Honeymoon Hi-Jinks: Chapter 4: Underworld, not just about vampires anymore
A/N: This chapter is a combined effort on the behalf of L1701E and myself. I hope you all enjoy. And read L's fic's. They're freaking awesome. (Ringing endorsement anyone?)
Disclaimer: Kid Razor and the Cavaliers belong to L1701E; Omega and Psylocke belong to Descendent. Every one else is owned by Marvel and is shamelessly used.
"I cast Magic Missile on the Darkness…" Dead Ale Wives Society presents, D&D.
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Some shady club in Cleveland"I raise you fifty…" A greasy looking mobster said as he sat at a table with four other obvious mobsters. They were in the back room of a Cleveland nightclub, the loud music from the club droning into the room. Suddenly, a rainbow blast tore the door off its hinges, knocking the mobsters from their table. Dust began to settle as the five wise guys regained their senses and looked at the ruined door. Omega and Kid Razor stood in the shattered doorframe. Razor was holding his guitar like a club, and Omega had his tendricals winding around him.
"Knock knock…" Mike quipped.
"Can Fat Tony come out to play?" Razor asked innocently. "We're looking for some information, and you boys look like regular providers of it."
"I don't know who youse guys t'ink you are, but you…" One mobster started in a stereotypical accent before Razor chucked his guitar, hitting the mobster right in the nose. The impact knocked the wise guy through the wall with a splash of rainbow energy and blood. The guitar flew like a boomerang back into Razor's hand.
"Anyone else feel like interrupting the teacher?" Mike asked with a sadistic smirk, cracking his knuckles. Silence followed, along with some crickets chirping.
"Good." Razor snorted.
"Where the hell did the crickets come from?" Mike mumbled as he looked around in confusion.
"We're trying to be intimidating here, not retarded, you overgrown squid." Razor snapped at him.
"Well excuse me…" Mike muttered. "Sorry to break character, Captain Fruity…"
"WHAT!" Razor snapped. "You want some more of this…"
"As fun as it would be to kick your ass again, we have a job to do. Remember?" Mike growled.
"Yeah, yeah…whatever you say, Slapnuts." Razor muttered as the two heroes turned their attention back to the bewildered mobsters. "So…which one of you fine upstanding citizens are going to tell us where we can find the secret location of these 'Hand' ninja people?"
"Hey, man…" One mobster piped up. "Even we're not crazy enough to rat on those ninjas! They make the Manson family look like the Partridge family!"
"How 'Con Air' of you." Mike muttered. "So, I guess we're going to have to do this the hard way, then."
"Is there any other way?" Razor snickered with a mischievous smirk.
"Nope." Mike answered, with a sadistic smile plastered on his face. The two heroes turned their attention to the mobsters as they walked into the room. Thankfully, the loud music of the club drowned out the sounds of the human body being bent in ways it is not supposed to be bent, as well as the screams for mercy, forgiveness, and mothers.
"Well, that was a dead end." Razor muttered.
"That was messy." Mike chuckled as he and Razor walked out of the room. "But we can always try the Japanese Mafia next."
"You mean the Yakuza?" Razor blinked. "Damn, you are crazy…Not that the Kid of Rock is intimidated by those katana-wielding screwballs."
"Please." Mike snorted. "My girlfriend is a ninja trained by a group that makes the Yakuza look like toddlers. And I use to work for a megalomaniac that wanted to rule the world. I have seen quite a lot of screwed-up shit before."
"True enough. The Kid of Rock's seen some messed-up stuff himself." The Juke Box Avenger replied. "Well. Yakuza, here we come…" The two boys started to walk towards another side of town. "Hey squid, ever seen a rabid oversized genetically-engineered Doberman spew acid puke all over a baseball stadium?" Mike blinked in disbelief.
"Uh…" Mike mumbled. "…No. I haven't seen that. That's a new one."
"That happens plenty of times here." Razor told the mutant nonchalantly.
"…Damn, this town is screwed up." Mike shook his head.
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The mysterious realm
"The ritual area is almost ready, my lady." A demon servant reported to Selene. The immortal mutant witch couldn't help but beam with pride. She was so close now. So very, very, close…
"Yes. Soon, I will harvest the elemental powers from those bratty Cavaliers, and combined with the power of the Crimson Dawn that the young Psylocke wields, I will be able to open a portal to any dimension of my choice. With this power, I shall soon lay claim to Razor's guitar and the Power of Rock it accesses…" Selene mumbled to herself with a devious smile.
"Um… How?" The demon wondered, blinking at the immortal sorceress.
"It's…very complex." Selene answered quickly.
"Riiiiiiiiiiight." The demon rolled his eyes.
"Oh, screw this." Selene muttered. She grabbed the demon and drained his life force. "You can easily be replaced." The dark-haired woman snapped her fingers, and a new demon appeared.
"What is thy bidding, my mistress?" He asked as he knelt low.
"Move the captives into the ceremonial chamber. And make sure that they're in the right positions. I don't want this to get screwed up."
"Yes, my mistress." The demon bowed obediently and left.
"Why are they always so subservient when they first show up?" Selene asked herself with a sigh. "Oh, well. Time to get everything ready…"
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Back in the Land of Make Believe, aka Cleveland
"Well, that was a useful trip!" Razor pointed out happily with a smile. "They were much more talkative then everyone else we've come across so far. And so very well-mannered, too."
"Yep." Mike nodded. "So, the Cavaliers and Betsy are at the docks in some underground caverns." He and Razor walked away from the restaurant that they had just visited. In the background, the entire block was on fire. Fire engines and police cars were parked outside the building. The cops were trying to keep order, and the firefighters were trying to put out the raging inferno. Razor and Mike turned around to look at the out-of-control blaze.
"Ever notice how destruction seems to follow us around?" The Kid of Rock noticed as they turned back around and started to walk again. Razor noticed one plainclothes cop in a crew cut, stomping around and cussing up a storm. The Ultimate Rockstar couldn't help but smirk.
"Heh." Razor laughed. "Good ol' Polanski. Always there to make things a little bit worse."
"Who?" Mike blinked.
"Just a friend." Razor smirked. "Anyway, the Kid of Rock has noticed that destruction seems to follow guys like us everywhere."
"Yeah." Mike nodded in agreement. "It's like there are some crazy people out there controlling our lives for their own amusement." He and Razor stopped and looked around quietly. Razor began to whistle with his hands behind his back. After a few minutes, Razor spoke up.
"Okay, enough with breaking the fourth wall and all that other Deadpool crap." Razor muttered. "Let's get moving. Selene has my crew and the Kid of Rock aims to put a Godzilla-sized hurtin' on that bitch."
"Save some for me. Nobody kidnaps my wife and gets away with it." Mike told the Kid of Rock 'n' Roll.
"So this has happened before?" The Kid of Rock wondered. Mike raised an eyebrow. "You know, wife gettin' kidnapped and stuff."
"Not exactly. But she always seems to get hurt or killed in some way. It's like there's some twisted force out there that doesn't want me to be happy." Mike answered.
"What did I just say about the fourth wall?" Razor growled.
"Gripe gripe gripe…" Mike muttered as the heroes walked away. "Come on, we have docks to go set on fire."
"Set fire to the docks?" Razor repeated in disbelief. "How in the name of Van Halen is that going to help my crew and your woman?"
"I dunno…" Mike answered simply with a shrug.
"Man, what this chick sees in you, I have no clue." Razor rolled his eyes, shaking his head.
"Heightened stamina and endurance." Mike replied simply with a smirk.
"Damn." An impressed Razor whistled. "I guess the Kid of Rock isn't alone in that department."
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Underground caves
"Thirty bottles of beer on the wall…" Tommy sang out loud. "Thirty bottles of beer…take one down and pass it around, there are twenty-nine bottles of beer on the wall…"
"Must suppress bloodlust…Must suppress bloodlust…" Wendy muttered as a vein on her head began to throb. She started rubbing her temples in an attempt to relieve the throbbing vein, but it did no good. "Must…suppress…bloodlust…"
"Hoo boy." Rip winced at his girlfriend in her cage. "Tommy, I think you had better shut up before she busts out and kills you, man."
"Heh. Good luck." Alex smirked. "Tommy's too stupid to simply follow orders."
"Figures." Betsy grumbled under her breath. "My battery died after I called Mike and Razor." The purple-haired ninja flipped her phone between her hands.
"How convenient for the plot." Rip groused, crossing his arms.
"Fourth wall, Rip." Alex reminded. "Remember? We leave that alone. That stuff's Deadpool's job."
"Oh, yeah. Right." Rip nodded in understanding.
"You people are all as bloody mad as a sack of hammers." Betsy groaned as she buried her head in her hands.
"Duh. We're rockstars-slash-superheroes." Alex nodded with a smile.
"That explains the walking hormone." Betsy growled as she pointed at Daniel, who was currently making kissy faces at her and wiggling his eyebrows.
"No, Fingers was like that beforehand." Wendy told the ninja with a sigh.
"My sympathies…for what they're worth..." Betsy shook her head.
"Thanks." Wendy accepted with a smirk.
"It's time…" Selene announced as she materialized in the center of the captured heroes.
"Miller Time?" Fingers quipped.
"Time to buy a watch?" Betsy joked.
"No." Selene shot the two a deadpan look. "Time to make me ruler of the universe." A twisted smile formed on her face.
"How cliché." Betsy muttered.
"Oh, now we have seen some dumb schemes from you, Selene." Alex sighed. "But this one is the stupidest ever."
"Why do villains always want to rule something?" Rip asked no one in particular. Suddenly, there was a loud explosion, and Selene was knocked down from the resulting quake.
"Oh, by the Gods…" Selene muttered in annoyance as she felt a familiar presence. She turned towards the doors, just as a rainbow-tinted blast of energy blew them open. Omega and Kid Razor stood in the shattered doorway, looking really enraged.
"I believe you have something that belongs to me…" Mike snarled. His tendricals started popping out from his arms and whirling around.
"And a few things that belong to me." Razor added, scowling. His green eyes started glowing thanks to the Power of Rock, just waiting to unleashed.
"I'm gonna whip that boy when I get out of here." Betsy grimaced as she crossed her arms and pouted. "I own him, not the other way around." Tommy winced when she said that.
"Damn, lady. I'm glad I ain't dating you." The drummer shook his head.
"What?" Betsy blinked.
"Lady, I don't wanna know what kinda messed-up bull you're into." Tommy winced.
"So I like a little excitement in my life. Big deal." Betsy rolled her eyes.
"Gripe, gripe, gripe." Alex quipped with a snicker.
"About time you showed up, Mike!" Betsy snapped.
"Boys…" Selene greeted with her arrogant smile.
"Bitch." Mike and Razor insulted her in unison.
"Proud of it." The immortal sorceress retorted. "Get them!" On the witch's command, several dozen demons materialized out of the air to defend their mistress.
"Oh, boy. This is turning out to be the honeymoon from hell." Mike muttered.
"Are you kidding?" Razor grinned, holding his guitar like a club. "Here in Cleveland, we call this…PARTY TIME, BABY!"
"God I hate you…" Mike muttered under his breath.
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Next time on Honeymoon Hi-jinks: Dragon of the Eternal Flame takes over again, and writes the mother of all fight scenes. Until then, send in those reviews.
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Peace out all,
L1701E/Descendent