Summary: Elizabeth begins to doubt her ability to lead the expediation after the events of "Critical Mass" but surprisingly, Ronon offers hersupport and perhaps something more.
Author's Note: This is the first in a series of vignettes/episode tagsthat I have been writing featuring Elizabeth and Ronon & the growing relationship between the twoof them. I like to think that it could be cannon if we were just given a few more minuteshere and there before the end credits rolled.
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and its characters are not mine. They are the property of MGM Studios, The Sci Fi Channel, and Acme Shark. This story was created for entertainment purposes only and no copyright infringement is intended.
At this hour most of Atlantis was sleeping. The midnight to six shifts were manning the control room and infirmary, but aside from them the only inhabitants out of their beds at this hour were the marine patrols and a few poor, restless souls like her.
As she drew in the cool, salty air of the sea she marveled at how far she was from the woman she had once been. Things had always seemed so black and white before she'd come to the Pegasus galaxy. Her moral compass had always pointed her in the right direction, but now…now it seemed to be wavering a bit and it scared the hell out of her.
She wished at times that she could see things the way John did, or even the way Ronon did. Her life and her job would be must less complicated then.
The balcony door whispered open and out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of movement. She turned and gasped as Ronon stepped out of the shadow of the tower, as if he had been conjured by her thoughts.
"Didn't mean to scare you." He said ambling over to lean against the railing beside her.
"It's fine…I just wasn't expecting any company at this hour."
He gazed out at the rolling waves in the distance for a long moment, as if he was weighing his next words carefully. "I don't sleep much so sometimes I walk the perimeter of the piers."
His admission surprised her even more than his presence had. "So why change your route tonight?"
"I saw you up here. Thought you might want company."
"And why would you think that?" Elizabeth asked more than a little confused by his sudden desire to keep her company.
"A lot happened today."
It didn't surprise her that he didn't elaborate. If there was one thing she had learned about Ronon Dex since his arrival in Atlantis it was that he didn't waste a lot of time with words. It was clear from their conversation so far that it was not a habit he was planning on breaking anytime soon.
Fingers gripping the cool metal of the railing, she sighed. "Yes, a lot happened…and a lot more might have happened if we hadn't discovered that it was Col. Caldwell who'd been behind the sabotage."
"Even though it wasn't Kavanagh, you still made the right decision."
Shaking her head wearily she glanced over at him. "Well, I think that that opinion would put you in the minority at the moment." The breeze picked up and she shivered, rubbing her arms to stave off the sudden chill that swept over her. "I'm not even sure if I think it was the right thing to do."
"You did what you had to do to protect your people."
She turned to face him fully then, her eyes holding more than a little self-doubt and a fair bit of self-loathing. "Kavanagh is one of my people too and I was willing to let him be tortured to get that information. I never thought that would be something I would have to do. I sure as hell never thought it'd be something I was willing to do!"
A stray tear drop slipped down her cheek and hastily she reached to brush it away but Ronon's hand was quicker. The rough pad of his thumb moved against her face, swiping at the salty moisture there and grazing the corner of her mouth before his hand drifted away and fell back to his side. It seemed strange that he'd been there for nearly a year and this was the first time Elizabeth remembered him actually touching her.
"Being a leader isn't easy." He said into the silence that had sprung up between them. "Sometimes you have to make choices that you don't like, but not making them can cost lives." She couldn't deny the truth of his words. "Kavanagh thought he could push you and you'd crumble. He thought you were weak, but what you did today showed him he was wrong. It showed anybody else who might challenge you that you won't be pushed against the wall without striking back. If you want to survive here, you're gonna have to be prepared to do what has to be done."
Jaw clenched she listened to his voice rising with anger or frustration or zeal, she wasn't sure which.
"The Wraith prey on weakness; they can smell it, it's what stokes their hunger. But, weakness won't keep Atlantis safe…and it won't save your people."
She knew he was right, but it didn't make her feel any better about the line she'd crossed. It was terrifying to be unsure of just what you were capable of.
"And how do I live with myself if the next tough decision I make ends up being the wrong one…and it still costs someone their life?"
For a moment he didn't look so feral, his eyes grew a bit sad and he looked at her with sympathy and something akin to tenderness. "You remember that you're doing this for them, and for everyone else you left behind on your world… but accept that you won't be able to save them all."
He stepped away from her then and turned to go back the way he'd come, but halted a few feet away. "The Wraith don't understand compromise or negotiation; the only thing they understand is strength. You have to be stronger than they are."
"I don't know if I'm up to that challenge." She replied her exhaustion and the darkness making her far too honest.
"I think you are."
His confidence in her was unexpected.
"Do you really believe that?"
He smiled tentatively at her and she realized that he was even more handsome when he wasn't scowling. "I wouldn't have stayed if I didn't." He started to walk away again, moving with a grace that most people wouldn't expect for a man of his stature. "Get some sleep, Elizabeth…you're gonna need it."
And without another word he disappeared back into the shadows he had stepped out of leaving her to wonder if his faith in her was misplaced…and hoping it wasn't.