AUTHOR'S NOTE: Apologies to L. Frank Baum

DEFINITELY NOT KANSAS

At that moment a young girl walked through the room. Her hair was in braids and she was wearing a blue gingham dress and carrying a basket. A small dog was trailing behind her. She looked at Tegan and Nyssa having at it on one table, and Turlough training his web-cam at the pair from another.

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto," Dorothy remarked.

"No, this is New York City, apparently," Adric informed.

"Adric," the Doctor said sharply, "don't annoy her. She's on her way to Oz."

"What?"

"Don't you know anything?" Turlough moaned. "That's Dorothy from "The Wizard of Oz."

"Oh." Adric brightened, turning to Dorothy. "May I come with you?"

Dorothy considered. "Can you help me get back to Kansas?"

"I don't even know where that is."

"God, you're fucking useless," Dorothy replied, giving him a kick in the shins. She stormed from the room. "Come on, Toto."

Adric gave a yelp, grabbing his ankle. Toto growled and bit his other ankle before following after Dorothy. "Geez, I can't get a break to save my life," he moaned.

"Now there's irony for you," Margaret remarked as she reappeared.

"Where did you vanish to?" the Doctor demanded.

"Into the randomness. Do try to keep up."

"That's easy for you to say." The Doctor stiffened visibly. "We've changed locations again, haven't we?"

Margaret grinned. "See, you are catching on."

"Now where are we?"

"I haven't decided yet. I ran into one of the other authors while I was away."

The Doctor gave the woman a suspicious look. "Oh…?"

"She's a really big fan of yours. Come on, I'll introduce you."

"This isn't going to turn into one of your puns, is it?" the Doctor inquired.

Margaret's eyebrows went up. "I thought you liked puns."

"Yes, but when you say my biggest fan, I imagine being taking to a large mechanical object with rotating blades. After all, you did just have a young girl who was blow away by a tornado wander thorough here."

"Ha! I didn't even make the connection."

"Of course you didn't."

"My muse has a tendency to get ahead of me sometimes," Margaret confessed. "Anyway, this is a real person. I did a short short with you and Turlough about her, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember that one," Turlough called over his shoulder. "Something about Warinbabylon."

The Doctor gave Margaret a disapproving look. "That is a shameless plug. And what did I say about puns?"

"That was more a play on words. Anyway, she wants to meet you. What do you say?"

"Will it get me out of the randomness for a bit?"

"No telling. But I'm not really into Fem Slash, so we'll leave this lot to have it."

The Doctor drew a deep breath. "Very well, lead on…"

Margaret turned and held out a hand. A door appeared out of nowhere. She opened it, calling into the void beyond. "Babs! You own me a twenty."

"What! Now see here--" The Doctor's protested were cut off as he was pulled into the void, the door slamming behind him.

Adric stood staring as the door vanished from sight. "Um, guys..." he said, turning to the others. "I think the Doctor just got himself kidnapped by a couple of fan!girls."

"Excuse me," came Margaret's voice from above. "I'm not some newbie fan!girl. I've been an avid fan for more than 20 years." There was an audible pop as she cut the mike.

"What does that mean?" Adric wanted to know.

Turlough sighed. "The Doctor's either in trouble, or one very lucky bastard."

"Well, he is the hero."

Tegan, Nyssa and Turlough all glared at the boy. "Shut up, Adric!" they all said in unison.