AUTHOR'S NOTE: Dear Lord, please forgive this complete rape of established canon. Amen.

Chicket is a friend of this author.

BARCELONA

After a brief stop in Madrid, in which a parade of Nimon worshipers passed by, the building somehow uprooted itself again, landing in Barcelona during the running of the bulls. Before anyone could decide whether or not they should warn Adric, who had gone outside to watch the parade, he was run over by the men involved in the lunacy of running in front of a herd stampeding bulls. This was followed up by his being run over by the bulls themselves.

"Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark."

Tegan and Nyssa looked up to see a man standing over them.

"Ladies," Captain Jack said amiably, "mind if I join you?"

"Hey!" Turlough objected. "That's not fair."

Captain Jack looked up and gave the boy an appraising look. "Hmmm, I don't think I've ever had a foursome before," he remarked. "Come on, Red, put that thing on auto execute and let's have a party."

Turlough's eyes grew wide as saucers as Jack started to strip. "Holy shit!"

"Oooo," Tegan cooed. "And I thought all the bulls were outside."

"We may crash your friend's server," Captain Jack grinned.

"You're on!"

"Jack!" the Tenth Doctor admonished from a random doorway. "What are you–No, never mind I can see what you're doing. Why are you doing it here?"

"You're the one who wanted to go to Barcelona," Jack replied.

"That was the planet, not the city."

"I decided to come to the city."

Tegan and Nyssa started to giggle. "I think you're going to come in the restaurant too."

The Doctor groaned, rolling his eyes. "Enough with the puns, already!"

A hand reached out of the wall, grabbed the Doctor by the collar and pulled him into the void. "Hey! Chicklet!" Margaret called out. "I gotta present for you!"

A battered and bloodied Adric appeared in the doorway at that moment. "Shit! I miss everything."

"Shut up and run the web-cam," Turlough ordered as he climbed onto the table with the others.

"No."

"If you're gonna sulk, you've gotta leave. And then you won't be able to watch," Jack said and he tried to decide who to bang first.

Adric's eyes widened. Obviously this hadn't occurred to him. He may have been a math genius, but he was as dumb as a brick in other areas.

Adric started across the room, only to be swallowed by a black hole.

"Hey, author, what took you so long?" Jack called out. "We're trying to crash Turlough's server."

"Shut up and start humping like weasels, will you?" the author called back.

"You're on!"