AN: Umm, yeah, so it's been a while. I had a big career thing that was taking up a lot of my time. And then some family stuff going on. I SHOULD have more time to write coming up, but we'll see how that turns out. In good news, this story is almost over, so there's not much more waiting for updates that you'll have to do. I think it's going to be three more chapters (MAYBE 4) and an epilogue. Then I can concentrate on Missing Pages, and I have another story in mind for you folx as well and I think you're really going to enjoy it. SO anyway, hope you enjoy this too. Leave me a review and let me know, pretty please, it really does help my motivation which has been suffering with distractions as of late.
Honor took a sip from the rose printed, bone china teacup in her hand. Penny was in her stroller cooing at a stuffed elephant that hung from the canopy. "The tea is delicious, Mom. Thanks for having us over."
"Of course, Dear," Shira replied. "You and Penelope are always welcome. I only wish you'd given me some notice; I would have had Nina set out some of those petit fours you like."
Honor refrained from rolling her eyes at her mother's passive aggressive way of pointing out that it was rude to stop by unannounced, even to a home you used to live in. She wasn't even sure why she was here, other than pure stubbornness and pride. She knew her brother's heart was in the right place, but when he'd handed her that restraining order something inside her had just rebelled. She was tired of feeling helpless. In her last months of pregnancy, Josh's overprotectiveness had had him freaking out if she so much as tried to walk the dogs. And then Logan had shown up on her doorstep out of a job and a home and she knew she was partly to blame for it considering how she'd hidden their father's true nature from him. Then, when Mitchum had cornered her in that mall and threatened Penny…she was a mother, she couldn't just sit around and hide when her daughter was in danger, when her little brother was in danger. She couldn't just be on the sidelines and watch someone else do what she should have done ages ago. She knew what her father was, and she had just buried her head in the sand and told herself it wasn't her problem. Well, it was time she made it her problem. The only issue was, there really wasn't much she could do to help. Talking to her mother was one of the only things she could offer, even if she knew Logan was right and it was a futile endeavor.
"It's fine, Mom. I just ate anyway, so…"
"Right, well…" Shira took a seat on the antique Louis XV armchair across from her daughter. "I'm so glad you brought my granddaughter. And it's nice of you to give the nanny time off like this." The nanny had been getting a lot of time off lately; Honor wasn't very inclined to let Penny out of her site these days.
"I enjoy spending time with my daughter."
A brief shadow of displeasure crossed Shira's face at the implication, but it was quickly replaced with her usual smile. "Yes," she nodded in agreement. "It is such a treat."
Honor took another sip of tea, although her stomach wasn't really feeling that accepting of food or beverage at the moment. She just needed a second to build up the courage to start this conversation. "I need to talk to you about something," she admitted as she set her cup and saucer down.
"Is everything alright, Dear?"
"No," Honor admitted, "It's not."
"What's the matter?" Shira asked. "Is it money? Josh's company is doing alright, isn't it?" Josh was a name partner at the biggest accounting firm in Manhattan. Josh was doing just fine.
"Not everything is about money, Mom." Honor reached up to rub her temple in frustration.
"Well then, what is it? Is it Penelope?"
"It's Logan." Honor admitted. "He's in trouble."
"Oh for goodness sake," Shira sighed, slumping back in her seat. "What has he gotten himself into now? He always did excel at getting himself into trouble. Being kicked out of boarding schools, getting caught sneaking out of girl's bedrooms…all those stupid pranks. I thought he'd finally grown up when he went to London but then he went and quit the business. Only that boy could mess up being literally handed an international company worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He needs money, doesn't he? But he was too proud to come here himself. Pride always was a Huntzberger man's biggest vice."
"Really?" Honor quipped under her breath, "I thought it was beating women."
"Honor!" Shira gasped.
"Oh come on, we both know it's true…for Dad, not for Logan. And Logan doesn't need money." Honor wasn't entirely sure that was true, she'd seen his new car after all…if by 'new' you meant 'really old.' But that was beside the point at the moment.
"Well then, what does he need?"
"He needs a mother, although it's probably too late for that. But right now, he could settle for an ally."
"Honestly, Honor," Shira huffed dramatically. "I don't know why you and your brother always insist on painting me as the villain. What did I ever do that was so bad? I made sure the two of you always had everything you needed. I did my best. I did my best under very difficult circumstances. Do you have any idea what I went through? Do you have any idea what it was like for me in that house? But I put up with it. I put up with him. For you."
"We didn't need you to 'put up,' with him. We needed you to stand up to him. Logan needs you to stand up to him. Your son needs you. What are you going to do about it?"
"Is that what this is about?" With a distressed shake of her head, Shira turned to the end table next to her chair and pulled open the drawer to retrieve a box of Parliament Lights and a lighter. "You brother went and pissed off your father? How stupid can that boy be?" She rolled her eyes as she tapped out a cigarette, then held the box Honor's way in offering.
Honor ached to grab it. She inhaled instinctively; she could almost feel the sweet smoke coating her lungs, could almost imagine the rush of release as the nicotine entered her bloodstream. But she couldn't. She'd given up smoking when she got pregnant. She was still breast feeding. She shook her head, though it killed her a little inside to do so. She could really, really use a cigarette right now. "Can you please not do that around Penelope?" she replied. Or around her. It was hard enough to say 'no' without actually having to be subjected to the smell of the vice she so desperately wanted to take part in.
Shira sighed but relented, stuffing the cigarette back in the box. "Look, I don't know what's going on, but the best thing your brother can do is stay out of your father's way and wait for it to blow over."
Honor paused, examining her mother with a sympathetic eye. She understood where the advice was coming from. She really did. She understood why her mother would feel that way. Why Shira truly believed that was the best piece of advice she could give. Fighting Mitchum Huntzberger had never ended well for her. She was like one of those puppies in that experiment where they kept getting shocked and they couldn't turn it off. Even once they were moved to a new room where they could turn the shocks off, they never even tried. Her mother was just a puppy who had been shocked too many times and now she thought the only way to survive was to curl up and wait for it to be over.
"I get it, Mom. The fear and the powerlessness. I understand that when you were with him, staying out of his way and waiting for things to blow over was a matter of survival. I know you did what you had to do and I'm not blaming you for that. But you're not under his thumb anymore. You're not helpless. You can do something to stop him. We can do something to stop him. So no, we're not just going to wait for it to blow over…we're going to blow it up."
Shira's eyebrows shot upward, showing as much expression as her Botox infused face was capable of. "Excuse me?"
"Logan has been working with someone—a journalist—to expose Dad," Honor explained.
"What?!" Shira shot up from her seat. "Is your brother insane? Going digging around in your father's business like that?" She was pacing frantically now, a terrified look on her face. "This is your father!"
"That's what the birth certificate says," Honor mumbled, trying not to roll her eyes at her mother's theatrics. Mitchum Huntzberger was a triggering topic for the woman; she couldn't blame her for that…though she really, really wanted to.
"Don't be glib!" Shira scolded, stopping her pacing and turning to face her daughter. "You think this is funny? This isn't funny. Mitchum will stop at nothing to prevent this. He will see your brother and everything he loves burned to the ground. And even if Logan manages to succeed at getting this out there, then what? Our entire family business will be out there for the entire world to see? To gawk at us like exhibits in a zoo? It will probably be barely a blip on your father's radar in the long run. It's the rest of us who will suffer." Shira shook her head with a scoff. "Fuck this…" She turned back to the end table and grabbed the pack of cigarettes again.
Honor stood up, plucking the Parliments from her hands.
"We know what Dad is capable of. He's already doing it. He's having Logan followed. He's trying to publicly discredit him by posting salacious photos of him in national newspapers. He's gotten him fired and blackballed from the industry. He's threatened me." She shot her arm out towards her daughter who was obliviously fussing in her stroller. "He's threatened Penelope!"
"Well then you should stop this. For the sake of your daughter if nothing else."
"Why?" Honor barked back. "So she can grow up in a world where men get away with murder just for being men? So she can grow up scared and powerless just because she's a woman? I don't want that world for her. And this is happening—" Honor trailed off for a second and when she continued, her voice was softer…gentler. "With or without you," she shrugged. "But with you would go a long way at helping us succeed."
Shira replied with a scoff. "You know I can't do that. And you're a fool if you think you have any chance at going up against Mitchum Huntzberger and winning. I'm telling you this as your mother who loves you…stop this nonsense now, before you live to regret it."
Honor let out a defeated breath. She knew coming here was a lost cause, but she had to try. "I'm sorry, Mom."
"For what?"
"I'm sorry for everything he put you through. I'm sorry you had to live in fear for so long that you forgot how to live without it. I'm sorry that he hurt you so badly that you lost the ability to care about anything other than surviving. That you lost the ability to care about your own children."
"Honor…" Shira tried to protest, but Honor held up a hand to stop her.
"I love you, you know?" she told her mother. "I really do. But I can't keep making excuses for you. I can't keep protecting you and your feelings. You're the parent. It was your job to protect us. And now it's my job to protect Penelope. And that means Dad needs to be stopped. So, I'm sorry if you don't want this to happen, but it's going to happen. And I hope someday you can understand that." Honor didn't wait for her mother to say anymore. No amount of emotional pleas were going to sway her. She just hoped someday her mother could forgive them for blowing up the new life she'd built for herself…and maybe she could finally start to heal.
The sound of a crying infant and the slamming of the door caused Logan to look up from his computer screen as Honor shuffled into the kitchen through the entryway with Penny on her hip and a large diaper bag swaying from her shoulder.
"Shhh, it's alright, Penelope," she tried to sooth but the anxiety in her voice was clear as day and only seemed to wind the baby up more. Logan closed the lid of his laptop and stood up.
"Hey," he greeted, walking over to her, and taking his niece into his arms.
"She was sleeping in the car but then when I tried to get her out of the car seat I woke her," Honor explained—as though such things as a crying baby needed an explanation. "God, I can't even let my daughter sleep, I have to go waking her up. And I think her diaper is wet. It's probably been wet since we left the city. I didn't check, I just had to get out of there."
Honor was nearing histrionics by this point and Logan reached out a hand to gently pat her shoulder while he continued to bounce Penny in the other, but the tension in both women only continued to escalate, seemingly feeding off one another.
"I had to get out of there, Logan," Honor continued on, her voice insistent as she dropped her bag on the kitchen counter. Clearly things had not gone well with Shira. Not that that was a surprise. "And the worst part is, I don't even hate her. I understand her, I do. But that doesn't make it…ugh," she grunted, throwing her hands up in the air.
"Hey, it's alright," he told her.
"No," Honor shook her head, "it's not alright. It's not alright that I let my daughter sit in a wet diaper for ninety minutes in the car just so I could get away from my own mother. And it's not alright that I'm standing here venting to you instead of changing it now." Her arms were waving frantically in the air.
"You got her out of a bad situation…"
"That I took her into…" Honor reminded him.
"You took her to her grandmother's …"
"She's going to have diaper rash because of me," Honor cut off his attempts to make her feel better. "And probably body image issues, and anxiety, and crappy self-esteem. She's going to think she has to make herself less to please a boy. And that it's okay if they treat her like crap. She's going to make less money than she deserves and have to rely on her husband to take care of her because she grew up learning that all she had to offer the world was her looks and her ability to put herself last…"
"Well that escalated quickly," Logan countered dryly.
"I'm a terrible mother!"
"You are not a terrible mother."
"I'm a terrible daughter."
"No, you just have shitty parents."
"I'm a terrible sister."
"Hey!" That he took personal offense to. She was the only family he had left. She was the only reason he wasn't living on the street—or in Finn's guest room, which considering what was going on between Finn and Jackson, was a place he especially did not want to be these days. She was above and beyond in the sister realm.
Honor left out a tiny breath of air and he watched as she deflated right before his eyes, her angry self-loathing melting into a sad and defeated self-loathing as she slumped against the kitchen island. "She won't help."
"That's not exactly a surprise."
"But I was supposed to convince her."
"You couldn't have convinced her," Logan assured her. "A team of celebrity publicists and a lifetime supply of Louis Vuitton products couldn't have convinced her. It's not your fault."
"It feels like my fault."
"Well," Logan's shoulders rose and fell, "it's not."
"I feel so useless."
"You are not useless. You tried; that means a lot. And you helped find that nurse. Besides, it's not your job to fix this. I got us into this mess, I'm going to do what I have to do to get us out of it. I won't let him hurt Penny, I promise."
Honor sighed, nodding at the baby, "I should change her she said.
"Sit, relax, have a cup of tea. I've got this."
"You're going to change her?" Honor's eyebrows rose disbelievingly.
"What?" Logan defended. "I've done it before."
"Sure, under duress."
"But you admit I've done it?"
Honor bobbled her head side to side equivocally. "Yeeeeees."
"And I did an acceptable job""
"I suppose," she relented.
"Good, then sit."
With a sigh, Honor pulled out the bar stool and took a seat at the island. "Thanks."
"It's no problem." The truth was, Logan was not just being magnanimous. He was putting up a good front, but really he needed an excuse to get away from his laptop and his sister. An excuse to focus on something else, anything else, other than all the ways he was failing; all the ways he'd botched things with this article, all the ways he'd screwed up the lives of his sister and his friends, all the ways he'd made things worse. He just needed one thing, one concrete task that he could master. One thing he could succeed at, even if it was as simple and mundane as changing a diaper. It might not change the world, but it would make a difference.
He took Penny to the bathroom and laid her down on the changing table, removing her wet diaper and stuffing it in the diaper genie. "You know, Kid," he told her as he pulled out some wipes and started cleaning her up. "I know your Mom seems a little high strung since you've come around. But it's just kind of a tough time right now," he explained. "She's a pretty awesome Mom, she's just worried about you…and about me. So when she gets all stressed out like that, well, just know it's not about you. You're the best thing in her life, and in your Dad's life…and in mine." He pulled out a fresh diaper, positioning it underneath her when the buzzer for the front gate rang and the dogs started going berserk. A foreboding feeling settled over Logan, wondering who could possibly be showing up at 4PM on a Thursday afternoon. He glanced at the door to the bathroom, then back at Penny. "I guess we should go see who's there, yes we should," he said, trying to keep his voice as carefree as possible for the baby as he secured her diaper and scooped her up.
He took the long way to the foyer, through the kitchen to check on Honor, but she wasn't there. His grip on the infant in his arms tightened as he continued towards the hallway. The front doors came into view along with his sister's back. There was a set of arms wrapped around her, with a large manilla envelope in their hands. Sherlock and Watson were trying to wedge their way between the two bodies.
Logan felt himself relax—sort of. Though he wasn't entirely soothed by the unexpected visitor's presence. Logan's mind was scanning through a myriad of reasons he would show up unannounced like this…and none of them were good. Still, he appreciated a friendly face over the alternative. "Hey, paws off the sister," he admonished.
Finn stepped back, holding his hands up innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He insisted. "I was a perfect gentleman. Besides, I'm a taken man these days."
Logan actually stopped thinking about Mitchum and his own screwed up life long enough to contemplate the statement his best friend had just made. 'Taken?' As in 'monogamous?' He obviously knew by this point that there was something going on between Jackson and Finn; something more, even, then he'd ever seen Finn have with anyone. But just how serious was it? A moment was all he really had to spare, however, and he immediately went back into worry mode. "What are you doing here?"
"What?" Finn asked, his voice aghast. "I can't come out to the boondocks just to visit my dearest friend?" He approached Logan, bending down to tickle Penny who was cradled in her uncle's arms. His voice rose high as he continued on. "Or to visit the delectable Penny Lane? Can't I?" he continued in his baby voice. "Does Uncle Finny need a reason to see you?" he asked her. "Does he have to have an agenda?"
"Yes," Logan answered as he gave his friend a suspicious stare.
Finn shrugged, standing back up again. "That is factually correct," he conceded in his normal voice. "I come bearing news."
"I figure that much out on my own."
Finn rolled his eyes. "You're no fun."
"I lost my fun along with my career, my apartment, my money, and pretty much everything else in my life."
"Well, prepare to get it all back…" Finn announced brightly.
"What?" Logan perked up, staring at his friend in disbelief. Did he hear what he thought he'd just heard? Could Finn actually be here with good news? Did Jackson find something? Did they actually have a chance? Or was he hallucinating the sly smile on Finn's face.
"Or don't," Finn shrugged but his smile remained intact. "I'm not sure how much of it you want back. But as your best friend, I highly suggest giving the fun another chance because this serious, sullen Logan has been kind of a drag."
"And if there's anyone who knows a drag when they see it, it's Finn," Honor piped in. She seemed to be recovering from her earlier panic attack. "Have you seen that red dress of his? The boy has got style." She took her daughter from Logan's arms and started bouncing the baby.
Logan rolled his eyes but let out a slight chuckle. Without knowing what Finn had in that envelope he was holding, he had no way of knowing if his friend was being hyperbolic, or if they really had found the key to bringing Mitchum down. But still, something had lifted, a veil of darkness pulled from his head letting in just the tiniest hint of light after months of total and complete darkness. The world was still hazy; everything was blurred edges and shades of grey, but compared to the utter blackness he'd been walking around in lately, even this faintest glimmer of light was a lifeline.
"Can we…" Finn looked around the foyer, before training his gaze on Logan's. Logan knew what he was asking, he wanted to make sure it was safe to continue this conversation here. Fortunately, they had had the house checked for bugs multiple times by multiple security companies. And no other contract workers had been let in or out of the house. The only non-family member who had been inside in weeks were Carmen, and Penny's nanny, Bethany.
"Oh, yeah, " Logan nodded his head. "Yeah…we're good. Let's go to the den." He waved Finn in.
Honor looked back and forth from Finn to her brother for a moment. He could tell she wanted to hear what Finn had to say too, but ultimately, the mother in her won out and she decided to give Logan a little space while she took care of her daughter. She knew Logan would tell her everything afterwards anyway, and she could probably tell that he might need a moment to process whatever it was on his own. "I'm going to put this one to bed," she nodded at Penny as she took her from her brother's arms. "But make yourself at home, and I'll let Carmen know you're here so she can get you something to drink."
Logan led his friend towards the sitting room in the back of the house and Finn helped himself to a seat in one of the armchairs while Logan sat on the couch. "So…" he started tentatively. He didn't want to get his hopes up if this wasn't as big as Finn had hinted at. He was trying to keep his expectations low until proven otherwise. Which wasn't hard since Logan's brain had come to naturally expect the worst lately.
"So…" Finn started, holding up the manilla envelope he'd been carrying. The right side of his mouth twitched up in a half smile; there was a twinkle in his eyes. "Looks like your girl came through."
"My girl?" Logan asked with raised brows.
Finn shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Don't play dumb."
"I'm not, I just…" It wasn't that he didn't know who Finn was talking about, but still, he objected to the term. Maybe they'd figure their shit out some day, but for now it still felt wrong; like they were claiming victory while they were still down by seven in the last quarter. Actually, down by 42 was probably more like it. He couldn't get complacent, no matter what Finn had in that envelope. He let out a sigh. "What's is it?" he asked rather than let himself get provoked into a conversation on the nature of his relationship, or lack thereof, with Rory.
Finn tapped the envelope against his knee, his eyes trained on Logan. "Are you sure you want to see it?" he asked.
"What are you talking about?" This was supposedly it…the smoking gun. The evidence that they'd been waiting for that would finally turn the tides in their favor. Why wouldn't he want to see it?
"It's just…" Finn's shoulders slumped and his face took on the rare serious expression only a few people even knew existed. "You and Gilmore, you seem to be moving forward lately…"
Logan shrugged. "It's complicated still."
"Well, obviously. But you seem to be getting over…certain aspects of her personal history." Logan responded with a glare at the mention of said history. "I just don't want this to be a step backwards for the two of you."
"Why? Is there something in there I don't know about her?"
"No," Finn shook his head. "I don't think so. But there's a difference between knowing something and…knowing it."
Logan pressed his fingers into his closed eyelids, rubbing them aggressively. He really wished Finn would stop beating around the bush. Logan used to be a man who enjoyed suspense; the anticipation, the questions, the possibilities. But he'd had more than enough suspense lately to last him a lifetime. He was ready for answers. "Finn," he ground out.
"It's a letter," Finn admitted. "From him to her. It's…personal."
Logan looked up, suddenly wishing he could go back to the questions he'd had before, because the answer he'd just received had only filled him with new, more ominous questions he would gladly not know the answers to. "How personal?"
"Nothing of a carnal nature, if that's what you're worried about." Logan let out a breath of air, feeling only slightly relieved. For his sake and for hers. She didn't need details of her sex life to be published for the entire world to see, and he sure as hell didn't need to read them.
"But it confirms other details of their…affiliation?"
Finn nodded. "It was written after…you know. He was trying to win her back; appealing to their history. And, well, your father is man who knows how to paint a picture with words."
Logan shuddered. His father had a lot of awful traits but being a bad writer was certainly not one of them. He could only imagine the idyllic picture of their relationship he tried to win her back with; a picture Logan surely didn't want in his head. "Jackson is going to publish it I assume?"
Finn nodded solemnly. "He admits to hitting her. It's a handwritten confession, Logan. There's really no choice but to publish it."
"And she's given her okay?"
He nodded again. "It was her idea. She wants to do this."
Logan looked up to meet his friend's eye, his voice suddenly earnest. "Are you sure she's sure, because…"
"Logan," Finn stopped him. "She's sure."
"How do you know?" He didn't know why he was fighting this. This was what they needed; what they'd been looking for. Whatever insights it showed into her fucked up relationship with Mitchum, could he let that stop them from moving forward? Did he even have that power? This was technically out of his hands. This was between Jackson and Rory. It's why he'd handed the story off to begin with, because he couldn't be trusted to make these kinds of decisions…not when he was this close to it. Finn was here as a courtesy, nothing more. He was here to give him the opportunity to see it now, before the rest of the world was talking about it around their breakfast tables and water coolers, and probably on every television station in America.
"I know…" Finn assured him. "Because she's doing it for you."
"What? No," Logan shook his head in disbelief. "She said that?"
Finn scoffed. "C'mon, Logan. She didn't have to. You lose your job? Your family starts getting threatened? And suddenly she's willing to come forward?"
This was insane. She couldn't do this for him. This was her life. Her reputation. This was her trauma that she was going to have to relive in front of the entire world. "No." He pushed himself up from his seat and started pacing. "I can't let her do this."
"Yes, you can." Logan stopped his movements to turn and face his sister who had apparently re-entered the room.
"You don't understand…"
"Yes, I do." Honor nodded. "I know you think it's your job to fix everything, but it's time you let someone else do the fixing. It's time to let someone else take care of you."
"This is dangerous for her, Honor. I can't…"
"Yes," Honor repeated sternly. "You can."
"But…"
"Logan, why did you start this?"
What kind of question was that? She knew why he'd started this. She knew why he had to finish it. "To stop him from hurting anymore women!"
"Really?" Honor looked at him with her arms crossed defiantly over her chest? "Is that the reason? Or was it to stop him from hurting her?"
"I…"
"You turned your whole life upside down. You risked everything for her."
"She…that's not…" he tried to make the denial come out of his mouth but he couldn't seem to form the words. As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew his sister was right.
"And was there anything she could have said? Anyone could have said? To change your mind?"
"I…" Again the words caught in his throat, unable to form into sounds.
Finn stood up and placed a hand on Logan's shoulder. "She's a big girl, Logan. And she's stronger than you give her credit for. If she wants to do this—even if she wants to do it for you—you have to let her."
Logan felt the fight go out of him, his shoulders slumping. He'd been fighting for so long. What was he even fighting against now? Was it really that he didn't want her to make this decision for the wrong reasons? For him? Or was he really looking out for himself? Afraid to upset the balance of whatever this thing was between them? Afraid to stop being the hero? Afraid that if she wasn't just some victim of Mitchum's anymore, that he might have to face the truth—face the reality in that letter; that she had been in a real relationship with him. Sure, one where she had been bullied, and manipulated, and abused. But also one that she had chosen, at one point at least, to be a part of. Could he really handle that? Would he still be able to forgive her? He inhaled slowly and held out his hand for the envelope. There was only one way to find out.