This one is a bit longer...I guess you don't mind, do you?

Chapter 7

Soon after, the team sat together in the break room. Nobody spoke after Horatio told them about Mr. Leach. "We need to know what drives Speed nuts. Calleigh, you'll take a second look at Connor's first case. Maybe we find our answers in there. Alexx, what do you think? Should we talk to a psychologist?"

Alexx raised the eyebrows. "Tough question. He could misjudge our intentions. He would never trust us again. We have to be very careful."

Horatio sat in his office when the telephone rang. He answered it after looking at the foreign number at the display. "Caine."
"Hello, Mr. Caine. This is Susan Speedle speaking. I'm Tim's mother."

"Mrs. Speedle. Nice to talk to you. How are you?" He had never talked to Speed's parents before, but he instantly knew that this woman was a very warm and gentle person.

"Well, to be honest, I'm worried about Tim. That's why I'm calling" she said with a sad voice.
"So, then let's talk about it. Why are you worried?"
"See, my husband and I were never really close to Tim, but don't get me wrong! We care about him very much…"
"I know. So does he…" Horatio said.
"He calls me once in a while like three or four times a year. Today was one of those special days. He called about 30 minutes ago and he sounded very sad…and drunk. He didn't tell me where he was, but from the background noises I would say he's in a bar. I'm worried, Mr. Caine. What's going on?"

"I really don't know. Ever since we're working this case, his behaviour changed. But he refuses to talk about it. He's really stubborn, you know."
She had to laugh. "He's Irish, what do you expect?"

"Irish? That's new…explains a lot", Horatio said. "Any chance you know his favourite hang outs?" He knew that it was useless, but he had to try anyway.
"No. But I've got the caller ID…" She gave him the number and then fell silent. "It's a shame", she sighed.
"What do you mean?"

"I work with the Social Service, did he mention that to you? I guess not."

"No."

"I have those really nasty kids around me all day long. I can talk with them, let them know that there's someone out there who cares about them. And yet I'm not able to reach my own son."

"I promise to look after him, Mrs. Speedle. He's not just a colleague to me, he's also one of my closest friends. As strange as it may sound, despite I know nothing about him at all."
"He's a good boy. He went through a lot, but he always refused help from others."
"I'll do the best I can to help him."
"Thank you, Mr. Caine."
He hung up and straight after went to the lab and reached for a computer. He typed in the numbers Speed's mom gave him and waited for a result. Seconds later he had an address. He headed for the exit and towards the Hummer in the parking lot.

Once he got to "Herb's bar", he entered the dark and smoky room…and went straight into a fight between some guys –and Speed.
"…come on! What are you waiting for!" Speed shouted at two guys. Two angry looking guys. Obviously all of them were drunk, but sober enough to keep fighting.
Horatio walked toward the group and showed his badge. "Two against one isn't a fair game guys. Party is over. Let's go home" he told them with a stern voice. Then he turned toward a startled Speed and grabbed him by the collar. "And you are coming with me, my friend. We've got some serious talk to do."
Speed wanted to push Horatio away, but failed. "I'm not going with…" he started to reply, but before he could end, he was slammed backwards into the wall by an annoyed Horatio.

"Listen to me carefully. I'm not saying this twice. Stop playing games with me…" he told him face to face. After that he shoved Tim outside and into the car. Both men were silent as Horatio drove towards Speed's apartment.

"How did you know where I was?" Speed's voice was low and hoarse.

"Your mother called me…" Horatio answered and had to smile as he saw his face fall.
"Damned! Caller ID?" he asked and sounded pissed.
Horatio nodded.
"Should have taken the cell phone…" he cursed. "I knew it was a bad idea."

"Not at all. Luckily I got there in time. Otherwise you would have ended in the hospital again" he spoke softly. "Speed, let me help you. You can't go on like that. If you continue this kind of behaviour, you'll have lots of problems."
"Like what?"

"For instance, Connor's attorney. He's trying to kick your ass."
"Oh, come on. You think I'm afraid of that?"

"Oh yeah. You won't risk your job because of that. You are dedicated to it. You can't live without being a CSI."
Horatio noticed a change in Speed's eyes and decided to try something, hoping the alcohol would do its part. "I was there, too. I was on the edge of risking everything I ever worked for. After Ray's death, I didn't care for anything. Don't play the tough one. I know how it feels to lose…"

He was interrupted by Speed. "You know absolutely nothing about losing a child…" he said angrily but stopped as he noticed that he gave some of his secret away.
'There you go…now I know what this is all about' Horatio thought. "Losing a child? Are you referring to Connor? It was you five years ago working his first case. Are you upset about the fact that he did it again?"
Tim chose to stay silent.
"Can't you see that hurting yourself isn't helping you? I mean both ways, physically and mentally? You can't play along. You need to do something about this."

"You know absolutely nothing. So leave me the hell alone!"
"You're not going to get away so easily."

"So what?"
Horatio thought hard. He missed something. Something important. "You need to do something about this. The attorney claims for a psychological statement."

"I'm not going to talk to a goddamn shrink."
"You have to. Unless you talk to me."

"Talking doesn't bring them back" he whispered while trying hard to keep the tears back.

"No, but maybe it makes it a bit easier to handle. I've got the strong feeling that you don't talk about Annie and Kate. Am I right?"
Speed let out a long breath. He looked through the window. "Can we drive to the beach? Don't want to go home."
"Sure."
Again, they drove in silence. After Horatio pulled into the parking lot at the beach, they got out and walked towards the shoreline. Speed plopped into the sand, staring at the water. Horatio sat down, too.
"You said 'them'. Who are they?" Horatio asked gently.

Still staring at the water, Speed answered: "Lisa and Emily. I met Lisa at High School. We fell in love. Stayed together since then. She was my rock after my best friend died. He was paralysed neck down after a snow mobile accident. He was the reason I studied biology. I wanted to help him. Two years later he needed surgery, but died because of complications. I was…" he stopped to stay silent for a moment. "…a loss. She gave me confidence. If it wasn't her, I'm sure I would have done something really stupid."

"Sounds like she cared for you very much."

"Yeah…"

"But then something happened…" Horatio said.

"One day she found out that she was pregnant. For the first time in my life I was happy. I mean really happy. My life started to make sense. We got married. It was just the two of us. No family. She was into eight and a half months of pregnancy as she…they…as they…" he stopped again. "I got a call from the hospital. Lisa got into an accident…and died shortly after they arrived at the hospital. The doctors tried to save the unborn. They got her out, by doing a Ceasarian section, but she had severe head injuries…" his voice cracked while the tears started to fall down.

Horatio's eyes went wet, too as he listened to his friend.
"…she…I was there…she…died in my arms…The nurses wanted to take her away. But I…I just held her. I don't know for how long. Then I asked for some clothes to dress her. That was the last thing I could do for her…". He held up his hands like he would cradle her. "She was so small and…all of the sudden, our dreams were shattered." Now he cried, but he didn't care. He hid these tears for so long, he couldn't do this any longer.
Without words, Horatio got closer to him and after a short moment, Speed turned towards Horatio's shoulder and let out his feelings. All Horatio could do was to embrace him and give him some kind of reassurance that he would do everything to help him.

A few minutes later Speed cleared his throat and turned away from Horatio. His voice was quiet and hoarse. "I'm sorry…"

"No need to be sorry" Horatio said and gave him a handkerchief. He rubbed Speed's back.
Speed relaxed more and played with the sand. "Well, then thank you."
"For what?"
"…for being… a friend. You all tried very hard to help me, but I was so selfish that I didn't see your intensions. Guess it has something to do with being stubborn…" he smiled a little.
"And being Irish as well", Horatio said, raising an eyebrow.
"Who told you…? Wait…Mom!" he said and shook his head.
"You should talk to her as well, she was worried about you. Although she didn't mention Lisa and Emily…"
"Because she doesn't know about the pregnancy. We didn't tell my parents. We didn't know how they would react. No matter what we wanted to keep the baby. So we wanted to tell them after the birth. That way they couldn't force Lisa into abortion."
"Why should they want an abortion?"
"Hell, we were only 18! We were scared to death the day we, well she, found out."

"Okay. Where did you stay?"
"At her grandparents."
"And what did you do after they…?"

"I ran away like I did after Brian's death. Never got back to NYC. Instead I ran into Megan while staying at the house of Brian's uncle Bob here in Miami."

"That was…10 years ago."
"She offered me a job at the lab after Bob showed me around. He was working there as well" he smiled. "So I gave it a try and stayed here. But from time to time cases involving children show up. It makes me angry. There are people who don't care about their own kids. They don't deserve children at all…"

"Maybe you should tell your mother as well. She needs to know that she didn't anything wrong."
"Does she think that way?"
"She doesn't know why you refuse to go back."
"She would be disappointed…"

"She will understand, but therefore you need to talk to her. She deserves this."
Speed sighed again. "I…was an asshole the last few days. I'm sorry if I got you into trouble…guess I should get a lawyer because of Connor…"

"I already handled this. No need to worry about that. You've got a reprimand, but I will talk to the Chief Commissioner."

"You don't have to do this."

"But I want to."
Speed smiled. "Alexx told me the same."

"That's because we care for our kids", Horatio smiled. "Even if they act like 5 year olds from time to time."
"Okay, I got the hint. I'll try to behave."
They sat in silence once more.

It was Horatio who broke the silence this time, laughing.

"What!" Speed wanted to know.

"Just imagined you – dealing with Emily's first boy friend. I can see you going through AFIS and all…"

"I'm not that bad – although I would have demanded his fingerprints first…" he smiled too but went serious again. "God, this is so unreal. We're talking about dead people as if they were still alive."
"In some way they are. As long as they are in there…" he said and pointed to Speed's heart, "…they will always be alive."
"Is this how you deal with Ray's death?" Speed wanted to know.
"Yeah. Sometimes it helps to ease the pain, sometimes it makes it worse. But don't let your feelings take over control. Who knows what would have happened if you used your gun instead of your fist in the interrogation room."
"Did you check the gun?"

"No. Why?"

"Because I removed the bullets right at the Connor house."
"Good thinking."

"Yeah…sometimes my twisted mind comes up with something useful."

"I see Alexx told you about my theory…"
They got up, but Speed's legs gave in. "Got you", Horatio said and grabbed Speed around the waist. "You're still drunk."

"I'm not drunk."
"Speaking of the Irish origin."
"Yeah, whatever."

tbc...