Sleepless Beauty

I'm walking alone on these soon to be deserted streets . I just bought another pack of cigars .It's cold and small raindrops fall . Lots of young hooligans are going out since it's the first night of the winter holiday . I know that , if I will be going home and fall on the bed I would fall asleep instantly . But these days I don't remember how my bed looks like anymore , each nerve in my body and each muscle strongly refuses to give up to the sleep. My mind keeps theme awake , my eyes keep theme vivid. No one picks on me because I look like I usually look - like a boy .

Do you remember you were fooled exactly because of my look the first time you saw me ?

"I could of sworn..."

"Don't worry , everyone does the same mistake."

" Hello...I'm ------"

"Hello .I'm --------."

And you smiled .

That day was sunny , cold but sunny and I prayed it would only snow soon . And it did . That day I was calling your name , trough the snowflakes .Now I have the feeling each snowflake is engraved with your name on it . I was walking with you trough that icy day , holding your hand , with my hood on , my face in the shadows because I was nothing , and you were all that was worth it . I shouldn't be seen , but you had to be , because you were so beautiful and I wanted everyone to see that gorgeous young girl next to that small unimportant shadow that I was .

Can you hear my calling now ?

" In my next life I will be a man , and I'll always be able to stand by you , because I'll be stronger."

"What if I am reborn a man also ?"

"We'll just repeat the story right here then !"

"Like you will ever obey the rules ! "

And you smiled.

By tomorrow the rain will turn into snow . And as I will catch snowflakes in my hand I know I'm going to cry and bitterly smile , because each one will have your name engraved on it .

And night after night I went in your room on the window , as you laid quietly between the sheets in your pijamas , your eyes closed , sleeping like a small angel .And I awoke you silently with a kiss.

" Don't you ever sleep ?" You always asked.

" I can't . I'm afraid something will happen and you'll be stolen away from me . Besides, you are so beautiful I can't miss a single things that you do.Absolutely beautiful..."

"You are beautiful too."

"Never."

"Always."

"I'm just a shadow. You're my beauty...sleepless beauty , always awake for me."

"It's you that is the sleepless beauty ! Because you are always awake in the middle of the night ...always loving me and taking care of me. You are !" And you kissed me.

But I was asleep when they took you away .

The note you wrote in a rush when no one saw you on the back of our picture you held in your drawer is the only thing I have to remember your face.

If I wasn't this weak , I would swim the Ocean to come and get you back , and I would never ever sleep again , to be sure they would never take you away from me again . They never knew . Even if they would , they would never understand .A girl loving another girl.

I lost my sleep , the insomnia is almost like a flesh and bone person , always sitting next to me in these nights.I imagine her with a pale blue skin and deep blue eyes and sometimes it has your face.

Is it winter where you are now ?

I press the cigar with my foot , and when I rise my eyes to the sky , I see the raindrops turned white.

I catch a snowflake in my gloved hand. What can I do but smile ?

It's just how I thought...It's got your name engraved on it also...