Unexpected
Two days after Meredith's release, and after a hard day at work, Meredith, Izzie, George and Christina are sitting in the living room watching one of the famous Ellis Grey's surgical tapes. Of course, Izzie and George are yelling out in disgust at how gross some of these surgeries are. Meredith is laughing and enjoying her time back with her friends, and Christina is just stuffing popcorn in her mouth. Meredith hasn't seen McDreamy for a while, other then his hellos in the hall. She still doesn't forgive him. Derek also hasn't told her the real reason for why he and Addison are now divorced. It was final yesterday. You'd think she would be in higher spirits about it.
Even though everything has gone back to normal, and Meredith doesn't really have much to stress over anymore, and is no longer sick; something is keeper her from enjoying life. She's been having that empty feeling again, you know that one where she feels a part of her has left her. She feels like that something should have been there when she woke up...but it's suddenly gone. Of course she didn't know about her own pregnancy and she still doesn't know about her own miscarriage. She doesn't really have reason to ask about this emptiness because she doesn't know what's really missing. A part of her still feels like everyone is keeping something under lock and key. And she wants to know, but doesn't want to look to interested, even though she has a right to know. It's an odd mixture of feelings that deserve to be put into one of Meredith's long famous quotes.
"Izzie these cupcakes are amazing!" George says through a mouthful of chocolate. "Meredith you've got to try one!"
"Nah, I'm all set. Popcorn doesn't really go with chocolate." Meredith says, picking up a handful of popcorn from the bowl beside Christina. Christina looks at her with her are-you-okay-wanna-talk-about-it looks she's been giving her lately. Meredith returns the look with her it's-nothing-I- can't-handle-don't-worry, looks. And it wasn't. She could handle this particular problem on her own without doing anything stupid.
"Have you seen your mother yet?" Izzie asks, pausing the tape, feeling like this should be discussed.
"Nope." Meredith replies.
"Are you?" George cuts in.
"Nope," Meredith says again.
"Why not?" Christina adds in.
"I'm...afraid to okay!"
"What are you afraid of?" Izzie and George say in unison.
Meredith doesn't say anything. She doesn't want to say her real reason because then it would make it real.
"Meredith."
"It's just, they told me she was worried about me when I was in a coma...she remembered me! And I got all excited, like she was getting better. But I know if I go back there she'll just ask me who I am like she always does, and I'll be crushed...and upset and all that emotional stuff I'm still trying to get over! Now stop asking me!" Meredith yells getting up from the sofa and storming upstairs. Izzie and George look at each other and then at Christina.
"I got this one," She says, shoving the popcorn bowl at George and going upstairs to Meredith's room.
Meredith heard a knock on the door. She didn't want to move from her current position, standing by the big window. Christina came in and sat on the bed. Both women pretty content with the fog like silence lingering in the room. Meredith sighs,
"I'm just...I'm so confused." Meredith says, not looking away from the neighborhood street. Christina doesn't say anything at first, she's still trying to get used to this new part of her, where she actually talks about feelings,
"What about?" she finally asks.
"I've been having this feeling.
"Oh, one of those..."
"No, this one is different." Meredith says, turning to her friend, arms crossed and face all serious. "I've been having this empty feeling." Christina mentally panics. Oh my god...how am I going to skate around this..I know she needs to know but I'm afraid for what this will do to her. Christina thinks to herself, keeping it cool.
"Empty?"
"Yeah, like there is something missing...but not like when a child grows up and finds out they are adopted feeling...if that even makes sense." Christina nods in understanding and Meredith continues, "A feeling that something used to be there, like apart of me, and is now somehow...gone. Christina looks at Meredith as if she were thinking about this real hard. Even though she knew why her friend was feeling this way, she had to look like she didn't, and that she had no solution.
"I'm sorry Mere, I don't know..." Meredith sighed in defeat. Yes, I pulled this off. Christina thought to herself, but she couldn't help but feel deeply sorry.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
In the locker room before rounds, Meredith is untying her shoe laces and taking them off so she can put on her work ones. She pauses, this is exactly where she was sitting, and exactly the thing she was doing when her realization of her illness closed around her, attacking her every being. What if it happens again, what if I faint again? Meredith thinks to herself in such panic you'd think she'd be frozen in that state forever. She doesn't want to go back to that. When she was sick, she seriously thought she was going to die. What a horrible feeling.
"Meredith...hey, are you okay?" George says, walking over to her and sitting next to her on the bench.
He leans forward, studying her face. It's blank, like all her emotions have run vacant from her body. He puts and arm around her and squeezes her shoulders. She seems to snap back, sighing a huge sigh, blowing all concern away. She was fine, she didn't get dizzy, or faint. She was going to be okay.
"Meredith?" She nods her head,
"Yep, yep." she's still acting a little strange but George backs off.
"Okay everyone!" Bailey walks into the locker room. " Rounds are starting now so you better be ready, Karev, your with me, Izzie you have patients on the next floor here's your charts," Bailey hands Izzie five charts. Izzie groans but shuts up when Bailey gives her a glare. "O'Malley, Yang,"
"Yes Dr. Bailey," George answers, Christina just looks up from her place on a bench.
"You with me, but yang. Your scrubbing in with doctor shepherd."
Every one leaves the locker room, minus tow people, Meredith, and Bailey. Meredith was tiring up her work shoes, not paying any attention about anything. She didn't even realize she hadn't been ordered to do anything, and that bailey was standing there watching her. Bailey had a job for Meredith that she didn't want to ask her to do,
"Meredith." Bailey says, braking the silence and the awkward daze Meredith seemed to be in. Meredith looks up, seeing that everyone else is gone she begins to feel a little uncomfortable, but doesn't let it show. "There is a new member of the staff that has asked you to assist her today...she has taken Addison Shepherds place, and she pacifically wants you because of your great records." Bailey finishes, not meaning to sound uneasy. Meredith just shrugs,
"Okay, where do I meet her?"
After Meredith finished up in the locker room, Bailey showed her the way to where Dr. Reynolds was waiting. Bailey seemed to be uneasy in Meredith's eyes and was confused about it. Now, Dr. Reynolds has taken over Addison Montgomery Shepherds place as the new gynecological Surgeon. Now you can see why Baily is uncomfortable with having Meredith Assist.
"Why hello Gr. Grey! I have been dying to meet you." Dr, Reynolds sticks out her hand to shakes Meredith's. Meredith smiles and joins in the shake,
"Hello."
"Page me if you need me," Bailey says, putting a hand on Meredith's shoulder before heading down the hall to the Nurses station where she told George to meet her. So Meredith was left alone with Dr. Reynolds.
"Okay Dr. Grey, first thing I want you to do is do a search on the Kelly Hughs, she is a single mother who has no family left to tell us if she is allergic to any of the medications we want to put her on for her pregnancy, seeing as she doesn't know herself.
"Okay." Meredith replies turning around to head for the file room.
On her way to the file room Meredith thinks about her odd feeling. She's been having it every second of her life right now. It's causing her to be a little depressed. Actually, if she knew she had been pregnant and had over gone a miscarriage while in a coma, her depression would be so maxed out she wouldn't even be able to get out of bed. This is why know one has told her. Meredith is in such deep thought she walks right into McDreamy. He looks down at her with a smile, masking his desire to be with her.
"How are you today?" He asks her, still standing in her path.
"I'm fine, now will you please move, I have to do a search on a patient." Meredith says moving to the right. Derek moved to the right as well.
"Come one. Talk to me."
"No." Meredith stated stubbornly and moved quickly to the left, braking free of Derek and continuing down the hall to the file room.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Once in the file room, Meredith sits in th nearest chair to gather herself. She came so closed to him. Why did things have to be like this? She knew she would have been in his arms the minute she found out about Addison's departure, but there was her pride she had to consider. How desperate that would be to go right back to him. She doesn't want to be the desperate ex-girlfriend/mistress. But she misses him so much. Meredith shakes her head, shaking off her love her him like a dog would with water after a bath. She gets up off the chair and starts sifting through the files labeled E-I. She was looking for Hughs. Grappler...Grus...Grey...wonder what mine says... Meredith thinks to herself finding her own file while looking for Kelly's. Meredith pulls out her file reads the resent. All about her symptoms she had felt before fainting and going into a coma...at the bottom there was something about an unknown
"Pregnancy!" Meredith screams aloud. Then reads more...it reads:
While in a coma, Meredith Grey had over gone a Miscarriage from an unknown pregnancy.
Meredith's hand flew to her mouth, a tear falling from her eye, she read on,
It seems that the Miscarriage occurred because of the lack of food, and there was said to be a lot of drinking involved.
This horrible unexpected news caused Meredith to fall to the floor in sobs.
Okay, tell me if you like it!