There are two triggering scenes in the middle and the end of the chapter, which include rape and violence. I didn't dare to describe it explicitly but it is described. Be prepared.

"I'm sorry, but Oliver picked her up already." Nancy's eyes showed sympathy. "I thought you knew."

"No," Anna said quietly. "I had no idea."

"I should have called you," Nancy said but Anna shook her head.

"Oliver should have called me. I should get going now. It's my baby's birthday."

The first thing she did after getting out of the kindergarten building, was calling her husband, who picked up after the second ring.

"Yes?" he said sharply.

"Why did you pick her up?"

"Because she's my daughter."

"Picking her up is my duty, Oliver. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Like you told me when you took her to your mother?"

Anna clenched her fist. "That was ... different. Are you at home?"

"I took her to the cinema. I promised her to."

Anna felt a sting in her chest. "And me? Why couldn't we go to the cinema all together? I'm done with work for today."

"Sorry, Anna," Oliver said, his voice sounding distant. "Lauren and I need some daddy-daughter time, if you don't mind. That means you're off for this afternoon, isn't that great? You can chill at home and read a book or do whatever you like."

"I'd like to spend time with my kid who's turning five today," Anna sighed into the phone but the sound of Oliver having ended the call made her wish null and void. She put the phone away, tears in her eyes.

John was surprised as Anna sent him a chat message only half an hour after she had left work.

Are you busy?

Don't tell Robert, but not at all, he answered. Is something wrong?

It took her a while to reply but what she wrote almost took his breath.

You know it's Lauren's birthday today... and we usually do something together. But today Oliver decided to pick her up and bring her to the cinema on his own. I feel so left out, I've been crying for the past 30 minutes. He didn't even tell me that he picked up Lauren!

John shook his head. Unbelievable!

Don't cry. It's not worth it ...

He didn't know what else to say.

I've never been alone so far. Lauren has always been with me, always! I feel so useless and I can't concentrate. I know they're coming back in about two hours but I'm still crying. I'm so sorry for bothering you with this, John.

John felt so sorry for her. If he could, he'd drive to her house and keep her company but that would probably be a bad idea.
It's not problem at all. I don't want you to be sad ... you should listen to some music to calm down. I could recommend you something I like, if you want to try something new.

He decided to use Mary's help one last time. She had said she liked music ... and music had always helped him in hard times.

Something new? What are you listening to, if I may ask? I'm intrigued. And for sure, recommend me whatever you like.

John smiled. Okay then ... listen to 'Everything remains as it never was' by Eluveitie ... and yes, it really calms me down. Don't be too shocked, please.

You made me actually curious! Anna replied. I'll be right back ...

John smiled lightly. He had suggested her the song of one particular reason - the text. He opened a new tab to read it once again, making sure he remembered them right. And really.

Where do we go? What have we become?
Whither went what was? Shall there ever be dawn? Did we ever change?

What is, what ever was, what ever is to come, what would, what ever should - it will remain as it never was.

They perfectly fit for Anna's situation, even though they were written with a completely different meaning.

He waited for a response from Anna, which came quickly.

Did not expect that .

John chuckled.

But I like it. It actually calmed me down. ..

I'm glad to hear that, John replied. Did you notice the lyrics?

Oh yeah. They're nice.

John let out a breath. Hopefully she had actually read them carefully, not only carelessly listened.

And you're really feeling better now? he asked.

I am better, Anna replied and added a smiley.

Good. I don't want you to cry. I don't want you to be sad. John drummed his fingers on the keyboard before writing, You can be mad and angry about what he did but never be sad. He's not worth being sad. You deserve so much better, Anna.

Her answer never came.

Maybe it had been too much to tell her that she deserved better, but he had to tell her.

You deserve so much better, Anna.

Her eyes started watering up again at those words. Did she really deserve better? She highly doubted it. Why would she of all people deserve better?

The next two hours she busied herself with work, the music of the band that John had shown her sounding in her ears. She came to like them, a few songs were too wild for her but they also had soft, light songs with lyrics she didn't understand - perfect for working.

And as Lauren and Oliver returned, all her sadness had faded and yielded to anger.

"Lauren!" Anna called happily and picked up her daughter, pressing a kiss on her cheek. "How is my sweet birthday girl?"

"Soooo good!" Lauren called and hugged her mother. "Daddy bought me popcorn, it was so much fun. I looove the cinema!"

"I do too, sweetheart," Anna replied, ignoring her husband slickly. "Did you have a nice time?"

"Yeah but I missed you," Lauren said and crossed her arms. "Daddy said you had to work. Do you like work more than me?"

"I don't, honey," Anna said, internally cursing Oliver for telling their daughter such a lie. "I promise I will make up for it. Let's go out this night, hm? Only you and me? We could go to that American diner you like and have burgers and chips? Or fries, as the waitress there would say?"

"Why can't we go there all together?" Lauren asked sadly. "You, daddy and me?"

"Because," Anna said, "daddy has to work."

"Anna," Oliver said in a quiet and threatening voice. Anna ignored him but she started to shake. If Lauren wasn't between them, he would hurt her now for sure.

"Aww." Lauren looked at her father. "Is that true, daddy?"

"Apparently," Oliver only replied. "Don't worry, kid, tomorrow is your party and on Sunday we can do something all together. Or what do you say, Anna?"

"We can do that, if I don't have to work again," Anna whispered and finally dared to look at Oliver.

He looked angry, but so did she, she hoped. She felt angry. And she felt left out, she felt frustration towards that man. Frustration and disappointment.

And her next thoughts scared her to death:

If he was only more than John.

These thoughts didn't leave her mind for the whole evening. Why John? She didn't know him that well. She knew he was nice and gentle but she could be mistaken. He had been a drunkard, maybe he had been violent towards Vera?

No, his mother had been mistreated, no son would do the same to his wife if his mother had gone through that.

She longed to find out why Vera had killed herself. Had she been depressed? There must have been reasons and she was sure that John had been none of them. He was way too nice, way too sincere. At least to her.

Anna couldn't stop thinking about her somewhat mysterious colleague who had been looking at her during the last months, always smiling back at her once she offered a smile. By now she was sure that John knew about her mistreatment, why else would he have told her about his mother?

She knew some things about his past, like his short imprisonment, about his wife, about some of his hobbies, which were the same as hers, and about his taste in music.

But what else did she know about him? His character? How could she even wish of Oliver being like John, if she knew nothing about John? Maybe he had been imprisoned for a longer time than he had told her. Maybe he had killed Vera ...?

No, that definitely didn't happen. He was not a man to do something like this. He surely hadn't even shouted at her. He was a nice man, why else would she think of him all so much?

And why did she even think of him so much?

Maybe because she liked his gentle, brown eyes, his nice smile and the honesty that lay in it?

She tried to remember why she had fallen in love with Oliver at the age of twenty and she couldn't. It had been too long ago and too much had happened between then and now.

And as she returned with Lauren, she was glad that Oliver had gone to bed already. It wasn't late but Oliver held his sleep in high regard.

She brought Lauren to bed and then carefully and quietly got ready to head to bed as well. She crawled into it, making sure not to make too much sound. But Oliver was awake. Of course he was awake.

"What was that today?" he asked.

Anna inhaled sharply. "Did I wake you up?"

"I waited for you to talk. So, what was that? Why did you tell Lauren I had to work?"

"Because you did the same."

"I didn't lie though. You do work from home in the afternoon."

"Yes but it is weekend now and on Friday afternoon I usually don't work. I keep that for Saturday or Sunday, you know that. I had spare time and wished to spend it with my daughter."

"Our daughter," Oliver said quietly. "So ... you did. Did you have fun?"

"Yes," Anna whispered. "Did you have fun too?"

"Yes," Oliver replied and then turned to her, taking her hand. "Let's not fight, my love."

Anna avoided his eyes. "I don't want to fight but you are not making it easy for me."

"I know. I'm going through a crisis but I love you so much, Anna. I really do."

"Really?" Anna whispered. She could not believe that sentence anymore. Did men who loved their wives cheat on them? Hit them? Choke them? Rape them?

As if he could read her thoughts, he got closer to her. "Yes," he said quietly. "I fucking love you. You are my perfect wife and I would be lost without you."

His hand moved up and down her thigh.

Anna closed her eyes. "Oliver, please don't ..."

He didn't listen. He pushed her night gown up and rolled on top of her. He didn't even bother to remove her panties, he just pushed them aside before entering her. He groaned and thrust into her hard, bringing Anna to tears.

It wasn't the first time it happened but it hurt her every time from anew.

He finished without taking care of her as usual and then rolled back to his side without another word. No "good night", no "I love you".

And Anna curled up on her own side, her private parts burning and tears streaming down her cheeks.

John would never do something like this to me, she thought and sobbed quietly.

She was sure Oliver could hear her but he did not react.

How could he sleep next to his crying wife? How could he be okay with the fact that he had just raped his wife again, made her cry again, hurt her body and soul again?

Anna regretted going back to him. She regretted it so much. But how could she escape him this time?

Acting happy family was harder than ever while planning to escape this façade.

It was only for this Saturday, Anna told herself. While Lauren's friends were there and some of their mothers. While Oliver was entertaining the kids and Anna was managing the cake and snacks, lemonade and tea.

"Say, do you have some sparkling wine?" Valerie, the mother of Lauren's friend Killian, asked. "I long for a bit of fun right now."

The other mothers agreed.

"I'm sure we do," Anna answered and went to the basement. She sighed quietly.

She had only ran up and down for the whole morning, preparing that damn party, while Oliver had played a video game with Lauren.

She had made the cake, bought the snacks, baked pizza, cleaned and decorated the house - all while the area between her legs was still sore. And all with only three hours of sleep but three cups of coffee.

And then the kids had arrived and some of their mothers had had the great idea that they could stay with Anna and have a chat.

It was so loud at the house that now, in the quiet basement, Anna's ears were ringing.

She took the sparkling wine upstairs and prepared a few glasses in the kitchen. As she brought them back to the living room on a plate, she almost froze upon what Carla's mother Liz had to say.

"He's got such a nice ass, doesn't he?"

Everyone agreed and Anna stepped inside, faking a smile. "Who are you talking about?"

"Your husband," Valerie replied lightly. "But don't worry, we wont steal him from you."

"Yeah, but we envy you!" Kate agreed.

"Totally. You're such a lucky woman." Liz said. "But don't you worry, he's too young for me anyway."

"True, no wonder you married him so early," Valerie chuckled. "You didn't want anyone to get him before you."

"Yeah, that's why," Anna replied dryly.

"You're so lucky," Kate repeated Liz' words from before. "Honestly. He's such a handsome man. And he's so good with the kids. The way Lauren adores him! He's really a catch, Anna. Don't let him go."

Anna couldn't smile anymore. It didn't seem honest. She placed the plate of wine in front of the women, saying, "Yes. I'm a lucky woman. He's a real catch indeed."

She felt like crying. She felt like screaming. And somehow she could of think of John again and what those women would say if he was there instead of Oliver.

She may have had one or two glasses too much.

Maybe more.

Maybe, at some point, she had been standing in the kitchen and drunken right out of the bottle.

She didn't bear it anymore.

She didn't bear the fake happiness, the fake smile, the fake interest in Oliver and the kids and their mothers. Or the burning when she was releasing herself in the bathroom. She only wanted to feel nothing now, her body and her mind should be numb. That was why she drank the wine.

She returned to the living room, giggling.

"What's so funny?" Valerie asked, laughing too. They had no idea what Anna had been doing the last times she had "fetched something" from the kitchen.

"It is funny," Anna giggled, "that y'all think that Oliver is suchhh a good husband."

Valerie's smile froze. "What?"

"Isn't he?" Kate gasped.

"Nah," Anna giggled. "He had a little hanky-panky with his assistant." She chuckled. "Ssssamantha."

"Oh no, honey," Liz said quietly and shot an angry look at the living room, where the kids were having their fun.

"Yeah." Anna shrugged. "And he still hasn't admitted it. I'm not even sure if it has stopped." She giggled again. "I guess n-not." Suddenly the giggles turned into sobs. "Oh my G-God. I'm s-sorry -"

"Oh, dear," Valerie said and placed her arm around Anna's shoulders. "No, I am so sorry. We had no idea."

"I'm sorry what I said about his ass," Liz sighed.

"What a jerk," Kate muttered. "Why are you still with him?"

"Dunno," Anna hiccuped. "Maybe because of Lauren."

"Oh, my sweetheart," Valerie whispered and hugged Anna. "Can we do anything for you?"

Anna shook her head, continuing crying.

"Just let her cry for a while, I guess," Kate said and sat down next to the sobbing woman, taking her hand. "If it helps you, I hate him now."

Anna nodded, trying to laugh. She failed. Could she trust these women enough to tell them more than about his unfaithfulness?

And while she sat there, sobbing into Valerie's shirt, Oliver's voice reached her ears.

"Babe, Lauren is asking for some more -"

He fell silent.

Anna sat there, in Valerie's arms, her eyes wet and red, her make up stained on her cheeks. Kate was holding her hand and Liz was standing behind Anna and Valerie, a hand on the crying woman's shoulder.

And all three women were glaring at him.

"I better leave," he mumbled.

"Quickly," Liz said quietly. And Oliver turned around, heading back to the living room.

Anna started to shake. He had seen her cry. He had seen the women being mad at him. What would he think now? How would he react? He would definitely talk to her about it. And he would be mad. He'd be very mad ...

"Remember, if you need anything, just call," Valerie whispered into Anna's ear as she hugged her goodbye.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," Anna replied. "And sorry for this awful afternoon."

"No problem, really," the older woman replied. "We women must stick together, hm? My first husband cheated on me too and I left him. Then I met Peter and now I'm happier than ever. Just saying." She winked at Anna, who had to smile.

"Thanks, Val. I appreciate that."

"Honestly. Call." Valerie looked at her with worried eyes. "I can imagine he'll be mad at you now that we know, so if he screams at you, just grab Lauren and come to my place. I'll leave my phone on this night, okay?"

She knew men very well.

Anna nodded but she knew that she would not accept Valerie's offer. She could not show them that she had let herself mistreated by her husband. It was too embarrassing.

She only nodded and waved after Valerie and Killian.

"Bye, Lauren!" Killian called as they walked to the car. "Bye, Anna! Bye, Oliver! It was so funny today, you're such a cool dad!"

Valerie's face fell. "Come on, Killian, let's go home."

Anna watched them until the car had vanished out of their street.

They had been the last ones that had left and Anna feared going back into the house.

But eventually she had to.

And as she closed the door, Oliver already waited for her. "What did you tell them?" he whispered.

"Nothing," Anna replied, avoiding his eyes.

She closed the door.

And Oliver fast forward, grabbing her throat. "Anna -"

Anna gaped for air as he squeezed it out of her.

"Anna, say the truth. What. Did. You. Tell. Them. I could see they hated me. Don't lie to me. I know it when you lie to me."

"I -" Anna choked. "Nothing -!"

Tears had filled her eyes. Oliver pushed her away and her back hit the door. She collapsed, coughing and panting for air. Slowly she got up, looking at Oliver. "I didn't tell them anything."

And then her cheek was burning. He had slapped her. "You're lying."

"No," Anna whimpered. "I just had a rough week at work, I -"

She shut up as his hand met her face again.

"Stop," she whimpered. But he didn't.