Announcer: We're gonna start off another fabulous fanfic with a WhoopHasse commercial! A brand new drink is sweeping the nation and it's coming to a conveniant store near you. WhoopHasse Extreme! It's the energy drink all the best superheros, supervillains, evil henchmen, AND hybrid amphibians are drinking! But how does a warty, hopping mad henchman like Toad open up a can of WhoopHasse! Lets find out!
Toad is sitting in the kitchen next to the WhoopHasse Extreme. He unleashes his long tongue and hooks it onto the can. He spins it a few rounds up in the air and smashes it into the wall. The contents in the can spill everywhere. Toad looks at the camera with a bland look his face and gives an unenthusiastic thumbs-up signal.
Toad: Whoop-- Ribbit! ...Hasse...
Announcer: We now return you to our featured fanfic...
Magneto, Charles, Avalanche, and Pyro are standing shoulder to shoulder in a straight line.
Magneto: Singing. One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell which thing is not like the others by the time I finish my song?
Random Fan: Raises his hand. I know! I know! It's--
Scott and Jean run towards Charles.
Scott: Professor!
Charles: Ah, you've finally arrived. What took you both so long?
Scott: Um...
Flashback!
Jean and Scott are at a dance hall learning some sexy salsa dancing in Kansas. (Don't ask.) There are many other dancers in the room who will occasionally switch partners. Jean and Scott are presently dancing with each other.
Instructor: Clapping. And one, two, cha-cha-cha! Three, four, cha-cha-cha! Come on! Try to keep up with me!
Jean: To Scott. This is so romantic! I'm glad I thought of this!
Scott: Me too!
Instructor: Five, six, cha-cha-cha! And SWITCH!
A very robust lady grabs Scott from Jean.
Jean: Huh!
Scott: Help!
Robust lady begins to dance with a very unwilling Scott. She bumps her hip into him. The force is so great that it sends him crashing through the window.
Scott: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THUMP.
Flashback over.
Scott: Yeah...Jean and I don't like to talk about that...
Charles: I understand.
Toad and Blob run over to Magneto. They notice Pyro and Avalanche.
Toad: When did you guys get here?
Avalanche: A while ago. Magneto brought us here.
Flashback!
Avalanche and Pyro are sitting in a little metal cart. They are strapped in tightly and they are wearing goggles.
Magneto: You two ready?
Avalanche and Pyro throw their arms up into the air and cheer.
Magneto: Very happy. Oooooooookay...
Magneto catapults the cart high into the air. It soars away like a comet.
Avalanche and Pyro: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
From miles away, Magneto sees a puff of black smoke appear in the sky.
Magneto: I love this job...
Flashback over.
Avalanche: Sighs. Good times...Good times...
Scott: Professor, don't you think it's time we return home?
Toad: We were just about to ask the same thing.
Blob and Toad walk over to the group.
Scott: Oh...you again...
Sabertooth: Always a pleasure to see you, four-eyes...
Announcer: And now for another WhoopHasse commercial!
The camera crew and staff are screaming and running for their lives. Sabertooth is going on a rampage. One man trips and falls. Sabertooth wails on him.
Man: Ouch! No! Umph! It's a WhoopHasse commercial! You're supposed to be opening up a can of WhoopHasse!
Sabertooth: Confusedly. I know! I'm doing what you're telling me to do! I'm opening up a can of wupass!
Sabertooth begins beating up the man again.
Man: Ouch! Oooo! Stop! NOOOO!
The assistant director and Howard J. WhoopHasse are hiding under a table.
Assistant Director: Sir, don't you think now would be a good time to get a name change?
Howard: No! I wear the name WhoopHasse with honor! My father was a WhoopHasse, the father before him was a WhoopHasse, and the father before the father of my father was a WhoopHasse! I carry this name to the grave!
Assistant Director: Whatever you say...
Announcer: Oh...my...God... The man sinks lower into his chair. Why don't we just check back to see what going on with our heroes!
There is a big cloud of smoke. Blob, Sabertooth, Toad, are beating the crap out of Scott.
Jean and Xavier groan and hide their heads in their hands. Wolverine walks in just in time to witness the fight.
Wolverine: Why didn't anyone tell me about this!
Wolverine also partakes in beating the crap out of Scott.
Magneto: Stop this! All over you! You're acting like a bunch of homo sapiens!
Magneto lifts up all the fighters and throws them into different areas of the room. Wolverine crashes into a table, Scott crashes into a wall, Blob takes out the entire wall he lands on, and Toad hits the ceiling and then the floor.
Toad: To Scott, in between groans of agony. I bet you're leader doesn't show tough love like ours does!
Scott: Also in between groans. Shut up, wart-face! At least our leader isn't a lunatic!
Toad: Sarcastically. Ouch, four-eyes! That hurt my feelings!
Scott tries to reach over to strangle Toad, but gives up and his arm falls to the ground again.
Charles: Magneto, there's nothing wrong with the human race. Someday, they will learn that mutants are not to be feared and we will live peacefully together.
Magneto: But how long, Charles? How long! Certainly not before our lives are through! I say if the humans can't live peacefully with the mutants, then we mutants have every right to earn our respect through fear. This is it, Charles. This has gone on far enough! I say we settle this score once and for all!
The Brotherhood members get up from the ground and organize themselves into threatening poses behind Magneto. The entire rest of the team is also there. Just then, the entire X-Team appears behind Xavier as well.
Magneto: I think it is about time that we had…A SONG-OFF! Echo…echo…echo…
Everyone gasps. Dun, dun, dun!
Scott: A song-off! That's the worst kind there is!
Magneto: Hit it, men!
Music to 'These Boots are made for Walking' begin to play. There is now a giant spotlight on Magneto. The Brotherhood members are in the background snapping their fingers.
Magneto: Singing. You keep saying you've got something for me. Something you call peace, but confess. You've been messing where you shouldn't have been messing.
Brotherhood members: THE BROTHERHOOD, THAT'S WHERE!
Magneto: But I'll tell you something you might want to know. This troop is made for marching. And that's just what they'll do. One of these days my men are gonna stomp all over you!
Charles Xavier is not wearing a top hat.
Charles: But Erik, you don't understand…
The X-Men begin to sing 'oooooo' in the background.
Charles: Singing. What…the…world needs now is love, sweet love! It's the only thing…Magneto… that there's just too little of! No not just for mutants…but for everyone!
Magneto: Oh Charles! Why must you go and spoil all the fun!
Magneto and the Brotherhood put on fake, giant Barbara Streisand noses.
Magneto: Singing. Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter! Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter! Don't let another lecture rain on my parade!
Charles: I was not trying to lecture you, Erik. I was just trying to get a point across…because…
X-Men: Singing. WAR!
Charles: Huh! Yeah!
X-Men: What is it good for?
Charles: Absolutely—
X-Men and Charles: NOTHING!
Magneto: Scoffs. Make love, not war sounds so absurd to me!
Jean: All we're saying…
Jean and the X-Men: Is give peace a chance!
Toad: Spoken to Scarlet Witch, the real one by the way. Speaking of chances… Toad brushes up next to Scarlet Witch.
Scarlet Witch: Keep chasing the dream train, Toad!
Toad: Sniff, sniff, tear. Singing. It's not that easy being green, having to spend each day the color of the leaves. When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold or something much more colorful like that…
Magneto: A little irritated at Toad. Let us get back to the topic, shall we! Charles, your views are just appalling to my standards. But, I still hope that maybe…some day…you'll see things my way…
Iceman: No way!
The X-Men are now in giant Twisted Sister blond wigs.
Iceman: Singing. We're not gonna take it!
X-Men: NO! We ain't gonna take it! We're not gonna take it anymore!
Storm: You're so condescending! Your gall is never ending! We don't want nothing, not a thing from you!
The Brotherhood is now also in giant wigs.
Sabertooth: Singing. Pointing an accusing finger at the X-Men. Your life is trite and jaded, boring and confiscated!
Mystique: Singing to the X-men. If that's your best, your best won't do!
Scott: Shouting back at the Brotherhood. We're right!
X-Men: Yeah!
Blob: We'll fight!
Brotherhood: YEAH!
Both Teams: WE'RE RIGHT! YEAH! YOU'LL SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Juggernaut: In a perfect soprano voice. He's there, the Phantom of the Opera!
All the singing stops. The X-Men and the Brotherhood stare at him, dumbfounded.
Juggernaut: No, really! He's over there!
The Phantom of the Opera waves.
Random fan: Oh my God! I want his autograph!
Magneto: Well, Charles, this looks like a tie! I grow weary of this song-off so until next time… Calling. BROTHERHOOD!
The Brotherhood gets behind Magneto again.
Magneto: MOVE OUT!
The entire Brotherhood takes out the back wall of the building as they run to their escape pod. The X-Men stare for a little while in confusion.
Storm: Well…This was certainly an interesting day…
Charles: To X-Men. So, who's up for ice-cream?
X-Men: Ice-cream! YAY!
Renoir Fione: And so, once again, The Phantom of the Opera and ice-cream save the day and now both teams are back, safe and sound… But as Charles sits in his study, he looks back to those happy days when he was in good company of the enemies that were, for a short time, his friends...
THE END!
Well, my fanfic has come to an end. But for those of you that liked my work, don't worry; I'll be making others soon. I'm thinking of making a reality show spin-off or something, perhaps, maybe, a sitcom. Until then, I shall say 'adieu.'
Sincerely,
Renoir Fione