Giving it a try
One month into the two months that she has off, Meredith is doing considerably well. She hasn't had as much tequila as everyone thought she would and she's been coming out of her room. She just refuses to leave the house. McDreamy seems to live there now that he is over so often to check up on Meredith. There is nothing going on between him an Meredith right now, she wants it to stay strictly platonic. Well until she can get her head straight, but no one knows that.
Today on this fine sunny Saturday morning, Meredith is sitting at the kitchen table. McDreamy is getting dressed, Izzie is making a pot of coffee and George got an early start on the groceries.
"You think George will remember to get the tampons?" Izzie asks, turning to face Meredith, leaning against the counter. Meredith shrugs, she's staring at a not in the wood table.
"I think he will, but he just wont get them." Derek says entering the kitchen. Kissing Meredith on the cheek, he goes to the cabinet as he always does and pulls out a bowl and then retrieves a box of cereal from the top of the refrigerator. Meredith doesn't look up until Derek pushes a bowl of cereal in front of her face. "Eat up Mere, it's unhealthy to skip breakfast." He says, fixing his own bowl of cereal and sitting down, placing a spoon in Meredith's bowl.
"What is with George? You'd think he'd be okay with getting them, people would think he had a girlfriend or something." Izzie says shrugging as she pours Meredith, Derek, and herself a cup of coffee.
"Thank you." Derek says, taking both his and Meredith's cups from Izzie. Meredith looks at her as if to thank her. Izzie gets it. Meredith hasn't said more then two words since she found out about her miscarriage. Everyone expected that from her and seem to get the looks she gives them.
Happy and playful laughter can be heard from outside. Those kids are out playing today. Meredith suddenly gets up from the table and leaves the kitchen. Derek looks at Izzie, spoon halfway to his mouth. Izzie shakes her head, indicating that they better leave her alone for at least twenty five to a half an hour.
"I hate seeing her like this," Derek says dropping his spoon in his cereal bowl, not caring about the small mess of milk that went on the table.
"I know...but we just have to give her time, she'll come around...I mean, she probably wont be exactly the same but..." Izzie sighs.
"That's what Burke said over a month ago." Derek replies, placing his head in his hands.
"We have to be here for her." Izzie pats Derek on the back and leaves the kitchen, heading upstairs to get dressed seeing as she was still in her pajamas.
Derek sat quietly at the kitchen table. He loves Meredith more then she will ever possibly know. It's killing him to see her like this. A part of him thinks she will never get threw this, snap out of this torturing reality she seems to be currently living in. Derek wishes he hadn't screwed up as bad as he did. He thinks that maybe..maybe if he had just left Addison when he caught her and his best friend, then things would be different. There might have possibly been a chance that that little baby, would be a one month old right now, possibly sitting on his lap right now. Of course he is blaming this on himself. That's what you do when your in love with someone, so that they don't have to believe it was all them, or them at all. But Meredith doesn't see it that way. She may be mad at him for what he did, but she loves him to much to point the finger.
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Staring out her bedroom window, Meredith watches the kids playing in the street. The eldest, who appeared to be around twelve or thirteen, was siting on the front steps watching over her two younger brothers while holding her baby sister. None of the others downstairs know she stands here day after day, watching. Meredith mainly focuses on the baby girl. Once while standing by this window, Meredith had the window open. She heard the eldest, named Violet, say her little sister's name. The Baby's name is Gabby. Meredith has been watching her grow for a month now. She's even witnessed Gabby's first steps. It's the only thing that has made her smile.
When she first started watching Gabby, Meredith would cry. Then, it had only been two weeks after she found out about her miscarriage. Now she has gotten used to it. She can't cry forever. I mean, what if she had the chance to have a family? She has to let this go. And she almost has. It will make her sad from time to time, but she wont let it rule her life.
Gabby is now pulling at her sister's earrings. Violet reaches up and unlocks Gabby's hands from their surprisingly tight grip and places her in the soft green grass. Gabby looks around, mouth wide open as if in aw with the world. Meredith smiles as Gabby pulls the grass from the ground, tossing it in the air. Grass lands in her hair and Meredith can hear the quiet baby laughter. Meredith laughs with her but then stops as not to attract attention to the other people in the house. Taking one last look at little baby Gabby, Meredith leaves the window and goes into the bathroom to take a shower.
Meredith leans her head on the shower wall underneath the shower nasal. She just stands there like that as the water runs down her body. She's thinking of about the past month. About how depressed she was and how all her friends stuck by her, supporting her every step of her recovery. Then there is Derek. She can't help but not be mad at him. He has been there for her more then anyone else, not that they didn't try to be. They didn't know how to handle it. Meredith was in such a state of shock, half the time they didn't think she was all there. It took five tries of saying her name to get her attention, and all she would do is turn her head and blink at you. And if Meredith did say anything it was only: "I didn't...I...didn't get a chance to love..." and she'd fade back into her own world again. Now you could say she was pretty much over it.
Meredith thought of her life with Derek so far. It's strictly platonic right now. But what about later? She wondered. Would she be able to be with him like she once was? She was not thinking of giving it a try. Meredith finished washing up and got dressed. Today, she was going to take a walk.
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Derek was in the livingroom sitting on the sofa with George and Izzie. They were all talking until they noticed her, then they all stopped.
"George bought tampons!" Izzie said, trying to get Meredith to say something.
"Good boy." Meredith said plopping herself down between Derek and George. They all looked at her funny. Did she just say something? And did it have just a hit of happiness in it? Yes!
"Looks like our boy as grown up." Izzie says, continuing with the conversation, trying not to act to shocked.
"Hey!" George says pausing Izzie a little. Meredith smiled.
"So what are w doing today?" Derek says, directing the question at George and Izzie, seeing as they end up doing stuff together because Meredith is never ready to leave the house.
"I want to go for a walk." Meredith said, getting up from the couch and heading upstairs to get a pair of shoes. The rest look at each other, dumbfounded. Meredith emerges from upstairs a minute later wearing a pair of shoes for walking. The others are to shocked to speak.
"Are you feeling alright?" Izzie asked getting up and walking over to her, placing her hand on Meredith's forehead.
"Hey! Guys! I am trying to get over this the best way possible and I don't want you al treating me differently as if I just told you I have cancer! Now are you all coming or not!
Someone once said that death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives. When I think about that I immediately come up with this fact, life is unfair. Yes I know that sounds corny and a little over used but I keep hearing everyone say it. But it's true. Then I think about that phrase im always saying, "life isn't supposed to be this hard." But if you think about it...It really is supposed to. It's hard for a reason. And the only reason I can think of it this: We are being tested. Everything we do is a test. A test of fear, a test of strength, But most importantly... the tests of love and loyalty. How else are you going to believe in yourself if you don't try?
Can you believe I thought up that quote in ten seconds flat? And if you don't get the part where Meredith says "How else are you going to believe in yourself if you don't try?." It means if you do think your being tested, it makes you try harder in life. Okay tell me what you think!