Author's Note: This is just a tiny little flangsty one-shot that I couldn't get out of my head. It takes place sometime after Elliot's return from undercover.
Like so many of us, I've been listening to Taylor Swift's Red album, and "Run", the duet with Ed Sheeran, has been on repeat. This doesn't follow the song, but it inspired this little piece.
Big thanks to Abbie for previewing and encouraging me to finish this.
I hope you enjoy!
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Olivia slammed her office door, dropping her coat on one of the chairs in front of her desk before leaning on it. She was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and her tired arms could barely hold her weight. The only high point of this dreadful day was the arrest of the disgusting individual responsible for the horrible crime they'd been investigating.
The case was too much, and for someone who'd worked this job as long as Olivia, it took a lot to say something was 'too much'. While a much different case, for some reason there had been flashes of Lewis in Olivia's mind throughout the investigation, and cases involving children were always harder for her, more so since becoming a mother herself. Days like today made her want to rush home, scoop up her little boy, and hide away where no one could find them and none of the nastiness of the world could touch either of them. Instead of taking a seat at her desk, she settled on the couch across the room, slipped off her uncomfortable boots, and allowed a few tears to fall.
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Fin couldn't tear his eyes off of his captain's door. He'd recognized how much this case affected her, and seeing his dear friend in such distress broke his heart. Each member of their squad had certain cases that would wreck them, but Olivia was taking this situation harder than any case they'd worked in awhile. After arresting the perp, Fin had seen a look in Olivia's eyes that told him she needed something that her squad couldn't provide for her. Picking up his phone, he took a deep breath, hoping he was making the right decision, and sent a short text message.
'Bad case. She needs you.'
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Half an hour later, Elliot came blowing into the squad room. He brushed past the new detective, the one whose name he hadn't bothered trying to remember, and rushed to Fin's desk.
"Fin, what happened? Where is she?" he asked, firing questions, his voice full of fear.
Fin stood, holding up his hands. "Calm down. She's ok, but she's taking this case really hard. I don't think any of us can reach her right now."
"What does she need?" Elliot pressed.
Fin shrugged, unsure how to put into words what Olivia actually needed. "I don't know. I haven't seen her like this in awhile. She just…she needs you, man."
Elliot nodded, understanding the intent behind Fin's few words and appreciating that he'd reached out. As he walked toward Olivia's office, he briefly turned back to his friend. "Thanks for calling me."
After watching Stabler disappear into Olivia's office, Amanda slapped Fin on the arm.
Fin looked at his partner, surprised by the gesture. "What was that for?" he asked.
"You called him? What were you thinking?"
Fin returned his eyes to Olivia's office door. "You don't get it, Rollins. She needs him right now. I know you only know Olivia post-Stabler, but they understand each other, and when she gets like this, he's the only one who can reach her. Now that he's back, she needs him."
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Elliot gently tapped his knuckles on Olivia's door before pushing it open, not waiting for a response. His heart broke as he took in her red-rimmed, tear-filled eyes. She was curled up on her couch, and he could feel the stress and turmoil swirling around her, and he wished they were in a place where he could hold her and let her cry in his arms. But their relationship, while progressing into a comfortable friendship since his return from undercover, was still fragile, and he couldn't destroy the progress they'd made.
"Liv," he said softly.
Embarrassed to be caught in her current state, Olivia quickly wiped at her tears, rising from her seat and walking to her window, her back to him as she tried to compose herself.
"What are you doing here?" she quietly asked.
Elliot took a few hesitant steps toward her. "Fin called. He said this case was hitting you really hard. He thought maybe I could help, let you talk it out or something."
Olivia rolled her eyes, making a mental note to assign Fin to desk duty or something in retaliation. "I'm fine, Elliot."
He took a few more steps until he was standing directly behind her. Olivia could feel the heat radiating from him, and she was surprised by the instant comfort she felt from just his presence, reminiscent from the days of their partnership.
No one ever made her feel this safe.
"We can talk about it if you want, Liv," Elliot offered. "If you don't, we can…stand here, just…be."
After a few moments, Olivia finally offered a little bit of insight into the thoughts swirling in her mind. "Do you ever just…feel like it's too much?" she asked, her voice shaking as her eyes filled with tears again.
"Sometimes, yeah," Elliot answered.
Olivia sighed, crossing her arms in front of her. "This case, it really hit me hard. I just…don't know how much longer I can do this."
She closed her eyes, allowing her tears to fall down her face, and Elliot couldn't hold himself back any longer. He cautiously placed his hands on Olivia's shoulders and was surprised when she relaxed into his touch, leaning back against him.
Olivia surprised herself when she melted against Elliot. It felt right to be close to him like this, and as his hands traveled down her arms and wrapped around her waist, she leaned further into him as he pulled her close.
It had been a long time since Olivia allowed herself to be comforted by a man's touch. After Elliot's disappearance from her life, she'd erected near-impenetrable walls around her heart, and she should've known that her partner would be the only one who could tear them down. While he'd only ever touched her a few times during their partnership, she'd never been as comforted or felt as safe as she did with him. Once his hands settled, Olivia covered his with her own, pulling his arms a little tighter around her.
For a few minutes, they stood together, Elliot transferring his strength to her and Olivia willing accepting what he was offering her. He couldn't stop himself from planting several kisses against her head, and Olivia turned toward him, pressing her face into his neck as she leaned even further into his embrace. After a moment, Elliot began to gently sway back and forth, the motion comforting both of them.
Finally, Olivia broke their silence.
"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to just run away? Leave everything behind and just hide away?"
Before Elliot could answer, Olivia continued. "Of course you do. That's exactly what you did ten years ago."
"Liv," he whispered, pressing his lips against her head again, hoping she felt his remorse. "I'm so sorry."
Olivia shook her head. "It's fine. We've moved on from that. It's just…days like today make me want to take Noah far away where nothing can touch us, nothing can hurt us, and he won't have to experience any more of the ugliness of this world."
Elliot squeezed her a little tighter. "It sounds good, but it won't solve anything, and it won't erase the stress or the worry in your mind."
"I'm just so tired, Elliot," Olivia sighed, closing her eyes, focusing on the feel of his lips against her skin. This was new, but it felt incredibly comfortable.
"There's so much evil in this world," she continued, "and no matter how hard I work, I don't really see myself making a difference, not anymore."
Elliot shook his head. "It's just a bad case, Liv," he assured her. "You know you make a difference. You always have."
Olivia shrugged, unsure if she believed him. "I don't know, Elliot. Sometimes the urge to run overwhelms me, makes it hard to even breathe. I don't think that I really could, but I want to."
"Well, if you did run, I'd really miss you," he said softly, his lips still pressed against Olivia's head.
"You lived without me for ten years," she scoffed. "I'm sure you'd survive just fine."
Elliot turned her around in his arms, maintaining his grip of her. After a few moments, Olivia reluctantly met his gaze, and the look of sadness and longing in his eyes made her heart ache.
He reached up and gently cradled her cheek in his hand. "Just because I stayed away doesn't mean it was easy for me. Every single day without you was…so painful. Now that I finally have you back in my life, if you decided to run away, it would break me, Liv."
Staring into his eyes, Olivia could feel Elliot's sincerity. As much as she knew she had missed him during his absence, she realized that he spent that time apart struggling himself, missing her, missing them.
"He does love me," Olivia said to herself. "He really does love me." She was suddenly filled with a sense of relief. Having Elliot back in her life, knowing he cared and was willing to come for her whenever she needed him, helped her feel a little more settled than she had just a few minutes earlier. She couldn't leave, not now.
Elliot's other hand rose to cradle her other cheek, his thumbs gently brushing her tears away.
"What do you need?" he asked.
Olivia shrugged. "I don't know, Elliot. But you being here…it's helped me a lot. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in several days."
A small smile crossed Elliot's face as his hands dropped to her shoulders. "I'm glad." He glanced toward the door of her office before looking back down at her.
"How about I drive you home?" Elliot suggested. "You need some time away from this place, and your squad can handle whatever needs to be done tonight."
Olivia considered his offer. Elliot had been to her apartment a few times over the last few weeks, but she wasn't sure if she was in the right mindset to have him in her space. But she was ready to see her boy, and she didn't think she was in any shape to drive herself home.
After a moment, she nodded her head. "Please take me home."
Elliot led her back to the couch, helping her sit back down and reaching for her boots. As he slipped them onto her feet, she winced when his hand gripped her previously broken ankle.
"This ankle still giving you trouble?" he asked.
"Off and on," she answered. "Today, yes."
Elliot cradled her foot with the utmost care, gently placing her boot back on, and it made her smile a little.
When Olivia was ready, Elliot took her hand, guiding her out of her office. The faces of her squad all turned to them, some of them surprised by the partners leaving together.
"Sergeant," Elliot said, commanding Fin's attention. "Captain Benson is going home for the night. You'll handle things here?"
Fin nodded, a feeling of relief washing over him knowing his friend was going home, and she'd have someone making sure she got home safely. "Take care of her. Goodnight Captain."
"Thanks Fin," Olivia said, giving a small wave to him as she and Elliot walked out of the squad room, hand in hand.
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The car ride was mostly silent, both of them thinking about the events of the evening and wondering where things would go from here.
When they arrived at her apartment, Olivia was a little surprised when Elliot pulled the car up to the curb instead of finding space in the parking garage.
"Do you want to come up?" she asked.
Elliot appreciated that she wanted his company, but he knew what she most needed tonight was uninterrupted time with her little boy. "Of course I'd love to spend time with you, but tonight, you need to go spend time with your son. Turn your phone off, and just enjoy your evening with Noah."
Olivia reached over and squeezed his hand. "Thank you Elliot. I appreciate you being here, and it means a lot to me that you came when Fin called."
Elliot lifted her hand, pressing several kisses to the back of it. "Thank you for letting me be here. I know it's hard for you."
"I'm not going to run, just so you know," she said, hoping he believed her. "Having you here…things are beginning to feel better."
"Good," Elliot said with a smile. "But if you change your mind, call me. I'll drive the getaway car."
Olivia laughed. "Ok, you'll be my first call."
Before she could even think, she leaned across the car and kissed Elliot's cheek. She squeezed his hand one more time before climbing out of the car.
Elliot was stunned by the kiss, and it took a few moments for his brain to catch up. As Olivia walked away, he rolled the car window down and called for her. When she turned back around, with a smirk he said, "Blink your lights when you get inside."
Olivia smiled, tears coming to her eyes again. "I will. Goodnight El."
When she reached her apartment, Noah flung open the door, throwing himself into her arms.
"Mom! I've missed you!"
Olivia held her boy close, feeling even more comfort and relief, now that he was with her. Noah finally pulled away to give Lucy a hug, and after locking the door behind her, Olivia walked over to the light switch, blinking it several times. Almost immediately, a feeling of peace blanketed her, and she looked out the window just in time to see Elliot's car drive away.
It wouldn't be the last difficult case Olivia would work, but knowing Elliot was just a phone call away and willing to be there if she needed him, she knew she would get through whatever ugliness was thrown at her.
There was no longer any reason for her to run.