Everyone Loves ROMY! - HOLIDAY SPECIAL Episode, a x-men fanfic

My Christmas gift to you...is to not write another one of these.

You should watch the first episode of Everyone Loves Romy - Pilot Episode, before starting this one. If you missed the Post Credits scene, you should revisit it because Gambit unknowingly conveys some information to Mystique.

Despite the title, this story has nothing to do with Everybody Loves Raymond. The last episode was inspired by an episode of FRIENDS - The One With The Boobies. This one is inspired by every sitcom holiday special ever. So keep track of how many holiday tropes you find, there's a scorecard at the end of the story. See how many you can find!

Merry Christmas!

The screen illuminates with the words: "Everyone Loves Romy!" in bold caps, sans serif. The show's jaunty theme music begins to play, but something is different about it. There's the faint underscore of festive jingling bells to attend the musical introduction. Instead of the previously established vignettes of the two main characters, we have instead a holiday-flavored montage. Gambit and Rogue appear in the front yard of their Krakoan beach house, attempting to decorate a tropical tree with holiday baubles. The tree suddenly sprouts its own red and green pustules and the pair hastily back away, dropping Christmas bulbs as they turn to flee from it. In the next scene, Gambit and Rogue are sitting on the beach wearing skimpy swimsuits, but also Santa hats and colorful scarves. They toast one another with mugs of eggnog, which apparently due to the heat, have turned sour. They both turn to spit the 'nog out into the sand, Gambit wiping his tongue on his scarf and Rogue dry heaving. Finally, we have a scene of the two on their front porch. Rogue is using her powers of flight to string lights on the roof. Triumphantly, Gambit snaps two electrical plugs together. For a moment, their home is illuminated with twinkling multicolored lights. Standing together, they turn to admire their handiwork, right before a monsoon douses them in drenching rain. A flash of lightning and a tree falls on the house. The lights spark and go out, plunging the scene into darkness.

Holiday Special Episode: I'll Have a Blue Christmas (With the In Laws...who are literally blue.)

SCENE ONE

FADE IN:

INT: GAMBIT & ROGUE'S BEACH HOUSE - LATE MORNING

We open on the living area within our favorite couple's Krakoan beach house. The sofa, chairs, area rug, and coffee table are covered over in a tumble of open boxes, crumpled tissue and newspaper, tinsel and strings of lights. In front of the large picture window, facing the picturesque view of the Pacific Ocean, is a seven-foot-tall silver tinsel Christmas tree. It is trembling slightly. The tinsel tree suddenly illuminates with dazzling multicolored lights. Rogue appears from behind it. She is casually dressed in a tank top and gym shorts, her hair in curly disarray. She steps back from the tree a few paces, and with hands on her hips, studies her masterpiece. She begins to fastidiously arrange tree branches "just right" and adjust baubles so minutely, only Rogue herself could be able to discern a difference.

Behind her, Gambit descends the staircase, towel drying his hair. He is, of course, shirtless. Gambit has yet to see the festive decorations, and as he steps off the final tread, he removes the towel from his head and looks up.

Gambit
Hey, Roguey? You seen my-
(He catches sight of the tree.)
-whoa.

Gambit stands stone still, struck paralyzed by the sight before him, mouth slightly open.

Rogue
(hands clasped in front of her, she turns with a hopeful smile on her face)
Well, what d'you think? D'ya like it?

Gambit
No.

Rogue
(expression falling)
Ah guess it's a bit-

Gambit
I don't like it.
(in an awestruck tone)
...I love it.

Gambit walks over to Rogue to stand beside her. They both look at the spectacularly gaudy tree.

Rogue
(bending over at the waist)
Wait! This is the best part.

Gambit
(looking at Rogue's butt)
I would definitely rank it at least in de top three best parts.

Rogue rights herself and smacks Gambit's hand away from her bottom.

Rogue
Not that. This!

Rogue has plugged in the tree, which now begins to rotate slowly as a colored light from below shines upon it. The colors change as the tree spins.

Gambit
(fixated on the tree)
I ain't never seen nothin' like it. Words fail me.

Rogue
That's a first. Now, y'ain't just sayin' that to spare mah feelings? You can be honest with me, y'know.

Gambit
I mean, I am, on occasion.

Rogue pinches his bicep. Gambit grins and puts an arm around her, pulling her to his side.

Gambit
I honestly like it. Cross my heart.

The tree begins to quiver and several baubles rattle.

Rogue
Oh!

A white cat's face emerges from the branches, its eyes huge and black and full of holiday overstimulation.

Gambit
(reaching forward to hastily extract the cat from the tree)
Figaro likes it too. A bit too much.

Rogue
How're we gonna keep the cats outta the tree? This thing is delicate.

Gambit
(holding the white cat to his chest protectively)
I mean, not t'mention de cats could get hurt.

Rogue
Right, that too.

Gambit
Maybe a distraction. Somethin' to divert his attention.

Gambit places the cat into one of the empty boxes with crumpled tissue paper.

Gambit
Dere you go, Fig. Ain't this more fun?
(Turning back to Rogue)
...Anyway, have y'seen my hat?

Rogue
(hedging)
The green one? No... What d'ya need that for? It's gotta be near ninety degrees outside.

Gambit
I'm goin' Christmas shopping. In New York.

Rogue
(exasperated)
Shopping! Now? It's Christmas Eve day!

Gambit
Rogue, unlike you, not everyone has their shopping lists done by November First. And you know I'm at optimal performance in de eleventh hour.

Rogue
(folding her arms)
All right, but you better be back before five.

Gambit
(with an air of distraction)
What's at five?

Rogue
(huffs)
If Ah've told you once, Ah've told you a hundred times. We have company comin' over!

Gambit
Enh?

Rogue
(accusingly)
Ah think you have selective hearing.

Gambit
It's not selective. I'm partially deaf in dis ear. Y'know. Because of all de explosions.

Rogue
In that case, we'll take you for an exam and you can get a hearing aid.

Gambit
Henh?

Rogue
Remy LeBeau...so help me.

Gambit
Kidding! Kidding. I was lying about being deaf. I hear just fine.

Rogue
Now Ah don't know what to believe. Are you lyin' about not hearing me tell you company's comin', or lyin' to get out of going to the doctor?

Gambit
I like t'keep people guessin'.

Rogue
How about as your gift t'me, you could maybe not lie to me for the next 24 hours.

Gambit
You make it sound like it's a habit of mine.

Rogue
(testing him)
Oh yeah? Did you or did you not watch the rest of Bridgerton without me?

Gambit
(playing false)
Bridgerton…? I don't seem t'recall-.

Rogue
Liar! Ah know you watched it, Ah can see it in your 'watched' history!

Gambit
(to himself)
I gotta get a password set on dat profile.

Rogue
How could you? We were going to watch TOGETHER!

Gambit
It's been out a YEAR! I needed to know Lady Whistledown's secret identity!

Rogue
NO SPOILERS!

Gambit
You don't understand how much I have sacrificed watching it without you.

Rogue
Oh, what a martyr! And just what is it you've sacrificed, Saint Remy?

Gambit
I know how you get after watching an episode…

Rogue
Ah have no idea what you mean.

Gambit
(lowering his voice)
How you get t'lookin' at me like I'm your favorite dessert. And have me talk t'you in a British accent. Next thing, you're removing your petticoats.

Rogue
(blushing)
Remy…!

Gambit
(speaking in a British accent)
Lady Verity... When I saw you at the duchess' ball, I knew I couldn't stay away.

Gambit claims Rogue's hand and begins to kiss the back of it.

Rogue
(breathlessly)
So forward, Mister St. Cloud.

Rogue pretends to pull away, but Gambit only draws her closer, so they are now chest-to-chest.

Gambit
I beg of you, call me Nigel…

Rogue
(aghast)
Nigel! My reputation will be ruined!

Gambit
I am yours, Verity. I have always been yours.

Rogue
(swooning)
I burn for you!

The pair begin passionately kissing one another.

Rogue
(tearing herself away and gasping)
You rake! Would you ravish me on the Chesterfield?

Gambit
(now out of character)
De what?

Rogue
The couch.

Gambit
I'm gonna ravish you all over de house.

The pair fall onto the "chesterfield", the back of which obscures them both from view (to the disappointment of the audience). Various "oh!" and "oh, mah!" sounds are coming from behind it now.

BAMF!

There is a sudden burst of purplish light, smoke, and a sting of brimstone in the air. Nightcrawler has appeared. Or at least the bottom half of Nightcrawler is visible, while the top half is hidden behind a large bush of thick, waxy leaves and purple flowers.

Gambit and Rogue sit up, their heads appearing from behind the couch. Rogue hastily fixes the strap of her tank top. Gambit's hair is quite disheveled.

Nightcrawler
(speaks something loudly in Krakoan)

Gambit
(to Nightcrawler)
Hein?

Nightcrawler
(repeats nonsense in Krakoan)

Rogue
(looking at Nightcrawler, mildly perplexed)
Joyous Sparkle Time t'you too, sugah.

Nightcrawler
(peering past the plant with a slight frown on his face)
Zhat's not what I-hm. I think somezhing is lost in zhe translation...

Gambit and Rogue have climbed to their feet, adjusting clothing where needed.

Rogue
(disappointed)
You're here...early.

Nightcrawler
I vanted to be the first to wish you a-Joyous...Spark Time-zhat can't be right...Oh, and to gift you with zhis traditional Sparksmas Eve shrub.

Nightcrawler extends the shrub in their direction. Neither Gambit or Rogue seem too keen to accept it.

Rogue
Uhm, thanks...y'can-just set it down over there, sugah.

Gambit
What's dis about Sparksmas?

Nightcrawler
It is our new Krakoan holiday! I am still thinking through some of zhe details. But it should be about community and coming together. Somezhing like zhat.

Gambit
So, like Christmas.

Nightcrawler
No. Not like Christmas. It vill occur over a series of days.

Rogue
Like Hanukkah?

Nightcrawler
(growing frustrated)
No! It's its own thing!

Gambit
Are you sayin' we can't celebrate Christmas?

Rogue
Or Hanukkah?

Nightcrawler
Everyone is free to celebrate zhe holiday of zheir own choosing in vhatever vay zhey vish, but zhis holiday is uniquely ours. Krakoan!

Rogue
(looking at the bush)
Is that thing...alive?

Nightcrawler
It is a plant, of course it is alive.

Rogue
No, Ah mean like...sentient? Ah think it's watchin' me.

Several yellow glowing lights appear on the plant and fixate on Rogue. Some of them blink.

Nightcrawler
(studying the plant he is still holding)
Erm.

Gambit
You go on and put dat outside, mon ami, before one of de cats eats it. I gotta go find my hat.

Rogue
(reminding him)
And a shirt.

Gambit
Yeah, that too.

Gambit departs to go upstairs. Two cats follow him. Nightcrawler sets the shrub down amidst the seasonal disarray scattered on the floor. He is wearing a very dashing and festive hat. Now able to see the room more clearly, Nightcrawler is taken aback.

Nightcrawler
(points at Rogue's holiday tree)
Vhat is zhat?

Rogue
(affronted)
It's our Christmas tree, o' course.

Nightcrawler
It's horrifyingly artificial.

Rogue
It's not artificial. The correct term is: permanent.

Nightcrawler
It's an abomination. I've just decided zhat. A sin against mutantkind. And good taste.

Rogue
Oh! What d'you know?

Nightcrawler
Zhe Germans invented zhe Christmas tree. So, I say zhis on good authority.

Rogue
They might've invented it, but we've perfected it.

Nightcrawler
Desecrated, seems to me.

Rogue
(pointing at the shrubbery)
Well, Ah don't know what that is, but you can take it outta here. Ah've had enough creepy poison plants t'last me 'til next Sparksmas, thanks very much.

Nightcrawler
It's not creepy! Or poisonous! It grows-!

Rogue
-Remy thinks the outdoors should stay outdoors. And he says half these Krakoan plants give him hives, besides. He could be lyin'. But still, he's right about the cats eating it. Or peeing in it.

All the little lights on the plant suddenly go out and it seems to recoil.

Nightcrawler
(pouting)
You are not receiving zhis gift in exactly the manner in vhich I'd hoped.

Rogue
(gesturing at the door)
Out! And use the-.

Nightcrawler has disappeared in another burst of smoke and brimstone. He reappears, sans plant.

Rogue
(waving away smoke)
-Front door. Ugh.

Rogue retrieves some holiday Febreze and is spraying "Cut Pine" around the room.

Nightcrawler
Fake tree, fake smells. Sparksmas vill have none of zhis, zhis artificiality. It vill be...authentic!

Rogue
(in a slightly bored tone)
Okay, sugah, whatever you say. Look, Ah appreciate what you're tryin' t'do. So in the spirit of community, can y'do me a favor and go shopping with Remy? He gets...distracted by shiny things. New York at Christmas time is about the shiniest thing there is.

Nightcrawler
Shopping? Ach. Consumerism. Zhis is somezhing else ve vill not have on Sparksmas.

Rogue
Just keep him on track. Have him back here by five.

Nightcrawler
(resignedly)
I am my brother-in-law's keeper.

Gambit, now fully dressed, wearing a sweater, scarf, and a green hat, jumps the stairs three at a time to land in the living room.

Gambit
(pulling his beanie down over his ears)
Okay, all set. It's go time!

Rogue
(to herself)
Dagnabit if Ah didn't throw away that stupid hat!

Gambit
Hein?

Rogue
Remy, you'd better not be usin' this shoppin' trip as an excuse to avoid mah moms.

Gambit
I'm NOT. I swear! I'll be home in no time.

Rogue
Ah told you: no lyin'. That's all Ah want for Christmas.

Gambit
You can't open 'honesty' on Christmas! I can't wrap 'truth' in a bow!

Rogue
Ah thought we'd decided on a minimalistic gift exchange?

Gambit
Right right, you want de honest truth! I really wanna be here with your whole family. Your newly hatched mom is smokin'. I mean, if Irene'd propositioned me and not Mystique, I can't say I would've said 'no.'

Rogue
(very unamused)
What an inappropriate thing t'say!

Gambit
Nah, it'd only be an inappropriate thing t'say if I was ugly. Hot people get a pass.

Rogue
(rubbing her face with her hands)
Ohmahgawd.

Gambit
(growing serious)
Now, Rogue. Listen to me carefully. There is a crown roast in de oven. You do not have to do anything to dis roast. De oven is on low. Whatever you do, do not open de oven door until de timer goes off.

Rogue
Y'don't have t'talk t'me like Ah'm a child. Ah know mah way around the kitchen.

Gambit
(grasping Rogue by the upper arms and speaking earnestly into her face)
Rogue. My love. My treasure. Your worth is far above rubies. But I am asking you, please, for the love of all dat's holy, do not touch my roast.

Rogue
If you weren't so cute about your cookin', Ah'd throw your butt clear inta the ocean.

Gambit
(brightening, Gambit kisses Rogue's cheek)
Bien. De cornbread dressin' is done, de yams is cooked. And de bread puddin' just needs warmed. Y'don't have t'worry 'bout a thing. I'll fix it all up at five.

Rogue
Y'promise? Thief's honor?

Gambit
Assassins couldn't keep me away.

With that, Gambit turns to leave, grabbing his coat hung by the door. Rogue looks meaningfully at Nightcrawler and gestures at Gambit in a "get a move on!" kinda way.

Nightcrawler
(sighs)
Vait, Remy. I'm coming vith.

Gambit
De more de merrier!

END SCENE

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

Interior of an office, a man is seated at a desk before shelves lined with books.

BADLY AGING BALD MAN: Are you suffering from long-term effects of a catastrophe perpetuated by various Omega-level mutants jockeying for power? Are you confused by the seemingly arbitrary set of Krakoan laws that only apply to certain mutants while others are free to do as they please due to their immense power, money, usefulness, or popularity?

Camera cuts in for close up on man.

BALD MAN: Well, I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. But if you have been injured in an accident relating to plant stings, thorns, and barbs and now stand wrongfully accused of disrespecting Krakoa...I will send a strongly-worded letter to the Quiet Council on your behalf. It probably won't change anything, but now that I, a personal injury lawyer, live on Krakoa, I really have nothing better to do.

The image changes to an image of the bald lawyer standing with arms crossed. Beside him are the words: Tim Nismy, Personal Injury Lawyer, "If the crime don't fit, you won't go in The Pit."

SCENE TWO

FADE IN:

EXT: OUTSIDE A BUSY DEPARTMENT STORE - EVENING

Open on a New York City street scene in front of a busy department store. Gambit and Nightcrawler are standing before a bright store window decorated with a snowy scene depicting impeccably dressed mannequin-shoppers with brown bags exploding with ribbons and baubles. Gambit is rifling through his own brown shopping bag.

Gambit
Et voilà, la pièce de résistance!

Gambit shows Nightcrawler a clear plastic cylinder full of colorful bunches of some kind of fabric.

Nightcrawler
Vhat is that?

Gambit
(very pleased with himself)
A giant thing of hair things!

Nightcrawler
Ve came out to New York so you could buy Rogue an economy-sized package of hair scrunchies? Not jewelry? Not diamonds?

Gambit
(scoffing)
I can steal jewelry any ole time. But dis is de only store dat had de giant thing of hair things.

Nightcrawler
You didn't steal it, did you?

Gambit
Nah. Dis store is UFCW. They pay a living wage.

Nightcrawler
Ach. Gambit. Vhat...!? No, nevermind. I don't need to know how or vhy you rationalize your behavior. You think Rogue is going to enjoy these...hair things?

Gambit
One of de many things I love about Rogue...Is her inexplicable and unironic love of cheap, tacky throwback stuff, like plastic flamingos and cowboy boots worn with shortie shorts.

Nightcrawler
(smiling toothily)
And you.

Gambit
(staring at the other man with squint-eyed consideration)
Okay, I walked into dat one, so I'll let it pass. But what I like is to make Rogue happy. Also annoyed, sometimes, because she's real cute when she's angry. So yes, she will enjoy a giant thing of hair things. ...Also, she looks hot in a ponytail. It's a gift dat keeps on giving!

Nightcrawler
(somewhat glumly)
If you are finished with your purchases then, let's return.

The pair are heading towards Central Park and the portal to take them back to Krakoa. After a period of awkward silence, Gambit regards Nightcrawler carefully.

Gambit
You're lookin' bluer than usual, mon frère. Not taken with the holiday spirit?

Nightcrawler
I vas hoping my own family vould not be so resistant to zhe concept of a new tradition. Zhat of anyone, you would keep an open mind about Sparksmas.

Gambit
Here's an idea...just steal de fun traditions from other cultures and incorporate them into yours. I heard of dis one where everyone hits a Christmas log and it craps presents. Dat seems fun. Or how 'bout dis…De Braddocks seem t'think wearing paper hats is a Christmas thing. And you look great in a hat!

Nightcrawler
Festive accessories aside...One, stealing is wrong. And two, zhis seems disingenuous. Like cultural appropriation.

Gambit
It's cultural onboarding. Take the familiar and put your own spin on it. If it includes lots of food, gettin' sauced, and singin' loud enough to annoy de neighbors, well, count me in. Oh, and let's not forget settin' stuff on fire.

Nightcrawler
Is zhis Cajun tradition? Or is burning things a natural inclination of yours?

Gambit
Y'all don't do bonfires in Germany?

Nightcrawler
Vhe haf Christmas markets. Stollen. Mulled Vine.

Gambit
Vine?

Nightcrawler
Vine! Vine! Like fermented grapes turned into alcoholic liquid.

Gambit
Aah, gotcha. All dat stuff sounds good t'me. Unless 'stollen' is secret-code for fruitcake.

Nightcrawler
No, it is not zhe same. But it does have dried fruit.

They are coming up on the portal as it is beginning to snow.

Nightcrawler
(looking upwards and smiling faintly)
Now zhis is more to my liking. Too bad zhere is no snow on Krakoa.

Gambit
Hard pass on de snow, mon ami. Let's go quick quick through de portal.

Nightcrawler
(indicating the bag Gambit is carrying)
Are you sure zhis is vhat you vant to get Rogue for Christmas?

Gambit
Nah. De real gift is me giving her some much-needed alone time with her moms. I called them to come over early, then made myself scarce.

Nightcrawler
And also spare yourself zhe barbed comments Mystique shoots your vay.

Gambit
Dat's just an added bonus. But also, it's how Mystique would want it. So my gift to her, too. Her family, to herself. I mean no offense t'you, mon frère. But y'know. Girl time.
(Gambit shrugs in a: "what're ya gonna do?" kinda way.)

Nightcrawler
I think perhaps you do get zhe concept of Sparksmas after all! And, in zhe spirit of generosity and getting along with all our fellow mutants, I'll go in on your thoughtful gift with you. But I have promised Rogue zhat I would have you back before five o'clock, Krakoan time.

Gambit
(looking at wristwatch)
We're golden! It's nine here. So it's only three PM their time...tomorrow. I think. I get confused. Dis is technically time-travel, ain't it? Why don't we go get a drink first? Maybe not mulled wine, but some kinda new Sparksmas drink?

Nightcrawler
(grinning)
Of course! Vhy didn't I think of this earlier? A traditional festive libation to start zhe season right. Something...purple, I am thinking.

Gambit
Sure. But...No peppermint schnapps.

Nightcrawler
(agreeing)
No schnapps at all.

Gambit
(indicating portal)
You go through first and distract Sage for me.

Nightcrawler
Vhy?

Gambit
Because somethin' comes over Sage when she sees me and mistletoe put together.

Nightcrawler
(giving him a skeptical look)
You really think you are so irresistible?

Gambit
You haven't seen her jumping other mutants to kick start their powers, have you?

Nightcrawler is about to concede his point when he is distracted by some sound in the distance.

Nightcrawler
(hand cupped to pointed ear)
Vhat is zhat?

Gambit
Hein?

Nightcrawler
(with impatience)
Zhat sound. It's...it's like a cat has been set on fire.

Gambit
(with alarm)
A cat is in trouble? We have t'go save it!

Gambit runs off camera, stage left.

Nightcrawler
(still standing before the portal)
It's coming from over zhis vay.

Gambit reappears back on camera and begins running in the direction Nightcrawler has indicated, stage right. Nightcrawler follows him at a more sedate pace.

They are closing in on the source of the sound. The two brothers-in-law come to a halt in front of one of the park's water features, a duck pond. Above the pond is a curved expanse of bridge. On the far railing stands a figure, facing away. Several other New Yorkers are clustered around watching this figure as he wobbles back and forth, off-key singing something somewhat recognizable.

New York Onlooker #1
(with zero concern)
I think he's gonna jump.

New York Onlooker #2
(dryly)
I wish the bridge was taller.

Figure on the Bridge
(singing)
I wish you a sol-i-tary Christ-mas and a ve-ry screwed year!

Gambit
(to Nightcrawler)
Oh, Dieu. Dis'll be fun. You go up dat side and I'll take de other.

The two part ways and proceed towards either end of the bridge. They approach the figure cautiously.

Figure
(dramatically)
The best way to spread Christmas fear...is screaming loud for all to hear! Goodbye, cruel world!

Nightcrawler
(to the figure)
You do not have to do zhis, mein freund! You haf a vunderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it vould be to throw it away?

Figure
Bleep you, Clarence! I'm onto you, you wingless bleep! Come any closer, and I'll ring your bleeping bell!
(Figure begins waving a katana around.)

Nightcrawler
But think of all zhe people whose lives you've touched. How much different things vould be if you vere gone.

Gambit
Oh, dat ain't gonna help…

Figure
(despairingly, with a sob)
Oh, gaaahd. You're right...so many people would be so much better off had I never lived!

The figure squats, about to propel himself into the pond.

Gambit
Wade, get down from de railing. You're scarin' de ducks.

The figure, revealing itself now to be Deadpool, pauses to consider the emotional state of the ducks. Nightcrawler bamfs behind Deadpool, grabs him around the waist, and bamfs him onto the foot bridge. Nightcrawler quickly hops away as a sword is swung in his direction.

Deadpool
(weaving unsteadily and slurring)
Well, well, well….if it isn't Remy LeBeau-ner and Satan's Little Helper.

Gambit
Wade, what did you take and how much of it was there?

Deadpool
(attempting to keep Gambit in focus)
They told me Krakoa would provide...and boy, did he ever. Who knew my new dealer would be a sentient island? Whoo. (Singing again) I'll...be stoned...for Christmas...

Nightcrawler
(shaking his head)
Zhis is no goot.

Gambit
(to Nightcrawler, indicating Deadpool)
What are we gonna do about dis?

Deadpool
(singing at the sky)
An-gels, have you hearrrd I'm high?

Nightcrawler
Ve should probably take him elsevhere before zhe authorities show up.

Gambit and Nightcrawler each take one of Deadpool's arms and begin frog-marching him off the bridge.

Deadpool
(openly weeping)
You guys. You saved me. I love you so much.

Gambit
Y'all got to sober up, mon ami. Let's go get you a coffee. Or a blood transfusion.

Nightcrawler
(concerned)
Mein freund, vhy ever are you out here on a bridge on zhis special night?

Deadpool
They say being alone at the holidays is difficult. But they're wrong! It's not difficult. It's bleeping BRUTAL! The punishing agony of regret-tinged isolation combined with icy temperatures, a bleak and pitiless sky, and ever-encroaching all-encompassing darkness!

Nightcrawler
I think vhat you are experiencing is seasonal affectedness disorder.

Gambit
Combined with whatever narcotics Krakoa supplied him with. Wade, where's Jeff at?

Deadpool
(sobs renew)
He migrated! For the winter. Took a Greyhound to Florida. I can't go to Florida. People are crazy there!

Deadpool throws his arms around Gambit and weeps into his shoulder.

Deadpool
(moans)
Forever alone...

Nightcrawler
Remy…?

Gambit
(to Nightcrawler)
Let's just dunk him in de duck pond a few times, then leave him at de bus station. He'll sober up. Jeff'll come back.

Nightcrawler
(plaintively)
Remy…

Gambit
Okay, first, we'll buy him a burrito, then leave him at de bus station.

Nightcrawler
(staring at Gambit)
I know that even you know you won't leave zhis man alone on Sparksmas.

Gambit
(groaning)
Aargh! Curse dis conscience of mine! FINE! He can come to Christmas dinner!
(mutters)
Dieu, Rogue is going to divorce me for dis!

Nightcrawler
No, she von't. And it's Sparksmas.

Deadpool
(head still buried in Gambit's shoulder)
You'd let me-hic-join you-for-hic-for dinner?

Gambit
(sighing and patting Deadpool on the back)
Wade, we'd love to have you over to our place for dinner. Would you please be our guest?

Deadpool
(sniffling hopefully)
Is there snow? And mistletoe? And presents on the tree?

Gambit
No. None of dose t'ings. And stop sniffing my neck.

Gambit shoves Deadpool from him. Deadpool stumbles back a few paces and then wipes his dribbling nose on his sleeve.

Deadpool
Do you swim in that cologne you wear, or what?

Gambit
Having regrets already.

Nightcrawler
All right zhen. To zhe portal.

Gambit
Won't Wade need one of dem passport flowers?

Deadpool
I had one...turns out, it is not a hallucinogen as I'd hoped. Just gave me the runs.

Nightcrawler
You ATE it?

Deadpool
Well, I couldn't smoke it or mainline it.

Nightcrawler
(pinching bridge of his nose)
Gambit, you stay here with Deadpool. I vill fetch a flower and return post haste.

Gambit
Why do I have to sit here in de cold? I'm not de one covered in fur!

Nightcrawler
(points to himself)
Teleportation powers!

Gambit
(impatiently, he sits on down on a bench)
Well, run run Rudolph! Get a move on!

Nightcrawler bamfs away. Deadpool joins Gambit on the park bench.

Deadpool
Why can't I say 'bleep'? Or 'bleeping'? Or 'motherbleeper'?

Gambit
Dis a family program. Those words are bleeped. Also note, mild allusions to sex are allowed, but not actual sex.

Deadpool
But references to drug abuse, those are okay?

Gambit
Also gratuitous violence. Go figure.

Deadpool
(brightening)
There's going to be gratuitous violence?

Gambit
If Mystique is involved...probably.
(Gambit considers Deadpool a moment.)
Actually...now dat I think of it, havin' you around will make me look great by way of comparison.

Deadpool
Maybe if we're comparing cabooses. I mean, I could bounce a quarter off that backside of yours. But performance-wise, I am a better kisser than you.

Gambit
You are not.

Deadpool
Am too.

Gambit
You are NOT.

Deadpool
(pointing upwards)
Look, mistletoe!

Gambit
(looks upwards)
Dat's not-dat's a plastic bag stuck in-mmmph!

Deadpool has lifted his mask and is now kissing Gambit full on the mouth. Gambit struggles a moment, then stops and goes limp. Deadpool finally pulls away, leaving a stunned-silent Gambit. Deadpool settles in beside his frenemy, his head leaning on Gambit's shoulder.

Gambit
I ought to say no, no, no, sir.

Deadpool
Mind if I move in closer?

Gambit
At least I'm gonna say that I tried.

Deadpool
What's the sense of hurting my pride?

Gambit
I really can't stay...

Deadpool
(Putting his hand on Gambit's knee as the snow continues to fall)
Baby, don't hold out.

Gambit
...Get your bleeping hands off me! Dis is sexual assault!

Deadpool
That's not how the song ends.

END SCENE

FADE TO BLACK

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

The commercial opens on a red couch surrounded by sumptuous draperies seen through a Vaseline-lens. A snakelike woman is sprawled on the couch, holding a spiral-corded phone receiver that most millennials and Gen Z'ers have never seen in real life before.

Stacy X (sexily twirling the phone cord): Hi...are you...lonely? Feeling...disconnected? Looking to make that special...connection...with someone? Anyone? And you don't have particularly high standards?

C/U on Stacy X's face.

Stacy X: Then let me help you...feel the spark…

V/O with a C/U of a woman's lips whispering breathily: The spark…

Stacy X: Let me put you in touch...judgement-free...with any number of crazy-horny freaky-deakies…

V/O: Feel the spark…

Stacy X: I guarantee...I can match you with someone equally as filthy as you. And if you're feeling uninspired...I can provide you with some...very kinky...prompts. To get those juices flowing…

V/O: I hate how she says: "juices."

Stacy X: I don't do this for money...just trying to put my powers to good use. Also, I like to listen in….so, hope you're into that. (And I have some inventory to move.) So call now, and let Stacy X help you feel…

V/O: The spark…

Stacy X: (speaking quickly) Premium-carrier-charges-apply. All-callers-get-one-free-baby!

SCENE THREE

FADE IN:

INT: GAMBIT AND ROGUE'S KRAKOAN BEACH HOUSE

We open back in the living area, where Rogue has tidied, the various boxes now gone and a neat pile of wrapped packages is artfully arranged beneath the tree. Rogue is wandering around the living room, rattling kibble in a dish. She is still wearing her tank and shorts, only also softly sweating and covered in glitter and faux pine needles from her decorating bonanza.

Rogue
(calling enticingly and shaking the dish)
Luuuucieeee…

The orange cat thumps itself down the stairs and gives a cheerful meow. Rogue places the dish down and the cat hustles over. As the cat digs into his meal, Rogue affixes something around the cat's neck.

Rogue
Okay. That's the easy one done.
(draws a breath to steel her resolve)
Oh, Oooliverrr!

Rogue fishes in her pocket and comes out with a laser pointer.

Rogue
Heeeere kitty…

A small black cat appears from behind the pile of gifts. Rogue lures him closer with the Little Red Dot. After playing with the cat for a bit, Rogue swoops down and catches him. She affixes another something around the struggling cat's neck and quickly lets him go. The cat tears across the room and out of sight.

Rogue
Ha! Invulnerability for the win!

Rogue looks around again, searching for the last cat.

Rogue
Okay...the wild card. Figaro!

Rogue looks under the couch.

Rogue
Fiiii-ga-ro! Figaro...? Figaro!

The front door to the house opens. Mystique and Destiny stand outside on the porch. Meanwhile, Rogue is crawling on all fours, peering under furniture.

Rogue
Fiiigaro!

Destiny
This is quite an unusual performance of The Barber of Seville.

Rogue leaps up with a surprised shout.

Rogue
Y'all scared the pants offa me!

Mystique enters the house and surveys her daughter.

Mystique
We might have, if you'd actually been wearing pants.
(critically)
Is that what you are wearing for holiday dinner?

Rogue
(frowning)
Haven't any of y'all heard of arriving fashionably late? Ah'm not ready yet!

Rogue walks over to the front door and hugs Destiny, then more cautiously, offers a hug to Mystique as well.

Destiny
We were instructed to arrive at three.

Rogue
(scratching her head)
Ah could've sworn Ah'd said five.

Mystique
It was Gambit who told us three. He can only count so high, after all.

Rogue
(glowers)

Destiny
(speaking in an atonal sight-beyond-sight voice, her fingertips resting on her temples)
There is a platter of appetizers in the warming drawer and a shaker of pre-mixed cocktails in the refrigerator.

Rogue
(confused)
What?

Rogue approaches the refrigerator and finds a large silver cocktail shaker (it's called "Excalibur" by the way, because the lid is so hard to get off, only Rogue can pry it loose). She notices there are three martini glasses on the counter, complete with garnish. Shrugging, Rogue pours three drinks. The warming drawer contains an assortment of canapes placed onto a serving platter. Rogue plucks a Post-it note from the front of the drawer.

Rogue
(reading)
'Enjoy the drinks and apps ladies! See you at five. Love, Best Husband Ever.'

Mystique
(audibly rolls eyes)

Rogue
(pressing a glass into her mother's hand)
Here momma, have a drink.

Rogue directs Destiny to the couch. Once she is seated, Rogue notices something on her shoulder.

Rogue
(brushing bits of something from her sleeve)
What's this on your shirt, Renie?

Mystique
It's ashing outside.

Rogue
(confused, she looks outside)
Ashing?

Destiny
Volcanic activity, it seems.

Mystique
(sitting herself next to Destiny)
The whole island is getting covered with the stuff. It's messy, but on the other hand...it also smells bad.

Rogue
But...Krakoa has a volcano?

Destiny
It does now.

Mystique
The Magnet-Family is having a gathering this evening. I believe Magneto and Polaris are debating politics.
(gestures towards the outdoors)
Electromagnetic disruption is resulting in some seismic activity.

Rogue
Well, that's a relief.

Destiny
The potential of the electromagnetic poles reversing themselves is a soothing notion?

Rogue
(shrugs)
Well, it makes our family look pretty tame by comparison. Ah mean (Rogue laughs), neither of you are going to lead to the fiery destruction of Krakoa!

Mystique and Destiny seem to regard each other a moment, then take a careful sip of their respective drinks.

Rogue
(nervously)
Erm. You're not...secretly planning to set Krakoa on fire, are you?

Mystique
(changing subject)
Irene, be grateful for your lack of sight. If you saw this Christmas tree, you'd like to be struck blind. It is absolutely ghastly.

Rogue
It's not ghastly. It's vintage! And kitschy! And fun!

Mystique
Given who you married, it isn't any wonder that you'd like dated, vulgar distractions.

Destiny
I'm sure it's wonderful, Rogue dear. It's only that Raven prefers herself to be the most colorful thing in the room.

Mystique
(lightly)
I'd almost forgotten how funny you think you are.

Destiny
(with kind familiarity)
I certainly haven't forgotten what a sourpuss you are...and always will be.

Despite their words, the pair are smiling at one another.

Rogue
Ah can't say Ah could've asked for a better Christmas present than havin' the both of you here...but seein' you smile is an even bigger treat.

Mystique
Hideous decor aside, it is so nice to have the family together again.

Rogue
Well, missin' mah husband, not to mention your son.

Mystique
But are we really missing them, though?

Destiny
Eat a canape, Raven. They're very good.
(turning towards Rogue)
I'm so delighted you've found happiness, Rogue.

Mystique
Infectious insanity, is more like it.

Destiny
Raven mentioned an impromptu wedding? Nuptials gone Rogue.

Rogue
Believe it or not, Ah'm the responsible one in this marriage operation. A lot's changed since you've been gone. Ah have a recording of the wedding. Would you like to hear it?

Destiny
I would love-.

Mystique
Allow me to summarize. Gambit chewed the scenery with his characteristic overblown declarations while everyone felt embarrassed by him and for him.

Destiny
Raven, dearest-.

Mystique
I found it odd, that Rogue didn't mention once in her vows that she loves him. Irene, don't you think that's odd?

Rogue
It really goes without saying!

Destiny
There are many ways to say-.

Mystique
I mean, they aren't even living together anymore. Isn't that odd, too?

Rogue
(getting angrier, speaking stiffly)
So we have a slightly different living arrangement.

Mystique
(waving hand airily)
Spending time apart will be good for you. Give you an opportunity to see things are better without him. Come to your senses.

Rogue
It's not like you and Irene have always been together.

Destiny
That's right, darling. Over the course of our relationship, we've spent time away from one another.

Mystique
Sometimes years.

Destiny
And our relationship is stronger for it.

Mystique
We share an unbreakable bond.

Rogue
Right. And you're both perfectly…
(staring at Mystique while realization dawns on her)
...Normal? Oh, gawd...Deep breaths, Rogue. Everything'll be fine.
(looking at watch, speaking to herself encouragingly)
Ah still got an hour before Remy and Kurt are back. ...Oh! Oh no!

Destiny
What ever is the matter?

Rogue
Ah forgot to finish putting together Remy's gift!

Mystique
I hope it's not more cologne.

Rogue
Momma, for pete's sake!

Rogue stands and begins rummaging through the gifts under the tree. Not finding what she is looking for, she looks behind the draperies, opens closets.

Mystique
What are you doing?

Rogue
Ah'm lookin' for Figaro. Where'd that darn cat get to anyway?

Mystique
You can't regift the cats.

Rogue
No! I got the boys little bowties, see?
(shows her mother the little bowtie collar)
Ah was gonna dress 'em up and take their photo. Ah got a frame an' everything. Now, where did Fig get to? Momma, help me find him? Please?

Mystique sighs and puts down her drink.

Mystique
Renie. Your thoughts?

Destiny
(omniscient oracle voice)
You should seek him further afield.

Rogue
(freezes)
Whad'ya mean?

Destiny
I See...a field of white...

Rogue
(looking outside, she panics)
Oh no! The ash! It's all white! Figaro got out?! Gah! That bleeping Sparksmas shrub! FIGARO!

Rogue runs for the door and hauls it open. Flakes of ash flutter inside.

Rogue
(screaming out the door)
FIGARO!

Rogue dashes outdoors into the ashy evening.

Destiny
(to Mystique)
You should probably go help her, Raven.

Mystique
(sighs and follows after Rogue)
The things I do for love.

END SCENE

CUT TO BLACK

SCENE FOUR

FADE IN:

INT: KRAKOA TRANSIT - EVENING

When next we see Nightcrawler, he is fighting his way through a clog of mutants, many carrying festively wrapped parcels or dressed for a celebration. We are in the busy terminal of Krakoa's Transit hub, the interior of which is festooned with vines, ferns, and blinking red eyeballs; eyeballs, which at this time, look a little bleary. There's a faint cloud of dust in the air, giving everything a hazy appearance. No one looks particularly happy.

Nightcrawler
(weaving his way through the crowd)
Excuse me! Beg your pardon! So sorry!

Nightcrawler is nearing the main console before which sits a tall-backed leather chair. He approaches with caution, as if half-afraid of the person seated there. However, he is distracted by a commercial playing on one of the monitors above. Stacy X, whose voice is lost amidst the Transit hullabaloo, is whispering something and the words: "The Spark" scroll across the screen in vaguely transparent cursive writing.

Nightcrawler
Was ist das? She can't be-! A nine-hundred number…? Zhis is not what zhe 'Spark' is meant to be about! I-I vill sue!

Voice From Behind Chair
If you wait a few minutes, you'll likely see the Tim Nismy commercial. Talk to him about it. Now, go away. I'm busy.

Nightcrawler
Sage? Hello?

There is no response from Sage, who remains hidden from view for the most part. All we see are her hands flitting across the controls on the console.

Nightcrawler
(loudly speaking to no one)
Oh, Gambit! There you are, mein Schwager! Have you thought to bring the mistletoe?

The chair whips around, revealing Sage.

Sage
(eyes flicking over Nightcrawler)
Do you think to taunt me with this obvious ruse? I know full well Gambit hasn't come back through the Central Park portal.

Nightcrawler
So you do keep track of him!

Sage
I keep track of everyone. And right now, it seems that everyone is here. Bothering me. What is it you want? Can't you see we have a crisis on our hands?

Nightcrawler
Zhat is vhy I thought to come directly to you—you being in the know. Vhat has happened?

Sage
Krakoa has indigestion. Dust and Magma are on it, but for the time being, all inter-island transportation is at a stand-still.

Nightcrawler
Is zhere anything I can do to help?

Sage
(with a lack of understanding, as if Nightcrawler were not speaking clearly)
You...want to...help me?

Nightcrawler
Vell, yes, of course. You appear most stressed.

Sage
I don't get stressed.

Nightcrawler
Annoyed, then.

Sage
You're not here to harass me? Demand I tell you who went where? Complain you can't get to and from somewhere?

Nightcrawler
To-and-from is my specialty. I'll be happy to help these merry mutants to zheir destinations.

Sage
So...you aren't...asking me to do something for you?

Nightcrawler
Not unless you happen to haf a portal flower in your back pocket?

Sage
No, and good luck getting one. The entire island is covered over in a foot of volcanic ash.

Nightcrawler
It is?

Sage
Yes, can't you smell it?

Nightcrawler
(sniffing the air)
I don't smell anything unusual.

Sage
Well, I guess you wouldn't.

Nightcrawler
Oh, dear…Vell, first things first. Let us get zhese good people to zheir loved ones.

Sage
(standing up and clapping her hands)
Listen up, people! You're fogging up all my equipment with your mouth-breathing. So queue up, folks. Wagner is going to 'port you off and out of my hair.

Nightcrawler now recognizes he has perhaps been too generous with his offer as people crowd around him.

Rando Mutant #1 (Probably from Arakko or something)
(pressing gifts into Nightcrawler's arms)
Can you take these to the place on Arbor and Vinetree?

Nightcrawler
Zhe Vinetree uptown or on zhe west side?

Rando Mutant #1
Neither, the one running parallel to Stranglegrass Street.

Nightcrawler
(mutters to self)
Vhy haf we named so many streets 'Vinetree'? Zhis is worse than Atlanta.

BAMF - BAMF

Nightcrawler
(speaking to the next in line)
And you folks?

Group of Revelers
Carousel, honey. The party at Club Vitamin D.

Nightcrawler
(reassessing the group of young men)
Ahm...vell, okay. Just hang on to me-no, no! Not in zhe bathing suit area, please!

Group of Revelers
Sure you don't wanna join us?

Nightcrawler
Thanks for the offer but...

BAMF - BAMF

Nightcrawler
(now partially covered in body glitter)
Okay, who is next?

All Wolverines and Sniktlets
(chanting and looking slightly blood-thirsty)
Wild Hunt Wild Hunt WILD HUNT!

Nightcrawler
Please keep your hand and foot claws IN vhile vhe are in motion!

BAMF - BAMF

Nightcrawler
(now spattered in blood, somewhat shell-shocked)
Who-who is next?

Sage
Are you okay?

Nightcrawler
(looking at himself)
Zhe blood is not mine.

Sage
I'm only mildly reassured by this.

Nightcrawler
(to next in line)
Your destination?

Mutant Covered Head To Toe in Holiday Knitwear
Take me down to Paradise City?

Nightcrawler
I'm...I'm not familiar vith the area.

Mutant Covered Head to Toe in Holiday Knitwear
It's where the grass is green. (snickers) And the girls are pretty.

Nightcrawler
(looking askance, Nightcrawler reaches out and pulls off the other man's scarf)
Ach, Robert Drake.

Iceman
Ha! Ya got me! But...oh, won't you please take me home, yeah?

BAMF - BAMF

Nightcrawler
Now I vill haf that horrible song in my head for zhe rest of zhe night.

A different mutant has cut the line and now stands with arms crossed, looking very unimpressed.

Magik
'Sup.

Nightcrawler
I am not teleporting you, 'Yana.

Magik
(making a show of stretching out her arms with patronizing confidence)
Watching you 'port back and forth is making me tired. Why don't you step back and let a professional take over?

Nightcrawler
(rubbing his head tiredly)
Vell, I vould certainly appreciate the help.

Magik
Maybe just stick to the packages. You're looking ragged.

Nightcrawler
It is only zhat I am supposed to be back with Gambit in tow in-(looking at the Transit clock)-twenty minutes!

Tall Imposing Mutant
You're handling the packages?

Nightcrawler
(looking up)
Oh, guten Abend, Herr Essex. Do you haf something you need to send?

Mister Sinister
My priority package should have arrived.

Nightcrawler
Priority? I am not involved vith Amazon.

Mister Sinister
Alexa informed me it would be here, left near the portal door.

Nightcrawler
Again, I haf nothing to do with shipments from Amazon.

Mister Sinister
I would like to speak to your manager.

Nightcrawler
Sinister, I'm not an Amazon delivery person!

Mister Sinister
Well, how am I to know that?

Nightcrawler
I haf been an X-Man for most of my adult life! You and I sit on zhe Quiet Council togezzer!

Mister Sinister
We do? No... I'm certain I have never seen you before in my life.

Nightcrawler
(lifting his hat)
It's me! Nightcrawler!

Mister Sinister
And...you say we've met before? You do look vaguely familiar. Are you, by any chance, Mystique's father?

Nightcrawler
Vere you born yesterday, or are you just being condescending?

Mister Sinister
Possibly both. Spiffing hat, by the way.

It has become apparent to Nightcrawler that Sinister is carrying something in his arms.

Nightcrawler
(dawning horror)
Vhere did you get zhat?

Mister Sinister
(looking down at the bundle in his arms)
Oh this? It's my pet, Mister Finisterre. Had him for years.

Nightcrawler
You haf NOT! Zhat's Gambit's cat!

Mister Sinister
(looking sinister)
Is it now? I wonder...whatever he would do...to get it back? Perhaps I shall issue him an ultimatum.

Nightcrawler
No! Do NOT do zhat! Did you steal zhat cat?

Mister Sinister
It's a rescue. I found it just outside.

Nightcrawler
(rubbing forehead anxiously)
It must have got out somehow-and followed us...oh, no! Zhe Sparksmas shrub! Ah, zhis is all my fault. Sinister, give me back zhat cat.

Mister Sinister
Why would I do that?

Nightcrawler
For zhe novelty of doing something right for once in your life?

Mister Sinister
Nah. How about...the next time we vote at Council, you vote alongside me.

Nightcrawler
I cannot, in goot conscience, bargain away the possible fate of our nation for a cat.

Mister Sinister
It is a pretty good cat.

Nightcrawler
No!

Mister Sinister
(spinning away dramatically)
Suit yourself! Come, Mister Finisterre. I have a terrifying lab full of sharp objects I should like to introduce you to.

Nightcrawler
STOP! Zhere-zhere has to be somezhing else? Vhat...vhat was in zhat package from Amazon?

Mister Sinister
If you must know, a very fine chapeau. To go with the cape.

Nightcrawler
(removing his hat)
I'll give you mine!

Mister Sinister
(considering it)
Has it got glitter on?

Nightcrawler
(looking at the hat)
I mean...a bit. From Club Vitamin D.

Mister Sinister
Splendid, I accept. Here is the feline. I couldn't risk keeping him anyway, lest he shed on my clothing.

Nightcrawler, with great relief, takes Figaro from Sinister.

Nightcrawler
(wiping sweat from his brow)
Thank you! Vell, zhat is one disaster averted. Now. I must find a portal flower. I've only ten minutes left!

Sage
Kurt, are you sure you're alright? Maybe sit down and catch your breath.

Nightcrawler
Nein! I von't be but a moment. I know just vhere a portal flower should be. I left an entire shrub of them at Gambit and Rogue's house.

BAMF!

We now see Kurt not quite at Gambit and Rogue's beach house. He has made it as far as their front lawn. In the nearby distance, the house is glowing with welcoming lights. Panting with obvious fatigue, Nightcrawler begins hiking towards the home. He trudges through knee-deep ash.

Nightcrawler
(to cat)
Nearly - huff - there…

From the house comes a scream of fright. Nightcrawler looks up towards the house with alarm.

Nightcrawler
Vhat-? Rogue!? Is she in danger?

Something is falling towards Nightcrawler at great velocity from the sky. With one last BAMF, he manages to dodge the falling Sparksmas shrub which hits the ground in an explosion of ash and earth. Last of his reserves now spent, Nightcrawler wavers back and forth on the spot, like a KO'ed prize fighter, before keeling over backwards into a pile of ash. He makes a vaguely demonic impression in the ash, like a demented snow-angel. The cat emerges from the soot to peer around. It mews, but the sound is muffled by the thickly falling ash.

[serious dramatic music plays]

END SCENE

CUT TO BLACK

SCENE FIVE

FADE IN:

EXT: NYC CENTRAL PARK BENCH - NIGHT

It is now night in New York City. Fluffy white snowflakes swirl through the lamplight illuminating the park. The shoppers have rushed home with their treasures; all save one Southern-bred, devil-eyed man meant for warmer temperatures and his loquacious companion, Deadpool. They are still seated on a bench not far from the Krakoan gate.

Gambit
(shivering)
What is takin' so long? I'm freezin' my keister on dis bench.

Deadpool
(leaning towards Gambit)
We could huddle together for warmth.

Gambit
(leaning away)
Maybe if I push you hard enough, de part of you dat might be mutant would go through de portal like a sieve. And we can put you back together on de other side.

Deadpool
Is that really how you want to spend your Christmas Eve? Putting together a Deadpool-shaped puzzle?

Gambit
No, you're right. I don't got de patience for puzzles.

Deadpool
So the issue you have with this scenario is not me getting turned into ground hamburger, but the fact that you hate puzzles.

Gambit
Right again. How about you just kinda hit de gate at a run, like it's de barrier at Platform 9 ¾?

Deadpool
Think you're funny, do you?

Gambit
(standing up and blowing on his hands)
Look, don't you move from dis bench. I'll just stick my head through and see what's de hold up.

Gambit marches over to the Krakoan gate and sticks his head and shoulders through the portal. He quickly reemerges, his entire head now gray and hat singed. Gambit is followed through the portal by a cascade of ash, as if the portal was vomiting.

Gambit
(coughing spasmodically)
What de-! Koff-Koff-bleep! Koff!

Deadpool
I thought you'd quit smoking.

Coughing and gasping, Gambit returns to the bench. He takes off his hat and shakes it out, then wipes his face with it.

Deadpool
Wah-happen?

Gambit

It was hot and it was gray. Dat's all I got. Now I can't get t'rough de portal either! Dis is great- just great. Rogue's gonna have my hide. Dis is what I get for lettin' de Krakoan Pope guilt me inta dis Good Samaritan crap.

Deadpool
I don't know why you're so keen to get back to those fascists, anyway.

Gambit
Let's not call Krakoans 'fascists.'

Deadpool
So you're not ruled by a hierarchy dominated by elites, who have assumed their roles based on class, wealth, and immense power? Power, in this case, in both the political as well as the physical sense, considering there are individuals on the council who could single-handedly destroy the planet.

Gambit
Shoot. Krakoa has you trippin' balls. How long is whatever you took gonna get out your system? Knew I should've got you a burrito.

Deadpool
They're fascists! Fascist jerks!

Gambit
Kurt is on de Council. And he's not like dat, a jerk, or a fascist, or an elitist.

Deadpool
But he is developing a state-sanctioned religion. And running law enforcement. Whatever happened to the separation of church and state?

Gambit
What d'you know about dat? You crazy. And Canadian. Anyway, I'm not expectin' any inquisition.

Deadpool
No one ever does...Y'see moan Amy, the thing about being the idiot in any story, is that you are the only one who gets to speak truth to power without suffering repercussions on account of no one is taking you seriously to begin with.

Gambit
In my family, leadership was determined by who survived a pit full'a alligators. So in comparison, I'd say the situation on Krakoa is an improvement.

Deadpool
Wow, Rogue really won the "crazy in-laws" competition.

Gambit
I am still in de running. And you don't get to make fun of my family. Dat is a me an' Rogue thing only.

Deadpool
Can I have more detailed information about other Gambit-and-Rogue-only things? Or possible video footage?

Gambit
Mind your ownself, Wade.

Deadpool
But yourself is so much more sexy. C'mon! This is a fanfic, give the people what they want! Descriptions of unrealistic sex!

Gambit
What in de bleep are you talkin' about? Dat's it, I'm putting you on a bus t'Florida.

Gambit grabs Deadpool by the front of his uniform and starts to drag him away. Deadpool is kicking and screaming.

Deadpool
Noooooo! My beach body isn't ready!

Deadpool has thrown himself at Gambit and now they are both rolling around in the snow, having a very undignified wrestling match with much grunting and bleeped-out cursing. They are oblivious to the figure now standing over them.

Man in Red Suit
(shaking head despairingly)
Boys...boys...Stop this fighting at once.

Gambit
(looking up, eyes growing wide with surprise)
Quoi?

Deadpool
(pointing at man)
Christmas is saved! It's Ed Asner!

Gambit
Dat ain't Ed Asner, ya dummy!

Man in Red Suit
The pair of you are both on the naughty list, that is for certain.

Gambit
(air of injured innocence)
Wha'd I do?

Man in Red Suit
You know what you did.

Gambit
Oh, yeah…. See, I can expla-.

Deadpool
(leaping to his feet)
Can I get that coal now? They shut off the heat at my place and Jeff-.

Man in Red Suit
You seem to have mistaken me for someone else. I'm just an ordinary mutant with the ability to traverse time and space, but only on one particular night of the year.

Deadpool
(nudging Gambit with elbow)
It's totally Santa though, right?

Gambit
Uhm, so. It would happen to be dis particular night you're referencing?

Man in Red Suit
(strokes white beard)
It would.

Gambit
And mebbe it might be possible you could transport us to Krakoa?

Man in Red Suit
I could.

Deadpool
Shotgun! I call 'shotgun'! Do sleighs have passenger-side seats? Can I pet Rudolph?

Man in Red Suit
(jovially)
Oh, ho ho, young man. I'm not Santa.
(puts finger alongside nose)

Deadpool
(nudging Gambit with elbow)
I told you it was Ed Asner.

Gambit
I been here before, left in de snow. So I know de drill. Where do I sign away my soul in order to get back home?

Man in Red Suit
That really isn't necessary.

Deadpool
(whispering to Gambit)
Offer him your body.

Man in Red Suit
We're all going in the same direction anyway. I'm just offering you a lift! Via my powers, of course. Not on a sleigh.

Gambit
What's de catch?

Man in Red Suit
All I ask is that the two of you embrace the concept of altruistic cooperation and goodwill toward mutantkind, in the spirit of peaceful coexistence!

Gambit and Deadpool break into gales hysterical laughter, falling all over one another as they do so.

Man in Red Suit
Oh, forget it, then!

Gambit
(catching breath)
No! No, wait! I get it, I do! Look, I've invited Deadpool to my house! I know it's going to be a disaster, but I'm doing it anyway.

Man in Red Suit
(to Deadpool)
And what have you learned about the true meaning of Christmas?

Deadpool
That Santa isn't real! There goes my spirit of childish wonder! Seasons Beatings, motherbleeper!
(Deadpool launches himself at the Man in the Red Suit)

Gambit
(restraining Deadpool)
Ha ha! (nervous laughter). He's really stoned. I'm so sorry for him.

Deadpool
I'm'a 'sleigh' you, Ed Asner!

Man in Red Suit
(removing thermos from his red jacket)
Here, have him drink this.

Gambit
(taking thermos)
What is it?

Man in Red Suit
Warm milk. Also, here are some cookies.

Gambit
Thanks, mon ami. You gonna 'port us outta here, or what?

Man in Red Suit
Just climb aboard my pung.

Deadpool
(through mouthful of cookies)
Yoah-whah?

Man in Red Suit
My pung. It is absolutely not a sleigh. And those animals are definitely not reindeer. They are caribou.

Gambit
Mon Dieu. I've just come to de realization dat I must have a contact high from Deadpool tongue kissing me. And I am also tripping balls. Only explanation for dis.

Both Gambit and Deadpool begin laughing congenially, arms around one another's shoulders.

Man in Red Suit
(sighing)
Ooooh-kay. Let's just get you home.

FADE TO BLACK

FADE IN:

INT: GAMBIT & ROGUE'S KRAKOAN BEACH HOUSE - NIGHT

The front door opens to the interior of the beach house. Gambit and Deadpool are now standing together before the front door, looking bewildered. Destiny is seated on the couch, playing a recording of Gambit and Rogue's wedding on the television. She turns towards the two men.

Gambit
(throwing his arms out and letting go of Deadpool)
Honey, I'm home!

Deadpool stumbles and falls over an ottoman and onto the floor. Gambit laughs for an inappropriate amount of time.

Destiny
(offering Deadpool the platter of canapes)
Have something to eat, dear. It will help.

Deadpool
(still on the floor, he begins shoveling appetizers into his mouth)
I got the munchies so bad.

Gambit
(looking around the room)
What-what's goin' on? How'd we get here? Where are de others?

Destiny
Come here, Remy. Have a seat.

Gambit
Oh, it's hot-mom, not scary-mom. Hey. Nice t'meet you.

Destiny pats the seat beside her and Gambit flops onto the couch beside her.

Gambit
I feel weird.

Destiny
You are disoriented from your abrupt multi-time zone teleportation trip. This shall pass.

Gambit
So, I'm not high?

Destiny
No.

Gambit
But then, who was-how did we...?

Sleigh bells ring in the distance. Gambit and Deadpool look up and around, listening to a sound that might be an echoing: 'Ho Ho Ho!' Gambit and Deadpool stare at one another.

Gambit
Let's not talk about dis to anyone.

Deadpool
I mean, who would believe us? Me being high and you being...you.

Destiny
More miraculous things have happened.

Deadpool
(gesturing at television)
This wedding, for one.

Destiny
(enigmatically)
Perhaps it was fate.

Gambit
I'm glad you're takin' de news of our nuptials well. I dunno if I could survive two mothers-in-law who are out t'get me.

Destiny
(reaching a hand out to find Gambit's)
I would like to say Raven will come around...but I would be lying. I will say that she is grateful for Rogue's happiness. And I am grateful for a son-in-law with the patience to weather both Rogue and Raven. That is no small feat.

Gambit
(touched)
D'ya hear dat, Wade? A real compliment. Not even back-handed or nothin'!

Deadpool
(snoring, passed out on the rug)

Gambit
(to Destiny)
Can I call you 'mom'?

Destiny
Yes. It will annoy Raven immensely. She is so cute when she is angry.

Gambit
Dis is de best Christmas gift ever! Here I thought de house would be burnt down by now.

Destiny
The night isn't over yet.

Gambit
(looking nervous)
Erm…

Destiny
I am speaking in jest.

Gambit
Oh, thank god. S'kinda hard t'tell.

Destiny
I have an excellent deadpan.

Gambit
(gesturing at the television)
So, what'd'ya think?

Destiny
It was not a miracle. I know better.

Gambit
It's a shame you couldn't have been there t'see it in person. Oh, not see-I mean...witness? Or...Sorry.

Destiny
(patting his hand)
Oh. But I had already Seen it.

Gambit
(more nervous laughter)
Oh, ah, ha ha...okay. Mom.

Destiny
Also...your roast is done.

END SCENE

FADE TO BLACK.

FADE IN:

EXT: A FIELD OF WHITE - NIGHT

Rogue and Mystique are walking through knee-deep ash, which continues to swirl through the air around them. It might be pretty, that is, if it didn't mix with the natural dampness of Krakoa's tropical climate and turn everything into muted shades of muddy gray. Both women are smeared with the stuff and look as though they are trapped in a black and white movie.

Rogue
Fiiigaro! Oh, how'm Ah gonna find a white cat in a white field? FIGARO! ...This is all mah fault!

Mystique
How is losing the cat any fault of yours?

Rogue
Ah was the one who decided we should stay on Krakoa for Christmas. We could'a been settin' stuff on fire and ridin' four-wheelas around in Lou'siana, but instead we're here!

Mystique
I still don't see what that has to do with the cat running away.

Rogue
Kurt was lookin' so glum after the Gala. He really wants this community-spirit thing t'work. And, Ah mean, Ah do, too...but. But he's just so earnest. Heartfelt and genuine. It really puts us all t'shame. And Ah thought...we'll stay here and have the family over-to show him-it can be done. It's really the first time-well, that we've been able t'be together, as a family, without a brawl or a disaster.

Mystique
(with slow consideration)
...That was...thoughtful of you.

Rogue
(tearfully)
And now it's just ruined. Kurt brought that bush inta the house. Figaro got inta it. And now Figaro is gone! And Remy's gonna leave me, too! Ah'll get divorce papers for Christmas!

Mystique
You're being melodramatic.

Rogue
Ah larned it from watchin' you!

Mystique
Gambit is not going to leave you. He's borderline obsessed with you. It's disturbing.

Rogue
(mutters to self)
She says with zero self-awareness.

Mystique
No, unfortunately you are stuck with him. And I am doing my part to make the best of things.

Rogue
(fists on hips)
Oh, are you? Are you really? D'you know what Ah want for Christmas, momma?

Mystique
(looking wary)
Jeans that are an appropriate shape and cut for your body?

Rogue
Ah'd like for you not t'be horrible to mah husband. Just once! Is that too much to ask? Just like Ah asked Remy not t'tell half-truths, fibs, and purposeful omissions!

Mystique
(considering)
Hm...no lies you say…?

Rogue
(Rogue makes a show of looking around)
And where is Remy now? NOT HERE, LIKE HE SAID. Wait...What are you-why do you look like that? Like...you're plotting something.

Mystique
(smiling suddenly)
No reason. Just happy to be spending time with you. You mentioned something about a bush? Is that it, that gray lump over there?

Rogue
It's all gray lumps! Gray lumps as far as Ah can see!

Rogue stomps over to the lump Mystique has indicated and gives it a kick. Ash tumbles off the branches of the Sparksmas shrub. Little lights blink on, and the bush looks bewildered. Apparently, it does not take kindly to being kicked though, because it ejects yellowish goo from several greasy-looking pods. Rogue leaps back.

Rogue
Aaaugh! It's all over me! Gugh! Stupid-golddarn-plants!

Rogue begins to throttle the bush.

Rogue
Where's mah cat, ya stupid shrub! Where's he!?

The plant gives a belch and Rogue is sprayed full on in the face with goo. She drops the plant which hits the ground with a thud and spray of ash. Rogue wipes goo from her eyes with her fingers, flicking it down onto the ground.

Mystique
(uncharacteristically hesitant)
Uhm...Rogue.

Rogue
(taking a deep breath, eerily calm)
What is it, momma?

Mystique
I think the excretions from the plant might be...corrosive…?

Rogue
(looking down at herself)
Augh! Mah clothes! They're totally ruined!

Mystique
They weren't great to begin with. But that's not...what...I was...

Rogue
(looking at Mystique, fearfully)
What? What's happened?

Mystique
It's just...in your hair.

Rogue's eyes widen in horror. Her hands fly to her head. Her fingers come away clutching clumps of burnt, goo-covered hair.

Rogue
AAAAUUUGGGGH!

Rogue kicks the plant like she's about to score the last goal of a tied football game, and it flies into the air and out of sight.

Rogue
Mah hair, oh mah gawd!

Mystique
Rogue, calm down. It's okay.

Rogue
It's not okay! Tell me-how bad is it? On a scale of: that time I dyed my stripe into two-to when Carol Danvers made me look like Ah'd stuck a fork in a light-socket? Where am Ah?

Mystique
Sort of...a combination of both?

Rogue weeps.

Mystique
(pulling Rogue into her arms)
It's all right. We can fix it. We'll get you cleaned up. Let's get the rest of the goo off. The cat will find its way back.

Rogue
(half-moaning)
But scientists think cats use magnetic waves to map their location. What if Figaro can't find his way home because of Erik and Lorna radiating the island?

Mystique
(leading her back towards the house)
You are both really into this cat thing.

Rogue
They're our fur babies.

Mystique
You should get a real baby.

Rogue
We're not substituting cats for want of human children.

Mystique
I think there's definitely some kind of weird transference going on here. I'm not saying give birth to one. I'm a strong advocate of acquiring a child by any other means. Foster. Adopt. Kidnap.

Rogue
That's really not in the cards right now.

Mystique
(smiling)
Is that a precognitive joke or a gambling reference?

Rogue
(laughs weakly)

Mystique
(speaking teasingly)
You don't even have to raise it. Just give it to Gambit. Then you'll always know where he is-at home, taking care of a baby. It'll help you keep tabs on him.

Rogue
I do not "keep tabs" on Remy.

Mystique
Since when?

Rogue
(dryly)
You're hilarious.

Mystique
Well, he did vote you off the island at the first opportunity. How long will it be before he gets up to the usual shenanigans? Like, five minutes? Fifteen, tops.

Rogue
He did not vote me off. He voted me ON.

Mystique
Hm, did he now? I suppose there is only one way to find out for certain.

Rogue
What're you hintin' at, Raven?

Mystique
Oh, I don't know. Maybe ask Gambit.

Gambit
Ask me about what?

Gambit and Destiny have appeared from out of the darkness. Gambit is leading Destiny, her arm in his. Rogue clutches her hands to her head, trying to hide her hair.

Gambit
Roguey, your clothes have all got shredded...again. How does dis keep happenin' t'you?

Rogue
Remy...somethin'...somethin' horrible's happened.

Gambit
(looking at her body appreciatively)
I mean, I ain't complainin'.

Rogue
(lowering her arms to reveal her hair)
There was an accident.

Mystique
(eyeing Gambit)
What do you think of Rogue's new look? Be sure to tell the truth.

Gambit
(to Rogue)
I suppose I never noticed how pretty your cheekbones are. Or your cute little ears. Though now my Christmas present t'you is kinda pointless. Here, you can have this instead.

Gambit pulls his beanie off his head and hands it to Rogue.

Rogue
(pulling the hat on over what's left of her hair)
Thanks, Remy. Ah love you, just so's ya know.

Gambit
(stroking her cheek)
I know. De hat looks much cuter on you than me.

Mystique observes this exchange with annoyance that recedes into something else. She looks half-defeated, half-resigned. But not entirely displeased.

Gambit
Is dat what you were gonna ask me? What I think of your hair?

Rogue
Oh, momma was hintin' 'round something t'do with the election. Like you were keen t'get rid of me.

Gambit
That...is not...a thing. I wouldn't-I mean, I voted-.

Mystique
(loudly, with a weird energy)
-Voted for the future of Krakoa, as did we all! Now, why don't we go inside and get out of this...weather...?

Gambit looks at Mystique askance.

Rogue
(pointing to something over Mystique's shoulder)
What's that?

Gambit
(turning)
It looks like...little flashing lights.

Rogue
Like a-.

Destiny
(suggesting)
Like a spark?

They all stare at Destiny for a moment, then come to a decision. The quartet heads off in the direction of the little glowing lights.

Mystique
There's something laying in the ash up there. Next to the shrub.

They hustle over to the indentation in the ash to find a supine Nightcrawler.

Rogue
(falling into the ash beside him)
Kurt? Kurt! Are ya hurt? Wake up!

Nightcrawler
(raising his head)
Uhnnn...just a long...winter's nap...is all.

Gambit
But what are y'doin' out here?

Nightcrawler
Ach, it's a long story. Remy, you made it back. But how?

Gambit
(glancing at Rogue)
A man in a red suit brought me here. In a pung driven by twelve tiny caribou.

Rogue
(unamused)
Very funny.

Gambit
I ain't lyin'!

Nightcrawler
Vell, the goot news is, is ve haf been reunited. Look!

Nightcrawler reveals Figaro, hidden in the front of his jacket.

Rogue
Figaro! Oh, Kurt, ya found him! Oh, thank you, thank you!

Rogue takes Figaro into her arms and kisses Nightcrawler on the face.

Mystique
(to Destiny, out of the corner of her mouth)
I don't know what it is about Kurt and his sisters. But it's weird.

Destiny
(presses finger haphazardly over Mystique's mouth area)
Ssh-!

Nightcrawler
Really, it was you who found me. How did you know I was out here?

Gambit
We saw de spark!

Mystique
It wasn't the spark. The cat's eyes were-ow!

Destiny has jabbed Mystique with the tip of her cane.

Nightcrawler
(smiling around at them)
However zhe spark may have manifested, I am grateful that it has brought us all togezzer.

Rogue hands Figaro to Destiny. Gambit and Rogue take Nightcrawler's arms and help him upright. Gambit hesitates for a moment, then carefully picks up the abused Sparksmas shrub. Mystique begins leading Destiny back towards the house. The others follow.

Gambit
(to Nightcrawler)
You look like you could use a drink, mon beau-frère.

Nightcrawler
'In-law' sounds so much better in French for some reason.

Gambit
Everything sounds better en français.

Mystique
Except when you say it.

They all laugh.

The laughter is abruptly cut short when they open the front door.

INT: GAMBIT & ROGUE'S BEACH HOUSE - NIGHT

The five mutants stand in the open doorway staring into the house. Their expressions are blank (Destiny's is always kind of blank, so no change there). The room has been completely emptied of holiday cheer. Two cats wearing bow ties are sitting where the Christmas tree used to be.

Rogue
Mah tree!

Gambit
My roast!

Nightcrawler
My holiday libations!

Mystique
It's all gone.

Gambit
(reminiscent of Dave yelling at a certain Chipmunk)
WIL-SON!

Destiny
Is this the part of the story where, bereft of holiday trappings, we come together to experience the true meaning of the holiday?

Mystique
(looking deadly, she removes a gun from behind her sparkly sweater)
This is the part of the story where I choose violence.

Exit Mystique.

Rogue sighs, takes Figaro from Destiny, and enters the house. She sets the cat down with his brothers and puts a bow around the now-gray cat. She sits on the chesterfield. Gambit seats a weary Nightcrawler on the couch and places the shrub onto the area rug. Finding a single red holiday ornament, he puts it onto the shrub. Destiny closes the door behind her and joins the kids on the couch. Everyone is gray and literally ashen-faced. They stare at the shrub. It kinda falls over limply, under the weight of the single ornament. The three cats sniff it suspiciously.

Rogue
Ah'm gonna have to call Tim Nismy. Ah think Ah kilt it.

Nightcrawler
Vater and sunshine vill put it right.

Gambit
I never thought it was such a bad little shrub. It's not bad at all, really.

Rogue
Maybe it just needs a little love.

Gambit
(to Nightcrawler)
So what makes this shrub a new tradition?

Nightcrawler
Vell, I thought it vould be easier if ve all had passport flowers on hand. To gift them to our human friends and family so zhey can visit us more easily.

Rogue
Oh, Kurt. Y'really are the best of us.

Gambit
This feels like a hug-able moment.

Gambit and Rogue hug Nightcrawler between them.

Destiny
This has become incredibly saccharine. Luckily, Raven is here to interrupt this special moment.

The front door is kicked open. Deadpool stands there frozen, clutching a comically large bag of stolen holiday loot over his shoulder. We can't see Mystique, but we do see her gun pointed at Deadpool's temple.

Deadpool
My heart's-an emp-ty hole. Because Mystique put a slug into it.

But now that my heart doesn't feel quite so tight,

I whizzed like a bullet through the bright Sparksmas night.

I brought everything back, all the food for the feast!

And me, myself, well, no...I ate that carved beast.

...But there's still yams.

Entire Cast Speaking To The Camera
Merry Sparksmas, to one and all!

Festive music begins to play as the credits scroll up the screen. The cast members stand about talking and laughing and the cats frolic and play. Sage and Magik make an appearance at the front door holding bunches of mistletoe. They are soon joined by Iceman and the young men covered in body glitter. They all appear to be caroling, but thankfully we can't hear them over the end credits music.

FADE TO BLACK

POST CREDITS SCENE

Mister Sinister is sitting alone in Transit on an organically-grown bench, still waiting for his Amazon shipment. A man in a red suit stands over him for a moment, then hands him the Prime Shipping parcel.

Santa
You've been unspeakably naughty.

Mister Sinister
I can't be half as bad as your outfit. Your stylist should be taken out into the street and shot.

Santa
I'm going to go now. There's a small shark in Florida who is missing his best friend. (threateningly) You just stay here and take your lumps.

Santa departs with a jingle of bells.

Mister Sinister
Ho, ho. Coal, I expect.
(he opens the package)
Wot's this? Birch rods?

A very scary creature sits beside Sinister on the bench. He is dark, hairy, horned, and goat-like in appearance.

Mister Sinister
Oh? A chimera? How delightful.

Scary Creature
(darkly)
No.

Mister Sinister
Ah, a refugee from Arakko, then?

Scary Creature
Nein.

Scary Creature takes one of the rods from Sinister.

Mister Sinister
I hear the accent now. German?

Scary Creature
Austrian.

Mister Sinister
On holiday?

Scary Creature
(slapping rod repeatedly against the palm of one clawed hand)
I'm working. Just about to start my shift now, actually.

Mister Sinister
You look like just the sort of person I tend to keep in my employ. Sinister (introducing self), Mister Sinister.

Scary Creature
(terrifyingly)
I know who you are.

Mister Sinister
My reputation precedes me! And you are?

Scary Creature
(whacks Sinister in the head with the rod, denting his hat in the middle)
Krampus.

Sinister's eyes cross and he slides off the bench and onto the floor.

Krampus
(leaning over Sinister's prone form)
If you think I'm bad, just wait 'til the three ghosts show up for you.
(mutters)
-Jerk.

Sinister
(weakly)
Bah...humbug.

END SCENE

FADE TO BLACK

SCORECARD

Tropes:

[ ] Last minute Christmas shopping/Perfect Gift

[ ] A terrible gift

[ ] A TRUE believer

[ ] Stranded in the airport terminal

[ ] Freak snowstorm

[ ] Uninvited guests

[ ] Unwanted mistletoe advances

[ ] Santa is REAL!

[ ] In-laws, Sometimes Terrible

[ ] Gift of the Magi-type situation

[ ] The True Meaning of Christmas

[ ] Christmas tree disaster

[ ] Lost in the snow

[ ] Carolers, Sometimes Terrible

[ ] A Scrooge or Grinch-like character

References:

[ ] It's a Wonderful Life

[ ] Elf

[ ] A Charlie Brown Christmas

[ ] A Christmas Carol

[ ] How the Grinch Stole Christmas

[ ] T'was the Night Before Christmas