilet, trying not to look at what was inside it and walked over to the sink. His fingers trembled as he put a hand on the handle and turned it on. Cupping his hands in the sink, he brought up water to his mouth and rinsed his mouth, trying to get rid of the feeling that he had just disposed of his entire dinner—which he had.
He'd done it. He'd almost backed down though. There had to be an easier way.
I'll just not eat, he decided. If I have to, I'll puke—but I have to find a better way to do it. And I can't let Mom or Zack or even Tapeworm find out.
He washed his face, realizing that he was shivering feverishly. He rinsed his mouth again, but decided he couldn't take any chances and decided to brush his teeth as well. He came out, looking fine, just a little pale, but Carey and Zack didn't say anything.
Cody headed off to his room, and turned on the computer, closing the door behind him. Opening an Internet Explorer window, he went to Google and typed in the search bar. Vomiting aid. He clicked enter, looking around nervously to make sure no one was watching him. He scrolled down the results and pulled out a pad of paper.
Taking a pencil in his shaking hand, he wrote down one word. Ipecac.
Duh duh duhnnn... Haha, sorry Mr. Ghost. I couldn't wait. I needed to post this chapter to see if people liked my writing skills more than yours.
-Miss Finn
The hint is to review.